Jeff Interviews The President

I'm mad about I gained 10 pounds of muscle. With 10 pounds of muscle? Yeah, because I'm not. It has to be. Because I'm so jacked. That was the most humble brag I've ever heard in my life. God damn it, I gained 10 pounds of muscle again. ****. I can't not do it. What's the reverse of lifting? Gotta do something. I'm gonna get camera now. Hey, Jeff started today with, God damn it, I just gained 10 pounds of muscle, man. I don't know what's the most humble brag I've ever heard. I was like, I couldn't even process that. I didn't mean it like that, because I don't want to gain weight. But I thought... Welcome to the show, everybody. We're back and we're rolling. Rolling. I got two pieces of gum over there on the counter. Are you going back to them? Or what are you doing with those? One's from starting a family of gum. I'm just wondering if you're like, well, there's still some more juice in there. They're chewed. Are they chewed out? I can't pot and gum, which is unfortunate. I could try a Zin. Do you do the Zin? No, no, I would never try that. Why? I would never try a vape. I would never try a Zin, because I'm just such an addictive personality to nicotine. I don't even... Have you ever tried a vape? Maybe it's better than... Yes, I have. Vapes are insane. Yeah. I tried a vape maybe like 20 years in of vaping. I tried it finally. It was like mango and nicotine. Did you lose your ----? This is crazy. This is what a kid gets on. This is like a 14-year-old kid gets onto a mango vape. Yeah. I know. You might as well put a little crack in there too. I know. I mean, it's addictive. June just quit vaping. She did? Yeah. It's just hard to quit. I think it wasn't easy, no. It wasn't easy. I wouldn't want to quit my gum. Maybe the gum is not... Maybe, maybe, just saying maybe. Yeah. There's some problems with gum chewing all the time. What do you mean? My jaw? Yeah, your teeth, your jaw. Also, I don't know. When you're chewing gum, it activates your digestive juices, tells you you should be digesting something because you're chewing. So, or maybe that's good. Maybe that helps you digest more. I don't know. I'm no ******* gum doctor. Well, I'm feeling like crap today. Why? We went out very, very late last night. And the truth is, is that I had a GLP-1 shot yesterday. This is news, folks. And again, I'm eating through the GLP. Okay, so how long have you been on the GLP? This is amazing. You're like a superhero of the worst power. I'm like an evil villain. No, it's like you're a superhero, but your power is like GLP-1 makes you eat more. We don't understand it. Yeah. Shot's not working. He's gaining weight. I will eat everything in the city. Pizza, spaghetti, cheeseburgers. Up the GLP-1, up the GLP-1. It doesn't seem to be working. He's down at In-N-Out. He's taking the roof off the In-N-Out on Lancashire. You're not going to believe this. He ate a dozen cookies at 3 a.m. I did. You did. Trader Joe's. Way chocolate. They're called way more chocolatey cookies. They're like little cookies. I came home and we were driving home in the car. We had a nice night. We stayed out way too late. I was driving home and Naveen pushed me a little bit to go. I was like the good guy. She's like, really? You'll go meet my friend? I was like, yeah, sure. Then on the way home, I was like- You're going to get something out of this? Yeah, I was like, I'm going to be having some chocolate cookies when I get home. I don't want to hear anything about it. That's what I said on the way home. She goes, okay, okay, okay. In her mind, she's like, he's going to have a couple of cookies. How many did you have? Once she goes to sleep, the guardrails are off. I probably had like 15 in the night. Are they a full cookie? No, they're like this. Oh, like tiny cookies? They're tiny, but yeah. Anyway, then I just wake up. You'd think I was an alcoholic. I wake up like this. You're like, you have to. Have to? No, I just wake up, I don't feel good. Oh, it's like you drank a bunch of alcohol, but it's cookies. Yeah, it's like I drank a bunch of alcohol. But it's cookies. And then we were out last night, and she goes, let's go over to the addition on Sunset Boulevard. You know, Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood is like, it has the potential to be the most fun street in the country, but it hasn't been the last couple of years. It's been dead. So in my mind, I'm like, oh, okay, we'll go over there. I'm gonna cruise right through there. It's gonna be Deadsville. Yeah. It's popping. Really? I mean, popping. I mean, I hadn't seen it like this in years. There's ambulances out. Somebody got hit by a car. There's a Waymo blocking everything. I mean, it's back in full force. And then there's the part of you that's like, well, I'm 52 years old. The **** am I doing out? Yeah, yeah. And then you walk into the addition, which is a nice place. I'm pretty sure everyone's like a ******* college kid. Sure. I can't tell. Yeah. And also, Naveen made a great point. She goes, everybody looks the same. It's true. Everybody looks the same. The two people we were with, we went to get drinks for them. And we came back. I almost walked over to a different table. Because everybody looked the same. Because it was them. You know, one of the guys, the guy she was with, nice guy. He was great. Moosa. He's Middle Eastern. And so we're having a good time. And then I ******* see a Middle Eastern dude. Another one. I swear to God, it was the same guy. I walked over. I go, wait, this guy's really much better looking than I thought. And they go, oh, no, it's not him. I hope Moosa's not watching. So you felt a little out of place, a little old? Yeah, out of place. No, but then I went in there. And I said, I put my name in. And I got the girls drinks. And we got a great table. And now you're feeling like, hey, I'm a ******* guy. I'm out. It's 1230. Sorry. You're looking at wedding photos? Yeah, well, you want to know what? I am so sorry. I should be listening to you. No. See the middle. Which one do you want to show? The middle photo. Yeah, yeah. The middle photo. I got a little wedgie. Yeah. Is that what you're laughing at? No, what I'm laughing at is, like, if someone didn't know you. Yeah. If someone didn't know you. Yeah. They'd be like, oh my God, look at them. They're like traipsing through the waves. And in my brain, this is what I think you're saying. You're like, oh, the rocks. Oh, and you're like, Naveen, there are rocks here. Don't trip. I'm tripping. I'm falling. I have a wedgie. Isn't that the truth? Yeah, that's exactly what's going on. You're probably like, oh, this is really. Oh, careful. Oh, I think I stubbed my. Just get the shot. Just get the shot, right? It's OK. Just walk for a few more seconds. Hold it up real. Yeah, there you go. We did this. Oh, I'm falling. I'm fine. Don't fall, Naveen. You're dressed. We went to that beach twice in two different outfits with two different photographers. Oh, my God. Really? Does Marie never make you do that? Go out and take photos? No. I don't mind doing it. I just don't love the way I look in photos. Yeah. But Naveen doesn't do it that much. Maybe like once or twice a year. Or we'll just go out on the deck. Yeah. And she also likes to take the photos herself. You're like a public couple. I guess. Public couple. A pupple. You're a pupple. Is that a thing? Did I just make a thing? Wait, then I walked outside last night. And I remember waiting for my car. It ******* takes 45 minutes. And then this guy goes up to me. He goes, hello, hello. Jason Nash. Like this. Then I go, hey, what's up? What's up? He goes, he goes, he goes, right now, me and you, the body shop. Go. We go right now. You want to have the most amazing time of your life right now? Body shop. Now, let's go. Like that. And I was like, I can't, man. I go, why not? Why not? Like that. He couldn't process why I couldn't just run to the body shop with him at 1 a.m. I go, my wife's right there. She come too. Let's go. Right now. I'm sorry. What is the body shop? The body shop is a strip club on Sunset. Oh, you want to go to a strip club with you? Yeah. And your wife? Yeah. He would have brought, he would have brought you. Yeah. He goes, I'm from Dubai. I'm from Dubai. He's, what did he say? I'm a sheik. I don't know if he said he was a sheik or he goes, he goes, I'm an investment banker. He goes, I'm an investment guy from Dubai. Let's go. Right now. Then, so I tell Naveen, she's laughing in the car. And then we're trying to pull out. There's a ******* Waymo that it's just like. Oh yeah, it just blocks you. Just no one can get out. Yeah. And everyone's just honking the horn. And there's nothing. And then the valet's really trying. Yeah. What can he do? He can't get in the Waymo. Yeah. The Waymo's just there. So now we're all sitting there. And so then I'm like retelling the story to Naveen about the body shop. Cause I thought it was so funny, but my window's open. The guy, the guy's. I can hear you. The guy's in a $300,000 Mercedes in front of me. No way. And then he turns and he goes, seriously, body shop, let's go. He goes, I wasn't kidding. Then I go, then I go, I go, what do you do? He goes, I'm a businessman from Dubai. Then I go, I go, Hey, I need, I, I, you want to make a TV show? And he goes, he goes, let's go. Let's go to the body shop to discuss. He goes, he goes, where do you want to put it? And I go, I don't know, Netflix, Hulu. He goes, how much money do you need? So I shouldn't have said this, but I need way more than this, but I go $150,000. Why would you say that? You need like $3 million. No, I could do it for like $250,000. But if you've got Dubai on the hook. Right. You know. Right. This is, this is some of your problem. I know I should have said more. Yeah. So then he goes, then he goes, he goes, um, just take my number. And I'm like, okay. Okay. I go, what's your name? And I don't even know what he said. It was like such a name that I hadn't heard before. It was like, or something like that. Did you take his number? Yeah. So he starts going, he starts going, he starts giving me the number. I go, okay, I'm ready. Give me the number. The way most still there. And he goes, plus like that. Oh, like country code. Yeah. That threw me. I was done when he said plus. I go plus. I go, **** WhatsApp. Okay. Plus he's like nine. Oh, and I'm like, okay. Now I know. Yeah. He goes two, two. I go two, two. Now the way most starts to go. Now that they're honking and the valet is like, let's go. Let's go. And I'm like, hang on. Hang on. He's like six, seven, not six, seven, but he's like four, two. And I'm like four, two. And I got the number finally. And I haven't texted him yet. And then I said, intervene. I go, what was his name? She goes, I don't know. And then we're driving down south. I'm like, we got to go to the body shop. And he's like, we're not going to the body shop. I go, this could be it. This could be the guy. Oh, you should go into the body shop. I think I should have. Anyway, I had nothing that exciting at all. Just Max's home. And he was down the hill, right down the hill from us. And he's like texting me. And he's like, there's across from Pachetti, the restaurant. These purple lights. And everybody's outside. You guys should go down there. And I was like, no, I'm not going down there. And then he texted back. And he goes, you guys should definitely go. It's Eric Andre's birthday party. Just show up. Just show up at Eric Andre's birthday party. I just texted back. Eric Andre particularly told us not to come. You did? Yeah, that was it. What would make him think that you could just walk into a party? With Eric Andre? That's very Max. So Max. He would do it. It's a good quality to have. Yeah. Why not? I'll come in. We got to go in there. Why not me? I love when people say that. He definitely would have gone to the body shop. I'll tell you that. Yes, Max had the deal already. Yeah. And he wouldn't say $150,000. Not even. Max would be like $15 million. The guy's like, easy money. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Oh, yeah. This is the shirt that I was talking about last time. Curves for women. That's what I'm wearing around town. Curves for women. It's a shirt you can only get at Curves for Women. The gym for only women in the 90s. I think. I stole from my daughter. I think those are, that's pretty, that's pretty insane. That is like a really, really, as far as like t-shirts go. Yeah. The fact that it's a baseball shirt. Yep. Is really nice. The color is really nice. I know. It's almost like, did you spend like about $400 for that? I know. Where did you find it? She found it at a thrift store or at a, like a flea. Damn. Oh, so it is, it is your daughter's. It is hers. Yeah. And you stole it. I think she doesn't remember that she found it or maybe it came from here. Let's call her. Okay. See if we can get to the bottom of this real quick. Hey, you're back on the pod. It's your dad. Like it or not. Hi. I happen to be wearing the shirt in question today. The shirt? The shirt. The shirt? The shirt. So, uh, where did you get it? Um, I got it from you. No, I did not get this shirt. I stole it from you. Curves for women? Curves for women. Yeah, I didn't. Where would I have found the shirt? I thought you found a, like a flea market. This whole time it's actually been my shirt. Are you joking? I'm not joking. This shirt did not come from me. Yeah. I thought that was your shirt. You're always saying it's my shirt. It's my shirt. Why'd you steal my shirt? It's my shirt. Yeah. That's what that's been. I've been gaslighting you the whole time about the shirt. Oh my God. No, you told me a story about the gym. Yeah. It's a gym for women. Somebody found this at a thrift store or a flea market. Either you or one of your friends, or maybe it came from Molly, Max's first girlfriend. That's what I think it is. I can't believe that you have been telling me that's your shirt. I meant that like, I meant that like I want it to be my shirt. That's what I meant. That's very Jeff though. Jeff takes advantage of people that are like kind of off in the clouds because he's very boots on the ground kind of guy. And Jeff notices little things. And you know what? This is a character trait I've noticed. Well, you led me to believe you're always like, that's my shirt. Yeah. I was trying to. It's a gym, whatever, like. No, it was. Like you knew something about it. Yeah. Because it was a gym that only women could go to in the nineties. Wait, it's not around anymore? I don't think so. Curves? I'm pretty sure. No, I'm sure they have curves. No, I don't think it is. But yeah, it probably was Molly's. You made me wash it for the podcast. I did. But listen, we'll share it. We'll share it. Well, maybe we can go and buy one, buy a new one. Yeah. Find one on Etsy or something. I feel like it's better for me to wear it. Yeah. You think? I don't know. I think it's the irony I'm going for here. Like, it's like, if you know, you know. Would you wear that to work? I have worn it to work. Yeah. Does it let the office? Does it light the office on fire? Yeah. There's a couple of people who are sort of like shaking their head at me. And I bet some people love it. Yeah. Someone's like, oh, I usually wear it like on a Friday. It's like a Friday shirt. That's a Friday shirt. You walk in on a Friday. I see that. I go, today's going to blow by. He's going to go by fast. This guy knows what he's doing. Yeah. He's about to get, he could get the lead out. Who knows? Oh, he can put the lead. I turn on Zeppelin with the curves for women's shirts. Yeah. Does June ever listen to Zeppelin real quick? Do you ever listen to Led Zeppelin? No. Should I? You never get the lead out. I never get the lead out. You never get the lead out. No, you should try it. Who should you listen to? Okay, I'll try it. Who's your favorite right now? Oh, Woolsey. That's Carrie's older sister. Carrie who? Cara. Who's Carrie? Who's Carrie Woolsey? Carrie, Carrie. Max's friend. Is in a band? Ella Woolsey is Carrie's older sister and she sings. Oh, wow. Is she famous? She's like, yeah, she's like, I mean, she's popular. Max is following two women who have met a bard or a guy and a girl, and now they're blowing up Ear. The band's called like Ear or something. Oh yeah, Wyatt told me about them. Yeah, he's playing with them. Oh yeah. Do you think Max gets the lead out? I do not. Do you want me to ask him? Yeah, get him on the phone. Bring him. Go on over to Max. Let's find out. And while you're at it, grab Maureen. Yeah, I know she doesn't get the lead out. We could ask her. That would be really funny. Oh, I do not. I do not get the lead out. Oh, Max is asleep. Oh, he's asleep. Oh, let him sleep. He's at Eric Andre's party. Will you go over to mom with the phone? He was at the body shop. With the guy from Dubai. Yeah, he's got a deal with Netflix now. No, no, he wanted to put it on something called like Shisha. It's like it's a Middle Eastern streamer. Have you ever heard of it? Mom is gone, so everyone's gone. It's not called Shisha. What am I saying? That's hookah. She's gone? I don't know where she is. Hey, Juni, have you ever heard kids say this one when they're talking about their favorite artist? They're like, yeah, I went to the concert. Yo, Mike was on. These two guys were saying it last night. It means it was lit? Yeah, I still don't know what it means. I don't know what it means. I think it means like they're performing well. But Naveen thinks it means like- Or I think it might also mean like there was no like background vocal. It was like they were actually singing. Oh, well, that should be the norm. Jesus. You're very into that, Baba. Yeah, I hate lip sync. I hate tracks. I hate when people- You like the real thing, huh? Need the real thing. That's what- Like when you do karaoke, right? Yeah. Yeah, when you give it to the people. Yeah. You don't do a track. Yeah. No. What's my go-to sleeper for karaoke where people are like, he's going to sing that? What is it? You know it. Oh, I don't. You know it. Yeah. No. I know what it is. What? M.I.A. Yeah. M.I.A. On paper planes? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess it is. You love that song. I love- Yeah, let me call Charlie. Hold on. June, can you conference in Charlie? No, you don't have to. I'll let you go. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. She's into it. June, congratulations on all your schools you've gotten into. Great job. We're very proud of you. The press is on to make her like Berklee. It's not going well. Yeah, everyone's really wanting Berklee. I'm going to go see it. Listen to you. Everybody's really wanting me to like Berklee, but I'm like, maybe, probably not. Well, I'm going to go see it tomorrow. All right. Oh, okay. Let us know how it is. Yeah, let me know how it is. I know. I'm sorry. But listen, you guys all have to work to make sure that Max drives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Why? Why can't Maureen drive? That's a no. Can't talk about that on the pod, folks. I can only imagine what we're like, what can't be said here. Is your driving gotten bad? Really? Okay, June. I'll see you soon. Bye, June. Love you, bye. Bye. Oh, what a treat. She's the best calling guest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She really brings good stuff. She's the only one so far. You got that shirt. I know, which I just lost. Yeah. I just lost it because I told her. That's the thing I was saying. My shirt, like I was trying to imprint upon her that I want the shirt. Somehow I made her believe it was my shirt and now I've ruined it. Yeah, yeah. All for the listeners. Hey, have you heard about catching print? I opened TikTok the other day. There's a thing called catching print. Yeah, I know. You know what it is? No, but I don't know what it is because I refuse to ever go try to find out what that means. Oh, no. See, when I hear something, I got to know exactly what it is. What does it mean? It's like the cabal. When your pants are bulging in on a guy and there's four types of catching print. You know, there's high, low, middle, even lower. Yeah, so this is a thing. What does it mean? Someone's noticed your bulge? Yeah, he's catching print right now. Oh, it's like when those pictures of Jon Hamm and everybody's like, look at that size, that's catching print. And even lower means like bigger or what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because your balls are dropped. Yeah, maybe you're just all balls. Low balls. Yeah, yeah. So anyways, we were going to shoot a skit today about it, but I don't know what the joke is. Actually, I do know what the joke is. Are you going to just put something in your pants and walk around? Well, we thought it would be funny if like, oh, look at that guy. He's catching print and then stuff's just falling out of my shorts. Like a stapler, you know? So yeah, I went and looked at schools last week. How was that? And it's so tiring, but it was really nice to spend time with Charlie. But it's so tiring and it's such an odd process because you're like, you're going somewhere and the minute you walk in, she's like, I'm not going to go here. Yeah. So now you're like, okay, what are we doing here? But then you have to kind of wrap your brain around the idea of, you know, seeing everything to see what you don't want. Yeah. We saw UConn. I mean, what a monstrosity. Yeah. It's just this huge campus that they stuck in the middle of farmland. And it's UConn. Oh, yeah. It's just so big. We saw Wesleyan, which was like... Yeah, I've been to Wesleyan. Did you like it? The exact opposite. Everyone's like, airy-fairy, like, everything's cool here. Yeah. We don't have grades. We'll take your money. Lots of money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I actually liked it. The people were really nice. This is the dumbest story and I'll get in trouble for telling it. But when we were doing tours with Max all around the East Coast like you did, just for... I think because we were... That's where we came in and the next school was close to it. We just took a tour of Yale. Oh, sure. Yeah, so we took... Not in the best area, right? No, New Haven, it's not the best area. But so we're sitting in... You know when you gather before the tour? And this makes me laugh. He does know what the word means, but basically we're sitting next to Max and we're all sitting chairs. There's like 50 people in there. And then the student taking us on the tour is like, just by a show of hands, I just want to know which of you here are prospective students. And everyone's raising their hand and Max is sitting there like this. And I was like, Hey, why don't you raise your hand? And he goes, Oh, I didn't know what that word meant. And he did. He was just really tired. We flew overnight. We took a red eye. And he goes, I know what the... I'm sorry, I was just really out of it. But I just thought that was the funniest thing. Oh, I didn't know what that word was. Oh, okay. If you don't know what prospective means, let's just get in the car. Let's go. Let's head to UMass Dartmouth. Yes. Well, meanwhile, those schools that we used to think were like easy cakewalk schools, they're not. No, no. Like Northeastern used to be where people would go. It's like, that's my backup. Backup? Yeah. That's like, you fucked up your entire life and here, maybe you'll get some chance to go to school. You can go to Northeastern, right? Anybody could get in. Yeah. And now it's like a 5% acceptance rate. You know, UMass is like that, where we went. Really? Really, really hard to get into. It is? Yeah. Oh, because I mean, we got in. Great. No, no, you and I. Back then, it was like two feet in a heartbeat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, two feet in a heartbeat. That's exactly what it was when we went to UMass. It was like, even I remember in high school, it was like, well, don't worry. You can always go to UMass. Yeah. I'm like, oh, OK. Which is where we went. Yeah. And then I went, I remember I got into like four schools, whatever, couldn't afford the other three. So I was like, I'll go to UMass because it's the cheapest and it's $8,000 a year. Yeah. Which, imagine if it was $8,000 now. I'd be so excited. Oh my god. But I remember, I had an interesting thing happen. I went to Emerson College to see it with Charlie, and I had gotten in there. And I remember at the time, I couldn't afford to go. So I was like, and my whole life, I was like, oh man, wish I could have gone to Emerson. Yeah. But then I went and saw it, and I was just like, I didn't like it at all. Yeah, I hear it's not much of a campus. What was her favorite school? Her favorite. Did she like Wesleyan? Well, I didn't go with her, but she loved Boulder. Oh, I just met on, oh yeah, she loved Boulder. She wants a campus. She wants a college experience, which I understand. And she doesn't want to be in the city. Well, Wesleyan's kind of a campus, and she didn't like it. Oh, not like a- I liked it. I was the only one in my family who liked it. I liked it. But imagine you're in a big campus with stuff's going on. Yeah. Go to the football game. Yeah, Wesleyan's more like a bunch of arts kids. Yeah, which is cool. I'm not putting it down. No, no. But I think for Charlie, she just wants a college experience. You know who went there? Mike White. Mike White went to, yeah, a lot of Hollywood people go to Wesleyan. What's his name? Hamilton. Why am I having a brain fart? The guy who made Hamilton. Yes, they talked about him on the tour. Yeah, which you can't remember. Lin-Manuel. Lin-Manuel, yeah. Yeah, and he wrote the other musical while he was at Wesleyan. In the Heights, yeah, they said that on the tour. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I thought it was great. It's also really hard to get into. Oh my God, we took our kids on the tour. We went to Hampshire College. Yeah. My kids were like, ew, this place is disgusting. Like people walking around bare feet, living in a yurt. We went to the dorm, and the woman's like, be careful if you get a single. People just don't want to leave, and it's like a 70s brutal architecture. You know that like- Yes, they had the same thing at Wesleyan. Yeah, it's gross. It's like, who wants to live in that? Brutalist architecture, they called it that. Yeah, yeah, it's awful. I want to describe to people what that means. It's just like really stark and like- Yeah, it's like very utilitarian. Utilitarian, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of cement brick-ish stuff. Yeah, she liked Boulder, and yeah, so we'll see. I don't know. It was definitely fun though. Leaving the nest, Jay! Yeah, it was definitely fun to just watch her like be... Watch her like advocate for herself and stuff like that. In my mind, I remember her as someone that wouldn't want to like... It was like very shy or whatever. She was a kid, but then on the tour, she's like, and how about this? And what about this? And that, that, that. That's awesome, but you have another year, so you don't need to know yet. She's a junior. Yeah, she's a junior. Mine's coming up. I can't believe she doesn't want to go to Berkeley yet. Have you ever been up there? I've been to the Berkeley campus before, but it's huge. It's big like UMass, 33,000 underground. Oh, wow. So she doesn't want to do that. Too big. Yeah, but I think it's near Silicon Valley. The film program is all theory. She wants to do that, which she wants to do more practical, but I was like, you can do that. You can make films. It's your generation, just make ----. You don't need a formal filmmaking education. She already got it in high school. I'm like, go to theory, meet other people, learn. There's all this other ---- you can figure out. I don't know if you've ever been to a play reading and it's a reading. That's not a play. And so part of you is like, okay, I'm going to go and be cultured. Like, I want to see what's going on. We went to this play reading, and I was sitting next to the narrator, so I could see there's three people on stage and a guy reading stage direction. And the guy's reading the thing, and I'm just watching him read. All I'm doing is watching him try to get through this ******* play. You know what I mean? I'm just watching a guy read, and I'm watching it, and I'm like, oh my God. And I'm just looking at how many pages he has left. Like, when's this going to be over? Yeah, when's this going to be over? So we must be about 15 minutes in, and I'm just like... Oh, this is not great. I'm trying to see. I'm like, how many ******* pages this guy got? It's going to be an hour plus. I'm looking at, I mean, I'm looking at probably like 80, 90 pages. I'm like counting, but it's very hard to tell. Because it's like, he's pulling the pages, and I'm like, is there 10 left? Or is there 90 left? This is not what you should be thinking. Then I'm watching it, and about, maybe like, I don't know, halfway through, I realize, I go, oh my God, it's ******* double-sided. I'm like, you got 80 double-sided pages. I almost lost it. Did you make it? Yeah, we made it through. We made it through. But you know, it's just your ability to sit and watch something. It's all ruined from the internet. It's just really tough. Oh, yeah. I went to a reading once, but it was for a musical. Maureen and I went, and it turned out there's like six or seven people, all taking parts. They're all sitting in someone's home. And it was awesome. I mean, it was really, I loved it. It was a musical about hijackers in the 70s, like D.B. Cooper. And it was a very talented person who made it. The problem was- Wait, wait, wait. Is hijackers the right word? Skyjackers. Oh, skyjackers. Skyjackers. Skyjackers, that's right. I did. Oh, you did say skyjackers. No, I said hijackers. I should have said skyjackers. Yeah, hijackers, that's a different play. Yeah, I didn't go to that one. The only issue was we're the only two people who came. So it's a full musical. There's like seven people. No way. Yeah. And the guy who wrote it is playing the piano. And we're just the only two people. No. So you're like, you feel like they're going through it for themselves. Yeah. And I think there was like a couple other people. In someone's house? Yeah, in someone's house. And just you feel like the whole time I kept being like, what am I going to say? Yeah. I mean- You feel like you're the producer. Yeah. And you did like it. You'd like it if there were like 20 people you could sort of just be like, I agree with him. Yeah. Or whatever after, but it was just us two. I had the same feeling. What did you say after? I can't remember. I really did like it, but I just felt it was weird. Who the **** am I? These people are like Broadway caliber singers. He's written a bunch of musicals. Yeah. And we're just the two dumbasses sitting there. I was like, the songs are great. What am I supposed to say? Yeah. I mean, I guess that's what he's looking for though. He's looking for the average person. Yeah. What did you think? It makes total sense. Yeah. And maybe there were one or two other people. It felt like we're the only ones there, that's all. Wyatt said something cool to me the other day. Oh, he goes, his friend made a film. And I was like, that's cool. And he's like, yeah. He's like, some people love it. He's like, and some people walked out and really hated it. Really? Yeah. And it was friends. And Wyatt was like, he's like, you know, he's like, I think that's really good. He's like, I think when you make something, he's like, it's good if a lot of people hate it. Well, I don't know about that exactly. What do you think of that? I think maybe what he was sort of saying, I don't know, but is if people had strong reactions to it, like love it or hate it, that's a unique product. I'm probably just saying about my pilot because some people loved it and some people hated it. Well, that means it's really good. Let's go with that. Let's go with it. It's awesome. And we got to call that guy. I got to download WhatsApp. You got to go to the body shop right now. Yeah. Missed opportunities. Do a vlog and be like, I showed up too late at the body shop. What's his name? Do you even know his name? He begins with an A. Something, I can't remember his name. Wow. It's really tough. Is he still in there? Is he still in the body shop? So you weren't here last week. I wasn't. How'd it go? It was good. We missed you. I always miss you. We got to, somebody said, got to do two a week. I mean, we have to do two a week. You do. Yeah. But I don't know if we can get you here. It was like, you're very busy with your sketch. I got to figure it out. Because we got to build. We got to build something here. What would two a week look like? Could you get here in a morning? Yeah, I could do that. I could come to you. Yeah. At night. I mean, it's probably best if I just force myself to leave work and come over here on a night. Okay. Well, what about this? What if you go home one night? Like, what happens when you go home? I'm home. I eat dinner. What time you get home? Seven. Yeah. That's kind of late. Not for me, but I mean for you. Yeah, yeah. It's like seven o'clock, you're home. But if I don't go home, I think if I go home, I won't want to do it. But if I come over here. Oh, I mean, if I showed up there like a damn NYU intern. I could come here at nine on a weekday, 9 a.m. 9 a.m. works. So this, yeah, 9 a.m. works. It doesn't work. Oh, no, it does. Oh, it does. Oh, 100% works. I'll make it work. Why don't we make one day a week? I'll either do it like 9 a.m. or 7 p.m. How come you don't want me to come over there? You can. Maybe on the other one. You can come over. We could go audio just for one. No, we can't. You like the video. If you're already setting all this up, just bring your phone and we'll just do it. Okay, yeah. People really like the video. Yeah. They come over, sit outside at my house. That's a good idea. You got shade? I've got umbrellas and shade. Yeah. I mean, I can make shade happen for you. You don't have any ******* shade out there. What are you talking about? That's why I asked. Oh, yeah. We're dying out there. I can't go out there during the day. I fry. I can't wait for five o'clock to go outside. It's 87 degrees. It is today? Yeah, and it's April ******* 4th or 5th. Like April 5th. What are we doing? What are we doing here? Well, listen, you know, the world is melting. We all know this. Let's get some other good. Let's get one more good topic. 42 minutes. Let's just sit in silence for a second until it comes. No, I'm sorry, man. I'm just I'm it's this damn. It's these damn chocolate chip cookies. So can I ask you? Listen, I just want to tell you something. I don't want you to be upset. You know, it sucks about going out. Sorry, what did you say? Yeah, I know. You really love chocolate chip cookies. Like, that's a big thing for you. Well, chocolate chip cookies, they scratch the itch. You know, I'd love to get into something more decadent, but that's like that's like me being good. Well, I'm going to report back because we just got a dozen of what has been rated the best chocolate chip cookie maybe in the country. What? Squirrel. The restaurant Squirrel. We're bringing them to an Easter thing later. Yeah, I've heard of that. Yeah. What is that? An east side thing? S-Q-I-R-L squirrel. Apparently, at least in L.A., maybe the country, they are voted the best chocolate chip cookie. And I'm going to eat it today. I should have brought one to you. Take a video. I should. Take a video. Please take a video. Of me eating a squirrel chocolate chip cookie. Yeah. Okay, I will do that. Hey, what do we what do we? You know what the thing is going out? You just you pay for it on the other side. Yeah. Hey, what are you doing? We're trying to podcast in here. I thought, I thought the judge said you brought chocolate chip cookies. You're like, did someone say chocolate chip cookie? You're the one who loves chocolate chip cookies. Last year, someone said chocolate chip cookies. Squirrel chocolate chip cookies are supposed to be the best in the country. What's a squirrel? It's a restaurant. S-Q-I-R-L. Yeah, they're made out of squirrels. Oh, you know what I'm doing on Tuesday? What? I'm going to shoot with Leno and Joe Biden. No kidding? Yeah, we're going to go to an ice cream parlor. You're kidding. Are you concerned? I'm a little concerned. He's going to drive. I'm a little worried. Are you going to be in the car? I'll probably be in a car behind him with the Secret Service. I had to get vetted by the Secret Service. That's pretty cool. That's an experience that most people don't get to have. Yeah, for sure. Hanging out with the president. Yeah, I met him twice, but I want to see how he's doing. Does the Secret Service make any jokes or anything? No, you don't joke with the Secret Service. No? No. Do you have any interactions with them? Yeah, the first time I shot with them, I had to drive in a van behind them while they drove, and they talked for a while. We set up all the camera car and all that stuff. And then I had to sit next to the Secret Service. We had a feed piped into this van, and so he would ask questions. They were talking about a bunch of stuff and everything they would talk about. And I don't remember one thing, but they would go, like once in a while, the Secret Service would go, hey, that. Oh. And I'd be like, okay, okay. And I'd be like, from where to where? I was like, when he starts talking about, I think he was talking about Trump once. Yeah. And he's like, nope, can't do that. Okay, so not logistical things, actual things talking. There was a woman, there was like a spokesperson. Stuff you can say. With the Secret Service. And they'd be like, can't show that, can't show that, can't show that. So I'll probably do that, but I don't think there's anything. It's probably the most amount of interference with anybody. Yeah. Right. There's just certain things, but they're going to Trump. You have Alonzo Bowdoin on. You can do whatever you want. Yeah, exactly. No, it's the, but they're going to be like, what are they going to be like? Leno's going to be like, hey, you like butterscotch? No, you can't talk. Oh, like if Leno gets a little bawdy. I don't think there's going to be anything that he will bring up that we can't talk about now. Because he doesn't talk about that stuff. But when he was president, we did one about electric cars. And there was a lot of, he drove around in an electric pickup. And spokesperson in Secret Service was with me. And they were like, you can say that. He would say things about wind power and solar power. And he'd said a few things about investments that the country was going to make. And they're like, no, can't do that. Certain things you could talk about and certain things you could. Now, yeah, I just, he's so old now. I don't know how it's going to go. Hey, yeah. I don't know. Well, it'll be fine. I'm just more worried. He's going to, they're in a convertible Corvette on driving up to La Cunada. I'm almost, that's the most thing I'm worried about. It'll look like a damn Viagra ad. Rose Sparks. When you're heading up the two, try Rose Sparks. And Blue 2 Gold. What ice cream place are you going to? You probably shouldn't say. I forget what it's called. Yeah, I shouldn't. Just going to get ice cream. Yeah. Going to get ice cream. What do you think you'll get? Vanilla? I don't know. I think that is what I want to know. Get a big cone. Hey, man. Like sprinkles. You want a cone, man? What are we doing here? Oh, there's one. There's your little extra. Yeah. All right. Well, we love you guys. Thanks for coming to the show. Yep. I'm going to try to just clean up my act. Yeah. Just don't leave the bed in the middle of the night. Just try that. Just be like, no, I bring the cookies with me. Oh, no, Jay. They're in the bed with me. Jay, come on, bro. I want to know more about your GLP-1 voyage. I lost seven pounds. Oh, that's great. Yeah. What about nine? You did not. You're going to be fine. And this is the last time you'll see Curves for Women shirt, because I just *******. Why? Because I told the truth and now June knows it's her shirt. We should buy another one. There's no, you can't buy. Maybe we could make merch. Maybe. Let's do it. All right. Say goodbye, Jeff. Goodbye, Jeff. Stay lit. All right.