I'm begging you to watch this if you feel lost

If you don't know what you want in life, I actually really don't think you should start off by asking yourself, what do I want? Even though that question is so simple, when you're already feeling overwhelmed, confused, lost, or like dissatisfied with where you are, that question can just feel way too big. Like, what do I want in life? And then your brain goes, excellent question, we have no idea. And then you're just spiraling because everyone online seems to have it all figured out, everyone seems to have a personal brand, a vision board, a five-year plan, know their purpose, like everything. And you're just like, I actually don't know what I want for dinner, how do you expect me to know what I want to do with my entire existence? But here's what people usually get wrong, they start off by asking the hardest questions first. Like, what do I want? What is my purpose? What is my dream life? What do I want to do with my life? And when you're already feeling lost, those questions really don't bring you a lot of clarity. Sometimes they just make you feel more behind because now you're not only confused, you're judging yourself for the fact that you're confused. So in this video, I want to give you a much simpler starting point because maybe you don't know exactly what you want, but I bet you know what you don't want. You probably already know what drains you, what makes you feel trapped, what makes you feel heavy. And the good news is, all of that is not just unnecessary negativity, it's actually useful information. Because what you don't want is often the clearest doorway into what you do want. So instead of trying to magically discover your purpose out of thin air, we're going to do something much more practical, the reverse clarity method. Okay, basically we're going to take the things you don't want, the things you complain about, the things that frustrate you, or the things that just feel wrong, and we're going to play the opposites game. And I know that sounds really simple, but that's exactly why it works. I'm going to share a few different tools and practices just because I wanted to give you some options. So you can obviously do all of these if want maximum clarity, or you can just pick the one that feels best for you because we're all different. Something that works for me is not going to work for you, so I wanted to give you some options. And as per usual, I'm going to have timestamps so you can easily find everything. But if you're new to my channel, hi, I'm Nika, welcome. I make videos all about self-improvement, but I like to make them very actionable. Here are the tips, the tricks, the actual step-by-step guide so you can make a difference that you're actually going to notice. So if that works for you, I'd love for you to stick around and subscribe, or you can also check out my Instagram for more content over there. And I also have Notion Planners, so you can actually turn all of this into action, into practical steps, goals, habits. And my bestseller, the Life Design Planner is 50% off with the code NIKA50. I'm going to have all of that linked down below. And now, without any further unnecessary yapping, let's get into it. Okay, so the first one is probably going to be very obvious if you listen to that whole intro, but it's basically to write a list of things you don't want. Please do this with a specific area of your life that you're confused about. So maybe for you, that's your career or your job, or maybe it's romantic relationships. You don't want to focus on your entire life at once because that's going to be so overwhelming. So you're going to write a whole list and make this as long as you need it to be. And then you're going to play the game of opposites. So next to each item that you don't want, you're going to write what you do want. And sometimes that opposite might not be so obvious. So let me give you an example with relationships. Maybe I wrote that I don't want to be yelled at. So the opposite for me might be I want to feel or I want to be respected. For you, it might be I want to feel nurtured, or I want to feel cared for, I want to feel valued. It might not be so obvious, okay? Another example when it comes to, let's say, career. Like, maybe you wrote I don't want to be micromanaged. So the opposite of that for you might be I want to be trusted, or I want to feel valued, or I want to have a sense of freedom. It's really simple. It just has to be true to you and to what you want. And also focus on the essence or like the feeling, not so much like the nitty-gritty detail of what you don't want. So instead of writing like I don't want Jack to say XYZ to me in that tone, write like I don't want to be micromanaged, I don't want to be judged, I don't want to be, you know, like the essence, the vibe, the feeling. Because then the opposite of that is going to make a lot more sense, and it's going to be a lot more simple and clear, and that's going to give you the most like valuable information. And a really valuable add-on to this exercise is to get really detailed about why these things bother you. Like, why does it bother me so much to be micromanaged? That is going to be such an amazing insight, again, into what you do want, but also what you really, really value, what is really, really important to you. And this actually connects really nicely to today's sponsor, Brevo, because once you actually figure out what you want, the next step is building it, launching it, sharing it, and just create systems that help you to follow through. So for example, with my notion planners, if I'm launching a new planner, I don't want to just post it on social media once and like hope the algorithm is feeling generous. I want to collect emails, let people know when it's coming, send updates, follow up after launch, and actually stay connected to the people that are interested. And that's exactly what Brevo helps you do. So Brevo is an all-in-one marketing and sales platform where you can manage things like email marketing, SMS, live chat, CRM, signup forms, landing pages, and automations all in one place. So instead of having it scattered across so many different tools like spreadsheets, screenshots, and just this like blinded trust that you're going to remember to follow through, Brevo lets you build a much more organized system. And what I really love about it is that it has a very generous free plan, so you can send up to 300 emails a day, and their pricing is based on the number of emails you send, not the size of your contact list, which just makes it so much more predictable as you grow. So if you're currently building or launching something, or you just want a better system, click the link in the description box to check out Brevo and use my code Nika50 for 50% off the first three months of the starter and standard plan. Thank you so much to Brevo for sponsoring, and now let's get back to our reverse clarity method. Okay, the second exercise is kind of similar, but it might work better for you depending on just how you work, and that is to play a little game where you're improving the things you don't want. So the first thing you write is what you don't want, then next to that you ask yourself what would be better, and you write that down, and then next to that you ask yourself what would be even better than that, and you write that down, and you just follow that process until you get to kind of like the best possible scenario for you, and that is what you really want. So here's an example, what I don't want, I don't want to be micromanaged, then I ask myself what would be better, maybe for me that would be I want to be able to do my work and for people to trust that I'll do a good job, and then what would be even better than that, maybe that's I want to be invaluable in my career, and just follow that until you get to what again feels like the best possible scenario for you. With this next one we're not going to look at what we don't want necessarily, we're going to look at something that a lot of us don't really want to think about because it feels negative and icky, but it holds so much information, and that is to look at jealousy and envy. So when do you feel it and who do you feel it towards? Usually we're jealous of or we envy people who have what we want, but we feel like we can't have that thing, you know, or it's like so difficult for us and they just seem to have it so easy and have it already, so again it's going to give you so much info into what you want. Another version of this where you don't have to focus on jealousy or envy if that just feels too icky for you, is to ask yourself who are the people that seem like they're just the happiest to you. Really good indication of what you want because I actually did this for myself, so this is my list. So the people who look happiest to me are the people who have a lot of freedom, they have their own thing that you can tell they're really passionate about, they live in accordance to what feels best for them without so many limitations or like fears or other people's opinions, they don't let fear or insecurity stop them, they're social, outgoing, charming, confident, they own their past and who they are, like the good and the not so good, even the parts that our society deems as like unacceptable or shameful, they just own it all, like they're authentically themselves, they're really unapologetic about who they are. A few other things, they're very active, they're full of energy, they have a lot of humor and play and fun, like a lightness to them, those are just like some of the things that I wrote down. So then taking that list, I can write like the values that are clearly important to me or the values that I would like to live by. So that list would be from just like the first few points that I wrote, I value freedom, I value autonomy, authenticity and integrity, intuition, like doing something because it feels right, growth, self-expression, that is just a few examples of the things that are really important to me and the things that I do value, just from looking at the people who seem the happiest or even the people that I'm sometimes jealous of or I envy, you know, when I'm feeling insecure and then from there, when you're choosing what you want, make sure it's aligned with these values, with these things that are super important to you. Think of those as like your highest priority and like your biggest commitment and just start today with living in alignment with these values. When you're making any sort of decision, ask yourself, is this aligned with what I deeply, deeply value, what is deeply important to me and that's going to be a life of so much authenticity, that's going to be a life that actually feels good for you because that is what you want. Okay and then this last one is really going to bring all of this together and that is to think of the negative consequences that you're going to have to accept by choosing whatever you choose and I know this sounds counterintuitive, you're like what the hell but I feel like this is so important because so many of us have this belief that when we choose something that's really for us, it's not going to have any negative consequences, like it's just going to be easy, breezy, beautiful, like nothing bad, it's all positive and that is really not the case because every decision you make, every single thing you choose has a negative consequence. It obviously has benefits but it also has negative consequences and this is going to help you determine what you actually really, really want and what you maybe want just because it seems good and like the result is nice and you know other people have it and when you see it, you're like oh that's really cool, I might want that. It's going to make it so incredibly simple and like crystal clear so you're not like a headless chicken running around doing all these different things trying to figure out what you actually want. There's nothing wrong with like trying to figure it out and trying new things, like that is often how you learn but you also use a lot of your energy and time and when you do that all the time, it gets exhausting, like I know this because I've been there, like if you guys have followed me for a long time, you know this, like I've tried so many things and I feel like I would have made my life so much easier if I just did this and I would have had more time to do the things that I actually know I want to do now, you know. So yes, there are negative consequences to everything you choose but the thing that is right for you, the thing that you really, really want, that price is worth it. It doesn't mean that it's not there, it doesn't mean that the negative consequences are out of picture, it just means that you want it so much that those things are there but it's not the end of the world, it's worth it. So when you start to figure out what you like and you're choosing what you want to do, ask yourself what are the negative consequences and really be so upfront and honest about that, that's gonna help you determine what is really for you and what just looks nice. For example, like I used to have this idea that I would have a really, really cute cafe with like a Pilates studio above it just because I felt like there wasn't anything like that in the style that I like where I live and that was like a cute little dream and it looked so nice. I love interior design, I would have so many like good meals, you know, the things I like to eat like really good coffee, matcha, like all of that. I would be able to take really cute pictures of it, I would feel really good when people would come in and really like the place. So obviously, there were so many little benefits I was really excited about and it looked so cute and amazing and I was, you know, ready to do it all. And then I thought of the negative consequences and the actual process of having a cafe, a Pilates studio, whatever and I was like, oh, I would be miserable actually. Like when you think about the nitty-gritty of like, you know, you have to prepare all of the food obviously, like the drinks, you have to serve people which totally fine as long as they're not assholes, you have to deal with those assholes, you have to do all the buying, you have to deal with the employees once you have them, with cleaning it, with different like inspections, like there's so many things and I was like, that is not worth it to me at all. Like sure, it seems so nice and when I see other people do it, I'm like, I want this so bad but the negative consequences are not worth it to me. So if I didn't know this, I might start doing this and then in the middle, I would be like, I hate this process, I hate my day-to-day of actually doing this thing. You know what I mean? Like it seems great on paper, it's just not it for me. So doing this really is invaluable if you're someone who's like going in so many different directions and you're like, I want so many things, like there's so many things that I might like, what do I choose, how do I make that decision, this is perfect. Also, it gives you so much inner power when you're like, okay, this is going to be the negative consequences, I am willing to deal with it, I'm accepting it and here's what I'm going to do about them once they like start to come up, when I'm actually in the process of doing this and it's just so worth it to me because I want it so much, like I'm fine dealing with this. That just gives you so much inner power and just like confirmation that this is right for you. I know we all know this but it's not about the finish line, it's about the process to get to the finish line and also once you kind of start doing what you want, you realize that the finish line keeps moving, you know, because there's new things you want to do, there's new goals, there's, you know, stepping stones to where you want to get to and so the process is really the important part and you want your values to be a part of that process, you want your strengths to be a part of it, you want to actually enjoy as much of the process that you can. Obviously, there's going to be things you don't like and those negative consequences but it has to be so important that you're willing to pay that price over and over again. It's just like, I'm fine with that, whatever, I want it so bad. And the last thing I want to say is obviously doing all these exercises gives you so much clarity but you have nothing without the action and a lot of the time when you, you know, take whatever step you can take right now, it gets the energy flowing which is so nice when you're feeling confused and stuck, like just doing something gets the energy to move which we want and it also teaches you what you want, what you like, what you don't like. So take action, start doing things but most importantly take inspired action, like when you get that nudge that's like, oh I really want to do this and there's so much energy behind it, do it, like get up and do it as soon as possible. That is what really successful people do all the time, they follow those nudges and they go with the energy so when it like pops up, if you can, obviously I know we have lives, we have things to do but if you can, follow it, get up, do it, like that is gonna make the biggest difference truly and you're gonna learn to really listen to your intuition and to, you know, where you're being guided, that is gonna bring you so much more insight than any like exercise, any video could. Alrighty guys, if you want to keep going with this topic, you can watch this video next, it's gonna give you a lot of like practical tools and really cool ideas to kind of level up and glow up mentally and energetically so your vibes are in the right place when you start whatever you want to start. So thank you guys so so much for watching and I'll see you over there.