Korean Men Foreign Women The Real Reasons Behind The Trend in Korea

Hello, friends and family! This is Megan Moore aka Chosen 미국사람입니다. And today, we have a very interesting topic, and that is the rise of foreign marriage here in Korea. Now, even just in the last year, marriages between Korean men and Japanese women went up 40% in a year. So something's going on. A lot of people are starting to go towards international marriage. So today, we're going to dive into this topic on why that is. And today, I have brought a very special guest, Jediah Jed aka SoYellaFella. It's his YouTube channel. Hello, happy to be here, and thank you for the invitation. And I'm going to unpack some of my personal experience to shed light on this topic because this topic is pretty hot right now. And on your channel, you talk a lot about relationship stuff, and that's actually how I found him. I feel like there's not a lot of people talking deeply about issues and things on a more surface level. So I really appreciate that you actually open up and share your personal stories. It's not something that a lot of people do here. I had much more luck with non-Korean girlfriends. And with Korean exes, I didn't have much luck. I'm not saying that Korean girls are not as good, but I just picked the wrong one. And that experience taught me a lot of Korean society, especially in dating market, and what are the criteria when they pick the right one, the right one in the market. I think there's a lot of Korean cultural things that keep people from actually being themselves and seeing people for being people. But one thing that a lot of Korean people have told me is talking to me, they feel like they can be themselves. They don't have to put on like this fake thing. And just in general, a lot of people, when they talk with foreign people, they feel like there's more of a connection because people are showing more of themselves. And I kind of think that takes place in the dating market as well. Yes. Whereas in Korea, it's kind of more focused on your roles and kind of what you can offer, and not actually seeing the person as a person. Yes. So I was wondering, do you think that could be something that could be contributing to that? Or have you felt that? I feel like the chemistry matters a lot less based on my experience with my Korean exes. We say, 결혼이 현실이다. Marriage is reality. So when we are young, we tend to go for attraction. Attraction matters more. Chemistry matters more. But as you get your full-time job, things get serious. So there's a shift. You care more about your boyfriend's and girlfriend's salary. And if they work for a mid-sized small company or if they are lawyers or doctors, those things come to play the bigger role. So the chemistry between you and your girlfriend, it starts to matter a lot less. So we become a product in the market. We also think about what my family members think about my girlfriend and my boyfriend. So we need agreement and approval. That's true. I think the international marriage is working now because also Koreans are getting tired of competition and being judged. Not just men, but also women too. We've been competing from day one to get to the better university and to get the better job. But again, in the dating market, we have to compete again. So we are getting tired. So with my Korean exes, they definitely judge me a lot less based on the outer things, material things. But Korean exes, some of them actually left me because of my family problem or my job was less stable than my 9-to-5 time. I think that's one of the reasons why a lot of Korean men are looking for a foreign spouse. People who judge them less. I had a friend, he had a girlfriend. He loved her so much. He would always talk about her. So he went to meet her family and to his face, everybody was like, Oh yeah, hi. But then like two days later, she broke up with him. And then it was like one and a half or two weeks later, he goes on social media and she just had a full on wedding with a guy. And so of course he looked, who is this guy? The guy is a dentist. Of course. So if it was just two weeks later than that, you know that the parents or whoever had been setting that up for her already anyway. So she was seeing both of them, I guess. And the parents were just like, okay, let's look at this boy one more time. And then they came and were like, no, go be with this dentist. So she did. And I wonder like, are those people are typically not happy. I think that's why so many people are unhappy in marriages because they don't actually have a connection. And that's why there's cheating rates here I think are so high. Because people just look at the specifications and get married as opposed to the person. So then people go out and pursue their love ventures outside of marriage is the vibe that I'm getting. Also, I got advice from someone I know. I would call him a friend. You wouldn't call him a friend? No. Well, okay. His advice is quite toxic, but also at the same time, quite realistic. He told me that marry someone, find someone that would benefit for you. Someone who would help you to be successful as an artist because that's what I chose. And then what about love? What about the chemistry? What about the happiness in the house? And he said, marriage is a contract. Find the best terms and conditions before you sign and you have this great wife. She will help you to grow as an artist and you become somebody. And then, that time, you can have a side chick. I was like, what? But he said, yeah, because love fades. I haven't been married yet, but I can roughly imagine living with someone for 20 years. Maybe love could fade. I can only imagine, but that was his theory. Because love will always fade, but you can refill new girlfriends. Younger ones, pretty young ones, but your supportive wife will stay the same. Which is why I don't call him my friend, but quite toxic advice. But at the same time, based on Korean culture, it makes quite a lot of sense in a way. A lot of people do that. I think it's because people don't have relationship skills to go deeper. So I know somebody who said that with her Korean partner, they have been together for years now. And they said, you know, this is the first time in my life that as time goes on, I feel like I love you more than I did before. So I think everybody I know around me who's been married back in the States or whatever, they all say the same thing. I think it's when you have the ability to have deep relationships with people. So if there's an issue, we know how to talk about it. We know how to encourage one another. As time goes on, you do get a deeper relationship with that person. My husband is sometimes surprised when we go to America or my family will come and he'll see like the spouses joking together. Like my brother has been married for I think like 10 plus years now and him and his wife like joke around. We have a good time together. And then he's like, wow, I've never seen like people who married so long who like each other. And I was like, well, to me, that's just normal. They have a strong friendship based on to build the love. Yeah. But you don't see that here. So I will say in a place like this, then that's probably what people, a lot of people will do. And it makes sense. I think it has a lot to do with the attitude when it comes to dating as well. When you're even young. I feel like with current girlfriends, I had to play the role of that. Like taking care of doing doing little things for her. So she depend on me rather than we have a good base of friendship and we joke around. And then on top of that, we build chemistry slash love. So when all these bubbly things you mentioned are gone, there's nothing left. Me playing the role of father. That's a responsibility rather than how you brother joke around and make fun of each other and having a good time. The friendship is a must, in my opinion. So your marriage will last longer. From what I've seen from my nine to five life, when you're stable, when you're getting promotions, your future looks so bright. It looks like a good time to get married and find a wife. And she feels the same way. But we don't have this base. We only have outer things, material things. Often I feel like with my Korean exes, our relationship was on the surface level. And I never really had a deep conversation with them. Unlike foreign exes, after breakup, I always felt like I matured. And I grew up, they helped me to grow up as an adult. And then when I look back at the relationship I had with my non-Korean exes, I have a lot of good memories and look back at myself and I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't do that, I shouldn't have done that. But with my Korean exes, the arguments were mostly more brutal and more emotional. And I said to myself, she shouldn't have said that to me. Rather than, I shouldn't have done that to my foreign exes. It's very rare too that people in Korea will break up and still be able to be friends or cordial with one another. Yes, I agree. Especially after divorce. I'm friends with none of my Korean exes. They hate me, I think. I think we usually become enemies. As I said, going back to your point, we don't have a friendship base. Yeah, it's so interesting. You know, you mentioned the thing about they want a sort of a father. I hear that from a lot of women too, though, after marriage. Like their husband just wanted a mom. Oh, true. Very true. I think on both sides. Yes, very true. Parents mean too much for their kids. And when they get married, they want their spouse to also be their parent. Yes. We are not your parents. Yes. Rather than wife and husband, they want mom and dad. Yeah. Not for their kids, but for themselves as well. Yeah, it's like, do it for me, do it for me, do it for me. Sorry, I hope people don't take this as just like bashing Korean culture or men or women. But we're just sort of discussing issues in dating in Korea. Of course, America has issues too. I just haven't been in America in like 14 years, so I have no idea. We're talking about issues in Korean dating. I think that's... This is not to say that America is perfect. I heard America is going ish too. What you said makes a lot of sense in my opinion. And it has a lot to do with Hwang Won-young. The divorce in their 60s. Later age. Yeah, later age. We talked about we have this like dopamine and crazy chemistry in the beginning of a relationship and marriage. And then this passion and love is gone. We only have responsibility and we don't have the base of friendship. But we still have kids, so we got to stay together. And when the kids are all grown up, then there's nothing left. That's why I think people go the separate way. Hwang Won-young. Well, a lot of people, they're just like, okay, once the kids grow up and after they get married, then we'll divorce. Yes. Because there's so many people who for the wedding, they need a mom and dad there. I've heard of cases where people were faking it. Like they didn't tell their partner that their parents are divorced. Because along the lines of looking at qualifications on paper, family background is there. Like if your parents are divorced, some people might not want to marry you. Right. So some people will lie and have their parents like pretend like they're together. Yes. Until the wedding and then be like, oh, yeah, my parents are divorced. But they've been divorced forever. I have a friend. You can edit this out if you don't like this. But I have a friend. We're going to keep it. Any tea. Okay. My subscribers are ladies. Okay. We love the tea. Okay. So I want to say that I have a friend. His marriage is quite toxic. But he has a few money, rich guy. And he didn't have a plan to get married. But he got one of his girls pregnant. So he got married. Fancy wedding, by the way, because he got a few money. Yes. And then he openly says that I want to get divorced. Yeah, that was like three years after his marriage. And he goes, I cannot wait until my son goes to college. Then I can finally divorce my wife. Because it's so toxic, right? He says that all the time in front of everybody. I know the wife too. From what I've seen, she's quite a nice lady too. But he disrespects her like that quite openly. Fourth year, he said, actually, I say this all the time to so many people. I got advice that maybe I should divorce her right now. Because if we argue all the time in front of the son, it's really bad for the kid. So maybe he said he was going to work on it. But people just marry someone without so much of a base of friendship. And there's nothing left there except for responsibility. And then that doesn't last long, you know? No, it doesn't. And then I think people here don't realize that it's bad for the kid to be in a house where the parents don't like each other. Or one person doesn't like the other one. That's even worse than if they just… You can't hide it in the house. You can't, because they can feel that tension too, right? They feel the tension. So I've heard stories of people here who, when their kids become like eight or nine, the daughter will just ask the mom, like, why are you with dad? You don't love him. Exactly. They know that, right? And then there's also this thing where they feel guilty if they feel like you're staying for them. Because I heard that a lot of moms will say that. Also, I've heard some moms saying that, I'm not going to divorce your father because it will be such a bad look at your wedding. And after that, okay, I'll have my freedom. After the divorce. I heard that a lot. They just are so openly saying these things. But that puts a big burden on the kids. Good point. I never thought about that. Yeah, that puts a burden on the kids because the kids feel guilty. And I think that's why so many people also get caught up in this. Like my mom, because of me, she had to suffer with my dad all these years. So let me do to her. But then a lot of times they get trapped and they can never go and live their own life. So that's kind of, it's like a circle, right? So like the kids feel guilty that the parents, because of them, did so much. Then in adulthood, they can't go out and live their life either. So like they're always stuck. That's what I've seen for a lot of people. I have a friend. Morty? Oh God. Okay, so his mother got cancer. So she had like three or four years. So he wanted to do... With three or four years left to live? Left to live, yes. So my friend, he really wanted to get married for her. So before she goes, she sees her son getting married. That's a hope for him. It's a very wrong way to do it, in my opinion. One of the worst ways. Yes. So he did that. So he married this girl. I've met her too, but she has a lot of problems, like emotional problems and mental problems. And he thought, I don't have much time because my mom has only a few years left. So he did. He's very unhappy. Not to mention the wife is very unhappy with him. Of course. Because they were in a hurry. And he knew it was not right. But he pushed himself to do Hyuk for his mother. And then his mom passed. And there's only disaster left in their marriage. Of course. And I have a shaman that I speak to regularly. I introduced him because he was so unhappy with his marriage. Oh, you like the shaman? Yes. Oh, you got to tell me your shaman stories. Because I have some crazy shaman stories. Oh, you do? I used to be skeptical of shamans. Okay, this is like an interjection. Yes. But for 방송, I used to do a lot of Korean TV stuff. And so a couple of times they had me go to the shamans. Three different ones I went to for TV shows. And they all said, Oh, it looks like you're going to have twins. And what happened? I had twins. And they always tell me, Oh, you look like somebody who has like stomach issues and stuff. So you're never going to get too fat. Okay. And I have bad stomach issues. That's something called IBS. And so it scared me. I was like, I don't want to see these people. There's some demons around here. So anyway, I hooked him up with my shaman. And because his marriage was falling apart. So he wanted to speak to my shaman. Like, what should I do? Should I divorce her or keep her? He's also worried about the wife. Because she has a serious emotional problem. So my shaman asked him, Why did you marry her in the first place then? Because they don't know everything. Right, of course. So why did you marry her in the first place? Oh, because of my mom. I made her happy. I did my hyuk for her. So she went happily. You know what my shaman said? What? She's not gone. She's around you and very, very worried about your life. See, they have demons in there. I get it. He crumbled like, Oh, I did all this for nothing. Yeah. And she's still worried about me because I am so unhappy with my marriage. Yeah. So sometimes Koreans, they sacrifice their marriage and their happiness for their family as well. Yeah. So nowadays, one thing that a lot of Korean people are trying to do is like real hyuk is living your life happily. Because if your parents sacrificed for you, why are you going to also sacrifice and be in turmoil? Right. Because then if you're in turmoil and unhappy in your marriage, then your kids are going to be unhappy. My parents' generation, they've been looking at this all along. I mean, they brought you here to be happy. Yeah. To live your life. And some people use hyuk. There's a crazy story I heard about. They had a boyfriend. And then like the boyfriend, every night after like 10 p.m., was just like, okay, not texting or anything anymore. So she thought, okay, he just goes to bed early. It's just fine. I go to bed early. I go to bed like 9, 30, 10 o'clock too. It's rare in Korea. People are very late night people. So she did some digging because one weekend they were supposed to go on a trip together, but he said, actually, I have to go to one of my family member's wedding. I don't remember the family member. So he's like, oh, I want to go too. Like, let me go be, you know, your plus one. He was like, no, I should just go to the family member's wedding. So I have to cancel our plans. You know, I'll see you the next weekend. But she started getting suspicious. So she dug around online and she started seeing that people were posting him at a wedding wearing a tuxedo. So she clicked on the accounts and it was his wedding. It was his wedding. And so she was like, why are you doing this? He was like, oh, it's my mom. You know, she's sick. She's going to die soon. And so I have to do my heel for her and have to marry somebody. So I'm just marrying somebody for my mom. But, you know, you you're young. So I didn't want you to ruin your life by just, you know, marrying me. You know, I still want to be with you. Psychopath. A lot of people use heel to like cheat, too. I've heard of so many like crazy stories. People are like, yeah, you know, my mom, this, my grandma, that. Because people in Korea know that family obligations are important. So if you're dating someone and they have a lot of family obligations, I got to do this for my mom or that for my dad, then you should be suspicious. This might be not so much related. But at the same time, I want to say this, you know, and a lot of Korean men, especially young ones, like Hongdae boys and that age, I'm a bit too old with my 40s. So I'm like Hongdae ahjussi. They're into foreign women. They're curious. So it's not like a genuine chemistry. But they're curious, especially in bed. They're super curious. All the Hollywood movies and blah, blah, blah. And they assume that a lot of Western women are open-minded. With my iPhone 16 and a Pro Max. And they will date you. They will date you briefly. But once the relationship matures and it's time to move to the next stage or discuss the next possibility of this relationship, they say, oh, my mom wants a Korean daughter-in-law. They use that excuse so much. Oh, I love you. You're great. But at the same time, I cannot fight the culture. That's what my mom wants. And then break up. It's so crazy how you can be with someone and not develop feelings for them. That's wild to me. So ladies, do not go out to the clubs and meet men late at night. I've been telling people this. Do not do it. In Korea, if you want to actually get married, you have to just do sogaeteen like everyone else. When I first came to Korea, my Korean friends said, girl, do not ever meet a man in Korea. Especially if he comes up to you in the street and talks to you in English, run away. He trash. And so they said, we're going to sogaeteen for you. And so I've only ever met people via sogaeteen. So I think that's why I've never had any weird experiences. I don't get sogaeteen anymore because I'm in my 40s. Everyone else is married. But at the same time, I love sogaeteen because usually those dates are very bad. They're not crazy girls. We go to the clubs every night and speak to the F boys, hold the F boys. And plus, because your friend's reputation also rides on it, they tend to behave better. That's how I met my husband via sogaeteen. Safe choice. Yeah, it's safe. Just ask your friend, hey, I'm looking for this kind of guy. Do you have someone? They're like, yep, girl. As much as the marriage agency, they focus on the outer things. I like the aspect of it. They verify the people. Although they cannot do it 100%, they take care of the outer things for you so you can focus on the person. So speaking of people's qualifications for marriage, I do also think one of the reasons why people are more so open to dating foreigners and feel it to be more comfortable is because we don't have as many qualifications. I think in Korea nowadays, the person has to be damn near perfect. There's this thing in Korea called a yook-gak-hyung-i nam-ja, which means six-sided, hexagonal man. So that means there are six things and the man has to be perfect. You need to have five, not good enough. You have to have all six. And so the six ones are appearance, job, university degree status, your family home, your family life, height, and personality are the six things. So even if just one thing is missing, then people are like, no, not for me. The dating culture in general is transactional. And also it's like I compare this like picking a cereal in Walmart. She picked a cereal, it was perfect. It was healthy, price was good, it was a big box. And then the problem was, it was not as tasty as the one with a lot of sugar, obviously, because it's healthy, right? And it can't be perfect. So she moved on to the next shelf and she couldn't find anything like this one. So she came back and it was already taken by someone else. Exactly. That's what happened. So when I heard that story from the YouTube, I always felt like I was a product in the market. And I also had a so-gye-ting, and we actually became a couple later on. And she confessed me that she had like five guys lined up after my so-gye-ting. And then she told me to be happy because she canceled after all this, our second date. She said it? Yeah, she said it. She thought I would be happy. So you had like four guys and she said, yeah, these guys are like a Hyundai Samsung guys that is making more money than you do. At LG, were you at LG at that time? I was a freelancer. Oh, okay. So I was making okay money, but you know, it's easy to imagine the salary. If someone says, oh, I work for Hyundai Automobile, you can imagine quite easily based on his age as well. And also she had a Samsung guy the next week. I was still talking to you and I was going to meet the second guy because it's kind of usual apparently. Like what? And she expected me to be happy because she canceled those better products for me. I learned this new expression from my YouTube channel. They said backhanded compliment. That was new to me. That is a backhanded compliment. Yeah. And I was like, I was furious. I was disappointed. That was the, because it was the beginning of our relationship and that was the first argument we had. And not just that, we also had lunch with the person who set up the blind date. And that person was my friend's sister. So she didn't really know me well. So she also made the same mistake. She said, my ex at the time, over nice lunch, she said, you know, I told my boyfriend that I canceled all these nice guys with Samsung, Hyundai, Kia, all these guys because my boyfriend was great. And he got angry. And the middleman who set up the blind date, my friend's sister, she said, but you should be happy. There are better guys. And I was like, you have a better product after me. Why did you set me up in the first place? Like as a first runner, why did you? Because this girl, my ex at the time, this girl had a breakup and she had a long break from dating market. And then you were the warm up. And they still expected me to be happy listening to all this because I beat all these Samsung guys. Like also I was not young at the time. I was in my, I was like 30, 35. I was like 35, 34. And she was like two years younger than me. So they should, should have known better. Like they should have more social experience to not say all those wrong things. Because if they were super uneducated, if they quit their school, middle school, okay, but they went to good universities and they had pretty good social experience. But I think it's opposite. People who are, who perceive themselves to be higher in society, they have less decorum. I think that's very true. I went to Yonsei so I can do and say whatever I want. Old people are like that too. They're like, I'm old. Nobody can say ish to me. So I'm gonna treat you however I want. I agree. I'm going back to the height you mentioned. I had an ex, different, different girl. She asked me... You've been getting a lot of dates though. That's good. That's history. But I'm digging on my history. This girl, I'm 178. And she was 168, right? So there's a 10 centimeter difference between us. And the one night she says, hey babe, can I wear a pair of boots tomorrow? I said, you can dress up like a Ninja Totsuo I would still date you. It doesn't matter. Not the Ninja Turtles. And she asked me more questions about the outfit. I said, why are you so obsessed with my opinion about your outfit? And she goes, babe, because you're not tall. If I wear boots, I'll be as tall as you. So I'm worried just in case you are intimidated by my height. And also, she was the one who had a crush on the... It's a slightly different topic, but she had a crush on this boy from 2PM. Oh, 2PM. Yeah, not Jay Park. No, not Jay Park. I would give up my ex for Jay Park because I like Jay Park. He had a crush on one of those pretty boys. And she always told me that you have his vibe, but you're not him. Stuff like that. She would say that? Yeah, but it was also backhanded compliments. Backhanded compliments. Because you have his vibe a little bit. It's like you're almost there, but you're like the discount version. Yes, like a Taemoo. On sale. Taemoo, 2PM. That's crazy. And how she dumped me was... Not she didn't dump me, I dumped her, because she didn't want to play the villain. So she was in the States studying. She always told me about this guy she met at the barbecue party. Korean-American guy. Told her he has this vibe. And she asked me, have you had a love at first sight? And she made a mistake. She made a mistake, but again, then I knew. Because she mentioned him several times already at the time, because we were on a phone call all the time. And then she wanted me to break up with her so she can be free. But she didn't want to be the villain. Like she didn't want me or start a relationship before breaking up. And she was like indirectly telling me to break up with me because we don't have a future because she's in America. Oh, she had a Korean passport, but I thought I could wait and we could be together, but I was like, oh no. I was not hurt or anything, but I saw the sign, like how she spoke to me and the appearance. She always mentions the appearance, like you're not as tall as him and he's tall. Those comparisons are crazy. Yes. Go ahead. It was like another backhanded, not even really a compliment, but we were just like sat there one day and then he was like, you know, if you were prettier, you probably have a lot of men in your Instagram DMs. So I'm glad I don't have to deal with that. Wow. And I was like, Wow. What? He went there. I mean, you know, I broke up with him obviously because I'm not dealing with that. Like what the hell? What's wrong with you? But it's like, even if you were thinking that, you don't say it to your partner. Like partners, you know, like they're the most important people. Again, it goes back to seeing people as people. It's more about your stats, how you look, you know, your weight and this and that. And people are constantly judging you and comparing you to other people. So it's really uncomfortable. It's like... That's brutal. It's very brutal. It's brutal. I mean, I get it in a sense that you don't want to be with someone super attractive because everybody's trying to get at them probably right. Like imagine if you're with like a Cha Eun-woo, I guess he's really popular. Cha Eun-woo? Every girl would want him, right? Yes. I wouldn't marry somebody who looked like that. Too attractive? Not marriageable. I get it. But you don't say that to your partner. Exactly. I'm glad that you're not more attractive. Oh, God. Basically, it's what happened. Oh, God. Okay. So moving on from that and to getting back on the focus of like Korean men being interested in international women, what are some things that you think they really like and appreciate about foreign things that seem to be lacking in Korean culture right now? Yes, I mentioned that after the breakout with my Korean exes, I felt like I really got to know this person because we had a deep conversation. Conversely, when I asked those deep questions to my Korean exes, they were kind of like, oh, confused. Not all of them didn't want to talk about all this, but some of them were quite interested. They said, these questions are quite refreshing. Then I asked, your exes didn't ask you all these questions? Like never. But at the same time, I read some of the comments from other YouTube channel. They said, oh, I want women who appreciate me and ask me how I feel and what's important in my life. That's why we are drawn into foreign women these days because they're really interested in me. Right, right, right. I have a couple of friends who call me all the time early in the morning, late at night. Just tells me how they feel. I'm like, speak to your wife. They say the same thing. My wife, she's not willing to listen to me. But at the same time, what makes you think I am willing to listen to you? Because I think it's perfect stuff that you tell your wife, how you feel and what's making you sad and difficult in your life. And she said, he said, the conversation, deep conversation is non-existent in our marriage. I find that very strange. I mean, if they don't do that, what's the point of getting married? The dudes, their conversation is usually one-sided. They don't know how I feel about this. They just want to just... Talk, talk, talk? Yes. So I assume that it's difficult for the wife to listen to them. Oh, I see. You know, it's not only the wife's fault, but at the same time, I imagine being their wife, horrible. I don't want to be their wife. I think it could be both like with your friend's problem. But one thing that I have noted here, like if I met some people and we've been talking like a couple months, just friends, like not like dating, but just for friends. If I want to open up and share something deep in my life, I've had people like get angry. I'm like, why are you saying that? I got my own stuff I'm dealing with. I don't want to hear yours. Yes. So, and I've also heard other Korean people complain about that just in general. Right. Like with their friend groups, like it's a bit harder to just be deeper. People are just like, you're ruining the vibe. Like we're all here having fun. Why are you telling us about your hard day? You're ruining the vibe. Yes. So I think people just in general struggle here to like open up and share stuff because I think people are also taught to like hide problems, hide imperfections, always need to appear to kind of be perfect or that you got your life together. People do that in families too. Like, so probably that girls who are judging you because of your family background. Yes. Their family is probably a piece of ---- too. They just keep it hidden or nobody talks about it and they meet together like look at us. We were a good family. We're all sat together for Chuseok but then they hate each other inside. You know, the boys who call me all the time about their problem, they also advise me not to, if I ever get a Korean girlfriend again, they told me not to share any of my family problems. Oh. And just date her and marry her and then later tell her. I was like, I don't like hiding stuff. That's the thing, right? And also, if you're willing to marry this girl, you got to be open 100%. Right. So she knows what she's getting. This whole package of my family background. and then accept it, right? But he said, not everyone is doing that in Korea and it's clearly it's not helping with your Korean exes and Korean girlfriends so you shouldn't open up so much. What? It's not a good advice actually. It's not a good advice at all. Why are you friends with these people? Get it together. You need to get it together. All of them are married so they have their own family to deal with and I don't want to know what's going on in the house because I respect their wife although I don't really know their wives but she wouldn't like it if I know all this stuff what's going on in the house. Yeah, for sure. I think a lot of people in Korea also think you're rude if you set boundaries. Yeah, right. That's why I'm just not friends with those people anymore. I've learned. I don't care. And then people will know that you're serious and then they'll respect you. True. And then they think that we're being problematic but we are being honest. Yes. And we only want to have honest, good relationships. Honesty plays a big role even in friendship. One other thing that I've noticed that a lot of Korean people have told me even my in-laws we're always taught to be grateful for anytime anyone does something for you because they don't have to do it your parents or whoever it is. So when our parents do something even something small like they made us dinner we always say thank you to everyone. Yes. So when I say thank you to my in-laws they're like wow we love that you just say thank you and my in-laws have even said they're old Korean people they even say most daughter-in-laws just feel entitled to get stuff from them and then they were like we know of stories where the daughter-in-law complained that they're not doing enough for them or whatever but you don't have any expectation of us to give you stuff. They love how we're always thankful and grateful for everything and what I have noticed is in Korean families and marriage it's just well if we're married this is your role. You're supposed to do this you're supposed to do that so people don't really compliment you on it or thank you for it they just mostly criticize if they think you're not doing it right so then it makes you not want to do it anymore. Yes. But from what I've noticed it's because I'm always thankful for everything that people do for me even my husband. This past weekend it was a Pokemon Go event Origin Form, Dialga, and Palkia. At Coex is where people mostly play Pokemon Go for events like that Coex in Gangnam. So we went to Coex there's a kid's cafe my husband just went to the kid's cafe with them and then I walked with the Pokemon people for like two hours to catch all of my Pokemon and after something like that I'm like thank you for taking the kids to the kids cafe so I can play Pokemon Go. It's very very important. And so I can tell he kind of smiles a little bit so you know he knows that I'm grateful and he's happy for it but then it makes people want to do even more but I hear from a lot of people that a lot of Korean spouses both men and women never really say thank you for stuff or tell people what they appreciate about them. Right. And that's one of the things that people like about foreign people have you noticed that or I don't know. Yeah it's a simple thing it's like paying for lunch and they say thank you for lunch. Right. Thank you for coffee or can I get coffee. I love that. And it makes you want to pay for more things. Thank you for the ride. A lot of Korean exes of mine they usually stop saying that after like a few months. Reminded me of something. The story. Okay David. David's got more tea for us. David is his producer over there by the way. Friend of mine he would drive her his girlfriend after every date he would drive her home. She got so comfortable for sure she stopped saying thank you for the ride. That's not even an issue. She got so comfortable about the ride and the car she would look for her trash in her bag and leave it in the car. So the boyfriend would take care of it. I was listening to the story and I thought it was maybe easier to just take the trash with her because she's going home now. Exactly. And the boyfriend has to pick up the trash from the car again and throw them away. It'd be different if she was going to work or something. Well maybe she can't have the trash but taking it home it's like okay I'm going to work can you throw this away for me? All those little things they play a big role in a relationship and I never had exes who did that but if they ask me can you just because I'm going to work now can you do it I'll be more than happy to do it but just say it right and ask and also say thank you please all these things appreciation it plays a big role with compliments with my non-Korean exes they always gave me compliments like you know the boots girl in America the boots girl she boots girl one time we went to the beach in Busan and I took my top off the beach and she goes why don't you have six pack? I was so unprepared to the question like where's your double D? to be fair she had a flat chest you know what I mean? oh you're so nice wear your titties I don't see no cleavage in that bikini she didn't have them I cannot okay I'm sorry I didn't mean to yeah so stuff like that pisses me off but non-Korean non-Korean exes they always say that even I was not in a good shape they would say oh you have a nice body and you I like your shirt today yeah it's nice and then I would just do the same thing for her I like your hair today I like your backpack you look very cute today I love your cobbles because I love cobbles but anyway one of my exes corn rolls? cobble rolls oh I thought you said corn rolls I was like oh you got a corn roll no I like your outfit and stuff like red looks good on you stuff like that I learned from my non-Korean exes it's very nice and we have a saying that a little praise makes the whale dance yeah and I also said in English you catch more flies with honey so I always had more confidence like my non-Korean exes were my good confidence booster I always felt like I was handsome I was somebody and they said oh your artwork is amazing but so my Korean exes they just don't comment they said don't comment anything like at all yeah oh so you're gonna work on your artwork so yes okay good luck Korean exes they would say something like I love your drawing I love your current artwork and then I work harder and also I pay for more things for her I want to plan more dates for her of course you want to see people who say positive things about you right and who make you feel wanted I think it's important in a relationship to make a person feel wanted and loved it was something that was weird for my husband too at first because I'm always like whenever I get the chance I'll be like I like when he wears hats so I'm always like oh my god you know and then he's just like oh good but at first he said it was awkward for him and he thought I was just joking and I was like why would I marry someone I thought was ugly oh I see he thought I was just joking I was like why would I marry someone I thought was ugly that's very true we don't know what to say when people compliment us then we don't know what to say because we're not used to it and the old people they're the opposite they only point out flaws so even I like sometimes with the old people in the family I'd be like I cannot with y'all today I cannot with y'all today if you give compliments then I pay attention to your appearance to find good things about you makes you more beautiful so it works both ways but negative comments I try to look for ugliness in you so I can comment back of course unfortunately in Korean dating market it doesn't really exist some people do but not all of us I don't know what it is but people again they always expect things to be perfect so instead of just in general I think a lot of people tend to be more negative they don't look for the goodness of what's happening I think it makes people more sad in general because if you're always not grateful for what you have you're always looking at what somebody else have or what you want then you can't help it be unhappy right? it's connected to the idea of Yooka Pyeong's man you have five things and one missing and we talk about the one thing that's missing rather than all those five things you have that's why we don't compliment about the five things but focus on the negative one thing that's missing it could be my personal opinion but the lack of compliment from my personal experience it comes from family it was exactly the same absolutely even my parents they never compliment anything about me they don't and they always point out the decisions that's not as successful as I thought that would be and they point out like you didn't do this you didn't do that look where you are now because you made a mistake rather than all those nice things that I achieved they don't want to look at because I got to be perfect when you become family in Korea you don't have to deal with that could be and I think especially because men a little bit more need validation I think a lot of people think women need a lot of validation and we do but I think the validation is different we just want to know that our man loves us and like thinks that we look pretty but I feel like with men especially if they're really working hard for you as a lot of Korean men do they work long hours or whatever so their family can be successful I feel like they really need a lot of validation they like thrive on it and I feel like if they're not getting it at home then they focus more on outside things men tend to go where they get complimented in my opinion that's another thing I heard that leads to a lot of cheating here because a lot of men like maybe they work long hours or whatever he comes home he does the dishes and she complains about the dishes they're not clean enough or whatever but then outside they meet a chick apparently she's like oh you know you're so nice or whatever starts complimenting them and that's one of the things that a lot of people who cheat here say gets them to like go and cheat too yes two things in my opinion one validation from the women who are not their wife at work so it's refreshing they get more confident the second thing is the wife is not willing to listen but usually it's a common misunderstanding that because you're like a team leader or boss at work and your other staff they have to listen to you over lunch but they think oh they're really listening to me because they're willing to and then this girl in her 20s she listens to me because you're her superior and you're old but they don't see that right so they develop feelings for them but again if the woman is older at work and they actually exchange some real feelings then the cheating happens as well as we talked about we decided to get married so quickly like a few months after you meet your girlfriend after this excitement is gone there's a void and you tend to fill that void from someone else most likely at work because you work so hard spend so much hours at the office and then you meet those people who kind of listen to you and they compliment you and you decided to have love instead of there's no good base of friendship again I keep saying this so cheating happens like that but I think it works both ways the women sometimes they do so much they do the housework at the same time they have 9 to 5 full time job and the husband he doesn't appreciate her so she has also the void and when they meet each other at work oh this person really appreciates me and she gives me or he gives me the compliment that I've been looking for and then easily they have soft spot and they touch each other and then you know they break and cross the line yeah it's not just the men it is the women who are cheating too like what you said because Korean men do not do housework did you know that out of all the OACD nations Korean men are dead last for housework did you know that Korean men do less housework than Indian men are you serious they do oh god it's only by like 10 or 15 minutes plus I'm not gonna like talk crap about other countries but you know in India like men and women's rights are they're still a lot more traditional so the fact that they're doing more housework they Korean men says something it was on the news a couple years ago too I'm not proud of this get it together I wanted to add a little bit more about the cheating I've when I was 9 to 5 I saw a lot of people having an affair I thought you said when I was 95 I was like oh sorry 9 to 5 are you a vampire okay 9 to 5 when I had the 9 to 5 job I've seen a lot of people having affairs in the office they usually cause you know men talk to men not the women so I only hear from the men and they say that they have side girlfriend who is also married so usually these men tend to have affair with married one not the single one because having a girlfriend side girlfriend who is married it makes everything easier did you know there's some open chatting where they only allow other people so open chatting like on Kakao like you can go to open chatting rooms you guys know I'm into like Pokemon Go ones right so everybody just joins in this group on Kakao and like chats and then you can go off and have side chats too so there's some for cheating and for some of them they only allow people who are married so in order to prove that you're married you have to send a picture of your family they're like you have to send a picture of you and your family so that everyone knows that you're a safe partner to cheat with and then everybody in the room just sort of like cheats together so it's an open field for the people who are validated a few months ago we shot a video about Korean society being sexless society I disagree they're only sexless in marriages so the person you're seeing you're supposed to have sex with you don't you have sex with other people it's like don't get it twisted they're doing it they're just doing it very sharp with other people who are not their partners spot on and the hookup culture is crazy here too I hear with married people? I mean single people just like going out and hooking up and stuff years ago I made a video about it where I went out to clubs and interviewed people oh okay so we interviewed people and asked them about like oh do you have one night stands do you know people everybody's like yeah oh but people like hide it a little bit asking for a friend which club was it? I don't remember okay it was like years ago can you remember and text me? he real thirsty let's matchmake you I've talked to him a couple times he's a very good guy he's very smart he's very insightful so he'll like think and know how to like share his feelings and stuff you can find me in the club don't say that you're gonna ruin your chances get out the club okay you're older than me but I need to mentor you to be fair you need help to be fair they don't allow people in their 40s to go to clubs? they don't looking like me they don't no in Hongdae clubs they don't allow me to go in really? I've been rejected before but I had like the people who came to like a business trip when I was like 9 to 5 okay not 95 and they were they were curious about the club culture so I was like oh let's go and they're like oh you're too old wow oh that hurts I guess it depends on where you went and what you look like I guess true I went to the wrong town Hongdae you better go to the people bar get you some and then roll up in there okay I'm ready to go okay so just going back to the idea of international marriage is increasing I do think people especially older people's views on international marriage have also changed yes like the kids they think they're very cute like little mixed kids they think are cute so the older generation is less likely to reject right I think a foreign bride also simply because people are just not getting married and dating the birth rate is low so they're like anybody somebody please marry my son or my father in my humble opinion I think Korean men are it's not like we don't want to get married but it's not happening I think that's one of the reasons why mê-mê mê-mê-hôn mail order brides from like Vietnam and like lower income countries there's a lot of people especially farmers and whatnot who do the mail order brides yes I watch some of those videos these men are very lonely and even after divorce with a Vietnamese wife they want to have another wife because they feel very lonely so I think the marriage is not happening although we want to because of the competition and many reasons like housing prices and blah blah blah so I think we are in a phase where a lot of Korean men including myself we have a fantasy about international marriage we naturally assume that maybe not marrying the Korean women but foreign women would be better it's going to solve all the problems but we are in a phase where we are seeing the pros and cons right now and I think after this phase we will be more rational to decide whether to go for the international marriage or just marry marry the Korean women or stay single but right now the international marriage is rising and it's getting more popular and also comments from the Unnie video Hamak Unnie Korean men have a lot of fantasies towards Japanese women foreign women open-minded very kind and caring blah blah blah but we also have some nice Korean women as well but of course we tend to focus on the negative side of our local women I think so so I think it's an interesting phase which is why it's meaningful to have this talk at this point I think so too also from my channel the same thing is happening in western countries a lot of my subscribers are middle-aged Americans divorced usually and they think Korean men are great they have this fantasy which is why they get catfished as well oh there's catfishing? a lot of it oh yeah oh usually usually the same story this good-looking Korean guy wants to date me and come over to America to meet me and he's single very good-looking some of them even send me the picture of him non-existent him and her picture sorry to say this they don't match because this woman is a lot older and a lot of it is happening and I get a lot of emails the same story same story and he has this accident and his bank account is frozen so he's in trouble and he needs cash send it over and he needs like a ticket money for the plane to America blah blah blah and then they send the money and it's done and sometimes they say oh I don't want to send you money then he goes to them you've been talking to someone from China probably or Bangladesh from somewhere it's a scam it's like old Nigerian prince story it's happening a lot I get those emails a lot wow so instead of the Nigerian people that they're connecting with now they're connecting with pretty boys Korean guys that is insane people are so evil praying on these people's like insecurities and hopes and they've been hurt before experienced a divorce and they have this void and with the kids a lot of responsibility and there's a Korean prince who looks like a K-drama guy and surprisingly he's willing to date them that's why I said you have to be a little bit realistic I know that people when they're so down just any sort of hope makes them feel a little better and I think some people might even know this is probably a scam but maybe they just want to talk to somebody the last email I got like two days ago as I mentioned she sent me her own photo and the guy this catfishing guy this guy is so good looking I want to date him and this lady is just average a little bit obese with the kids and he's willing to date you I doubt that so I politely replied I usually don't reply but she was very hurt so I replied very politely yeah about 10 million percent it's catfishing be careful I told her but she's already depressed she didn't send any money to him that's good but she was hurt by the fact that he's asking for money now so it's very clear that it's going to be catfishing but she wanted to confirm look at you out there helping people in real life I'm not good at compliments but thank you so on that note we are going to wrap up for today thank you so much for coming I really had fun I had a lot of fun and I had a chance to look back at my experiences yeah same here and also it's much better talking to someone than talking to yourself I think I'm going to start doing more sit down talks with people than just talking to myself it's like so much better isn't it? yeah so thank you for sharing your insights and your stories and everything and you also do tattooing of the hairline yes I do I would like to come in for that the reason why I have a lot of stories is because they talk to me because it's an intimate procedure and my shop is private so they tend to open up a bit too much sometimes but usually it's like a relationship stories and their hardships about competition and blah blah blah I can imagine because they're touching your hairline so see the reason why I always have a headband and my little bang frillies is because my hairline it's fine it's a little bald over there I'm going to come get myself tattooed his shop is like near where my husband works so one morning when my husband goes to work I might just ride over there I'm going to set an appointment yes so if you need any of those services get them if you want to go hear about Soul Yellow Fellow aka Jediah's Amish Jediah the Amish this is rap name we joked about it before I'm like your rap name is going to be Jediah the Amish then I'll have all of his information and what not down below thanks for coming it was an honor to be here share the stage with you stage is that right set set with you it was an honor to set touch okay it was an honor to be part of your show and I learned a lot from you and my ending yeah I'm very happy feel lucky to share the set with you thank you for having me thank you so much so if you like this video and you like to see more videos please subscribe to my YouTube page which is down below don't forget to follow me on Instagram Twitter TikTok like me on Facebook and I will see ya thank you bye bye