Minors In Marysville

So you guys are high school sweethearts? That's good. What grade were you in, bro? I just graduated. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, hold on. What the ****? I think you just caught a case, man. You don't do that ----. He's trying to back... No, I graduated early. I was smart. **** Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused over here. You know I like them high school girls. As I get older, but they stay the same. Oh, you done graduated? What the **** was you doing in the hall? How's it going? I gotta get to class. Class. I'm not going to class no more. I'm bailing hay on my uncle's farm. Milking cows for the Maryville mares. So you want to try this again? So you was 14 or 15? And... I don't want to get you fucked up. How old are you now? You're 37? What are you? Think about this before you answer. Think about this real... You're still going to go with that? That's my *******... He's like 41. He was 19, walking the halls of Maryville High. You just graduated. Are the rules different in Marysville or what? What the **** is going on with high school graduation? Well, you guys are starting to rest your lives. Congratulations Maryville, class of 2005. But if you can see the freshman class coming in next year... Woo! You guys might want to come back and roam the hallways. Because them 8th graders got the tightest asses we've seen in Marysville in 35 years. I'll just put it like this. Our volleyball team is going to be ******* amazing. What are you doing? Motherfucker went to homecoming for 8 years. What'd your dad say? You didn't tell him? Just want to meet him. Did you tell him he's already out of high school? You did? Shit, I gotta get to Marysville and see what the ****'s going on out there. Donald Trump missed that one. He was too busy about... They're eating dogs in Springfield. He should've went to ******* minors in Marysville. Who gives a **** if you eat a dog? Well, you guys are still together. You guys are like that movie, A Time to Kill. Remember that? With Matthew McConaughey and they had the one doctor on the stand. They said, isn't it true you got arrested for statutory rape? And he was like, well, no, no, no, I did. And Matthew McConaughey was like, what if I tell you that doctor was 3 years older than his wife? And they had been married for 40 years and they had 4 children together. Does that still matter? That's where I feel like you guys are at right now. Don't you ever commit a crime because they're going to bring it up. Is it true you dated a 15 year old when you were 19? You're on the road. I did, I did. And you got the other guy's got to come up. What if I tell you that they were high school sweethearts? Well, one was in high school and the other one wasn't. But they got married. They've been together for 20 years. And now they venture off to Columbus every blue moon when there's a rainstorm to go laugh at comedians. Look, man, I appreciate being honest. Don't ever tell anybody that again, okay? Just say you was a senior. She was a freshman. And you're 40. Okay? And I'm 41 and she's 37. When she's 40, you're 43. It's funny. It's like nobody in this audience thought anything about it. Everybody here just went, well, that's marriage, man.