Getting Better at Answering Life's Hardest Question

Hi again, and in today's video what I want to talk about is why you don't know what it is that you want in life. Why none of us, maybe at times, we don't know what we want in life, okay? It is, I think, the hardest question in life. What do I want? And I don't just mean in a grander sense, in a big life plan. I mean on a day-to-day basis. Asking that question, what do I want? On a very, you know, what I want to eat. What do I, what I want to do with my life, right? They're kind of, I would treat those as the same, right? It's what do I want? Now, people think it's a hard question for myriads of reasons, and I'm going to tell you why I think it is the hardest question that we have in life. People think it's because, well, for instance, what am I going to do with my life? What do I want to do with my life is a hard question because, well, now there are a myriad of options. There are so many things I could do with my life, and people think because of all these these options that we now have, it's very, very difficult to discern what it is that you want to do. It's rational, makes sense, but I don't think that's the real reason. It's hard to figure that out, and I'll come to that. Another reason we think it's hard to ask that question, to answer that question, and what do I want in life, is we think, well, you know, maybe there's a lot of things I'd want in life, but I've got so many problems and limitations. Why even ask that? What's going to happen in my life will be determined by my defects and my limitations. I have a ceiling, right? A lot of things that I want, they're off the table for me. I think that too is, by definition, it's a limiting belief, right? So people think that that's why it's a hard question. They don't even bother asking it because they think, you know, the reality of their limitations is going to determine what it is that they want in life, what they can get in life, so they don't bother asking the question at all. So there are reasons why we don't, we think that that's a difficult question to answer. Now, I have a different take on this. I think it is the most difficult question to answer. What do I want? And I think the reason it is difficult for us to answer that question is because we are not practiced in asking the question. I think that's really what it comes down to. It's not about options that you have. Or it's not about this sense of your limitations. I think the reason we struggle to answer that question, what do I want, is that we are not practiced in asking the question. What questions do we ask ourselves? We ask, what do I need to do? What should I do? What do I have to do? I think those, for most of us, because of the conditioning, the societal conditioning that we've all received, is that's the question that is foremost in our mind. And when you are busy asking that question all the time, you very, very rarely get around to asking that little question of, well, actually, what do I want to do with my life? Or with my time? Or with my day? So how do we start reversing this, maybe? Because there's huge value in asking yourself what you want. I mean, if you don't, if you're not even asking the question, how are you ever going to get and find yourself doing what it is that you want? So we got to get to a point where we're actually asking that question more regularly, right? So that's the question. How do we get to that? How do we do that? How do we move out of this constantly asking about obligation and things that I should do into asking that question? Should you throw up your hands and say, I'm done with the obligations, I'm done with the responsibilities, and I'm just going to do that. There's a problem there, and that your nervous system won't allow you to do that, right? Because it'll be so fixated on that sort of danger question of what do I need to do? What do I have to do? So I'm not saying that, right? I'm not saying just start asking yourself that question. What I am saying is this. You're allowed to have a space in your life for obligation, if you like, right? Responsibilities. The real issue is that we leave no space for the question, what do I want to do? Okay, so the problem really looks like, when it is a problem, it's your entire day, entire life, is 100% focused on should I do? What should I do? What do I need to do? What do I have to do? And there is never an opportunity for you to even start entertaining this question about what is it that I want to do. So this comes down to, practically speaking, it's having boundaries with obligations. Okay, with the things that you feel and believe maybe that you have to do or you ought to do or you should do. This is the best way to do it, the fastest way to do it, to get in touch with what it is you want so that you can actually start getting what it is that you want. You remove the entire day from this obligation and you do this with it, right? Now you've got this smaller space in which you have said I'm removing obligations from that space. In that space, I'm not going to ask what do I have to do? What do I need to do? What should I do? That's just going to be about exploring what do I want to do? And this is on a daily basis. So in that space, in any given day, you're not going to do anything that's goal related maybe or has a sense of obligation around it or pressure or stress around it. That's just going to be about exploring what do I want to do in the next hour here that I have protected, that I put a boundary around. You do that regularly, what's happening? You are becoming practiced in asking that question. Now on a daily basis, you're asking that question. What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? And I'm not saying, oh, by the way, another reason people don't want to ask that question is they think it's selfish to ask that question. So it's safer to end this day and just purely obligation all day long, right? So it might, that might be a block, right? It's like, that's another reason. But really the reason it's hard is we're not practiced in doing it. So you start doing that on a daily basis. You will start to get good at asking that question and you will start to find answers for it. So when you start off doing it, guess what? It's going to be tricky. It's a little bit uncomfortable when you start asking yourself that question at the beginning. But again, the more you do it, the better you get at what's really happening is you're attuning to yourself, right? It's what's alive in you right now. That you're, you're paying attention to. It's not even some big life goal, although it can be sometimes that can reveal itself in that question and wonder why I want, oh, I want to do this with my life and becomes very obvious. But sometimes in a smaller level, it's like, I want to go outside and walk. I want to stretch my body for 10 minutes. I want to call an old friend. I want to listen to some music. I want to go write something. I want to journal. It can be whatever it is. We don't know, but we're taking what we're trying to do is take all obligation out of that space that you're going to protect for yourself. Any sense of an agenda where you can freely explore just purely what it is that's alive in you and what wants to happen. You do that regularly. And I think it can be one of the most transformative things in your life, right? The problem is our culture tells us that don't, don't do that. You don't have time for that. You're, these obligations are screaming over here and you've got to get on top of everything. But if you're never going to stop and really get serious about that question, what it is that I want in life. I mean, how can we expect ourselves to actually get what it is that we want in life? We might avoid catastrophes. You know, we might feel relief that nothing went wrong, but getting what we want and experiencing and living what we want is not something that will happen. So that's the takeaway from this video. I'm not asking you to alter your life entirely, right? I'm not suggesting that anyone should do that. I'm saying that we carve out this little sort of sacred time for ourselves on a daily basis without obligations, without agendas, where it's like, okay, let me just explore that. And it can be uncomfortable at the start, right? When you're not practiced in it, what do I want? And you're listening into something that resonates within yourself, something that sort of doesn't come from here, but it comes from here. And if you do that, that can be, I think, a fast track to personal growth and even a spiritual aspect is there, too, with that. So I hope that's a useful concept. Keep it in mind. Any comments, let me know below, and I'll see you guys very soon in the next video. Take care.