Every £5 (or less) wine in aldi

Staying alive at under five. This might be my best idea yet. We're going to do every wine in Audi under five quid. I think, Fred, let's grab a trolley and get shopping. Let's go. One, two. Premier crew. Fred, we're going to get wines for under five quid. How many am I allowed? Twenty. Twenty. Right, okay. Let's look at this. £3.49? You can't make wine at £3.49. We're going to get thrown out of here. Stop filming. He's here. Freddy's going to lose his ----. Quick. Pinot Grigio over here. We're going to have this. Let's get the flock out of here. And here we have them. Twenty beauties. Two, four, six, eight, nine whites, a pink and ten reds. Fred, we're not going to be needing that anymore. Well taken. We're going to taste through this range of wines and I'm going to find out if I'm still alive at the end of this. Can you stay alive under five? We're going to start with this. A still secco, which I think means it's a still prosecco. Never had one of those before. Let's play. Not much fizz on there. Untwist the other babies. So these are all from Aldi. I reckon in here we might find something that's drinkable. We're going to do class, pass and ask. All for a fiver. Because I think if you get anything drinkable for five quids, you're doing pretty well. Here we have got, we've got a Chianti. It is a, where are you little ----? It's a D-O-C-G. That is the highest quality level you get in Italy. Denomination, origine, contralata, garantita. For under five quids. Are you literally on drugs? I think they might be. Right. So let's get some perspective here. £3.31 is tax. That is government duty and VAT. None of these are made in the UK. So somehow the stuff's got to get to us. It might have been bottled over here, but you still got to get the juice here. Then we've got to pay for the bottle, the capsule or the cork. So there's no room for any wine. Should we start with a pink? Yes. Atlantique rosé. Atlantique rosé, coral pink. It looks bloody deluxe. I mean, that is exactly the right colour for a pink. Have a little snort. And it smells a bit bubblegummy, a bit strawberry. I'm happy. I'm happy at the moment. For under five quids, that is a very, very good rosé. Okay. So that's going to go here. I'm going to move that. I think I'm going to move that. I'm going to move it now. It's bloody class. Under five quid, it's really great rosé. Don't you judge me because we're doing five quid. Would I drink it? I'd happily drink that. It's clean. It's fresh. It's got a little bit of peach, a little bit of nectar in. And actually, I would have more than two glasses of that. These are the rules. Two glasses, stay on there. More than two glasses, stay on there. Rather pay you to not have two glasses, goes on my arse shell. Happy? Happy. Let's go. Still Prosecco. So it's from Italy. And it should be clean and fresh and zippy. Totally good wine. That, totally good wine. So here's a Pinot Grigio from Veneto, which is North Italy. Should be crisp green apple. Totally fine. So this Triviano Pinot Grigio, light, fresh, zippy, should be quite similar to that one. Fred, have you got that one? Absolutely king rank. You, grapevine, are a horrid wine. Literally tastes like you've eaten the pip of an apple. So it's got a little bit of sort of astringency to it. Lots of acidity, very little generous fruit. Absolutely arcing horrid. Should we have another one? Oh, I've got a blue one. This is, it's a Vina Verde from Portugal. And it's, it actually does look blue. Not even just in the bottle. It's blue. It's a little bit fizzy. It's got a bit of residual sugar and it's totally, absolutely fine. It's like a fizzy green apple. Here we've got a Savvy B from Pierre in France. Should we pop it in here? So Savvy B, I like crisp gooseberries, fresh, nice acidity. That's an absolutely horrid wine. There might be some Savvy B in there. You've got to look bloody hard for it though. I've got another Savvy B here from South Africa. Now I like Savvy B from South Africa. It's got a little bit more generosity, a bit more richness, juiciness, and it smells quite juicy. I think I'd be sick if I had one glass of that. That's absolute dog ---- wine. You're on there. A Chenin Blanc from South Africa. I'm hopeful. They make literally bloody amazing Chenin Blanc. So nice orchard-like fruit. Smells exactly like the last one, which was a Savvy B. Oh, I'd rather drink industrial waste. It is ******* horrid. Chardonnay grapevine, just in case you weren't quite sure. Chardonnay grapevine. Do we have a country? That's dog ----. What is this? Oh, it's a Chardonnay from Estevez Emilio in Chile. Right. And it smells quite peachy. That, Fred, is a Chardonnay. Those, really good wines. Right, strap yourselves in. Red under five. Let's start with a Merlot. I literally hate Merlot, so I'm going to have one. So Merlot, soft, juicy, taste of piss. Quite plummy. It's quite fruity. Shag me up the bumhole. That taste of Merlot. That's really good, but it is a Merlot. Alastair Cooper M.W. has given this 91 points. Okay, this is going to be really bad, because Alastair Cooper, whoever you are, you're way more qualified than I am, and you're a master of wine, which means you've done time. You've given this 91 points. I'm going to shove this the arse shut. Cancelled. Because, I'll tell you why. Because it hasn't got the generosity and the juiciness of this. I want that wine at five quid. I don't want that wine. It tastes like a bar of soap. Chapter and verse Shiraz. So this is like a Merlot has had an electricity prong jammed up its arse and has got a bit more sort of hairy chest kind of vibes going on. Right, that's a good wine. That literally tastes of a Shiraz. Did we buy any whites from these guys? No. Shiraz? Great vine. Not a great track record. In we go. Shiraz. Great expectations. Literally zero. Where do you think that's going? I'm wanting to move one of these up here. I'm going up there. Bang. Merlot. Literally ******* hate Merlot and it's going class. Right, there we go. Malbec by my mate Pierre. That is delicious. There's a French Malbec. I don't give a ----. That is really ripe, juicy, unctuous blueberry blackberry. I have another glass. Very, very, very, very, very nice. A lot of these wines are really thin, watery bollocks and taste of sweeties. This one has got a bit of juice, a bit of cream, it's got like blackcurrant fruit to it. It is this one Fred. That is a juicy, spicy, blackcurrant bombshell and it's under five freaking pounds. Yum. This is an Argentinian Malbec. That's a French Malbec. Let's see what Argy Bargy does under five quid. It's a massive, great, big fat no. I've got a gob full of tannin, which is the dry feeling when you get it around your mouth. Bitterness, dark chocolate, tastes like bovril, bold red. Right, this I think, look up the price guys, I think this is about £3.31 from Aldi, which is all government tax, no wine, no bottle, no capsule, no label. We'll see how it goes. Oh ----. Bold red. You've got to be very bold to drink that. Right, Chianti. DOCG, proper job, we're in Tuscany. This wine says where it's from, says how it should taste and then offers it to me for under five quid. So I want little spice, berry, little tomato leafy. It smells like a, it smells like a meat stew. I quite like that. I'm going to put it there. Coulibara Shiraz Cabernet. Sometimes you spend five quid and it tastes like three, that tastes like two. Oh it's horrid. Right, keep the energy up. Chapter and verse Cabernet Sauvignon. I mean like my favourite grape variety. Is this the one? No, it's not. There we have it. I'm umming and erring, let me just taste these and we're going to decide. Because this is bloody good. So that, have you still got me in shot Fred? Yes. Marvellous. Right, this, little aperitif, smash, smashing bottle of that out of a bucket or something like that with tubes. What do you do students? Something like that. This, this beautiful white, absolutely, grill me a sea bass, have that every day. Nice. Okay and then here, brilliant, with a burger, a steak, anything, sausages, anything like that. I'm going to have another go on that Malbec. I'm literally, no expense spared on the bottle, light, flimsy, screw cap, label, utter dog ----. You're going to taste this. Taste this, tell me what you think of that. He's tasting it, he's tasting it. Taste the ******* thing. How good is that? Pretty good. It's really bloody good. Guys, that's the one. How to survive under five. You bowl with that, you field with that and you bat with that. Audi, I'm going to put you next week against Lidl and then we'll see.