Emma Grede Gets Brutally Honest About Motherhood Pressure & Her Biggest Business Mistakes

I mean, I just marvel, first of all, at any woman who is working outside the home, comes home, has to do all the mothering. I never had children, even though people were saying, and one of the reasons I didn't have children was because I knew I couldn't do both well. And people would say to me, well, you have this entire studio, you could build your own nursery. I thought, well, they'll just be in the nursery and I'll be over here. And Tara Montgomery, who produces this podcast and has been a producer for me for over 30 years, has five kids. I don't know how she does it. I don't know how you do it. How do you navigate family and business? Can you turn off your business mind when you get home and be fully present for your kids? So the answer is yes, I can. But I also think that the question really ought to be, how have we made it so that the two things are unfathomable, that it's unfathomable to think about somebody that can kill it at work and kill it as a mom? In my view, I think the idea of what it means to be a mother specifically, not a father, has gone nuts. Like this idea of performative parenting, that I need to make a lunch and all the sandwiches need to be in stars, and it needs to be on the Instagram, and I don't do any of that. So two ways I want to answer your question. And you have no guilt about that? Zero. Because my kids don't need that from me. My kids need love, and they need a certain amount of attention, but that doesn't require eight hours with them. It's probably like 20 minutes per kid per day, if I'm honest. I don't do every school drop-off, but I'm there when my kids need me. If my kid's in an art show or running a race, I am there, but I don't partake in this idea that I'm supposed to usher my kids through life, remove all the- No, I'm just not, because here's the thing. My kids are learning what it is to live up to the expectations of your own life. They see me go out and chase my dreams, and I want them to do that for themselves. But I do think that we've put ourselves in a position right now where the idea of what it means and what it takes to be a parent is so insurmountable that women are running themselves in circles. You don't need to do that. And how did you learn that? Or did you just always know it because of the way you were raised? I experimented on the first kid and... No, the truth of it is that I wasn't raised like that. I saw my mom go out and go to work every single day, and she left early and she came home late. And I think that me and my sisters turned out pretty good. And I just wasn't raised with that expectation that she was supposed to be everything for me. I knew that I had to do some stuff for myself and that I'd have to rely on some lady down the road to help me with something else. There was never this expectation that she should be the be-all and end-all. And I think that we would do well in society right now if we stopped putting those type of expectations on women. So early on in your career, you write, when I was an unseasoned CEO, the business was in financial straits, rather than letting my direct report to know and sharing accountability with them, I internalized the pressure and then shocked everyone when we suddenly needed to cut 15 people from our 16-person team. Not only did I feel like I was going to die of shame, you entice all these people to give up what they have at other companies and join you on a journey, and then you fail them. So I know taking full responsibility sounds empowering, but it can also feel heavy, too. How do you carry accountability without carrying shame when something doesn't work out? Well, you borrow from the boys. Because here's the thing. Business is business. And sometimes it doesn't work out, but you can't take it that way. You guys don't feel any shame about it at all. Not a sausage. Nothing. Not a sausage. I love that. Not a sausage. I love that expression. Not a sausage. But it's really true. And that isn't to say that we don't care deeply about people. When you have to make decisions that affect people's lives, you should carry that with some intentionality. But the point is that as women, we take these things so personally and we hold them like I did something wrong. Like it's your personal thing. Yeah. When actually it's like, this situation didn't work out over here. And we see so many men create businesses, lose hundreds of millions of dollars for their investors. Thousands of people laid off. And raise the next day. Yeah. They literally go out and raise hundreds of millions of dollars the next day. And the woman is just like sent down and can never do anything again. And you have to let go of two people. Right? Yes. So I actually knew in my head that that wasn't the truth, that actually that was something that we do to ourselves. And this is what I want to say to women. I think that we have to make this separation of when we're being led by our emotions and what is true. And I know that I'm a good person. I know that I run my businesses well and responsibly. And when something doesn't work out, I go, okay, I'm going to take that learning. I'm going to understand what I'm going to, you know, what I did wrong and I'm going to move on and do it differently next time. I'm not sitting here going, oh Lord, like how bad a person am I? Because I'm not. So what would your most honest employees say about you as a leader? They would say that I have incredibly high expectations, that I don't suffer falls, that I'm firm but fair. Nobody's ever surprised by what I have to say, ever. I have it written across my face. But I think that I'm a very, very clear communicator and I bring people on a journey with me. Nobody's ever like, what's happening here? What are we doing? Because I'm consistent. You know, it's like, I always want the best. I always want more. I'm always going to ask you to go a hundred miles. But in return, you know, I believe that when you hire people, you have like this social contract with them. That it's like, I am going to ask for so much from you and in return, I'm going to reward you richly and we're going to go on a journey together and you're going to get something from this experience. And when you leave, I'll be the best reference you ever have. But I have very, very, very high expectations on people. I think when you're starting with yourself and you don't know anything about business to begin with, you make a lot of mistakes. What are the mistakes that you most regret from the beginning that can help someone else listening who's starting with themselves? How long do you have? Because I made every mistake, literally every mistake in this book and I thought it was important to share those mistakes because I feel like right now we're in this like, you know, social generation where we only put out the best parts of our lives. That's why I love this book is that you let us see underneath. And I really do. I think I had a lot of delusions about myself and what type of leader I was. I thought that I should behave like the other people I'd seen in business. And I realized that I am an emotional woman. I am extremely empathetic. And the best way to lead my companies was not what I had seen. It was actually making my own version and my own style of leadership. And so I really did that. Like, I know if somebody breaks up with their partner or has, you know, something happen in their family life, they don't come into work in the same way. And I felt like I had to lead by example. As a mother, I am out the door every day at five, which means that my staff can be out the door at five if they so choose to be. And so I decided that early on in my career, I was trying to be something that I'm not. And I've kind of settled into being myself. And a lot of that comes with age. You know, as you get older, you get closer to yourself. And I have this sort of relationship with myself and this conversation that goes on in my head. And with a bit of more experience and confidence, I've learned just to just be me. And I'm all right with that.