Should I Marry My Financially Irresponsible Girlfriend?

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. My question to you guys is whether I should continue moving forward with getting engaged with my girlfriend, you know, even though I see her as kind of being financially irresponsible. Run, Bill, run! No. I'm just playing. I'm playing. Tell us more. What is financially irresponsible? It means that she still kind of nickels and dimes us to death. So when it comes to those small expenses like eating out and getting a cup of coffee, I think there's very little consideration on her part in terms of how those expenses can accumulate over time. And I guess the other big thing, too, is, you know, not a steady source of income from her end so that when we have big expenses like our animal vet appointments, you know, it usually ends up me sharing the financial burden more so. Are y'all living together? Yes. So we are. Yeah, that's what this is kind of all about is I'm a 30-year-old living in my girlfriend's parents' basement. Oh, there's that. Okay, cool. Lead with that next time, brother. All right. So how much of this — listen, it's just two dudes, Rachel happens to be here, and like a couple of million people just listening, okay? How much of this is you've got to see up close? I don't know if this is a person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Because here's the thing, I skipped a final exam to run across campus because I knew that's a place that my girlfriend at the time, who's now my wife, would be walking across campus at a certain time, right? So if it was really that she spent too much on cups of coffee and didn't work very often, and you were head over heels this was your person, you'd be calling us in 10 years saying she won't get a job and she spent gel into the poorhouse. What else is going on that's making you start to question this thing? How much money do you have to make where budgeting is just optional? If you chose C, watch this. She makes about $170, I make about $115. Hold on, did you go back after you paid off everything, borrow some more money? Oh, yeah. Oh, no, Carlos. We like to go here and there and get this Mercedes. Oh, no! You went full South Beach. It's not just about how much you make, it's about having a plan for what you've got. So start budgeting with every dollar for free today. What else is going on that's making you start to question this thing? Well, we've been together for such a long time and I think we've had our ups and downs, but eventually I feel like recently in my life I've gone through a stage of maturity and that certainly means financial maturity. And I think that is what I have yet to see from her, especially in recent times. And I know if I want to take that next step with her, that is something that we certainly have to agree upon. How old is she? She is 28. Okay. So it's more of a maturity over on who she is, but what you're seeing, what's coming out is the money side too. Yes. Man, this is a double-edged sword, all right, brother? And Rachel, knock me off my pedestal like you're so good at doing, Rachel. Would love to, John. My concern here is a double-edged sword. One, you have somebody who isn't working, seems to be content living at home with their parents, whatever, and never has any money and continues to rack up expenses. There's that. Honestly, my bigger concern right now is you are starting to feel like you are better than her. And that is, man, you're tilling the soil to plant the seeds for contempt. And contempt is one of the Gottman's four horsemen that will just destroy your relationship. It's you sitting up in the lifeguard tower of a local pool, looking down on, instead of sitting with her and saying, hey, what's our plan to get out of your parents' basement? What's your financial future? What job are you going to have? What kind of future do we want to build together? And if she won't participate in that, yeah, you've got bigger issues. Yeah. Have y'all had conversations, Bill, about it? We recently, three weeks ago, tried to have a completely clean slate where we push everything behind us in the past, and we just look forward, and we don't bring up anything that happened in the past. And it seems like I'm getting that sense of financial urgency from her. But then there's still those moments where, again, she has a small, unnecessary expense. Or just yesterday, if I may say, she had spent approximately $60 to get us concert tickets. And it's still those things that occur that prevent me from giving her my full trust, financially speaking. Well, it's tough because y'all aren't married. And so I wouldn't tell you to make a budget together because y'all are just boyfriend and girlfriend living in her parents' basement, right? Like, if y'all were married, if y'all were engaged, and y'all were starting to think through, we're going to make a budget together, and we're going to high-five each other and stick to this budget that we've made, and then she was like, look out, surprise, concert tickets, then yeah. You've broken something that you've said together, yes. But if y'all are just dating, and you've been dating a long time, and you're just sitting in your girlfriend's parents' basement saying, hey, we need to get our stuff together, and she's like, yeah, yeah. Y'all have created no situation where she has to, right? And I hear what you're saying, Bill. I do hear, I wish she had the self-motivation to... Can she keep a job? Like, what's the job situation? So I have two jobs. I work full-time at Target and part-time as a math tutor at Math Museum, and I work approximately 40 to 55 hours a week. And I'd say it brings me in approximately $3,500 to $4,000 a month. And what does she do? So she just has side gigs. She does a lot of pet sitting. It's been picking up a little bit, because it's springtime and summertime, and people want to travel. The other thing, I guess, too, is she does have her mom, who owns a lice removal service company, and she has lots of experience with doing that. And that's actually a very nice job, because they get a lot of... Well, a lot. But she will work it, though. Well, in this... Yes. Okay. Yes. So I can feel... Okay, Bill, but you're in the same... You're a little bit... I'm going to group you all in the same situation. You're both living at her parents' house. I hear you trying. He's turned a corner. You have. And he's like, I want to do something with my life, create financial stability. And she's pet sitting, which, again, nothing's wrong with pet sitting, but that's for a full-time career. If she was doing it 60 hours a week... Not for a 28-year-old. Not for a 28-year-old, right? And it could be a great side gig, but I do see the lack of initiation on her side. And that is... Very concerning. Yes, that's concerning. So I see that. It's concerning that her mom still speaks into y'all's life, right? So here's the thing. The only thing you can control is you. If you were my son in this exact situation, I would tell you, go get a one-bedroom apartment today. Yes. I want you to have skin in the game of your life. And you're not going to accumulate wealth as much as you want, whatever. And then say, we're not breaking up, but I need to get out of underneath your mom and dad as my parents. And I need to start creating a life as me as a 30-year-old man. Yes. And then you can see with clear eyes, does she want to join your team till death do you part? Or does she want to live under her mommy's roof, pet sitting a few months out of the year, right? That's what I was going to say, John. Dude. You wrapped it up well. Same team. It's going to expose and show more of the truth, Bill. When you are on your own and you have the blinders on for your life, does she enter it or does she exit it? And you make your budget for your money. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.