How Do I Combine Finances In A Second Marriage?

Sarah is waiting in Denver, Colorado. Sarah, welcome to the show. Hi, thanks for having me on. Absolutely. How can we help today? So my fiance and I are going to get married a little bit later this year. And we're talking about buying a house. I actually was married previously and got our divorce and he is now, um, in the picture and I have had a significant amount of assets, um, over time. Like we have similar salaries now, but I've just had a decent time to like pile mine up. And so, although from like a family and marriage perspective, we do want to take like what you guys talk about as merging our finances and treating it as like an, uh, uh, you know, and how do we buy a house and so forth, but I also bring like quite a bit of cash and like brokerage accounts and so forth I could use for either the down payment or even like buying a house outright. And so I was kind of curious your advice about when one person has a significant amount, it's like you will protect yourself. I mean, I did go through a divorce before, but at the same time, I don't want to go into my marriage, like thinking of the quote unquote worst case scenario. Well, that's a, it's a reasonable thing to be thinking about because of, you know, the hurt you felt in the past. Divorce is one of the most difficult things a person can go through and it can scar you when it comes to the way you view money. And of course we talk about this is we, this is our money. Once you're married, combine all of the accounts. Um, and the only time we would recommend a prenup is if you are coming in with, you know, astronomical assets compared to the other person. And it's more to keep the crazy family at bay versus a distrust in the other person. So what kind of assets are we talking about? Give you, give us some numbers. So I have about 2 million between like retirement accounts. And I had sold my previous house that I owned with my ex-husband and walked away with a bit of cash from that. And so like I'm sitting on just from like a cash standpoint, over half a million dollars as I'm deciding, do I want to buy the next house? Do I want to put that in the market? Not just rush into a decision. He, on the other hand, probably has more like, um, $500,000. So again, neither one of us is like at any hurt from a financial perspective, but when it comes to, you know, buying a house, that was not something he was like initially planning for. So it's more tied up in like brokerage and stocks and with the stock market going down. It's like, how do we get to something where like I could buy our house, but I want him to feel like he has skin in the game, but at the same time, yeah. Like we totally want to try to merge, but yeah, but here's the deal. I'm keeping mine, Sarah, Sarah, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I think we really got to dive in here. What are you most afraid of? I don't think you're calling for strategy. I could be wrong. Are you calling for strategy about how we merge all this and how we do this? Or are you worried about something? I think it's more like I Sarah don't edit. You're trying to edit and listen, I get it, but we're here to help. And if you just tell me what you're feeling right now, we can help faster. Tell me, stop editing. What are you thinking that you didn't say? What are you worried about? The main thing I would be worried about is like, if for some reason the marriage didn't work out. Like I, on one hand, I would want to make sure that the significant amount of money is still being recognized as mine, especially. All right. So stop. Okay. The answer to the question is you are worried that the marriage is not going to work out. The money stuff is secondary. Do you understand? I'm worried about being stupid, honestly, if I was going to like get really to the, to the butt of it. Okay. I don't think our marriage is not going to work out. I think there's an element of like, I don't want to be the stupid person, but wait a second, what would have to be true? And I want you to give me a specific answer. What would have to be true for you to be stupid? Yeah. I would have to go sideways for some reason. And the marriage would not have to work out. The marriage is going to work. If there's also a secondary ponent of like, I wanting him to not feel like, like I bought stuff, I had the money at the beginning and therefore it's quote unquote. Now, now, now we're getting there, Sarah, Sarah, now we're getting there. You have more money than he does. And that freaks you out a little bit. And you're worried about it. That's really what I'm hearing. So this is pre-marriage counseling. This is a good old fashioned steak and candlelight dinner. And you look at him and you go, I'm worried that you're going to feel this way and this way and this way. Because when we bring our finances together, I'm bringing more of the table than you. Do you feel that way? George, I think this is a communication relationship, pre-marital therapy thing, and get this thing solved and get this out of your head. And then when we merge the finances, we walk the baby steps out. We live that way. I think it's going to be fine. Yeah. I don't see it as skin in the game or adding up who's bringing what to the marriage. It's about commitment. It's about unity. It's about shared vision. And I think once you focus on that, instead of the numbers, it will give you some peace. I'm going to gift you guys Financial Peace University, because I think it will give you confidence in your own futures together as a newlywed couple. Hang on the line. Austin will gift that to you. Wishing you the best.