My Morning Routine - Life with a Pet Duck 🦆

Hello, my name is Human Name, and people are always asking me, what's your morning routine like with a pet duck? So I made this, my morning routine. Every morning starts exactly when Wrinkle says it should start. Wrinkle always knows the right time to get up and out of bed. Ready to get up, ready to start the day. Knowing when to get in and out of bed is very important. You don't want to stay in bed too long, but there's no rush to get up and out of bed. Once out of bed, I like to put on my jacket. It's very important to wear your jacket. And then next, I like to brush my hair for 5,000 times. It's very important. 4,998, 4,998, no, 5,000. And then I brush my teeth for an indeterminate amount of time. And then next, like anybody else, I have a packet of Good Good sauce from Jack in the Box. The Good Good sauce has all the vitamins and nutrition that my body needs to be active throughout the day. It is very important to only have one packet of Good Good sauce. One time, I had two packets of Good Good sauce, and it made me feel too energetic and too strong. Next, I'll take off the jacket because it's far too hot for a jacket today. And then I'm ready to start the day. It's a lovely day in the neighborhood. Hi, Wrinkle. Hi. Hey, how's it going? What's your dog's name? That's Wrinkle. Wrinkle. Yeah. Oh, why thank you. You can meet her if you like. Yeah. The name is Wrinkle. Of course, I'm just happy to bring a smile. And then I take a moment to look out and gaze upon the day ahead of me, so rich and full of possibility. I love you, Wrinkle. Yeah. You want to take a swim, swim? You want to take a swim, swim, Wrinkle? Swim, swim. Next, it's time to take a bath. About three gallons is all it takes because Wrinkle doesn't like deep water. She likes her little cheese feet to be able to touch the ground. I like to spiral the water into a vortex like this. It helps the water pour out much faster and also creates a cool looking shape in the water. It's efficient and visually pleasing. It reminds me of the universe and how we're all spiraling together downward with great momentum, moving as one as we fall so beautifully into oblivion. Yeah. Wrinkle. Yeah. It's bath time. Yeah. A philosophical moment. What did you do yesterday? What happened? You could go on and on and on, but you'd suddenly discover that you'd described absolutely nothing to do with what happened. If you were actually aware of what went on, you could never be able to describe it. You see, nature is multi-dimensional where language is linear. If you identify the world as it is with the world as it's described, it would be as if you were trying to eat numbers. A lot of people try to eat numbers, big and fat, and yet they're still unhappy. They never get anything. Their happiness comes from anticipation, always hoping that more was coming. Believing if they eat enough dollar bills, eventually something satisfactory will happen. Then next, it's time to draw silly photos while Wrinkle preens and stays beautiful. It's a full-time job staying that beautiful, you know. Just ask your mom. I do. Just letting her get a swim and just drawing silly pictures. Which one of these do you like the best? Thank you. Look what I drew you, Wrinkle. That's right, that's a snook, and these are butter ducks, and that's a duck flower. Yeah, you see? Yeah, you like the snook. That's right, the snook is my favorite too. Next, I like to spend some time just admiring Wrinkle's beauty. Would you look at that cheese? Hey sir, my eyes are up here, says Wrinkle. Cheesy. Hey, what's up? Oh, thank you. You have a good bath, Wrinkle, yeah. I've seen your videos before. Is that right? But we're just doing a swim, kind of doing what my morning and my day usually are. Maybe we're just in between, like, what's my day? I see you, and I already know. Let's fist bump. Let's see, go fist bump. Go fist bump. I enjoy the moment, and to do everything, but then I find myself in this weird thing of, you know, where I'm like living the moment, and I want to display it, but then I'd have to, I'd have to video it, and then by nature, if I video it, then I'm not in the moment, right? So it makes this, this whole, how do you, how do you be honest? You know what I mean? In a video, as soon as you put a camera in front of you, and you go to talk, nothing you're gonna say is authentic. It's like, uh, if you're in a car, and a cop pulls up next to you at a red light, you're not acting normal. You're, you're, you're acting normal. You're not normal, but you're acting like someone who's acting normal in front of them. Stuff like that, it kind of cooks my noodle a little bit in the old crock pot. I start to unravel my shirt, pulling threads. Yeah, I don't know, but it's really appreciate you guys hanging out together, coming up, and running around today. Gotta get your mind off things. I can't, see, that's, that's usually how I get my mind off things. I was always disappointed they didn't have an evolution. What about you? I'm Valerie. You know what my name is? It's such a pleasure. Valerie. Thank you. It's such a pleasure. The pleasure's ours. That's right, Wrinkle. Yeah, new friends. That's right, Wrinkle. It's always nice to make new friends. Yeah. So what do you want to do now? Do you think you can show your wings a little bit? Wrinkle's molting and getting new feathers. It's very exciting. I'll make a video about it. Yeah, Wrinkle, yeah. We're going on an adventure. Ha ha, adventure ahoy. Safety first. Totally, totally, totally getting back together. Your friends talk to my friends talk because all our friends are friends. I'm gonna miss you when you leave and you're gonna miss me too because we're together and we're never never gonna not be together. Of course that was my morning routine until one day when Mario stole my home in the night. Can you believe we lived such a privileged life? We had that every... Oh, I miss it so much. It's funny how you don't miss something till it's gone. Why did we waste all that water? We could have saved it to drink. Your nose is looking so, so dry. Your lips are so chapped. I'm sorry I don't have any water for you, Wrinkle. I truly think we're going to die out here in the desert. Such a waste. Everything is just so wasted. Especially all these gift cards I found in my pocket. What are we gonna do with all these gift cards? They're just gonna be wasted out here if we die. That's a good idea, Wrinkle. Let's scratch them off. Then at least someone might be able to get some use out of them. Well, now all we have to do is just sit here and wait for the touch of sweet, sweet death. Well, I guess that's the end. That was my van.