5 Types of Date Nights Every Couple Needs (Because Yours Aren’t Working)

All right, it's a date night. You get ready, you go out, you have a nice dinner, you laugh, you talk, and everything feels pretty good. And then you get home and it's like nothing really happens. Not in a bad way, just the same way it always does. That's when date nights start to lose their impact. Now when it comes to date nights, I love me a good date night, okay? I'm the person that likes to make them fun, mix things up, try different things, surprise my partner. And I've tried a lot at this point and some things worked really well and some were just kind of So I wanted to share with you what actually makes a difference and the types of date nights that hit differently depending on what your relationship needs. By the way, if you don't know who I am, hello, my name is Allie and on this platform I talk about sex relationships and other fun stuff and I am also a sex education student with a sexual health alliance. So I'm learning along with you because let's be honest, most of us don't have the stuff figured out, including myself. All right, here's the thing that no one really tells you, all right? Not all date nights are And if you're doing the same kind of date night over and over and over again, you're not building anything fun, new and exciting. You're building routine, which is great for stability. Honestly, there is magic in the mundane for sure, but not so great for attraction. So instead of just giving you random fun ideas, I want to break it down in a way that might actually change something in your relationship. So in this video, I'm going to talk to you about five types of date nights that every couple should try. Also, if you feel like you're constantly making mistakes when it comes to building desire, pleasure and intimacy in your relationship, then stay tuned because later on I'm going to share with you a tool that you can use to help with just that. Now, why do date nights fail? One of the biggest reasons date nights stop working in long-term relationships is because they become super predictable and there's actually research behind this. Now, Esther Perel, who is a pioneer in the sex therapy world, talks about how desire thrives in novelty, mystery and a bit of uncertainty, not in repetition and routine. And there's other research that shows that doing new things together increases attraction, not because of the activity, but because your brain associates that excitement with your partner. So when every date night looks like dinner, drinks, maybe sex and sleep, your brain stops associating your partner with excitement and starts associating them with familiarity, which is a beautiful thing, honestly, like familiarity, security, comfort. We all crave that, but it can also flatten desire. So the goal isn't more date nights, it's different types of experiences that activate different parts of your connection. Let's get into number one, the playful erotic date. The goal is to build flirtation and sexual tension. Now, this is the one that most people think they are doing, but usually aren't doing it very intentionally. This is about bringing back play, flirtation and sexual energy without pressure. Not just let's have sex tonight, but creating an environment where desire can actually build. Now that can look like setting a rule, no talking, only touching for 10 to 20 minutes, or you can set a date to lie in bed naked together, no phones, maybe a glass of wine or tea and using conversation cards to get a little prompting. Now I know you might be thinking, oh, those God awful conversation cards, but honestly they are very useful. A lot of couples think that they have nothing to share with each other anymore and they need a little icebreaker, a little bit of help and it can quickly turn into a sexy game. Speaking of games, play a game. I know it doesn't sound sexy, but even something like Scrabble or a competitive game can really get playful. Tease each other, you're laughing and honestly competition is very sexy. Or one of my favorites is meeting at a bar and pretending to not know each other. I know this sounds cliche, but it can be a lot of fun. P.S. little tip, I highly recommend that you sit at the bar if the restaurant has one. For one, you're closer together. You don't always have to sit. Sometimes it's nice to stand, stretch your legs a little bit. Also it's nice to have a third party interaction with whoever's behind the bar. It's a good show in front of you that you can chat about. You see what they're doing, they're making drinks, you can comment on it. You're not always facing each other in awkwardness, especially if you're silent. So that's my take. I love sitting at the bar. Another fun tip is you can both attend an organized event, but go separately and pretend you don't know each other and just observe each other talking to others throughout the night. But you two will definitely be going home together. So the point isn't performance, it's just playfulness. Because desire doesn't grow in seriousness, it grows in play. And speaking of desire and play, if you're sitting there thinking, yeah this doesn't come naturally to me. Well my friend, you are not alone. This is the majority of people. Because pleasure, sex, intimacy, all those things are actually skills and most of us were never taught them. That's why I really like using Beducated, which is the tool I was talking about at the beginning of this video. It's the number one online platform for sexual wellness and education and they have over 150 online video tutorials on things like pleasure, connection, guided masturbation, oral techniques, even things like yoni and lingam massages taught by the world's leading sexperts. Now what I love about Beducated the most is that they don't just tell you what to do, they show you what to do with actual demonstrations in a very tasteful, educational way. Because it's one thing to just sit and listen to someone describe what to do, but sometimes it's really helpful for someone to show you what to do. And what I love is that it also gives you something to actually try together with your partner. And there's even a quiz you can take right now that gives you a personalized roadmap to your sexual happiness. Because when you understand what gives you pleasure, you naturally become a better lover and your relationship becomes more fulfilling. So if you're curious, click the link below or scan the QR code, take the quiz and start learning more about your intimate self. Now speaking of curiosity, let's move on to date type number two. And that is the curiosity date with the goal of rediscovering your partner. Now this one is so underrated because over time we think we know our partner, so we just stop being curious about them. But people are constantly evolving. This is about rediscovering each other. So some ideas are, again, those question games. I'm telling you, you can find them anywhere now. You can go on Amazon, on Google and type in relationship question games. They are everywhere and they are really fun to do. You can play something like a tell me something I don't know game. Three things. You could talk about a fantasy, a fear, a memory. You could recreate your first date but upgrade it and then talk about what would we do differently now. And one of my personal favorites is future life mapping. I do this so often with my partner. We take a little notebook or a piece of paper and we plan our ideal year together about travel, sex, work, lifestyle, all that kind of stuff. I really recommend writing these things down because in future dates it's really fun to take them out and look back on what you were dreaming about together. Now why does this work? Well you shift from we already know each other to oh wait there's more. And attraction isn't just physical, it's also mental stimulation and discovery. Now date type number three is the novelty date. And the goal is to trigger excitement and dopamine. And this one is backed by research my friends. Now doing something new together increases dopamine which your brain then associates with your partner. This is all about external experiences. So take a class together, dance, cooking, muay thai, explore your city like a tourist and hit places you've never been. Try something slightly uncomfortable like improv or a sexy workshop. Or you can do a yes night where one person plans everything. I mean I brought my partner to kink workshops, shows, live music, random experiences we've never really done otherwise. And honestly those are some of the most memorable moments. And surprise dates are always a win. Whenever I plan a date night it's always a surprise. I never tell him where we're going until we're actually there. And the best part is seeing the happiness on his face and the appreciation. And the best part is it doesn't really have to be expensive. If you live in a city there are always lots of free activities that you can do. And honestly a lot of these ideas comes from things I'm actually doing in real life. If you want more of that, more behind the scenes, more personal stories, more of the messy in between parts of relationships, intimacy and desire and my sex education journey, that's what I share over on my Patreon. So YouTube is where I bring you some of these big ideas but Patreon is where I open up a little bit more in my intimate community about what this actually looks like in real life. So if that sounds like your vibe and you want to support sex positive content you can check out the link below. Now let's get to number four, the intimacy date with the goal of slowing down and rebuilding connection. Now this is where things slow down because a lot of couples are either having sex without connection or connecting emotionally without physical closeness. I experience both and this date bridges both. They are non-performative no-goal dates. So again lying naked together, no phones, no pressure. You can try some sensate focus which is basically where one person touches and the other receives no expectations. And when I say a one person touches, I'm not talking about genitals or breasts or you know the more common erogenous zones. You can even be clothed, you don't even have to be naked. I'm talking about touching like arms, legs, like really just letting the person sit and receive and seeing what feels good. And you could try the eye contact and slow touch, even guided touch exercises which again Beducated has many of those. Honestly even something like going out into nature, having a picnic, disconnecting from everything that can be incredibly intimate because it gives you an opportunity to get out of your head, into your body and just away from all the distractions. I once surprised my partner with a really cute picnic in a tree house after a really busy period at work where we really didn't connect much at all. We were always in work mode and he was so happy and it felt so good to surprise him with that and we just sat, talked, caught up and it just felt really grounding. And sometimes when you remove pressure, connection naturally builds into something more physical. Like one time I booked a couple's massage in our room and we were so relaxed after and it led to one of the best intimate moments we had in a while. All right type number five, power and polarity. The goal is to create tension and dynamic. Now this one adds edge because attraction comes from contrast and dynamic and it's all about shifting roles. So for example one person takes total control of the date night and other person just has to follow. You could play with like dominance and submission, giving or receiving instructions, letting one person lead physically. It doesn't have to be anything extreme but adding this kind of dynamic whether in the bedroom or just out in daily life creates tension, anticipation and excitement. I remember after going to a soft dom workshop that I brought my partner to, we tried a night where I fully surrendered and he took control. We put on some nice music and he guided me, moved me, he set the pace and it was so fun, so different. It was really interesting to see him in that role and honestly we talked about it for days afterwards. And if you've never played with power or polarity in your relationship and you have no idea how to do this or even if you like it, then I would recommend you check out that Veggiecated quiz link below or scan the QR code to figure out exactly what your roadmap to pleasure is because you may surprise yourself on what you've been missing out on. Now all these date types might sound similar. I can definitely see where some overlap but they're actually very different. So you have type number one, the playful one, which is about teasing, light and fun. Type number two, curiosity. So the mental and emotional discovery. Date type number three, the novelty. So that's new external experiences. Date type number four, intimacy. So slow, grounded, no pressure. And date type number five, the power. So the tension, the roles, the dynamic. Now here's the honest part okay friends. Some of these you might be listening to and you're like okay that sounds so awkward to do with my partner. You might laugh, you might feel a bit uncomfortable but honestly that's kind of the point because desire doesn't come from perfection. It takes practice from trying, playing and being vulnerable together. And the goal of this video is really just to get you to open up your mind to get creative and change your perspective a little bit. So if your date nights haven't been hitting the same, it's probably not because something is wrong with your relationship okay. Don't panic. It's because you've been doing one type of date over and over and over again and what you actually need is a little bit of a mix. Because connection and attraction are built in different ways and the magic happens when you start intentionally creating both. So let me know in the comments which type of date night you feel like you've been missing and if you try one of these I really want to hear how it goes. So please drop it in the comments below and thank you for watching this video. Je vous aime and I will see you in the next one.