Military Homecoming Videos

Then I was a cop, I was a cop in the Navy, too. I was a great cop for you guys. I was terrible for the Navy. I just let everybody go. I didn't see the point of arresting people. It was like, what the ****? It's just paperwork, I got fill out. I ain't trying to do all that. Because most, 90% of the stuff you get on base is like DUIs or something like that, you know? So that's why I like to work at nights. I work 6 p.m. to 6 a.m., nobody's looking over my shoulder. I could do what I wanted. So I can't tell you how many people that's why I pulled over and let go. Because what I would do, as long as you was cool, I'd take your keys, I'd say, look, I get off at 6 a.m., be at the Master of Arms off at 6 a.m., I'll give you your keys back. And I'd drop them off at the barracks or base housing. Nobody ever, ever slept. I never had a ************, I never went home with somebody's keys. I don't care if I pulled a ************ over at 5.45, that ************ would wake up and be at the Master of Arms off at 6. Because I remember one night, one night I pulled over the captain of the base. I didn't know it was the captain. I pulled over, he was so fucked up. He was drunk as ----. And I go up to the driver's side window, I go, oh ****, that's the captain. He had a girl in the car with him. And I don't know who the girl was, but it was not the lady in all the pictures all over the base with him. I ain't trying to start no ----. When I saw the captain, I said, hey, how you doing, sir? We got two choices. I can, you can give me your keys and I'll drop you off at your house and just pick up the keys in the morning when I get off at 6 a.m. Or I can give you a field sobriety test and we can see how that works out. And he goes, because I don't want to pull you over tonight. You know, you're just, you know, you're by yourself. So he's like, yeah, yeah, I'm going to go with the first option. I said, that's a smart move, sir. So I dropped him off by himself at his house. Next morning, 6 a.m., we had shift change. Everybody's freaking out. They're like, oh ****, the captain's outside. The captain's outside. I know I was there. I got the ************'s keys. So I walked outside. He had his hand right here. I just dropped him in there. He grabbed it. I thought nothing of it, thought it was over with. Week later, I'm at Midday Mustard. My chief calls me up. Panels are all in front and center. I go, who the **** snitched? So I go up there and my chief was like, we got letter of accommodation from the captain of the base. What a fine job you're doing on night patrol. I was like, me? Yeah, I was like, oh, yeah, he doing too much right now, bro. But once I realized that happened, I was like, oh, I don't have to salute him anymore because I didn't see him on the base. And I tell my boys, watch, I'm going to walk up to the captain. I ain't going to salute him. They say, ************, you're going to get in trouble. I'll be like, watch. I'll be walking up. I go, how you doing, sir? He goes, ooh, this ************ right here. He's back. It's funny too, like being in the military too, like I know you've seen this ---- on YouTube and stuff. These homecomings, like these army dudes or these Marine dudes or Navy dudes, Air Force dudes, they're like, they'll be gone for like a year and a half, two years, and then they'll come back and like they'll have their wife and kids. They'll be like at mid-court at the Warriors game. And they don't know the husband's right there underneath the basket. And they look at him at the big screen, like they got a $500 gift card from Pete's. And they're like, you get $500? You can get coffee, danishes, latte? And they go, turn around. They turn around. The dad's there and they come running in. Everybody's crying. It's some emotional ----. You can get on YouTube right now and look it up. They'll splice like 10 of these things together and all of them are good. Whenever I watch it though, listen, I'm cool if we do the army and Marine homecoming. But not the Navy. Let's stop, let's slow it down, okay? I was in the Navy. We didn't have no bullets flying by our head. We weren't in the trenches. We in the middle of goddamn ocean. Like we in the war, but we kind of in the war. Stop acting like we war heroes when we come home and ----. It's literally like, it's like an earthquake hitting San Jose and a ************ calling somebody in Fresno. You good? The **** you talking about? There was an earthquake. That's in San Jose. You in Fresno, you close? That's the Navy. We close to the war, but we ain't in the war. Cause you got, the Marines are army guy, man. Them motherfuckers in the sand. They got bullets flying by. They got grenades coming at them. Motherfucker, we on the ship. We have movie night on Monday, space tournament on Tuesday. We had a goddamn talent show in the middle of the ******* war. So you got Marines, our motherfuckers, they shooting and ----. I'm up there singing Backstreet. No, baby, no, baby. No. Got second place. Some country motherfuckers sing the hell out of Garth Brooks. I go, Goddamn. So can we slow down the Navy homecomings, please? Every time I see them Navy motherfuckers, I'd be like, come on now. How you go to war and gain 20 pounds? This ************ can't even run to his kids. Damn!