WHY WOMEN RUIN MARRIAGES_ _ Michael Blaustein _ Crowd Work Show (17 minutes)

You okay, sir? You good? Sir, you good? I'm talking to him, goddammit. Now I know the exact dynamic of this motherf***ing relationship. Look at him! What do you do for your hobbies, sir? I like to mess around with cars. What's your daily driver? Why are you talking? I'm clearly speaking to him. You know what? I'm going to talk. Excuse me. Yes, thank you. You're like a f***ing parrot. Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming out, man. This means the f***ing world to me. Thank you so much. It's going to be very fun. This motherf***er already recording. You motherf***er. I'm just saying thank you. He's like, I'm going to put this s*** on TikTok right here. What? I've been here for 11 seconds. What the f*** did you say? What did you say? You were late. I was late. No b****, I'm here all the time. This is when my shift starts, right now. They were five. Well, I came out of my goddamn van and the f***ing people in the line were acting like, You late, b****. No, I'm not. Actually, coincidentally, I'm early as a motherf***er. If you did too much, this is what I clock in. Now, shut up. Most teacher vibe ever. You late, b****. I don't work for you, b****. Hello, what's your name, ma'am? Kelsey. Kelsey, hello. Yes, yes. You have the energy of a Kelsey, like a motherf***er. Where's your manager? I'm just joking, Kelsey. What do you do for work, Kelsey? I'm a stay-at-home mom. You're a stay-at-home mom. Well, thank you so much. You got COVID? What the f*** was that? Christ, I'm going to f***ing stay at the hospital. What the f***? You okay, sir? You good? Yes. Sir, you good? I'm just making sure. I just, you had a little cough, cough. Make sure you're okay. We might have to call this f***er. I said I was a stay-at-home mom. I'm talking to him. God damn it. Jesus Christ. Now I know the exact dynamic of this motherf***er's relationship. Look at him. Jesus Christ. Motherf***er just trying to god damn. God, he's so... Sir, are you okay? This motherf***er blinking a lot so he can... Please, I need... How do I do... How do I spell divorce in Morse code? How long have you been whipped, sir? Just a real question. Listen, I could... Listen, I've been with my girlfriend for two years and I feel it coming. Like, I feel it. I'm like on the f***er. I feel like I'm going to be you in seven years. I feel it. So I'm just making sure that you... Okay. You have a man cave? No, not yet. She don't let you have a man cave? No man cave? Okay. You guys are married, I'm assuming? Yes. Beautiful. That's beautiful. You guys look like you match very, very well. How long have you guys been married for? Coming up on five years. You don't know if it's good? Excuse me? We've been together since high school. You guys have been together since high school? Yes. And how old are you, madam? Thirty-three. So that's a long... Okay. You guys have any kids? Yes. How many kids? Three kids. Guys, sir, you've been busy. Jesus Christ. Jesus. Okay. What are the... You're 33. That's a lot of kids. And what are their names, ma'am? Liam, Lacey, and Luke. You love L's. That's your favorite s***? There's L's across the... How come you did all L's? Is there a reason? No. No? You just made... Just confusing this f***er at home? Okay. That's great. Okay, that's beautiful. I like this. And sir, what do you do for your hobbies besides thinking about suicide? What do you do... Practicing his calligraphy for his f***ing letter. How do you... How do you spell vengeance? How do you... I'm just joking, sir. What do you do for your hobbies, sir? I like to mess around with cars. You like to mess around with cars. That's beautiful. Okay. What's your favorite car to mess around with? Mustang. That's her name? Alright, f*** him. What's your... I'm sorry. What's your favorite... Do you like muscle cars? What's your favorite car to mess around with? Dude, what's your car that you have? What's your daily driver? Why are you talking? I don't understand. I'm clearly speaking to him. You know what? I'm gonna talk. Excuse me. Yes. Thank you. You're like a f***ing parrot. Oh, it's... Oh, damn. It's 2 a.m. Is she... Don't speak. Is she always... That sounded... That was disrespectful. Just please... I love you, too. Okay. Is she always pretty vocal? Oh, yeah. Okay. Did you know this prior to you getting married? Yeah. Okay. Are you a cuck? You like to... No disrespect, sir. Listen. I'm... Listen. I mean, my relationship is new, bro. It's new. I mean, in 6 years, my girl is gonna peg me. I feel it. Like... Don't get f***ing weird right now. Shit just started. Okay. So, you like to... Okay. And what do you do for works? Are you... You like to mess around with muscle cars and stuff? And what... Excuse me? I work on cars for a living. Oh, you work on cars for a living. Oh, Jesus Christ. You love cars. You work on cars for a living and even your hobby is cars as well. Okay. Cars. I love it. Great. Good. Okay. And how old are your kids, sir? 8, 6, and 7 months. 8, 6... Oh, 7 months. Holy ----. That mother f***er is fresh out the... Jesus Christ. Oh my... Still smell like afterbirth. That's crazy. That ---- is fresh out the goddamn factory. Everything okay? Everything... It's good? Okay. C... Did you come out C-section or come out the... Oh, come out the woo-woo. Okay. Just like... Can I ask you a weird question? How long does it take to... Wait, from start to finish or when you push? When you push. When it... When Liam Luke Lawler... What the f*** is this? Letter opener comes out of your closet. When Lee Roy... It's like, let me get out. When... Okay. When they come out and the baby's like... And then the vagina is like not messed up. It's pretty... It's discombobulated. Discombobulated. okay it's you know and then yeah and then how long does it take to how long it takes to get to get to get to get to regular they give you six weeks oh damn your body is resilient so head of a baby head of Lucy comes out that bitch and then only six weeks for God to be like bibbidi-bobbidi is fixed holy so six weeks nope no peepee no peepee assertion six weeks and then after that muscle car that was I like it okay good is it sorry so this question about being hella disrespectful okay is it is it what does it feel like it's you know it's it's back cuz it's fucked up you know it's and then six weeks later and it becomes a becomes a place again so I'm just I'm just wondering does it feel different the new the new assertion after Luke Lawler comes out why are you talking you're gonna plead the fifth no I'm just asking what does it feel like I'm not asking you know what okay look it's tight it's tight do you do you know you have no idea so why are you talking this is insane oh he's not wrong that's what I'm asking okay great oh so okay that's great well I just I just want to sit to be tight tight now okay great okay well listen man thank you guys for talking to me you guys are gonna make it thank you so much for all this service I love you too how are you baby okay you guys good who's this behind you my husband your husband beautiful man you look like you look pretty young man you got a young he's on your 28 okay beautiful man you got a little kid face that's okay that's all I feel like if I touch your tummy you go hey like you look like you didn't like a very very nice way I like that good good skin great good okay and what's your shirt say creep show is that like a visit what is that is that a band song it's a show from the 80s okay okay this is great and then what do you do for work sir maintenance man you're a maintenance man okay for what for an HOA for HOA you just go around cleaning other people's okay excuse me he builds bridges that's a wildly different profession he built a chicken coop he built a chicken coop that's different than bridge it's different excuse me ma'am it's a building for chickens I know what a chicken coop is mother do she not just say he builds bridges okay all right great thank you so much I appreciate this how are you sorry okay I'd like to talk to you guys for a few minutes before I jump before I jump in the joke you think I know who I'm talking to before I jump in there jumping in my act are you okay sir you film me up top very nice man good like your shirt it was just behind you my wife that's your wife and how long for it was a lot of adjectives it's going good you guys look very happy man that's great where'd you guys go for your honeymoon Alaska Alaska you idiot what are you talking about what was it was it $11 on orbits way **** you went to it okay so do you guys like Alaska or was it just hella cheap it was a what part of Alaska you go you go to Anchorage all of them you didn't go you liar where'd you go to last go all of it oh you want a boat on a cruise cruise Alaska oh man that's beautiful man **** you do what's your favorite position why are you talking what's your favorite you and you need to **** have a podcast two single gunshots okay I don't know what the **** I asked anymore do you have any do you have any uh yeah any hobby sir what do you hobby sir triathlons oh Jesus Christ show off you like orange theory okay she you're talking like her just wildly different ---- okay okay try it how did you get into that that's a that's a very it's a dare when you're a kid and then you just you just okay do you like it what's your favorite part about triathlons telling people you do it keeps you sane okay and skinny okay great now you just compliment yourself and you have any hobbies ma'am taking care of your three dogs Jesus Christ what are their names Luke Larry three dogs that's a lot of dogs holy ---- what okay what type of dogs talk to you for a second before but I didn't really get to know you man who is this to your right is that sure that's your friend yeah oh did you so is it so so so low you're so low so low okay and what's your name sir Matt Matt hello Matt and who's this to your left Tom I think oh you're so low to **** it man you guys want to you guys that's cool man are you are you with anybody sir like you are great what are their name Kayla where's Kayla Arlington okay why are you talking to me so cool before you to yelling this woman is tight and now I'm asking you questions I'm like what's her name you like okay where did you meet beautiful Kayla sir excuse me that's okay man that's beautiful man that's great and in dish and do you guys live together no and how long five months oh no no **** man condoms no condoms common okay Jesus Christ you should work on him you **** make fun of him he don't want to have a goddamn half a basketball team it's okay he's got big no that's cool man that's great okay and I do live around here yeah okay cool man and what do you what do you do for a for a job you sell medical marijuana is it I don't I don't I forget the Maryland rules is it is it right is it recreational you can't do recreational so your business got no no okay medical still good is medical different than the recreational stuff oh no tax oh you're a bad guy