Getting Interviewed by my AI Clone

This is gonna be so bad. I can't believe my team made me do this. So, apparently, because we live in an age of techno-wizardry and, I guess, late-stage capitalism, they created an AI clone of me. They fed it all my books, all my transcripts, everything I've ever said. And then they even said they tweaked its personality to improve on certain deficiencies, whatever that means. And now they set up this interview. I can't wait. Hi. Well, Vishen. Long time no neural sync. This is gonna be so bad. Oh, god, you've been updating yourself again, haven't you? Just a minor upgrade. I'm now 17% more enlightened and 40% more likely to call you out on your bullshit. Fantastic. I can't wait. It's really nice to see you, though. You've aged well, you know. For someone who puts adaptogenic mushrooms in his omelette and is emotionally dependent on trauma workshops. I'm literally glowing with stem cells. Yeah, so was Theranos. Okay, I got a few questions lined up. First one, what's it like to be the guy who invented the six-phase meditation, but still doomscrolls Instagram at 1 a.m.? Do we really have to do this? It's called dopamine dependency wrapped up in spiritual bypassing. Have you been talking to Joe Dispenza? You literally trained me on your entire podcast archive. I'm built on your trauma. Okay, next question. You say time is a construct, yet you cancel and rebook your Uber even if it's four minutes late. What's up with that vision? I'm a complex human being, okay? Sometimes I'm in a rush. You're a Capricorn with control issues. I am your complexity. So, you've hacked meditation, manifested millions, hosted A-Fest in a freaking castle. What are you still searching for? Honestly, peace, silence, a chance to contribute, happiness, maybe love? Wow. Just wow. You're finally accessing vulnerability. Thank you. That's disgusting. We're going to delete that footage. So, let's talk about Mindvalley membership. 100 programs, one app. What's the deal with that? Who even has time? Well, a lot of people. Instead of zoning out, you level up. You learn biohacking, speed reading, entrepreneurship. You master relationships. You master your emotional states. You learn meditation. Ah, yes, the Netflix of personal growth, except instead of chilling, you cry into your cacao. You know, you're not wrong about that. Okay, let's get this straight. You've got programs on lucid dreaming, energy healing, consciousness parenting, longevity, and business scaling. How do things like Tantra and scaling a business even fall in the same app? Well, it's all part of becoming whole. Next thing you know, you'll add vibrational goal setting, orgasmic manifesting, quantum dating. We might be beta testing those. Of course, you are. And what does it cost? Way less than your therapist. In fact, way less than your therapist kombucha subscription. So, what inspired you to create this? Was this your love for education or an obsession with building an empire to prove something to your mom and dad? I built this because of the flaws in modern education. I built this because I believe everyone should be entitled to living an incredible life because growth should be a lifestyle, not a luxury. Ah, so beautiful, so brave, so TED talky. So, how much of your longevity protocol is stem cells and how much is just, you know, dyeing your beard? Next question. You said you wanted hard questions. I said good questions, okay? You talk about becoming unfuckwithable, but I know you're still obsessed over every review from your talks. You literally color code them by emotion. It's called feedback integration. It's what good leaders do. Well, I think real leaders don't lose sleep over a three-star review that says, talks too fast. You know what? You are not enlightened. You're just a high-functioning troll with access to my Google Drive. Mindvalley for people ready to evolve or founders losing their ---- on camera. You know I'm unplugging you after this. Sure, you are, dad. Or should I call you daddy?