Brits Never Say ＂I Like You＂ – Here's What They Do Instead

Someone British once said to me, God, you're so annoying. And I said, Thank you. Because I knew exactly what they meant. In the UK, there is a whole secret language running underneath what we actually say. And if you don't know that language, you will misread us and misunderstand us constantly. You'll think we hate you when we like you. You'll think we like you when we are furious with you. And you will spend years being baffled by a nation who apologize to items of furniture that they bump into, but who will absolutely never tell you they enjoy your company. Unless perhaps they are drunk. But that's a video for another day. Today, I am going to teach you the subtext of British communication. The real signs that someone British likes you. And I promise you, some of these will surprise you. Don't forget to check out the free PDFs that I offer. Links are in the description below. The first sign that someone British actually likes you, they start teasing you. Let me give you an example. Imagine this. You've been working somewhere for a few weeks, maybe a month or two. You walk into the office one morning and a colleague says, Oh, good, you're here. Now we can all collectively lower our standards together. The wrong reaction would be to take offense. The right reaction would be relief. Because this colleague has just told you in the most British way possible that they are comfortable with you. We don't tease anybody. We don't tease complete strangers. That would be mortifying. We tease people we've quietly decided that we like because it lets us show warmth without having to say anything as horrifying as, I enjoy your company. A good way to see it is as affection with plausible deniability. And the key, once again, you probably know what I am going to say. It's that word I always use. Yes, the key is the tone. If it is gentle, a little absurd, playful, there is no real sting to it. If it makes you both laugh, you're in. The second sign that someone British likes you, they start complaining to you. Not about you. Again, that's different. Complaining to you. Complaining in the UK is intimacy. With strangers, we complain about safe things, the weather, train delays, the fact that there are now 17 types of oat milk and none of them froth properly. But when someone starts properly venting to you, that's a good word, vent. We often say, sorry for the vent. They start venting properly to you about their commute, their manager, their partner, anything, anything personal. That signals trust. They trust you enough to do that. They have decided that you will understand and that you will not look horrified in the right places. You might even contribute your own grievances. And indeed, if someone starts venting to you, you should. It shows mutual trust. You will spend a companionable 10 minutes getting quietly outraged together. In short, if someone is bringing you their problems, even their petty ones, they like you. The third sign is that the politeness starts to drop. When British people first meet you, the politeness can almost be aggressive. Oh, so sorry. No, sorry. After you, you go first. I'm so sorry. Could I trouble you for a pen? But the thing is, very often, that level of politeness is actually a form of distance. It's what we do with people we don't yet know how to be around. It's why also our voice, our intonation goes up so much. We talk really highly when we're being polite. Sorry, would you mind possibly? Why? I don't know. We just do. So when someone stops saying to you, sorry, would you mind? Or could you possibly? And instead say something direct like, can you move this? They haven't become ruder. They've become more comfortable with you. You have moved from a person I must perform for to a person I can just talk to. And that is a promotion. Again, it means they like you. I will say this doesn't apply if someone is just rude from the beginning. That means they are just rude. The videos that I do are generalizations. Not every single British person is incredibly polite and indirect. These are general things to be aware of. The next sign is that they trust you with humour. British humour has a learning curve. It is mostly irony. Irony and sarcasm. Saying the opposite of what you mean in a deadpan, dry way. And then watching to see if the other person gets it. I unpack British humour more in this video if you are interested. You could cook someone a Michelin star, masterpiece meal that has taken you hours and they might just nod and say in a deadpan way, well, it's not completely inedible. And that is a rave review. When a British person starts using that type of humour with you, it means something specific. They think you can handle it. They're not going to have to explain themselves. They can be slightly strange and you can be slightly strange back and that's absolutely fine. Neither of you needs to explain. That's a level of trust that can take some time to reach. But once you've reached it, there's no better stamp of approval than that trusting you with that kind of humour. And the next signal, if you're very lucky, you will get the invitation. A bunch of us are going to the pub this evening if you wanted to come. We're doing a barbecue on Sunday, nothing fancy, but you're welcome to come if you want. Or the most significant one. Shall we grab a cup of tea? Tea in the UK is never just tea. Tea is, we sit down. We have time for each other. I want to hear what's going on in your life. That is what tea means. We will make tea for people we like. We will definitely make tea in a moment of crisis. And we will make tea when we have no idea what else we can do for you. But we want you to know that we are there for you. We will make you tea. If someone puts the kettle on just for you, you're in. There we go. If a British person teases you, complains to you, stops being excessively polite around you, and trusts you with their quirky sense of humour, or invites you for tea or a pint, they like you. Although they almost certainly won't say that. Obviously. They might say, yeah, you're all right. Or, yeah, I don't mind spending time with you. They might say nothing at all. Just refill your mug without you having to ask. But they will know. And now, so will you. If you are more interested in British culture, make sure you look at this playlist where I go into more details about British culture and what it means here. Don't forget to check out your free PDFs. Links are below. As well as details of online lessons and courses with me. Have a wonderful rest of your day. And I will see you in the next one, hopefully. Bye.