What I Learned Trying to Be More Interesting

I wanted to share a few things about being interesting. What I found is that it feels like it's an impossible task. It feels like you need to become something that you just can't become. You need to look away that you can't change. You need to act in a way that it's complete sacrilege to the person you are. And I found that there was actually a process that's pretty manageable in order to become interesting. So I'll break it down into two parts. First part is there's a common saying that you guys might have heard of but if you haven't heard it here it is. It's in order to be interesting you have to be interesting. Now a lot of the people from what I've seen on the internet just simply say to be curious about other people. To be curious about them and to show great interest in them and that's how you become interesting. But what I'll share with you is how I became curious. Because if you're like me when I was interacting with a lot of people their co-workers even family members even other people who are friends to which I've gone along with quite a bit I just wasn't naturally drawn to them in that kind of way. It might be a terrible thing to say but I just wasn't curious about other people. I just didn't really care. So if you're like me I'll tell you about how I became more interested in other people and how in turn that makes you look more interesting. So the first thing I did was I would ask people questions like why. For example if they chose to travel to a certain location like Japan or something I'll be like oh so why did you choose to go there? Like it's a natural curious question. Now it might not feel natural for you to ask something like that but for me I initially forced myself to say that. Now that may feel difficult because it feels inauthentic but the thing is you're trying to change to be more curious about other people. And I think it's a good thing to be curious about other people that shows consideration with other people maybe a bit more compassion a bit more interest making them feel a bit more valued. So initially it will feel forced. In my experience what I found that was completely unexpected is that it changed how I looked at people. They became more interesting. They became less so like blank slates that were boring that were just faces that you commonly see in the office. When I asked more curious questions about somebody even though they were unsolicited and I forced myself to say those things they came back with more colourful and elaborate answers. It gave more life to the people that were at least how I perceived them. And so for example when I would say oh so why did you go to Japan? And they might share something like I've never skied before and I've always wanted to ski. I've always seen the height of it but I never have experienced it myself. You know I love skateboarding and all those things but I've never done skiing before and I wanted to see what it was like. Or they might share something like I wanted to go to Hokkaido to watch the snow festival there. And that can guide you to an even more curious question. So what's the Hokkaido snow festival? Oh it's this festival where they prepare these ice figures and they actually sculpt them. And it's only there for a few days before the ice melts. And then they might show you some pictures. It actually looks kind of cool right away you might want to check it out. But essentially what it does is it gives the other person permission to essentially illustrate what's going on in their lives. And when they illustrate that it's like a picture that tells a thousand words. It becomes more alluring. It becomes more cool. It becomes more interesting. And when I ask people questions like why was that? Or why did you choose to do that? Or why did you choose to go there? It gave people permission to share more about themselves. And when I did that it made them feel more human. It made them feel a lot more like me. And so it was much easier to make friends that way. It also made it a lot easier to be a lot more interested with those folks. And then over time you would find people more interesting. And in my experience I also generally liked people a lot more than I did. And that in turn is an energy that other people can feel. And the fact that you ask questions that a lot of people don't commonly ask. Express natural curiosity about that person. They in turn actually begin to like you more. So that was my way of becoming more curious. And therefore more interested in other people. Now the second part is how you talk about yourself. I would find that a lot of people, myself included, really underestimate how interesting they are. And that might apply to you too. You might think that your life is completely uninteresting. You know all I do is do school when I come home. I don't really do much. I watch trash TV. But I would find that a lot of the people who speak like that actually have a lot in their lives. It's just that they don't know how to articulate it. They don't know how to put it in an interesting way. But you have them too. The thing is it doesn't matter what it is. It matters how you articulate it. How you express your interest that makes you more interesting. If you feel that it's not interesting your tone will naturally change. It makes it sound really deadpan, really boring. It almost carries a huge weight of shame behind expressing what it is. And I feel like that's the result of a lot of social media influence or your impression about what interesting is. Whether that is from social media or movies. You feel like unless you're skiing on the Alps and then that afternoon eating some crazily exotic food and then the next day you go to a crazy amusement park and then the day after that you find a girl with your dreams or something. Unless that's happening your life is boring. Now I think needless to say as an illustrative example virtually no one encounters something as interesting as that. Or if they do there are very few. Or if it seems like they do it's often on a carousel that's on Instagram or something. But there's all these tidbits in your life that typically in your day-to-day there's something interesting there. Or at least a thought that you have that's interesting. But I won't overload you guys. For those of you who are like me quite introverted and quite hesitant to share more about themselves in order to be more interesting. I think this is a fantastic step to take. And that is be brave and share a small thing about you especially when prompted. A simple thing could be like when you come into work on a Monday and people would ask how your weekend is. Treat that as the other person giving you permission to share a bit more about yourself. And you will feel like you had nothing much going on the weekend. And that you don't really want to share that because you would appear like boring. Or you appear like you're talkative about yourself all the time. Or just being boring. And if you don't feel like you did much then you can just talk about some of the everyday tasks that you did. Such as when you cooked a bit. Or you hanged out with your family and you took the kids to the park. Then perhaps you could just describe a little bit more about the park. Like what you like about the park. What you don't like about the park. Or you can chat about the date night you had with your wife. Or a small hobby you engaged in would be particularly something that people would be interested in. And if you're not used to doing that and you're doing this for the first time I'll just give you permission that it's okay to seemingly sound boring. Seemingly sound deadpan. As you do this more it's going to feel a lot more natural. And you're going to feel a lot more comfortable doing it. It becomes a muscle that you train. But it's a really easy muscle to train. And you're going to be keeping that for life. Over time you'll notice that when you share about those things. Even the small hobbies or some of the bigger ones. You'll find people's response will be like. Oh. And they would actually show interest. Because what you shared actually was interesting. I'll share with you a bit of a story. And I had a bit of an interview in one of my newer roles. And when we were talking about the interview. And this was before the interview. It was actually a more so person take on me. So they would ask more about me as a person. My hobbies. My interests. I actually responded with a lot of the things. Like you might notice the cello at the back there. I used to play cello. I love to compose. I love to make orchestral music. When I had the time I was interested in meditation practice. And so when I explained some of these things to her. She was very engaged actually with what I was saying. She was leaning in. She was listening intently. And then she just opened and said. That is fascinating how much things that you have going on. Now you don't need to play cello. You don't need to go into meditation practice. But there's a lot of things about you. That you would think is boring. But actually isn't. The case for me was that there were so many things. That I didn't think people would be interested in. But it actually was quite interesting. And if you flip the script there. And you think about someone else doing those things. Like as if it was a third party. Like you are looking at it from a third person point of view. And someone else expressed those interests. It actually is quite engaging. It's just that there's oftentimes a bias. That you would have on yourself. Thinking that is not interesting. When actually it is. I'll be chatting with a lot of people. And when I would ask curious questions. Why did you decide to do that? They would immediately kind of look away. And express a little bit of shame. Like they're a bit self-conscious about their own opinion. When their own interests is completely validated by their own opinion. That is their interests. There should be no shame attributed to that. Like when someone is engaged in the conversation. I was chatting with a person once. And she was very engaged in the conversation. Because we were talking about travel. And I think we're talking about food. Which everybody loves to talk about. Everyone loves that stuff. And she would interject herself so many times in the conversation. Saying I'm sorry I talk too much. When I get going I keep going. And she kept inserting that into her conversation. And I kept having to reassure her. Hey that's no problem. I'm actually quite engaged in this discussion as well. So oftentimes we're predisposed into thinking that. We come across in so many different ways. That are negative. They're almost always negative. But give yourself like permission to feel those things. But also the fact that those are just thoughts. They're not actually the truth. I was in a presentation. And I was my imposter syndrome was firing off. I was convinced that I was sounding hesitant. That I was sounding uncertain. And that I had no idea what I was talking about. And that some of the things that didn't go to plan. Everybody knows. But when I would chat to the people afterwards. They were very positive about the presentation. And my imposter would fire off again. Going like you know they're just trying to be nice. They actually noticed it. But they would express to me that it was very well delivered. It was very calm. And I was like oh that was completely the opposite. To how I felt when I was presenting at the time. And they would be surprised. Like well that didn't come across like that at all. So on being interesting. The initial part which is to be interested in other people. Even though it feels forced at the start. You are naturally getting more curiosity about other people. And it's fun for you as well. Because it becomes much more engaging. And also give yourself permission to talk about yourself. There's a lot of content out there that expresses. How you shouldn't talk about yourself. But I think it's just that you don't talk about yourself. A lot. Like you don't dominate like 80% of the conversation. But do talk about yourself. And you will feel shame. A lot of you. Because it's certainly the case for me. To talk about myself in a certain way. But give yourself permission. So then you start talking more about yourself. In a very colourful way. And you also would ask people curious questions. That give them permission. To paint their lives in a colourful way. And that in turn makes for a very interesting. Where it's your friends. Your relationships. Or your colour. So there you have it guys. If you like that kind of content. Pop a like and subscribe. And I'll see you all in the next one.