10 Simple Dutch Habits for a Happier Calmer Life

If you ever come here on a trip to the Netherlands, then I'm very sure that you will hear people say these words. And in today's video you are going to learn what they mean and how they improve our quality of life. The Netherlands consistently rank high among the world's happiest countries, and that is not just because of our stroopwafels. Although they do help. Today I want to share 10 tiny Dutch habits that make my life better. And these are very small things on their own, no big life-changing ideas. But together, they do help to make my life feel lighter, more fun, slower, and more connected. These are some of the things that make me love living here. And hopefully they can also be inspiring for all of you in small ways, to maybe find some more happiness, joy, and balance in your own life too. And today's video has a sponsor, which is Skillshare. And I'll tell you more about them later, for now. You know what I'm gonna say, grab yourself something nice to drink if you want, and join me. I have some fennel tea right here, and let's get started. The first Dutch habit that I want to talk about that improves my life, is sending out physical cards. We Dutch people love to send out physical cards. And we don't just do this for birthdays and for Christmas, although we do. We also send them for basically any kind of life event. If someone is moving, gets a new job, gets married, has a baby, we also send out cards for graduation. Or if someone is sick at home, we will send them a get well card. Or just a random card that says thinking of you. Sending out physical cards is still very popular here. Even with the other options that we have now, that are digital and that are much quicker and easier, most people still prefer to get physical cards. Now of course it also happens that people send each other a text message on their birthday, or something quick and easy, so cards are not mandatory. But we do like to send cards. It shows that we took the time and effort for someone, it shows that we love and appreciate someone, and it's just like a personal touch. In fact, many people have a little box in their home somewhere with, you know, all kinds of different greeting cards that they can just grab a card from if they want one. I personally don't do this, I like to get a card for the specification when I need one. What I've really been enjoying lately is sending out drawings that I made myself on my iPad as a greeting card. So for example, this one I sent out recently, and this one I also drew recently, and I'm about to send out as well. So sending out physical cards for things really is not a dying habit here. In fact, the Dutch greeting card market is still growing every year. And I believe that there is a deeper social function to something as simple as sending each other a physical card. It is cute and fun, of course, but it also provides a moment of connection, I think, in a world that is much more getting digital and individualistic. And also, I find that handwriting a card for someone forces me to slow down and kind of think about maybe something heartfelt that I want to say to that person, that maybe you won't say as easily in person. Maybe you can write it on a card or something. So it is just a very small but meaningful action. All right, number two. Let's talk about he-he, which is something that Dutch people say a lot. And it is not actually a word per se, it's more so an expression of relief or satisfaction. So maybe after a long day at work, we come home, we sit down, we take off our shoes, and then we say he-he. Or maybe you've been on a hike and then you sit down somewhere at a terrasse, which is what we do here, outdoor seating at a cafe, and you'll say he-he. It's what you say when you're pleased something is over, but more so also to express your satisfaction in that moment. To kind of say like, this is nice. And that ties in very well with another Dutch word, which is onthaste, literally translating unhurried, to be unhurried. And we like to kind of like take little moments of the day to purposefully slow down the pace a little bit and take a break. And to be unhurried. Because we believe that those moments when we don't have to do something or go somewhere, are very precious. And we really like to enjoy them. For example, a few years ago, friends of ours came over from the US to hang out with us for a couple of days on their trip. This was Sarah and Jake. You might know Sarah from her youtube channel Abundantly Minimal. And we had a blast together, the four of us, for like a week. We hung out together every day and we took them all over the country, all kinds of different cities and different places to show them around. And then several times a day, we'd say something like hey you want to sit down here, have a drink, take a little break. And I remember that Sarah was kind of like a little bit shocked, but in a good way, when she said like you take breaks often. And it's really nice. And this is exactly what I was talking about. Those little moments to be unhurried, to pause and slow down. And that's really something that we like to do. So if you're ever with a Dutch person and they say he he, then you know it is a good sign. All right, number three is talking in a circle. We Dutch people have a way of kind of organizing ourselves in a circle whenever we are in a group of people. And this can be anything from like three people up to 15 or 20 people. We like to arrange ourselves in a circle. You see this most often at Dutch birthday parties, the famous or maybe infamous Dutch circle parties. I found it interesting that you just sit and talk in a circle. I like to sit in a circle. This just means that if it's someone's birthday and they invite people over to their house to celebrate, we kind of like take our chairs and we place them in a circle. And we all sit down on the chairs in a circle. And we just kind of chat together. And this can be really funny after a while when the circle gets bigger and there are more and more people there. And people will have conversations with someone on the other side of the circle, but kind of like people are like talking through each other and it gets like this, a little bit messy. But it's always very cozy. The reason we do this is that in a circle everyone is included and no one is being left out. We really have a culture of consensus here, where it is valued that everyone can give their opinion and then we kind of reach some kind of conclusion that works for everyone or for most people. And so with the circle, no matter if you are actually like talking or not, you're still kind of like a part of the group conversation. And then the thing that some people find strange is that when someone comes in, we congratulate everyone. So we don't just congratulate the person whose birthday it is, we congratulate everyone in the circle. And someone just kind of goes around the circle giving everyone a hand and saying congratulations with the birthday person. So it's also just a way of like greeting each other, because usually like you will know everyone that's there. And then it's kind of like maybe a personal preference thing, or more so like a family preference thing. But some people just give a hand and say congratulations, other people give each other three kisses on the cheeks. That is what we kind of used to do here before the pandemic. But kind of like since the pandemic, I feel like this has maybe decreased a little bit where people just give each other a hand. And I actually prefer that because I don't want to be kissing everyone on the cheek. So I don't know, it's kind of like a personal preference thing whether you give someone a hand or three kisses. For me personally, if it's someone that I know, I'll just give them a hug and a handshake. And I really get that the Dutch circle parties are strange for people who come here who are not used to that. But I personally really like them because it is what I grew up with and I think they are very cozy. Because it's so common in the Netherlands, first you ask what do you want for your birthday. Straightforward, no guessing. Once I remember this host actually, he said I moved to a new house, I want a trash can. Like who wanted a trash can on your birthday? But I'll give a recent example of how this can also just be very nice. For example, if you go somewhere where you don't know that many people or you don't know anyone. Like I was invited on a vegan food tour recently and I was invited by two people who I kind of knew. But it was a group of people, maybe like 20 or something people that I didn't know anyone. And also I arrived there much earlier than the people that I did know. So when we all kind of met up for the food tour, like before we took off, everyone was arranged in a circle. And you just kind of join in the circle and everyone will just kind of like make the circle a little bit wider to make space for anyone new joining in. And that way you're already kind of like a part of the group and you won't have to like stand on your own being like awkward, being like I don't know anyone here. You're immediately included and that makes it just a lot easier to go places where you might not know that many people. All right, number four is saying hi and bye when entering and leaving stores or cafes or basically any kind of shared space. I've heard that this is quite strange for some people who are not from the Netherlands, but this is something that we are very much used to. So when we enter a place that is a public space where there's like other people there, and also when we leave, we are kind of used to saying hi and bye. And there are several ways to say bye in Dutch, but the one that you will hear the most often is doei, or we say do doei, or some people really stretch it out and it becomes doei. I remember also when Sarah and Jake were here, Sarah loved this. She was always saying doei, do doei. So also at a cafe, it's just a way of kind of acknowledging that, you know, the people that work there took care of you as a customer. And it's kind of weird to just pay your bill and leave. So when we like leave, we we move towards the door, we'll kind of just turn around and be like doei. And then the people who work there will also be like doei. And it's just, it's just nice, I'm used to it. But this also goes for example when you're entering a waiting room at a dentist and there are people there. Any kind of shared space where it's just a way of like acknowledging the other person. It's a way of saying like okay you're not invisible, I see you. It's just like hey, good morning, something like that. And then when you leave it's like doei. We also greet and thank the bus driver. For example, when you enter the bus and you do your little check-in with the card, you say hi or good morning. And then when you leave the bus, it's also very normal to say thanks to the bus driver. Which is really something that doesn't happen so much anymore in the bigger cities I find. But when we travel outside of the bigger cities in the Netherlands, it is still very normal that you will hear everyone when they're leaving the bus say thank you or bye or something like that. And I think this also reflects a deeper cultural value. One of like everyone is equal and there's a sense of openness. So Dutch culture is really egalitarian. So we like to acknowledge the other people, like the other person who was there. We don't just leave without acknowledging that they were there. And I like that. It creates moments of small connection throughout the day. Number five is preferring hot drinks over cold drinks. A very important word in Dutch culture is gezellig. It means coziness, but it's also about spending time with someone in a meaningful way. It's about togetherness or warmth. And something that is considered very gezellig is a warm drink. So something that I personally really like when we want to create a moment of connection with someone, usually we will choose a hot drink over a cold one. I think one of the reasons is just that warm drinks take longer. You need to prepare them or steep the tea, you need to cool down. You can drink it slowly, you cannot just kind of like gulp it back. So by choosing a warm drink, we are choosing to be able to spend more time with someone. And it's also customary here, if you order a warm drink at a cafe like coffee or tea, you will get a small cookie to go with it. So it is very small and it is just one, so it's not customary to ask for another one. That's Dutch moderation for you. But you get the small cookie which is very nice. And you don't get that if you order a cold drink, just the warm ones. The Netherlands is in the top five coffee drinking cultures in the world. And coffee and tea are the most common drinks here. It is very much built into everyday life. And coffee and tea here are not just a drink, it is a social ritual to a Dutch person. If we ask someone if they want to have a cup of coffee, it means let's talk, like let's chat, let's catch up, let's slow down, take a break together. So if a Dutch person asks you to join them for a cup of coffee or tea, it is usually better to also do coffee or tea and not get a cold drink. Because a Dutch person might feel that that is less gezellig. And speaking of taking some time for yourself to create small meaningful moments, this is also where I want to thank today's sponsor, which is Skillshare. Skillshare is an online learning platform where you can explore anything you want at your own pace. I've been taking classes on Skillshare for many years now, and what I love about it is how it makes learning something new so accessible and low pressure. Their classes have really helped me out with this channel. For example, when I got this camera that I'm using right now, my first DSLR camera, and I didn't know what to do with it, Skillshare had classes to help me out. But I've also taken so many of their classes just for fun. Classes about art journaling, meditation, creating digital art on my iPad, also plant care, matcha, self-care, mindfulness classes. The other day I took a Zentangle class from Riddhi Rajpal. I made this drawing, and I also made this drawing. This one came out a little wonky, but I like it. Maybe for you, you'd finally like to learn how to sew your own clothing, or play an instrument, or sing. Maybe you'd like to take a class on business, marketing, or just drawing for beginners. They also have a ton of crafting related classes. I want to do Sharon Stevens' class next, called doodling for beginners. This is a beginner-friendly drawing class where you learn all kinds of fun doodles to calm the mind and unwind. Which looks exactly like my kind of class. If you want to take some time for yourself, and have more small meaningful moments, or learn something new, then I really recommend checking out Skillshare. And you can do that for free, because the first 500 people to click my link in the description box, or scan this QR code right here, will get a one month free trial. So you can try as many classes as you want, see if you like it. If it's not for you, then you can cancel within your trial and you won't be charged. But I'm pretty sure that you will like it, because there are so many great classes on there. Big thanks to Skillshare for supporting the channel, and let's get back to the video. All right, number six is na tafelen. After a meal, what we will sometimes do is na tafelen, literally after tabling. This is the time of the meal where everyone just kind of stays seated to rest and chat. And sometimes again there will be tea or coffee. We don't do this with every meal, most people here do lead quite busy lives. People have a lot going on. But especially if you like invite people over for a dinner party or something, or if you just have dinner with the family and everyone has time, people like to stay seated and na tafelen. I really like this, it feels nice and cozy. And also after a meal you're typically like a little bit full, so maybe you're feeling a little bit tired or relaxed, and you don't like immediately want to do the dishes or something like that. So I really like just kind of putting off the the next bit of the day to kind of hang in the moment a little bit more, and continue to chat and rest a bit. Dinner in the Netherlands is still very much a sit down together moment in most families. With many people it's like the only time of the day when everyone is together, and you can kind of just kind of like talk and chat about each other's day and catch up. So usually it is no screens allowed at the dinner table. Number seven is exclaiming gezellig and lekker all the time. And we really do say that a lot, kind of non-stop when we're hanging out with people. And I actually kind of like that. It is a way to show appreciation, and also like let the other person know that they're being appreciated, that you enjoy your time together. So it's just a way of like not taking things for granted and really enjoying the moment. So I've already explained what gezellig means. It is coziness, togetherness, spending time with someone and having a good time. And when we like see someone that we've been like looking forward to meeting up, then at the start of our thing we will say like, oh it's so gezellig, nice that you're here. And then at the end as well, everyone will say that they had a gezellig time. So it'll be like, yeah it was so gezellig, yeah it was so gezellig. And then, I know this, I know this is weird for people who are like looking at us that she's going off like this, but we like it because we like to let the other person know that we appreciate them and that we've had a good time. And then lekker is another word that we use all the time. Lekker literally means tasty, so you can say that food is lekker, food is tasty. But we use it for things like activities too. So we might say like lekker hiking, or lekker to the beach. Or if a chair is comfortable, we will say that the chair sits lekker. Or if the weather is nice, then we will say the weather is lekker. So lekker actually means kind of like, this feels good. And if someone makes us food, we will let them know and tell them quite a few times that it is very lekker. And then we will do this, which I actually recently learned is is a Dutch thing. And not everyone does this, but when when Dutch people do this, it means lekker. Let me know in the comments, is this something that you do in your country? Or is this weird for you? Let me know. Number eight is getting groceries three to four times a week. Compared to countries like the US or the UK, Dutch people tend to go to the grocery store more often, around three four times a week, for a smaller shopping haul instead of just one big shopping haul like once a week or once every two weeks. And that goes for me and my partner as we go about like yeah three to four times a week. This is because of three main reasons. And the first is just that our homes tend to be smaller, so we have less storage space for bulk shopping here. Even something small like a fridge is smaller here, so we won't have that much room to like put everything in our fridge. And also many people's homes, including mine also, we don't have like a built-in pantry. Some people do, but we don't. So everything we buy has to be stored in the kitchen cupboards. We don't have another place to put the things that we buy on bulk. So because of that, we don't have that much in the home at all times. The second reason is that we love things to be fresh. Especially like fresh produce. It's not very common to freeze produce, although we do do that. But usually we'll buy fresh fruits, vegetables, things like that. We like it to be fresh, so we buy it for like the next two three days instead of for like a week or two. And the third reason is proximity. With the way that the cities are designed here, supermarkets are usually really close to where people live and where they work. So for example, it's very common here to just go home from work, run by the supermarket, grab a bunch of things. It's really easy and it really promotes like going frequent and just grabbing a few things, rather than only going every once in a while. I usually go on a long morning walk when the weather allows it. It is one of my luxuries that I just really like. And then on my way back home from my walk, I usually just swing by the grocery store and grab some things for like the next day or two. Or my partner, when he's working from home, he might take a lunch break, go to the supermarket, grab some things and walk back. Some people do go to the grocery store once a week for like a bigger shop, and then especially if they have a family with kids, they will bring their car so they don't have to like lug back a bunch of So we don't grab more than what we can fit in our backpack and maybe a small shopping bag. In the Netherlands, the supermarkets are deeply embedded inside the neighborhoods. So many people have a supermarket within like one or two kilometers from their home, and it doesn't necessarily require driving. So it is very normal to just walk there or bike there. And I know this is a very personal thing. You might be watching this and thinking like, I would hate this. I don't enjoy going grocery shopping, so I don't want to do it more often. But I really like it, because this way shopping is a lot more stress-free. And it is also a great way to get in extra movement without like having to actually do a workout or exercise. Because I go grocery shopping a couple times a week, I immediately get those walks in. And it is a great form of exercise. And also because I'm not grabbing so much every time altogether, it is very stress-free. I just grab a few things, I go to the self checkout, I do the thing and then I walk home. So because of that, it is more enjoyable. There's less overwhelm, there's less decision fatigue. It also helps me to prevent food waste, because I'm not buying so many fresh things all at once. And this is one of the biggest reasons why we can live here without owning a car. So I really like this. Number nine is complaining about the weather. It's no secret that the Dutch weather can be awful. It is often rainy, windy, dark, gray, gloomy, just kind of miserable. And it can be very nice too, but overall the weather is just quite unpredictable. It can be sunny and then five minutes later it can be rainy and then five minutes later it can be sunny again. And we might say rotweer, kutweer, takkweer, really. We have no shortage of ways to complain about how awful the weather is. But talking about the weather here isn't really about the weather, it is a social tool. It is an easy icebreaker, it's a safe topic, and it is a shared experience. And psychological research shows that shared complaining can strengthen social bonds, especially when it is a safe neutral topic like the weather, and when both people can relate to it. And also the light venting is just nice. It's a way to just kind of let off steam a little bit, and also build like a bit of trust and connection. There is this like we're in this together feeling. So in the winter we are complaining about the rain, and the cold, and the nastiness. And then in the summer we're complaining about the heat and the humidity. On the flip side, if the weather is nice, everyone goes outside. And number 10 is planning ahead and using our calendar for everything. Coffee dates, dinners, hangouts, holidays, whatever it is. These things usually get planned weeks or sometimes even months in advance. I know this can be a bit of a culture shock for people who come here, who are used to doing things much more spontaneously, and just asking your friends if they want to hang out now. Because Dutch people, I'll admit that, we are not very spontaneous. And we like to plan these kinds of things. So open-ended invitations, like yeah let's hang out sometime, are not really taken that seriously here, unless they actually schedule a date with you. And that can easily be like five weeks from now. As someone who is a highly sensitive person, I really enjoy this. Because this helps me to keep my calendar in check, and to make sure that I have enough downtime in between work and other kinds of activities. Because everything is planned, and unannounced interruptions are very rare. And Dutch culture scores low on power distance, meaning there is less hierarchy and more shared control. So by planning things this way, there's like common ground and no one imposes. And everyone knows exactly what is agreed and when. And yes, we arrive on time. So if you plan a coffee date with a Dutch person six weeks from now, on a Tuesday at 11am, they will be there on that Tuesday at 11am. But with this one, I truly understand that some people find this very weird and a little bit annoying. All right, that's it. 10 tiny Dutch habits that make my life better. I would love to hear your thoughts. Are any of these relatable for you? And what are your thoughts on them? And where are you from? And how do you do things instead? I would like to know. I always love reading the comments on these kinds of videos, so feel free to share. Don't forget to check out Skillshare and get your one month free trial so you can try out their classes. I have a link for you in the description box and a QR code right there. A really big thank you for hanging around. And also a huge thank you to my channel supporters for helping me to keep the channel going and to keep doing this as my job, to keep uploading the videos on YouTube. Thank you so much for your support. If you like my videos and you would like access to more of them, then you can also join. I post two extra videos for channel supporters and you can choose if you want to join on Patreon or on YouTube memberships, because they are the same extra videos. So I just have both options available. And when you join, you will immediately get access to all the bonus videos that I've posted over the recent years. There are many that you can catch up on, so feel free to do that. As always, questions, comments, conversations down below. Have a wonderful, wonderful day and I will see you all again really soon. Bye bye. I've really been enjoying drawing with just pen and paper, because it's such a nice relaxing thing. And it also really helps with perfectionism, because there's black ink. If you make a mistake, nothing you can do about it. So ironically, it helps me to like be less perfectionist.