My House is a Money Pit

Are we in the shot? I'm rolling my old bones in here. You want to be left or right? You want to switch seats? I like this. You like your side? You're on your good side? What about you? Me? I'm good. I'm fine. What's your good side? I gave up on looking good a long time ago. This is my better side. Yeah. Okay, good. Oh, so your better side is left side and my better side is left side. Yeah. Wow. I know. We'll just sit tandem. We'll have to switch each side. What if we just both sat on the same side and I like, you know, don't look back. So anyway, I was saying to you, and then you have to look back like, well, what was that like? We're here on a Sunday morning. We've got, keep your Celsius away from my laptop, please. We've got a new intern here. Her name is Lauren. And she's like, she goes to USC. Lauren, jump in. She goes to USC and she told me that I need a whole rebrand. I'm getting college credit for that. You were barely in there. We'll give one minute to Naveen. Go Naveen, you want to say something? Come on in here. Here, you can sit here. It's not Lauren at all. Hi. Okay. So I think that Jason is going to get the most drunk. I think Jeff is going to get the most drunk. I think Jeff's going to get the most drunk. I think Jeff's drunk. You guys should do a drinking episode where you get bombed. Oh, that's a great idea. That's a great idea. I would do that. We could do a drunk episode, high episode. We can do a drunk episode. We just have to plan. I have to Uber over. Yes. Yeah. I'm not getting stuck here after I'm drunk. I need to go. Wait, what's wrong with that? Here are my predictions. What? When you're done, you're done. You got to go. You can't ******* hang. You get drunk and then we can hang out after. Until I get sober? Do you think that's going to be fun? Those hours are going to suck. No, like an hour, an hour after you're just here drunk. I have a feeling that if we did that, that you would get really drunk. I get so drunk because if I had two shots, I'd be drunk. Really? Yeah. Oh my God. You're absolutely right. We could go the other way. Oh, we should get a... What's the other way? Like see how long it takes me to get as drunk as you. You get drunk and then I'll keep drinking and then we'll find out where we're at the same place. Well, that would have to be, I would start getting drunk. Could be a long, long podcast. Yeah, it would be a long one. So you hurt your back and that was why you were out last week. You're like an athlete. Yeah. You really are. I don't know what happened, dude. I really don't know what happened. I'm like an athlete. I know what happened. What? You were lifting too heavy. I think it was a lot of emotional stress. I think it was because my son came home and had surgery, Max had surgery. And when he left, I hadn't worked out much that week and he left and I ******* went from the airport to the gym and the next morning I couldn't move. Yeah. Isn't that funny when you have emotional stress like that and your back goes out? Yeah. That's really... It's the saddest thing ever. There's no reason. My mom used to say like whenever we would move, she'd go, moving is traumatic. Like that, I don't know if you've ever moved. I've moved with you. Right. Yeah. We've moved. We've moved a few times together. We've moved a few times. Yeah. That was always fun. Oh my God. Remember when we were like... We first got moved from the dorms to a house. We got a house. We rented a truck and then nobody... They got there and it was like you and... It wasn't you and me. It might've been... It's not just renting a truck. We're in Boston and we have to drive an hour and a half to Amherst, Massachusetts with a truck of stuff with your dad driving. Because... He couldn't rent the car because we weren't 25. We got there and found out we're not allowed to drive the car and then my dad's all... Like you could see it. And then I'm like, also dad, we have to go to three people's houses. And he's like... And he helped move everything and packed the truck. Yeah. But to his credit, he was in a good mood the whole time. Once he got out on the open road, Danny boy was alive. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was alive. The pinnacle moment of that drive was... Was what? We were driving and the three of us are in the front and he's driving and I'm in the middle and you're on the other side. And then we go over some train tracks and the rear view mirror just comes off the windscreen, the windshield. Oh yeah. It just pops off and he... This was not... He just literally said, well frost my balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did... I've never... I never heard my dad say that before. Never heard him say it since. It was that type of day. He just said, well frost... And it was sort of like, of all... He's gone through... These shitheads rented a truck they can't drive. They have no idea how to pack it. My Sunday has turned into my Monday or whatever. You got to go to work the next day. He just... Got to haul his ass back from Amherst two hours. He thought he was just going to help me get my stuff. Did he leave us there and take the truck back? We all drove back. We all had to drive back, I think. That was so fun. Or maybe he did drive back. That was so fun that week of being like, oh my God, we got a house together. We're not going to be in the dorms. It's like the first time you have a house. And then you're like, then you're like, what are you going up? I'm going to drive up on Monday. All right, I'm going to drive with Brian. Then you get there and then you sort out everything. You're like, I want this room and I want this room. And then you slowly realize that one of the roommates you hate. You're like, ****, we fucked up. Remember? Why are we with this guy? I know. And our other friend who we love brought that guy in. And I'll never forgive him. Yeah. He just didn't gel. No, he didn't gel. And also, people got like, you were so accommodating because you live basically in a dining room-ish room downstairs. I did? Well, that room was a room, but it was like, you had to block off one thing that went to the kitchen. I did? Yeah. You and Stoey were downstairs. Meanwhile, some people got like, Brian Hedge or Hedge got like this palatial single. And I lived in the attic, like some kind of Disney character. You did live in the attic. And there was like, the attic ceiling had National Enquirer stapled to it as insulation. It was terrible. Fire hazard. Total fire hazard. Yeah, but you were the most attic. You're the most Anne Frank out of all of us. Oh, totally. You were the one that kept a journal. Yep. Yeah. I needed that space up there to contemplate if anything was worth it. You needed your space to go. Oh my God. That really fit you. And then we would have parties to pay for the heat. Yes. That was Coles Road. There was an old couple next to us. I felt so bad for them. Oh yeah? Yeah, because they just hated that college kids rented that house and there's nothing they could do about it. And we tried to be nice. Did the cops ever come? Yeah, the cops came. We had the single best party we ever had. How much money do we make on a party? We would make like 800 bucks or something like that. 800 and probably rent was like 12? Yeah. Wow. Big house, nice house. Lots of people. But then we would like up the stakes a little bit. Yeah. We would be like, let's theme it. And nobody was theming parties back then. And your mom was a perfume rep. Yeah. Do you remember The Only Party? So we had a party and we themed it. And we were going, your mom was out and we, I think went to her storage unit, which is a big circle moment for Jeff on Storage Wars. And we were in there and there was all that she was getting stuff and we were helping her get stuff. And then we found that she repped a scent called Only by Julio Iglesias. She had a lot of different scents. Yeah. That was her job. She had all kinds of brands she would rep, all perfume. Oh my God. And it had to be in a storage unit because we lived in an apartment. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She had to go and get it and do it. So we were going back to school and we were going to have a party and we found all this promotional stuff for Only by Julio Iglesias. Right, right. And it included white t-shirts and gold spangly lettering. It said Only by Julio Iglesias on it. And we all got, we had like five, six shirts and it was like, and your mom's the nicest, take them, take the shirts, take them, take the shirts. So we all have Only by Julio Iglesias shirts. And then there was a full size cardboard cutout of Julio Iglesias. Yes. In a tuxedo. Yes. With the scent. Yes. And that was the party, the Only by Julio Iglesias party. And people came and we took ******* Polaroids of them next to Julio Iglesias and sold the Polaroids for like a buck. Oh my God. And the people you knew who ran the party, because they were wearing an Only by Julio Iglesias t-shirt. Yeah. I will bet dollars to donuts that Brian Hasher still has that t-shirt. Nah, I'll bet you $100 right now. There's no way. I'm going to text him right now. Okay, go ahead. $100 bet. Text him. $100 bet. Hold on, folks. I need proof. I need a picture. And he's like texting you about it. He's excited about it. He sent me a picture. It says, turn it up, Natick. That's where Jeff is from. I'm from Natick, Mass. Happy New Year, brother. I hope you're having a good one so far. Greetings from Natick. We're hanging out downtown after going to a thrift shop here. And then I was like, how's my hometown? Oh man, missing you. Natick ain't Natick without the bum. That's true. I guess I've gone through Natick and thought that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've thought that too. Yeah, you go back to your town that you're from and you're like, you don't know anybody. Yeah. Where is this place? Oh my God. It was years ago I went back. I had to go see some family. And I had a couple of, I had a rental car and some time to kick around. On like a Monday morning, I just went driving through Natick. Yeah. And I'm like, nobody knows me. Nobody knows me. And I was downtown, literally. I went into like a vintage thrift store. I just imagine going 19, like. Yeah. You know, I used to live here. Yeah, that's right. I was in the store. It had all these collectibles and stuff. They looked like ---- you would find on Storage Wars. I've been doing Storage Wars that long. And I literally was like, I like your store. And they're like, thanks. And I'm like, I used to live here. Yeah, cool, man. Yeah. I'm like, this is a lot of stuff. And I literally was like, I make the show Storage Wars. And I never felt worse about myself. What did they say? They were like, oh, cool. I was like, this would be a great place to appraise stuff. And they're like, okay. They didn't care at all. Not at all. Because he doesn't own the store. Or maybe he did. That's really funny. Wait, let's go back for a second. I thought that was so funny that you were so emotional you threw your back out. Yeah. That's such an interesting topic. Because I've done that. Have you ever had somebody die and it doesn't hit you like two weeks later? Yeah. I've had that. That's a weird one. Yeah. It's like that. It is kind of like that. Yeah. But you don't know why. Because you went through, your son had a surgery. Yep, he had surgery. And he's fine, which is God bless. But yeah, especially you're so worried. You'd almost rather it was you. That's right. Getting the surgery, right? Yes. You'd almost rather you'd be like, I wish it was me going under the knife. I wish I was the one. Yeah. And he's okay. Yeah. And I think that's the stuff that just comes out in your back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you dropped him at the airport and then you went right to the gym. Right to the gym. You're like, I need to get back to it. Yeah. Now we went extra. This surgery stuff's taking me off track with my games. That's right. I missed three of the six to seven days a week that I try to do ----. Yeah. I missed three. And because you hadn't been doing it, you're going back at the same weight. I think I was trying harder. I went hard. That's the number one thing that messes me up. Totally. You're like, you do too much too soon. Yeah. So then now you're out. I get the backs out. I can't, I don't have my. Can you walk? Yeah, but I can't sit to stand. I had to stand or lay flat on my back all day. So I worked standing and then sometimes just lay in my office on the ground. A couple of people, like my sign outside says, please knock. And they knock and I'm on the ground. I'm like, ****. And then I'm like, come in. And then they come in and I'm like, I just do a little back thing. What is it? To have a seat. But then we actually have a meeting. They're like, they were all weirded out. They're like, I can come back. And I'm like, no, no, it's okay. You actually think better on the ground. Yeah. You actually become like a production guru. You're just sitting like this. You know, what we could do is borrow some of the budget from the other show and make a sizzle with that money. He's a ******* genius. Everyone's standing around you. Like looking down on me. Jeff, look at my budget. I can't right now. They have a laptop. Just hit that tab. Hit that tab. Scroll over one. Wow. And then I went to my doctor who I call Dr. Misogyny because he says misogynistic things. But he's a really good back doctor. Dr. Misogyny is great. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't expect a doctor to be misogynistic. You expect more from a doctor. I had a really hard time. I was going to quit him. Yeah. But I was like, God. So I had to talk to my therapist about it. Yeah. You had a moral problem there. Do you want a misogyny example? Sure. So he'll say, I hope I didn't say this on the pod yet. But he'll go like, hey, I'm going to put this K-tape on you. Yeah. And it's just going to keep your back remembering, oh, this is the way it's supposed to be. And I'm like, OK. And he's like, here's the thing with the K-tape. Some people, it doesn't bother them at all. Some people, it drives them insane. And I'm like, I don't understand. And he's like, you know, it's like you're in that meeting. And there's one woman who's just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you can't concentrate on the meeting. All you're thinking about is how ******* annoying that woman is. Yeah. And I'm like, uh-huh. And she's like, that's like the K-tape. It'll just all you'll think about. And in that case, just take it right off. Wow, what an example. And I was like, OK, all right. And so I went. Then I was like, I think I got to leave this guy. Like the way he talks about stuff. His examples. You know how women are less than men? Yeah. Well, like the K-tape, it's much stronger. Like a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I asked my therapist. And he's like, I understand your problem. But does he help you with your back? Right. And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, are you there for any other reason? And I'm like, no. And he's like, and I'm like, all right. And then I felt relief. I was like, good, because then I'll say more weird ---- that I could talk about. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need it. We need this for the pod. But he did fix you up. He did. Did he put anything? Did he shoot you with anything? No, no. He doesn't do that. You got to go see my guy. He shoots you right up. You don't. I don't. You think that's bad? I do. I got shot up. Because then it's anti-inflammatory, but it's numbing. And then I'll end up doing something. That happened to me once. And then I almost got surgery. Because I didn't feel that I had done something really bad to it. And when that lidocaine or the cortisone, when that goes away, what I did to it just came flying out. And I couldn't even walk. It was bad. So my hip was out. He put my hip back in. Put my SI joint back in very subtly. And then he's like, then he'll just always ask you a question where you're like, he's like, you like marijuana? And I was like, uh, yeah, I don't know. And he's like, do you smoke it? I'm like, no, no. I mean, I'll eat an edible once in a while when I need to sleep. And he's like, hold on. And then he gets like the salve. And he's like, put this on. And then he's like, he's like, oh, man, I wish I liked marijuana. He just doesn't agree with me. It did when I went to Amsterdam when I was 20. It did. And then next, you know, he's telling me about Amsterdam. Oh, wow. And that's a good time. Alluded to the red light district and women in windows. Yes. And I'm like, okay, all right, all right. That's enough. I gotta go. I gotta go now, Dr. Miss. We didn't agree with me, but the prostitutes did. That's kind of what he was saying. Wow. This guy likes to party. He does. Dr. Misogyny. Oh, come on, Hatch. You gotta come. It's okay. It's no rush. So can we talk a little bit about what's going on around here? Because I'm getting, I'm feeling something in this house, which is like an early 80s movie with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long called The Money Pit. Is that what's happening in this house right now? Well, yeah, Naveen, we had a guy come. Naveen found this guy on next door. Yeah. And what's his name? His name's Bulmarro. But I was calling him Bulmarro for a little bit, and he stopped me on the second day, and he was like, my name is Bulmarro. Like that. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But then Naveen keeps calling him Bulmarro, and I'm like, it's Bulmarro. Stop saying it, because now I have to remember. So now every time I see him, I go, hey, Bulmarro. Hey, Bulmarro. Like try to ingrain it in my head. Yeah. And then Naveen will call him Bulmarro. Bulmarro. But he's been great. And he kind of did this thing where he started, it's like something small. Yes, this is a common thing. And we were like, okay, $3,000, paint the walls, do the outside. Great, we're done. And then he just kept finding things. And so now, long story short, the roof of our bedroom is gone. You have no ceiling in your bedroom. Yeah. So it's great, because it looks better in here. And then the other part of it is, it's going to be a fortune. So I don't think it's going to be that much. Why don't you know? Well, I'm waiting for the estimate on everything. So he found all this stuff, and then was like, don't worry, it won't be so much. But then also, I said, let's... And then we'll get a price. And he's like, okay, okay, I'll get you a price. He gave me a price for the outside. And I was like, okay, done. I'll do the outside, that's the price, I agree. But then I came home one day, and the ceiling was gone in my bedroom. So he's like, I had to. He's like, I had to do it. And then the other thing was, I was going to stop him at $3,000. And he just goes, all my tools are here. Like that. That's how they go. And I go, what does that mean? And it actually worked on me. Because in my mind, to move the tools, I'd be like, yeah, I don't want to move the tools. Yeah. You want me now? That's why I'm here. He kept saying that. I'm here. Yeah. That's what they do. Is that what they do? Well, open it up. I'm just going to leave the ceiling open. Yeah, yeah, he backed this. Yeah, I just love it. I got a little tour of the work before we started. And I love when Navin walked by one wall, and she's like, this wall's fucked. This wall's gone. And then Jason goes, this wall's gone? It's gone? And I was like, how much is that? She's like, I don't know. He's going to give us a price. You got a lot of prices coming your way. I know. But then the other side of it is like, oh, it'd be nice to have a nice house. Yeah. For once. I had a contractor once when we ended, when we finished, he left. He wanted to do more work. What's the matter? I thought the camera cut out. He wanted to do more work. And I was like, no, we're done. I don't want to work with you anymore. And he left this giant machine that pounds the ground. Yeah. It's like a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And you hold it on either side. I don't know what it's called. What's it do? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's like a... I wish someone would sample that. They should. And he put it in my backyard. My backyard abuts Elysian Park, like a park. And so... Stop giving away where you live. You do it every episode. My backyard abuts Griffith Park. That's better. There you go. Anyway, he was gone. It was back there. I don't know what happened. It's just a big piece of equipment in your backyard. I don't know what happened. Yeah. It's not your job to get it out of there. No. But I think he left it because he's like, I'll leave it here and then I'll come back and be like, this guy's going to change his mind. One day it wasn't there. Oh. Then I was like, oh, I guess he came and got it. Yeah. Then he came back later and was like, where's my thing? Oh, no. And I was like, oh, I thought you took it. And he's like, he was a real standoff. He's like, that was expensive. And I was like, well, you shouldn't have left it here then. Is that what you said? Yeah. And what'd he say? He just begrudgingly was like, listen, if you did something to it... And I'm like, what would I do to it? I guess somebody took it. I thought you took it. Take it to Fontana. I did not. He was really mad at the end. Yeah. So it was just gone. Yeah. Do you think a homeless person came in and stole it? Yeah. I think someone walking through the park or not semi-homeless. I don't know. Whatever it was. Somebody saw it and they grabbed it. Someone saw it and grabbed it. Big piece of equipment. That guy though, it was like a crew of pirates who worked on the house. And I'd be like, oh, they're weird people. But I was like, these people are nuts. And then one day, sadly, the guy's name was Jeff, which was weird. But I got a call in the morning because we were going to put a sink in, like the big kitchen farmer sink or whatever. And the guy calls me and I'm down the street. We're not living in the house because we're trying to fix the whole house. And the guy's like, hey, I got your sink, but I got this big truck because I live in this little tiny streets. He's like, I can't. I have a big truck. I can't get up there. Yeah. And I'm like, ah, ****. So I get him, bop over to the house. Contractor's inside. And I'm like, hey, there's a sink and I got to get it up. And he's got work trucks, you know, like a van or a pickup. And he's like, oh, get Jeff. Jeff will do it. So I go out. I'm looking around for Jeff. Jeff has like eyes that go different ways. And he's like, he's a mess. This is like nine in the morning. And I go down to the pickup truck and I look inside and there's Jeff. And he's passed out with like an empty 24 ounce can of beer and a full 24 ounce can of beer. He's wasted. At 9 a.m. 9 a.m. Did he sleep there the night before? No, I think he just drank. He's the guy just swept up everywhere. I think he was like his like, I got Jeff. Without me, Jeff's nothing. I got to hire him. Right. So I go back up and I'm like, hey, contractor. Jeff's ******* drunk. Yeah. And he's not driving down there. And he's like, ah, ----. He goes down. He goes, God damn it, Jeff. The guy just sitting on my curb. Wow. And I'm like, Jeff got to go, bro. Yeah. And he's like, he doesn't have anywhere else to go. He can't stay here. He won. He never left. That guy just, just like piddled around drinking, sweeping stuff up. Wow. Yeah. We were out one night and it was like six o'clock and Naveen has cameras and she's like, he's, Bomero hasn't left. Bomero. Yeah, Bomero. Bomero hasn't left. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. He's probably just, it's like Friday. Yeah. He's probably just working. You know, she's like, and she keeps checking. She keeps checking. We're out doing something. We're gone for like two hours and it gets to be like seven. He's still here. So she's like, he's going to kill us. She's like, he's waiting. Well, he got all his tools for it. She's like, he's waiting to kill us. She's dead serious. And I'm like, he's not waiting to kill us. Like he's just a guy like he's fine. And then, and then I go, I go, oh, I know why he's waiting around because you told him you paid him 1400 and he's looking for the other 1600. That's right. You said, I got to talk to Jason about the other 1600. Yeah. And she's like, no, no, no. I'm like a hundred percent. That's exactly. I do the same thing. I get my money. Right. Yeah. So sure enough, we came back and he's like 1600. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah. And that was it. And he wasn't killing us. And he wasn't killing you. No, but she does that a lot. She'll like, she takes me to a place. Right. But then it's like, like one time we were, one time we pulled into 7-Eleven. She's like, there's a crazy guy in front of 7-Eleven. He's crazy. And I'm like, it's fine. There's all kinds of crazy people at 7-Eleven always. I mean, you really take your life into your own hands going to like the sprouts or the 7-Eleven around here. It's like, it's a risk. Yeah. It's a risk. And I go at 930. Cause that's when I get the munchies. So I go for my like sumo oranges and my chocolate cookies. And anyways, I go in and then I'm in the 7-Eleven and she calls me and she's like, this guy is coming. He's coming in the store. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait. She's making you crazy. She's taking someone's about to come in and kill you. Yeah. Wow. She's like, he's coming in the store. He's coming in the store. And I'm like, and then he walks into the store and I'm like, and the guy just spits on me. Cause he's like, he can see that I'm like looking at him. He spit on you? Yeah, he spit on me. So he was crazy. Yeah. But I know him. I've seen him a hundred times. Right. I know this guy. He's crazy. How many times has he spit on you? Just once. Hey, I was in Boston. I thought this was funny. Have you ever had your parents verse GPS? You're in the car and your mom thinks that she can beat the GPS. You're like, you're coming back from Boston to her house. I'm like, you know, you got the phone. You're like, it's showing you where to go. She's like, what? Market street? No, no, no, no. Boylston. Why is it going market? It's Boylston. This is crazy. And I'm like, it's a, the computer is not wrong. The computer knows. Oh my God. Just fighting her the entire way back. Literally. That's every time I get in the car with Maureen and she's like, you're not getting on the 110. And I'm like, I'm just going where the maps is. It's like, oh, we can't go. No, we can't beat the map. That's what she says. Beat the map. Yeah. Beat the map, Jeff. And I'm like, I don't want to beat the map. I just want to go where the maps is. Right. Is she ever right? Yes. Yeah, yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Maps suck. I did this today with Naveen. I was coming back from the beach. I went running this morning and I go, and there was a lot of traffic coming back. So I was late. So I was like, I wanted to let her know like where I was. And I was like, I'm like, I'm like at the 405 and the 101. She was like, oh, I don't know. I don't know where that is. And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, I don't know. And I'm like, you know where cheesecake is. Just like, oh, cheesecake. Okay. Like no idea. Hey, I've been taking this, uh, this Red A True Tide. Or not the Red A True Tide. I've been taking this shot. Oh, I thought you were taking Red A True Tide. I heard that's like the new thing. I'm not taking Red A True Tide. But that was a problem at Coachella, I guess. I guess everybody was at Coachella taking Red A True Tide. And then they would drink. So everyone was puking at Coachella. Really? Yeah. Oh, the GLP one takes over Coachella. And also all the food stands were empty at Coachella. Because no one was eating. Oh my God. This is an epidemic. So you're not taking Red A True Tide. I'm not. No, I'm taking something else. But do you ever poop and it's like, it's such a great poop that you like feel like good and bad. Yeah. Like you feel like a loss. Do you ever feel like a loss? Like you're like, you're like, wow, like that was, that was wild. Yeah, I do. Like maybe 10 or 15 minutes later, you're like, geez. Yeah. You feel something missing a little bit. I mean, I generally just feel good. I feel good, but it's a good feeling. But it's also kind of, it's like disturbing. It sounds like. Say, I can't believe that was in me. No? Or is it like when you take your kid to college, you're like, I'm really happy for him. Yeah. And he needed to go. Great analogy. But I miss him. It's like taking your kid to college. I had one of those take your kid to college poops. Exactly. Wow. Do you, do you have trouble? Pooping? Yeah. No, I'm very, very blessed in that area. I'm very blessed in a lot of areas, Jeff. Can I tell you? I just think only people only say they're blessed in that area if they have a big dick. Well, I'm not blessed in that area. That makes it better. Do you have trouble pooping? No, I'm very blessed in that area. Well, I know a lot of people that can't. Yeah. There's a lot of people that can't. Here's what I'm blessed in. I'm blessed in pooping. Yeah. Blessed in hair. Kind of. Yeah, you are. My hair's going. No, it's not. Yeah. I looked at it the other day on the blog. I was like, oh no. Pooping. Hair. Kids. Wife. I don't know. That's a lot. It's a lot. If you have those. That's a lot. Let's see. What am I really grateful for? My mom, my sister, my dad. You're pretty blessed. What else am I blessed for? What else? Your career. Come on. Give yourself a break. My career. I don't know. I'm done. I'm pretty much done. I'm not done. I've been doing a lot of. I've been really trying. And that is what sucks. It's when you try. Yeah. And it's not good. It's so much better just to not try. Oh yeah. And then you're like, you know. I did a thing. I don't need to go into what it is. But I did a thing at work. Yeah. And I wrote it. And it got made. And then my bosses were like, this is awesome. Great. And I was like, oh, sweet. And they're like, not my company, the parent company. Because we're in that building. They're having the all-hands meeting. And my boss has to go up and speak. He's like, I'm going to show it. And I was like, oh, awesome. OK. Then he showed it. And it was like 100 people there. Yeah. And it wasn't loud enough. But also, I saw it on my computer. And I was like, yeah, this is great. But then in a room with 100 people, not properly. I don't know. Also. That's a big one. If it's not. If it does bad audio or. Yeah, that. But also, I started to see. I was like, no one's cracking. No one's laughing. Some people. I saw some people like, oh my god, this is crazy. But nobody was like, oh my god. And then after it ended, it was like slow clap. It didn't like. Not even the like, hey, that was. We're the company. It was like. OK, OK. I was like, oh my god, that wasn't good. It sucked. Yeah. Totally sucked. But maybe not. Well, I never asked one person. I just was like, I don't know if anybody knows I wrote that. I'm just going to keep it to myself. I left. I was standing in the back. And I was like, I literally pretended to take a phone call. I had an entire movie screen with no laughs. An hour and a half. Awful. They can't all. It's hard. It's hard to. Yeah. I mean, listen, Madonna was at Coachella and no one cared. I know. I mean, I love Madonna. I mean, some people cared, but they're not the people that matter. You know what? It's that. The audience is fucked. I mean, they can't help it. They have phones. It's not going to. You're just not. People with tinnitus are just not the same. I got to ask Max about that. Because, you know, he used to be really good friends with Madonna. That's what I was wondering about. I was like, I wonder how she feels about it. I wonder if she goes out there and feels the crowd not. Not be like, oh, Madonna. Yeah. Or maybe she's such a pro and she's so above everything that she's just like, yeah, I'm just going out to get my thing out there. And maybe she has a new album coming or something. There must be a reason she went out there. Yeah. You know, or something. No, I think it's for relevance. Maybe she's for relevance. Yeah. I mean, it was Sabrina Carpenter, right? Yeah. For relevance or for whatever. But I mean, I wonder how you. Because I can only speak from experience that if I go up at a stand up club and it doesn't go well, I'm ******* ruined. He just doesn't roll off the back. Oh, no, no, no. I've even had sets where I had a set once and Naveen went and her friend went and I heard them laughing the whole time, but no one else was laughing. And then I remember being like, they were like, that was so good. And I'm like, no, it wasn't. The audience, you were the only two laughing. I'm like, you think it was good because you'd like to watch me bomb. This is not worth talking about, but that happened once. We did one bit once where we were two old time Hollywood guys. Yeah. And it was called Friends of Garner, Friends of James. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where we would tell escalating and heightening stories about Garner. And people didn't really laugh that much. No. And I was like, oh, this is not working at all. Yeah. And then after this woman came up to me and she's like, that was really good. And that's the worst. It was really good. I haven't seen something like that in a long time. That was really good. That's the worst. I want to be like, why didn't you laugh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why didn't you make it so, why didn't you act like it was good? You would rather everybody just go, that was horrible. Yeah. Than to have a couple people go, that was great. And then you're like, well, wait a minute, was it good? Yeah. What am I supposed to do with that? 5% of the audience thinks it's brilliant. That doesn't do anything for me. Yeah. I want to get back out there and do standup, but I'm just too lazy. I'm so lazy. Well, because when it comes to be like eight o'clock after I post my videos, I have a goal now of one Instagram video a day and one vlog a day. And so after I do a lot. Yeah, it is a lot. And then once I do that, I have like a, I've just started doing Instagram again. So I'm trying to get like brand deals there and I got one. So I'm like, all right, I have to keep that going. And so then after I do that, I'm just like, I can't go to a club right now. Yeah. But I should. It's because we're older. Like when you accomplish something when you're older, you're so happy you did it. You're like, if I do one big thing at work, I'm like, oh, I don't like literally be like, I'm just going to look at TikTok for 20 minutes. Yeah. Like I can't do anything. I wish I had that fire in me still. So sad that that's what it is. You do not like, oh, more, more, more, more, more. You're like, oh, now I can like do nothing. That's why I really enjoyed when I was working with David so much. Cause like there was no. Off switch. No off switch. You liked that though. It would drive me insane. Loved it. Cause it was just like, you're just living it. It's different now. Well, he's just not that into. Doing stuff. Yeah. He's not that, he doesn't need to do that. Yeah. But I loved when it was like, you, you worked all day, you posted at eight o'clock and then you're like, oh my God, it's eight 15. And we're going to shoot the next one. Like, that was like, wow. But now, but you do two things a day. That's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot, but it has to be that much. I saw this really interesting thing. It was, uh, I speaking of, you know, clavicular. Yeah. I saw this really OD and I saw real. Yeah. I don't want to say anything bad about the guy. I, I don't have anything bad to say about him. I don't know much about him, but I saw the most. Authentic ******* clip I've ever seen in my life. He got on the stream. There's just a clip. So I don't really know what happened, but this is what I saw. He goes, he goes, Hey guys, I overdosed. I was like, okay. Did he say on what? I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm sure it was like, whatever, whatever it is. I can't say what it is because I don't know, but maybe it was math. Maybe it was, who knows? So he goes, he goes, guys, I overdosed and he goes, so I'm not going to be doing drugs for a long time. And he goes, maybe hopefully never again. Cause that's really bad. And then he goes, and then he goes, and then the big, the big problem is, is that I can't IRL stream anymore. Cause, uh, everybody knows that I'm not interesting without the drugs. I believe it. I was like, wow, wow. I was like, that's ******* authenticity. I was like, damn. I was like, that's how you need to be. That's like a crazy statement. And like, wow, that's just like rocking my core. I was like, wow. Really interesting. So anyways, he's an interesting cat. Yeah. But maybe all that is part of him. I'm just, I hope the best for him. Sure. I do too. All of it is still like, well, if I OD, then I'm back back in, then I do this thing. Is it all built to just stay at the top of your feet? I don't know. I don't think when you're that young, you can be like that calculated. I mean, yes, you can, you can always find a way to stay at the top of the feed, but I don't. But the stuff has to happen first and then you make something out of it. Yeah. But like this, forget it. I don't even want to say it out loud, but like the stupid thing between the Alex's right now. Girl, you know what you did? Like, that's all, that's all fabricated. That's all fabricated. It's all made up. I do. I saw, I saw a comedian. They must have a beef. I think it's like a business. I think it's orchestrated. You think? Yeah. Nah, no ******* way that it's not orchestrated. Cause I don't think, I don't think a beef like that helps Alex Cooper at all. Maybe not. You know what I mean? I don't, I don't think that helps her. I think it just makes her. Why would she start it? Why would you start the beef? Well, she didn't start the beef. Alex Earl liked a TikTok. That talk ----. Sure, but then you don't have to like do a video. It's like, girl, I, you know what I did? I know what you did. Like, if you just go ahead and say it, it's like. Well, that's, it's just, it's an interesting topic because you're, you're, you're, you're onto something really interesting. Cause that is interesting. It's like when you are in that situation, it's like, you can say something. Yeah. Like people would say to me, they'd be like, why don't you say something? If someone says something about me. Yeah. And then I'd be like, it's ultimately not worth it to, from my wellbeing. Right. So, but the other side of it is like, you ******* pussy say something, defend yourself. I think they're too media savvy to get caught up in that. And you're right. Alex Cooper does not need Alex Earl. So why should I just, I, now we're really talking about it. God damn it. Well, we're not talking, we're not talking about that beef. I think we're talking about what you do on the internet and like when you choose to say something or not to say something. My prediction is they were like, let's have, let's have fake beef. And then we'll, it'll lead to something. We'll find out in like a week or two, like. You think? They'll like unveil something or they'll have it out. I don't know what the ****. They start a podcast together. Yeah. Something like that. Wait, I got a buzz. Please be. Oh, what do you got? You got some, you got, you got something just a hundred dollar bet. He doesn't have it. Oh man. Do not. I think it disintegrated. What's the plans for the summer, man? Anything you guys always go away. We do. I think this year we're not, I don't think we are because not sure everybody's plans. Um, I'm not sure. Kids come home for summer. Uh, max will be home. Good. Um, damn. He said, I think I had it up to a couple of years ago. You were so close. Oh, I knew he would keep it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He keeps everything. It's kind of cool. I wish I was a person that kept everything. When we lived together, remember he would keep everything and you got so mad. And then we did, we did throw out court. We had a whole night, the three of us and I was the judge and you would just get ----. Throw out court. The best. Plaintiff defendant. Why was I so mad that he had stuff? Because it was like. Was it cluttering the house? Yeah, it was in New York city. It was like. Oh, New York. Yeah. Not college. No. Oh, New York. That's different. Throw out court. That's why throw out court was important. We ended up living in a small apartment. I know. And then you had like, once you, at one point you pulled out a pile of Boston globes. This is like real hoarder ----. And you're like, okay, exhibit A. Haj, it's a pile of Boston globes. Yeah. You know what his answer was? Why is he getting the globe in New York? Oh, oh no, no Nash. We can't, we can't get rid of the Boston globes. These are all headlines of massive snowstorms. Ask him if he's got the globes. Okay. That's really funny. Throw out court. And yeah, we'd want him to throw the stuff out. Oh my God. I was at, I'm so jealous. This is, I got to start buying the actual storage units. Yo, why? Was there something good in there? We went somewhere, this is a little while ago, like Moreno Valley. We're always going weird places. We didn't buy a unit. This guy who I've talked about with you before, Raymundo. Yeah. Raymundo bought it. This is like small Mexican guy. Yeah. He's been doing it like 30 years. I saw him, I saw him last week and he's like, hey man. And I'm like, what's up, Raymundo? And he's like, remember MoVal? And I was like, yeah. He goes, you should have bought that unit. I go, why? He's like, I found 70 grand in cash in the unit. No way. I found $70,000 in the unit. Oh my God. Yeah. But isn't it like most things don't have stuff in it? Yeah. A hundred percent of the time. I almost hung back this week because we went through them all. We shot, but there was one unit that we didn't. They had like tons of units. Yeah. Once we get enough, because I can't just shoot all day. And I wanted to stay and buy it because there was a board game in there called Comptonopoly. It was somebody made a monopoly about Compton. I was like, I want that. That's cool. Comptonopoly. That's really cool. Yeah. And it had like a- Did you get it? No, I didn't stick around. Because what am I going to do? Then I'm like stuck. And I was in ******* Hemet. Hemet's like- Hemet sounds far, man. Oh my God. I don't know where Hemet is. Two hour drive. It's way closer to Palm Springs. It's like almost Palm Springs. Hemet. Out in Hemet. Oh, that's rough out in Hemet, dude. Oh, it is? Yeah. Like Temecula, Hemet, like out there. Temecula's nice though, isn't it? Can be. There's wineries and stuff, but it's also hot as ----. Hemet's like the ugly sister of Temecula. Okay. So lots of guys- It's a meth over there? Yeah. I was like- Some claviculars? Lots of, not a lot of claviculars. Guys on like fat bikes. Fans of clavicular. On meth. Like- Yeah. You gotta keep- Fat people on meth? Like fat bikes, like- Oh, fat bikes. There's ride around Hemet on meth. Hey, when can we come do Storage Wars? Yeah. We got to do it. Let's do it. I only have like four left. Let's do it. Can't do this week, but after that. Oh, man. I'm sorry. Jay Moore's coming this week. Jay? Yeah. We went and saw his standup special live. Oh. Yeah, he's great. He lost like 100 pounds. He's on the jab. Yeah, he's on the jab. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, we'll do it. All right. All right, guys. Thanks for watching the show. We love you. Send some love to Jeff in the comments. Wish us back better, and we'll see you next time. Stay lit.