My Mother-In-Law Is Costing Us Our House

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. My husband and I built a multi-generational house with his parents. Now, only less than about a year and a half later, my mother-in-law has moved out and will soon stop helping with the mortgage payment. So we will either have to sell the house with very little equity in it, or we will lose the house. She says she wants part of the sale of the house. How can I move forward without feeling as much hurt or animosity towards my mother-in-law? Could I venture a guess that before any of this was done or signed up for, you had a bad feeling about it? Yes. So you're really mad at yourself. There's a good part of it that I am mad at myself. Yeah. What happened? So my husband and I came up to my in-laws with the idea to build a multi-generational house back in probably late 23, early 2024. His dad had had a stroke back in 2008 and was in poor health. So we were talking and we talked about how important it was for him to be with his dad when the time came. And so we brought up this idea with them and we were very clear. We had a budget of $1,500 for our half of the mortgage. So whatever we chose has to fall within that. It ended up, like with building, ballooning a bit and we ended up with a $3,600 payment rounding up. So they said that they would cover whatever we could not cover with the $1,500. We moved in in September of 24. And by last June, so 25, my father-in-law passed away. And it was as painful as it was to be there, I would never take that to my back. It was kind of what you signed up for. Yeah, that's good. That part's good. Exactly. So did you put equity into the house? Me and my husband put about a hundred, maybe a little over a hundred thousand into the house. And it won't bring enough for you to get your hundred out? Hey, George here for Churchill Mortgage. Listen, with interest rates dropping, this might be your window to buy a home or refinance. Building equity through home ownership is still one of the best ways to create safety and security in your life. And you decide when the time is right. And my good friends at Churchill Mortgage will give you a custom plan and a special offer so you can buy or refinance the smart way. Go to churchillmortgage.com slash Ramsey offer. That's churchillmortgage.com slash Ramsey offer. This is a paid advertisement NMLS ID 1591 NMLSconsumeraccess.org equal housing lender. And it won't bring enough for you to get your hundred out? We may just get our hundred. So we put in a hundred, his parents put in a hundred, but it was like a $660,000. So would there be enough to get her hundred and your hundred out? Probably not both of our hundred. Um, she has, yeah. Um, we're hoping to get close, but, um, she has since started dating a guy, um, in mid July and moved in with him in August. Um, and she was, she first said she would cover the normal part of the mortgage. She wasn't, um, taking that away from the picture. And then January, she said, no, I have to go 50, 50, which I was a little annoyed, but I mean, I dealt with it cause it was fair. And then just last month, she said, no, I'm not paying half. Um, I will only be, I will only be paying 1500 and soon I will not be contributing to the house. Um, so, but I assume there's no written, there's no written agreement, right? No. Okay. Just her text messages saying, this is what is happening. So the reality is the house is gone. So sell it immediately and, uh, deduct what she, she promised to pay everything above 1500 originally and whatever she doesn't keep her promise on deduct that from her half of the proceeds to make the deal fair to make her, she's going to honor her word. I'm just taking it out of her hide. And, um, um, but there's so much to be disappointed in with this lady, but, um, none of it is your fault and none of it is anything you can do about, uh, but, and, and really I would be so disappointed with her in all things except the house. There's just so much that she's that there's wrong about what everything is just sad. So, and then, and here, here, let's, let's walk away. Let's walk back. Then the house is gone. You have roughly your hundred in your hand and you go start the next chapter of your life. And then the way I would quantify that, and I may be over compartmentalizing so that my psychologist over here may correct me. But, um, the way I would do that is I say, okay, whatever money I lost, whatever tears I have shed over the stupidity of this deal was worth it for that precious six or eight months. And to be there when pop passed. Yeah. And that was the cost of that. That's what it costs me for to have, I traded this for that and then leave it there and walk away emotionally, put it in the rear view mirror. And then you've got her to deal with and her misbehavior, which is just a separate issue. But I, you know, she's just out of control and is grieving in a weird way and on a dysfunctional way. And well, she's met somebody and he's, he's whispering in her ear. Cause he wants that money in his pocket, not in yours. Yeah. Um, okay, Ruth, can I use your situation, your original question as like a miniature teaching moment here? Cause you asked a really powerful question. And I think this question is drowning us as a culture. How can I do these hard things that I got to do that were not, we agreed upon and not feel sad, resentful, all these other feelings. All feelings are, they're just, they're, they're digital billboards. As you're driving down the highway of life, they're giving you information. And if you think of them that way, they are powerful and they're important data, but their job is not to tell you the truth. It's to keep you safe on this road you're driving on called life. And if you were driving down I-65, we're all here in Nashville. If you're driving down this main artery highway that goes through our town, our city, and you said, I want to avoid all signage, that would be a nightmarish ride. You would never get where you're actually want to go. And so what I want to tell you is, and everybody listening, and I'm, this is the pot talking to the kettle. I'm a big emotional, big feeling guy too, is I, I, I want us to all collectively stop trying to build lives where we try to work around feelings. Let's go right through the stinking middle of them. Yeah. If you're going through hell, keep driving. Right? Yeah. So I'm going to feel, I'm going to feel sad. I'm going to feel frustrated. I'm going to feel XYZ. This is what maturity is. This is what emotional regulation is. If you want to be a nerd, it is, can I feel this thing and then do the next right thing after that feeling? And it doesn't mean that your feelings are wrong, bad. I don't judge feelings anymore. Have all the ones you want. What I'm going to look at is what's the thing I did next after that feeling. And so be heartbroken, be sad, be pissed off, be all those things. And still sell the house. Yeah. And still execute on the proper way to handle the money at the transaction, at the sale of the house and all of that. Still choose to, I, I'm going to drop a contract with this woman as we sell this house or whatever. Next time I have a bad feeling about a deal. I'm going to listen to it. I'm going to listen to my bad. When the, my dad used to say, when the bell rings, the bell's ringing for, listen to the bell. It's ringing. That's a great, that's a great line. Yeah. Listen to it. Listen to it. Listen to that. Doesn't mean it's right, but I'm going to at least listen to it and talk to it. When in doubt, don't. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.