I’m Totally Done Doing These 6 Things (And You Should Be Too)

So something happened to me recently that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. And it got me thinking because it's kind of personal, right? I think that as I get older, I'm getting wiser. And due to that wisdom, there really are some things that I find that I am not tolerating anymore. Some of them, I have just outgrown them. But for some, I finally understood what they were actually costing me. So I want to share with you six things that I am not willing to do anymore, no matter what anybody thinks. You may not agree with my list or you may have a list of your own. If you do, I want to know what's on your list. But let me share my own list of six things I am definitely not doing anymore. The first thing I am no longer willing to do is to allow miscommunication to go unaddressed. Do I mean speak clearly? Do I mean say things properly? No, that's not what I mean. Now, here is what I mean. Have you ever been in a situation, maybe at work or in a relationship with a friend where something happens that genuinely bothers you? It hurts you. It sets you back. Maybe it was even unfair. And instead of saying something, you smile. You keep quiet. You move on. You don't rock the boat. You tell yourself, it's fine. It's not worth it. I don't want drama. God, I have done this so many times. When I first started working in Canada, I remember being in meetings where my ideas were overlooked. I mean, I would say something, and five minutes later, somebody else would say the same thing. And suddenly, the whole room is nodding, writing it down, agreeing with it. And I would sit there thinking, but I just said the same thing. Did no one hear me? Of course they heard. They just chose to ignore. But for many months, I said nothing. I just smiled and I moved on. But do you know what that silence cost me? Not just professionally. I mean, inside me. It built resentment in me. It made me question my own value. And the worst part was that the people on the other side probably had no idea how I felt because I didn't tell them. And as someone who came from a culture where silence is considered respect, where not speaking up is called humility, where you endure rather than confront, I stewed in my resentment rather than speak up. But I learned that in many workplaces here, in many relationships here, silence is just silence. Nobody is filling in the blanks for you. Unspoken problems don't disappear. They go underground. And when they are underground, they grow into resentment. So I made a decision. I am done letting things fester. If something is unclear, I will ask. If something is unfair, I will speak up. If it hurts me, I will say something. Not with drama, not with aggression, but I will say it clearly, calmly, and directly. Because the person who says nothing gets nothing. And I am too far into this journey to keep paying that price. So my biggest advice right now to you is that the next time that something bothers you and you're about to swallow it, don't swallow it. Ask yourself, am I genuinely letting this go or am I just afraid to speak? Those are two very different things. Before I get into the second thing, and trust me, that one is going to hit differently, especially if you've been in Canada for a while. But I want to quickly talk about something very practical because this channel is about building your best life here. And that means the mindset stuff and the practical stuff. So bear with me for about 60 seconds. Now, if you're thinking about moving abroad or becoming an expert, or you're just a frequent traveler, one thing you realize very quickly is how important staying connected actually is. The moment I land somewhere, I'm checking directions, I'm logging into banking apps, I'm replying to emails, I'm looking at apartments, visas, reservations, et cetera, et cetera. So I have a room. I never touch airport wifi because it's slow, sketchy, and unreliable. So no thanks. Here's what I do instead. Before I even land, I've already got data waiting for me. No SIM card swaps, no hunting for wifi password, no roaming charges, just a two-minute setup and I'm connected. And that's all thanks to Holafly. Holafly offers eSIMs for travelers in more than 200 destinations. Also, they have a subscription plan called Holafly Plans. They're monthly eSIM subscription designed for people constantly moving between countries. With one eSIM and one flat monthly fee, you get coverage in 160 plus destinations. There are two options depending on your usage. There's the unlimited plan or the light plan with 25 gig, and you can subscribe monthly or annually. And both plans lets you hotspot your connection as well. And something I genuinely think is useful for expats or long-term travelers is their always-on feature. Even if you cancel your subscription, you still get one gig per month in 70 plus destinations. So you're never completely disconnected when arriving somewhere new. If international travel or moving abroad is part of your future plans, this is one of those things that just makes life a lot easier. Stop struggling with sketchy airport wifi. Grab Holafly now and land connected every time. Use my code SHEAYOBASI and get 10% off on Holafly plans in your first 12 months and 5% off Holafly eSIMs. The link is in the description and the pinned comments. Now to the second thing. I noticed that usually when you land in Canada, you sort of do what everybody else is doing or what people say is working. And that's not bad. Everyone is doing the same three courses. Everyone is applying for the same types of jobs. Everyone is giving you the same advice. Do this. This is the safe path. This is how it's done. And so you do it too. Because, I mean, if everyone is moving in this direction, it must be right, right? But the crowd doesn't know your specific situation. The crowd doesn't know your skills, your timeline, your actual goals, your financial situation. The crowd is just doing what the crowd does. It's doing what the last person who survived did. And surviving is not the same thing as thriving. So I made a decision to stop running someone else's race with my own two legs. I will not follow the crowd anymore. Whether it's in the way they live, the videos they post, the things they do, nothing. The people giving you the advice, many of them are not even happy with the path that they took. Many of them are stuck on the very road they are directing you towards. Their advice is well-meaning. I won't question the heart of that. I won't question the hearts behind it. But well-meaning and well-suited are two completely different things. So now, before I follow any advice, even from people that I deeply respect, I ask myself three questions. One, does this actually align with what I want? Two, has this worked for someone whose situation genuinely resembles mine? And three, am I doing this because it makes sense or because I'm afraid of looking different? If I cannot answer those questions honestly, I do not move. Inaction is risky, I know. But moving hard and fast in the wrong direction is far more expensive. I've seen too many people speed confidently towards the wrong destination. I don't do it again. The third thing that I'm no longer willing to do anymore is to put myself last. No more. And before you think, Chey, but that is basic self-care content. No. What I'm describing goes much deeper than that. Most of the time, we carry people on our back, our parents back home, our siblings watching and hoping, our friends who are counting on us to make it and prove it's possible, our community who needs us to be successful so that we can have a blueprint to follow. That weight is real. And in many ways, it is beautiful. God forbid we forget where we came from. We are people who carry each other. That is our strength. But you cannot carry everyone from a broken foundation. You cannot give from a cup that has been empty for years. And when you consistently put yourself last, your health, your mental rest, your financial stability, your actual dreams, you eventually become the person who needs to be carried. And when that happens, all the people you were holding up, they will fall or they will find their way. I watched myself doing this, saying yes when the real answer should have been not yet. Pouring into other people's emergencies while my own foundation was quietly cracking. Feeling guilty for investing in myself because someone or something else needed that resources more. And one day I just sat down when I asked myself a very uncomfortable question. If I collapse right now, who rescues me? The way I've been trying to rescue everyone else. Putting myself first is not selfishness. It is strategy. I am the foundation. If the foundation cracks, everything built on top of it cracks too. My family, my community, my ability to help, all of it. A broken version of me helps no one. So here's what I changed. Every financial decision I make, I fund myself first. Every time I am depleted, I rest before I give more. Every time I feel guilty for investing in my own growth, I remind myself that a strong version of me is the best gift I can give to the people that I love. Is this a perfect process? Maybe no. Some days the guilt is loud. Some days the old patterns come back. But I'm done carrying self abandonment as if it were a virtue. I am done calling it humility when it is actually slow self-destruction. I am done putting myself last. The fourth thing I am no longer willing to do is apologize for how far I have come. This is one of the most specific, most painful, most quietly destructive patterns that immigrants carry. And almost nobody talks about it directly. Here's what it looks like. You work hard, you sacrifice, you figure things out slowly and painfully in a country that did not come easy. And then things start to work. You get the job, you hit a milestone, you buy the house, you finally feel like this place is home. And instead of feeling full, instead of feeling proud, you feel guilty. Guilty because your cousin is still waiting for a visa. Guilty because your friend back home is struggling and you're here posting a picture in a nice coat in the snow. Guilty because somebody from your hometown asked how you were doing and you genuinely answered that you were doing well. And the silence on the other end of the call told you that your good news felt like their bad news. I have been there. I have edited myself down to not make others uncomfortable. I have downplayed my real wins. I have said, ah, it's not enough, it's by God's grace. Which yes, it is by God's grace. But I use that phrase as a hiding place instead of a declaration. But now I understand. Shrinking yourself does not lift anyone else up. Your deliberately small life does not fund anybody's dreams. Your deliberate dimness does not light someone else's candle. It just means that there are now two people in the dark instead of one. And the people who genuinely love you, they want to see you fully. The people who get smaller every time you succeed, that is about them. That is not a request for you to adjust your own altitude. I am done apologizing for the altitude. I worked for this and so will you. And when you get there, I need you to stand in it fully, not arrogantly. Stand in it fully with your full chest. The fifth thing that I am no longer willing to do is wait until I'm ready. Ah, I have been guilty of this in ways that would genuinely shock you. I used to think my caution was wisdom. I used to think my waiting was preparation. And there's a version of waiting that is wisdom, but there's another version, and that version is just fear, plain and simple. Here is what waiting until you're ready actually sounds like in real life. I will apply for the job when I have more experience. I will start investing when I have more money. I will speak up in meetings when I'm more confident. I will start my business when everything is ready. I will start once the kids are older, once I pay off my debt, once I understand the system better, once I can show my face on camera, once this, once that. Once is a trap. I have visited that trap many times. Here is the brutal truth about readiness. It is not a destination you arrive at. It is a feeling that gets manufactured mostly by doing the thing before you feel ready. You don't become ready and then you start. You start and you become ready is what happens next. Ah, I think about this, especially for people on their immigration journey. How many opportunities are sitting unclaimed because someone is waiting to feel more confident, more prepared, more settled before they reach for what they actually want? Every year you spend waiting is a year that someone else, less qualified, but more willing, is getting the experience you were saving yourself for. Or more, it is true. It has happened to me over and over and over. So I made a decision. I act with the information I have. I will not always be fully ready. I am not always fully ready. I will not always have perfect conditions, but I will move and I will correct as I go because a moving ship can be stirred. A stationary ship cannot be stirred. My biggest advice right now, which I told myself and I'm telling you, whatever you have been putting off until you are ready, ask yourself honestly, what does ready actually look like? Can you describe it? Because if you can't describe it, you are not preparing, you are just postponing. Clock it. Clock it because this is wisdom. Now, if you've made it this far into this video and I mean you genuinely watched it, you didn't just have it playing in the background while you were doing something else, I want to say thank you. The fact that you're still here tells me that you're the kind of person who actually wants to change. Not just talk about it, actually do it. And you are my kind of person. Now, the last one on the list is the cream on the cake, as they say. So let's get into it. The sixth and the final thing that I'm no longer willing to do, and I say this with full love and full conviction, is that I will no longer tolerate rooms and people that consistently drain me. I will no longer tolerate it. Now, I am not talking about cutting off people when things get difficult. I am not talking about abandoning loyal people. I am not talking about becoming the kind of person who only shows up when everything is perfect. No. What I'm talking about is this, that there are certain rooms, aka certain conversations, certain group chats, certain graduands, where you walk in full and you walk out empty every single time. Where the energy is either negative or competitive, or there's a subtle current of comparison running underneath every conversation. Where your good news is received with a half smile. Where your challenges are met with a lecture. Where you feel like you're performing rather than existing. And because we are loyal people, because we were raised to endure, to manage, to not be the one who makes things awkward, we stay. We show up again the next time. We smile. We manage. I am done managing my own discomfort in rooms that were never designed to impress me. I will no longer tolerate people who exude negative energy, as in they exude it. I am not doing it again. I find that I am a loyal person and I held on to certain connections beyond their expiry date. Not out of love, but out of, I don't even know, maybe loyalty? But I have learned that a draining connection doesn't just cost you energy. It fills the space that a nourishing connection could have occupied. You cannot build your best life in Canada surrounded by people who make you feel smaller than you actually are. So now I am intentional. I am conscious about the rooms I enter. I am honest about the connections I invest in. Not ruthlessly, but honestly. And maybe you have people in your own life right now who, if you have been truthful with yourself, they consistently leave you depleted. And something in you already knows it. Are you going to continue to tolerate it? So let me tie this all together for you. Six things I am no longer willing to do. Allowing miscommunication to go unaddressed. Following the crowd without question. Putting myself consistently last. Waiting until I am ready. Apologizing for how far I've come and tolerating people that drain me. These are not small habits. These are patterns. And patterns, once you finally see them clearly, you cannot unsee them. Here's what I want you to do right now. In the comments, tell me which of these six hits you the hardest. Or tell me the things that you are unwilling to do anymore. I read every single comment and I want to know where you are on this journey. And if this video found you at the right time, please share it. You never know who in your circle needs to hear this today. And if you love this video, you will love this one right here. It is very, very interesting. It will bless you as well. Go and watch it. Don't forget to check out HulaFly if you or anyone you know is traveling soon and wants to stay connected. You get a discount if you use the code SHEAYOBASI at checkout. The link is in the description. And I will see you in the next video.