Why Modern Dating Is Harder Than Ever

We got a very interesting video called Why Modern Dating Feels Harder Than Ever by Amir Odom, and let's hear what my boy has to say. Let's get it. Men don't approach women anymore. My dating life is a joke. A lot of your expectations and standards are way too high. Why is everybody single? It seems like the modern dating scene is in shambles, and that's exactly what we're going to get into in this video. We're going to be hearing from both perspectives, both men and women, and really get to the core of the situation. So if you like this kind of content, be sure to subscribe, and let's dive right into this video. Since men don't approach women anymore, I guess I should start going up to men. I live in a city, and literally, anytime I'm walking anywhere, anytime I see a cute guy, it's always heads down, headphones in, he won't look at me. I will say, if you want to be approached, if you are single and not even looking for a relationship, but you're looking for more friends to be around, you have to be approachable. You have to have your headphones out. You have to be looking ahead, smiling, just making eye contact. You have to be inviting. But at that same time, men have been shat on for approaching women. Oh, leave me alone. I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. Thank you. Thank you, Amir, for saying that, because I was like, hold on. Hold on now. There are dudes that's out there that's actively looking approachable, and I was one of them, you know what I'm saying, that's actively trying to put their foot out there, but constantly getting shot down in the rudest ways. It's not even about being declined. It's about how you're being declined. And then we hear a lot of the times, oh, I'm working out. I don't want to be interrupted. They don't want to be interrupted by a certain guy. But if the right guy comes up to them, and we never know, we're just all taking chances. This is on both sides. You know what I'm saying? It's just the way that we're getting rejected that's making a lot of men, I'm speaking for the men here, that's like, yeah, I'm good. You know what I'm saying? Don't talk to me. And this even happened to me as a gay man. I've gone up to a girl and be like, hey, you're really attractive. And she's like, I have a boyfriend. I'm like, I'm gay. What are you doing here? Why can't I just compliment you? And when a straight guy goes to that enough, guess what? They're just going to stop talking to women because they're just tired of being treated like crap. Literally no one's approachable anymore. No one looks at each other. Everyone's heads down and no one's smiling or just seems happy. Literally no one's socializing. What am I supposed to do? Chase a guy down the street that does not want to be bothered and ask him if he is single. That's how guys feel. Hey, I was just about to say that. That's literally how we feel. We're tired of feeling like we're bothering you. You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to talk too much because I'm very passionate about this topic and you guys can obviously tell. Bother chasing down a girl that doesn't want to be bothered. Like I said, it's happened to me. I hear the stories from my guy friends. Girls let me know in the comments too, but there hasn't been that big of an inviting environment. I feel like as much as women hate the awkward interactions and they don't want to be bothered, they don't want to talk to somebody or they're not interested in somebody. These are the things you have to go through in order to meet the right person. You're going to be having awkward conversations. That's just life. Most approachable vibes. I'm always smiling, looking pleasant, not looking at my phone. I don't wear my headphone. Literally never once. I've never been approached. ------- get this. I was talking to a guy I matched with uncuffed. We were talking on the phone, had the ******* best conversation ever. Ghost me. He literally goes. Now you have a really good phone call with a guy you matched with on a dating app like Raya cuff, Tinder or whatever. I guess you just ghost them immediately. It's funny though. Like on the phone when we were talking, I asked him if he like ever approaches a girl at a bar or in the street and he was like, no, God, no. I don't think that's necessarily a red flag. I think that's just repeat of like a guy constant being turned down or constantly hearing stories on the internet of girls that wouldn't be bothered. So they're not even trying, which I do think as a man, you just fight through that. Who cares if a girl doesn't want to be bothered, they don't want to be bothered. That's not for you. But don't let these negative interactions that you're getting from women stop you from like reaching out and like talking to somebody in person. I agree. I agree. The type of dudes he's probably talking to doesn't need to approach women half the time, right? Which is probably why he even ghosted her, which is not, it's not okay. A lot of the dudes I've seen it with my own eyes pause, right? I'll be outside with friends of they would literally have to stand in these places, in these clubs, in these environments, at these bars, and women will come up to them. They do the work for him. You feel what I'm saying? So as a man, like I get you being frustrated and you constantly being let down, but on the other side, you need to grow some balls and just say, you know what? Eff it. I'm not going to let these, these few negative interactions that I've had with females, stop me from potentially meeting my future wife and my future soulmate. No, you should still be going out there and talking to as many people as you can in person without ghosting. Cause I do think ghosting is wrong and there needs to be clear communication on why you're not into somebody. That's the least you can do. That's the least you can do to respect somebody. And I think ghosting in general needs to stop. The ghosting is wrong. It's hurtful. And it really gets at people's self-esteem. It's bad. Yeah. Unless, unless you like trying to avoid somebody that's actually like harming you or like crazy. I don't, I don't think ghosting is the appropriate answer. We living in an era where everybody is going to Extremely too high. A lot of these standards need to come down. And a lot of people out there need to stop projecting what they want in a female or a male. And they're not even that themselves. Like you got to stop. Like I remember watching both a gay guy and a straight guy, two of my friends watching them swipe through Tinder and like ill growth. I don't like her hair. I don't like this. I'm like, and look at you, right? Yo, yo Amir. I ain't gonna lie. I wish I could drop 20, 20 likes on this video. He's speaking facts. He's speaking nothing but facts right now because we, we gotta be realistic. Meet people where you're at. You know what I'm saying? Word. He's spitting facts. You look dusty. You look dusty and your hair is uneven. You look dusty for real. How are you talking about? I don't like the way her hair is cut and your hair is messy right now. You have a black hat. You don't like the color of her hair, but you're balding facts. What are we doing here? Oh, she's a little fat. Okay. But where's your six pack? You want all these different things in a female or male, but you don't even got that yourself. What are you doing? Y'all be wanting a nigga that's making six figures in this economy. Who the hell is really making six figures? Like you got to be realistic with the whole money thing. And people, like people are young. You need to give people a break. And like, you're all growing up in life. And I think that's kind of the part of like gay relationships in that for the most part, everything is split. Obviously until you get married and things end up different then, but off the jump, it's very equal. And it's very just realistic, like facts. But here's the thing, right? Based on my experiences for those who've watched my, my whole dating era where I've went on Tinder and BLK, Bambidi, and all that, that's all there. You can watch it. It's on the channel. I've met a lot of different women that didn't have, like, they didn't have jobs, no shade to them, but they would have the most highest expectations. And like most men, we don't care if you don't, if you're not in a like financially like superior position. I don't know if that's even the right word. We don't care that you don't have all your ---- together. That's, that's, that's what I'm trying to say. But if we see that you're working towards something, that's all that we can, that you have some humility. Nine times out of 10, we like, all right, she's solid. You know what I'm saying? But most of the modern day shorties that have this mindset, right? They think that they deserve to get a Birkin bag when they can't even just get one for themselves. I'm like, why do you expect someone else to get you something you can't get for yourself? You've never gotten for yourself. Like where, where does that come from? You know what I'm saying? Like that, that's the thing that be pissing me off because it's like, you're not even there yet. Especially it's like you be working at McDonald's and you're like, yeah, I need me a six, seven figure dude. You got it. You got to come super correct. I hate to say it like that. No, it's not fair that a man has to pay for everything and they're freaking 1920 and the girls is raking in the dough from her part-time job, being able to save all the money. That's not fair either. And for men, it's not fair that they're expected to have six figure job and be all stable and connected at 2022. Like you're actively getting your life together and you should be growing with somebody individually and together. Like you should be growing with them instead of looking for a man that's already has everything that you want. Like that's just not realistic. That's not to say that there are not people out there that's making six figures. It's very rare. If you find somebody that's out here making that amount of money. And not only that, a lot of y'all be wanting ---- from other people that y'all Yo, yo, yo, I swear to you, I didn't watch this video. I swear to you. And she said, I like when people have common sense. So I like when people have common sense. So I like it because I think we are losing common sense. So right. Exactly. Why are you expecting someone else to be able to provide something that you can't provide for yourself? That's mad to me, bro. That's mad. Social media ruin y'all views of relationship. Like there is nothing wrong with having standards. I feel like everybody should have standards, but y'all need to start having realistic standards. Y'all didn't let them damn podcast trick y'all into believe in certain things and behind closed doors. Those niggas don't even follow the same rules that they'd I'm telling y'all most of the men that be in a podcast, they be lying. Most of them, they're cheaters and they're liars. And they be having girlfriends, stepmoms, all that. I said stepmoms, they be stepfathers, all that. A lot of these red pill dudes that y'all be listening to and vice versa. There's like the equivalent to red pill stuff for the women. They be lying and they be using y'all for profit. They know it's going to get clicks, but over here we keep it a band. I even be saying when I be ******* up over here, you know what I'm saying? Hence why y'all resonated so much with the story times. Cause I wasn't afraid to be like, yo, I ain't gonna lie. This one goofy ----. I was being too nice. I was doing this, but it's like people need to hear that because all we hear on the internet these days, depending on what side you're on is, oh yeah, do this, do that. Be, be, be non-available because basically what the red pill is teaching y'all most men is to be like avoided. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, they'll teach you some of the truths of some of the tendencies that women have, but those are the women that they talk about is not the women you're trying to marry. That's when you try to play the field and have a good time. That's the advice that you go for. But most of the time they're going to teach you. A lot of them teach you tactics that's going to keep you in the game. It's not going to make you find her the one and vice versa. It's not going to make you find the Oh yeah. How to, how to get a dude to pay a rent on the first date. Like I'd be hearing some of the content, you know what I'm saying? I'm just like, why are y'all listening to this bro? Yeah. I want to take advantage of men and move in a strategic way to get something out of him as selfish and fucked up. Like they got so many options just because you got a lot of niggas in your inboxes. That does not mean that you have options in real life. You need to be with somebody that makes you feel calm at peace, inspired, motivated, driven. You got that. And then like the foundation of like, Oh, we have the same viewpoints for the most part. Or, you know, we look at religion the same, you know, we both have the same like major life goals. You got those two lock it in and go see how it works out. See how long you guys last see how you're able to build a life together and see how individually you're, you're growing as a person. And then also how's your relationship growing? And then how are they growing? Is it a good pair? Test that out. But you can't look at the whole world and say, Oh, I have so many options. I got this many people that want me this many people, my DMS, those aren't real people, those aren't real connections. I cannot let that fool you into thinking that the whole world is yours. And it's not when you find that person is makes you extremely happy and accepts you for who you are. It makes you just driven, inspired, motivated, just all the above, like go for that, lock it in, you got to let go of these expectations and all these different standards that you have for everybody else and not even yourself half the time. I got a bunch of options. Y'all don't know none of these niggas in real life. And then in real life, y'all don't even really be having niggas like they like, I still have hope that there is love out there. There may be the way that is going nowadays, you will be lucky if you even find somebody that still share the same values as you do somebody who still believes in love. And it still believes in actually sticking by somebody and working this ---- out. Y'all get with somebody in a minute. Y'all feel like they do one thing that's wrong. Y'all want to just walk away. And you can't do that. You can't walk away. You have to work on it. You have to build, you have to get to the core of the issue. And obviously there are situations where it just does not work out and you guys aren't communicating right. And it just not working. But if you're growing and things are changing, then yeah. Here's my problem, right? Um, what I think the problem is, I think there's a lack of humility in, in, in the dating space. Like everybody wants their own thing. And they, they, they, they not really thinking about the other person because if you're trying to get in a relationship with somebody, you got to be considerate of other, the other party as well. Right. And the other thing is communication. Communication is big bro. Like, I don't think people understand like how communication affects everything down to the sex. Like if the communication is not there, bro, like, yeah, I can have the, the, Oh yeah, I get my, I get my rocks off kind of sex, but it's not the type of sex where you could like, it's like it opens up a whole new world. You know what I'm saying? You understand it more than just her body. You know what I'm saying? Um, but there's a lot of conversations that can be relieved, um, from conversation, you know what I'm saying? And, and a lot of problems that can be solved. It happens just in any, in anything, right. Business, uh, platonic relationships, having the ability to be able to communicate and receive that, that constructive criticism, or, you know, Hey, you violated my boundaries to stand a third. I would appreciate if you don't do that. I'm not cutting you off, but I'm just letting you know, Hey, you know, I didn't really appreciate that. Um, let's try not to move in that direction again. You know what I'm saying? Having that conversation and being able to come back to center, right. Cause it's going to be like one of these kinds of battles where it just goes left, right. The balance falls off. You got to remind somebody, you know what I'm saying? But if you don't see the other person trying to make a conscious effort to like respect, whatever it is that you you've, you've had a conversation with them that with, then I ain't gonna lie. It might be wraps and that's okay too. It sucks, but honestly it just happens. Work it out. But that's not to say that every relationship is 100% all the time forever. No, there's going to be some years where someone's given 25%, someone's giving 75%, somebody's getting 50, 50, somebody's doing 75, 25, both a hundred. Like it's going to be different, but it has to be a shared union. And that, yeah, we're both fighting for this. You're my life partner. We're going through this and it's, that is what it is. And I've seen so many superficial reasons for people while they're leaving their spouse or they broke up with their girlfriend or their boyfriend because of this one little reason here. And I'm like, y'all can't just work through that. Y'all can't just talk it out. You're leaving because of that. People give up too quickly. And you got to play hard to get because men love the chase. Uh, they actually don't know the **** we don't anymore. Okay. They are not, they are not ******* with the chase anymore. Let me tell you, uh, ladies, it has changed. Okay. Um, and look, I'm not, let me just say this. We never liked the chase. At least me. I'm gonna speak for myself. I ain't never liked I'm not about that. Especially now. **** that. Actually unhappy about all of it. It's been ingrained in us as young women that, um, not to be too easy. Right. And that men love the chase and that they are only going to want you if you don't want them and you got to play hard to get it right. And I've always thought it was bullshit. Yes. I've always thought that idea was stupid and it never made sense to me. Like just be real, show your feelings, be vulnerable, straight people It's the most manipulative game because we're getting advice about you. Basically you have to show up nonchalant and act like you don't want the person and you got to play this little texting game. Oh, if I text her too fast, I'm a look. No, what the ****? Like, yo, that's shaking me mad because I'm just like, yo, why are you wasting my time? Like, I'm not about to play these little kid games. Like we not like, let's be for real. Like, are you able to be here? And if you have your phone, you know what I'm saying? Text back. You know what I'm saying? Show an effort. I don't, I shouldn't be having to guess if you like me or not. That's annoying. Like, are we serious right now? It's so annoying. Gay world, but for the most part, gays just keep it real and blunt, especially like the normal gays. They keep it blunt to keep it for real. I never understood this side of relationships in the beginning where someone's playing games or playing hard to get. No, if you want me, you want me. If you don't, you don't. But like, let's keep it real. Let's keep it blunt. Let's keep it pushing. I don't have time for the games. Um, I don't want to, that takes too much work, you know? Um, but now it's gone too far the other way where they want us to literally do all the work instead. It's unfortunate that both men and women are getting fed, uh, horrible advice, horrible information from both sides. Uh, that's really, honestly, pitting us against each other. Let's just literally treat both men, men and women the same, like how we want to be treated, each other, how you want to be treated. Be honest, be upfront. Don't play the games. Don't have unrealistic expectations. If y'all are both young and you know, your man is struggling. Why are you having to say, well, I need a man that takes care of me. I shouldn't have to pay for this. I shouldn't pay for that. That's petty dumbest, dumb, dumb. We're all working out here. It's a different world. It's not the 1950s where you got to working at McDonald's and he's a manager, his whole family and the wife and kids staying at home. Mom. No, that's not, that's the thing that they have. These, they want to, they want to, a lot of people, they want to have these unrealistic, these dated expectations. They think that, you know, we can just, the money is the same where we know we could just make this stretch with one McDonald's paycheck. It's not like that twin. And then it's like, we all are living in the same times. We live in the same state. You see how crazy it is out here. So asking for that from a man that's really trying. Cause that's what, that's what be annoying me is there's people out here that's really trying. He doesn't deserve any type of a relationship because he doesn't have six figures. That's crazy to me. That's crazy to me. That's fucked up. Not the world that we're living in. Things have changed. So I think some women out there need to have realistic expectations of when they become a stay at home wife or when their man can really spoil them. Otherwise you will stay single. And the men are just going to stop going out there because they're tired of dealing with women who are just real life gold diggers. It's Valentine's day and 70% of men are choosing to stay single. And I don't even blame them. And this shouldn't be a shock to anybody. Dating in this generation is so impossible and I can talk about it for literally days. It feels like every single woman in this generation is either a gold digger or a Bob or both. Or ungrateful as ****. So yeah, a lot of men are saying we choose to be single. We're not going to deal with this anymore. And I get it. I wouldn't either. I know some men out there that like, you know what? I'm not going to be dating right now. I'm choosing to be single. I'm choosing to focus on my career. Keep my head down and just grind. I'm done with the dates. I'm done paying for everything. I'm done doing the whole courting thing. I'm done with all of it. I'm choosing to be single. And you know what's so annoying about it, bro? I really feel for these type of dudes because it's like, bro, what does it take for men to get like this? You know what I'm saying? And there's some women that feel like this too because I have female friends as well. But it's like, yo, I don't think people understand. We want to be able to provide for y'all. We want to be able to say, you know, don't worry. I got you for life. We want to be able to say that. But we only going to do that for somebody that deserves it. That is it. It is so simple. It is so simple because we naturally want to give and protect and do that. We naturally want to do that. But now we've got to be like, oh, hold on. She might be one of them gold digger and just take up all my resources, all that just because she can't. And now this is why the dudes got they wall up, because it's probably happened one too many times. If I'm speaking on personal experiences happened one too many times, I'll be naive as ****. Right. And I said, you know what? I got to start respecting myself. I've seen that on the rise, too. And I don't I don't blame him. That sounds awful. I just saw someone say something today about how I would rather be single than settle. And yeah, me too. I get it. That's me, too. It depends. Yeah. I'd rather be single than settle. Yeah. Like you should never settle for less. You should never. I think if you're settling like you just you shouldn't settle. But it depends on what the settling is for. Like there are people like, oh, I'm not going to settle for less. Like you need to have this many, this much money. Your body needs to look like this. You need to be doing this, this and this. No. But what you should settle for, you should settle for someone that brings you that clarity, brings you that calmness, bring you that motivation, that drive, that determination. You shouldn't get with someone just because society says you have to get with someone, which that be sure to subscribe. I'm working on another video now for people who get married too fast. That's a whole nother issue in its own court. But yet you shouldn't settle. But also you need to know when you do need to like lock it in and sit down and work through something. There's a difference between the two. It's crazy because you'll see women come online and be like, men are so sad and they're so single and they're so alone. But not me. I'm having a good time. Just the men are having a bad time. And it's like, girl, it's so it's narcissistic. Be so serious for two minutes. I'm all in favor of you grinding out your career, both men and women, and doing what you need to do to achieve your goals and dreams. But you can do that with somebody and you can grow with them. And it's a great feeling to have. It's a great time to have that life partner where you both are working on yourself and together as a core, as a relationship in a union. That's great. And also don't advise people to settle. Don't settle for less. Don't settle for what society tells you to do. And oh, I need to get married now and have kids. No, don't settle for that. But you should be settling for is the core foundation of things. That's what you should just lock it in. Like, you know what? I'm settling with this because this is exactly what I'm looking for. That kind of settling, that kind of acceptance. Go to **** outside. Everybody single in the house, everybody single and complain about love and it's not finding them. Both of those options is the Amazon driver, the goddamn Uber Eats man, like the maintenance man, like people ain't giving themselves valid options. A lot of times you find your partner on accident. You bump into him, it's a conversation you never knew you needed. Right. Like you have to be outside in order to meet people. It don't matter whatever your hobbies are, frequent those hobbies. If you love the gym, go to the gym. I would say go to the gym and actually talk to people, approach people, political clubs, sporting events, go sit at the bar, do things alone. Literally, I've done everything to think of alone, theme parks alone, concerts alone, like go out there and just explore the world. You can do that. You're allowed to do that and you can meet great people. But I don't think it's fair if you're someone that's like, oh, I want a relationship. I can't find love. I can't do this. And you're in the house. Go outside, touch grass, talk to somebody, go sit at the bar, meet some friends, meet some friends and ask if they got single girlfriends. There's a lot of things we could be doing in the year 2026. I'm laughing because I was one of the dudes that asked that question. So, yeah, it works. I feel as much as I've done the online dating and I've had some success with it in regards to being able to meet up with some of these women and being able to go on dates. Clearly, we ain't together, but I feel like there's always a, you get better results when it comes to a dynamic, when you get to interact with women in person and it's a genuine vibe. You can get the vibe also a lot faster in person too. So you're not really playing a guessing game. You know what I'm saying? If you know how to read the room correctly, but online, you can have a blast. You have a good conversation. You go on one date, ghost demon, you know what I'm saying? Or sometimes you can have a great conversation. The date comes around for you to meet her, ghost demon. But you have to fight through this fear of rejection. You have to fight through the fear of the people like we talked about in the beginning of this video that are constantly shutting you down. No, you have to frequent your hobbies, go there, be vocal and do your thing. Look, see people fear so bad. They fear getting it wrong so bad. Cam, I got a tattoo on my arm that says life is on the other side of fear. If I never tested, I can never know the greatest heights of life. But what I would say to... Let me say this though. It's very difficult for certain people, even if they go outside. Get uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to get uncomfortable. I think oftentimes people are bleeding on people that did not cut them. Get uncomfortable, go out there, explore the world and be vulnerable. You need to be vulnerable. You need to have these uncomfortable conversations in order to grow with somebody, in order to find somebody that you want to be with. You can't be locked up in the house. You can't be a locked up individual and have your guard up and all your walls up. No. Meet somebody, talk, work things out and let down your walls, let down your insecurities and just be more vulnerable. Be real, be honest, and things will work out for you in your favor more and more than you may realize. My dating life is a joke. I can't even make this up anymore. Like I can't even, I can't even make this stuff up. I'm talking to this girl. We're texting for a little bit. It's going well. I say, hey, do you like coffee? She says, yeah, I love coffee. So in my mind, I'm like, okay, cool. Coffee date. We mesh on something. Do you want to get coffee sometime? So she texts back and she says, this isn't going to work for me. We have different approaches slash principles to dating and I'm not going to waste our time any further. And she blocked me. What happened? You just said you love coffee. What's wrong with getting coffee? Like that is a easy way. That's crazy. You dodged the bullet, but to that woman, how do you ever expect to find a man and you're acting like that? Right. You just told the man you like coffee and then switch off coffee date. And you're like, well, that's not the same principles. I deserve like a dinner, a proper date. No, you don't. None of y'all deserve none of that. It should be a coffee date first. Coffee, tea, ice cream, something chill and low key to get to know each other. You can go on a full date to a restaurant. I don't think we need the full dinners up front for every single person we're trying to meet. I don't even like going to dinners on the first day. I want to do something active. That's just what I like. You feel what I'm saying? And just having that competitive like banter that happens. Cause I feel like I get to learn a lot about somebody when I'm on a date and we're like bowling or we're axed on something, you know what I'm saying? But like, damn, you feel what I'm saying? Bro got blocked because he was genuinely trying to get to know her and see if she was worth the investment. And she said, nah, cause she want to go to Wolf Chris. Like what? Y'all frying me, bro. Y'all losing me. Holy. No, go get happy hour at a bar. Go get coffee. Let's go chat a very, let's meet at the park and walk around. Let's go to this literally market. Let's go to the food hall. Like you can do little things. That's fine. But also I hope that woman let him know what I guess that he, they, yeah, she didn't like their approach. Like, oh, I want to go, like, let's go get coffee. She was directing, you know what I'm saying? She ain't ghost to do, but it's still not right. Like that's that thinking is dumb. So you expect every time y'all go out on a date, y'all got to go somewhere fancy. That's what that, that's what that's setting him up for. And that's not fair. I don't think that's realistic hangouts. Not everything needs to be, not every first date needs to be a full, like four course, five course dinner. No, we don't, we don't need to have that. We don't need that because it's not fair to the men, especially the men. I'm sorry. Who are always the ones paying for footing the bill. No expensive dating is for straight men. I've gone. I've talked to my guy friends. I'm like, damn, you paying for how many dates a week a month. Or you, you, you, you know, even if it's like, I want three dates a month, you just spent for all these three dinners and you didn't talk to none of them anymore. Just complete strangers. No, some of y'all need to be like fielding these women. If we all go on dates to begin with, we need long phone calls, long text messages, walks in the park, coffees. And then we go to dinner. Let me know. That's one of the, one of the ways that you were able to find out if she really liked you or not. If she declines that you want to do some low key date, like go outside, go for a night drive and go look at the fountain. Cause that the fountain is nice. You know what I'm saying? The water sprinkling, you know what I'm saying? She don't like you. And this is another thing I wanted to say. And I always say this in my videos, do not force anything y'all. If you feel like she don't right. She probably don't like you gang word to bro. Comment below. Have you, have you dealt with something like that? I want to know from the guys, but also the girls too. Have you had a first date struck down because of like how you asked for it to be the day or where you want it to take them? Were they picky? Were they like superficial? Like, let me know. I had a shorty. I had a shorty flat out saying, yo, um, we should meet up at the mall tomorrow. I'm like, what you, what you going to get? And she's like, I'm probably just going to look around and get some things. I say, yes, I'm going, but I'm not paying for anything. She blocked me. I still want to go to the mall and get to, you know, chop it up. We can look, we can window shop. I like looking at watches and stuff like that. What I do, I sit, I don't know you. We've only spoke for like an hour or two. You talking about let's go to the mall. You want me to pay for something? **** that. I'm very curious. Well, I don't waste much time on a first date because I don't know if I'm going to like this person. Right. That just tells me you have not pre-qualified correctly. And that's truly the number one thing that gets you guys into trouble, both men and women over and over and over because you're skipping crucial parts of this initial, get to know you phase through messenger. Y'all need to be having like my first date, my first day with my husband, it was like two weeks. I want to say after we're already talking, like we did phone calls every night, texting all day. And then when I'm today, like, I think that needs, I don't know that worked for me. I don't let me know in the comments below how you feel about that, but I think that's a really smart way to go about it. Let's get to know each other over the phone, over texting. Let's see if we mesh, if we vibe and then we go out and have an amazing and fun date. Yeah. Cause it also builds like a buildup as well too. And it's, it's, it's one of the things that I've done myself where I've, I've been like, uh, very, I guess, quick on trying to meet with the person. And then, you know what I'm saying? I wouldn't vet them properly. I would, and I would get myself in very sticky situations, hence the story times. Um, but yeah, this is a very, I think like applying this to your dating life as well as like trying to get to know them. It also adds that layer of like, is, are they, are they patient enough to be able to wait and, and, and, and, you know, let the, let the vibes build up because it makes, it makes like when you guys finally meet up after talking for like a week or two, it's going to make it like, Ooh, I'm excited. I got to get fly. You know what I'm saying? Like you, you really, it's better than just chat for like five seconds, set up the date and link up next day. You know what I'm saying? It's just that the anticipation is better, you know what I'm saying? And then y'all come in, y'all like, okay, you got a little banter. Y'all know, you got a little idea of how they joke, how they play. You know what I'm saying? It could be like, Oh yeah, I see how you come here. It just makes it better. But yeah, I agree, but I can't imagine. Have I ever? No, I've never have. I've never gone on a date at a restaurant with a stranger. That sounds batshit crazy. I have always a coffee shop phone calls first texting first FaceTimes. Let's do that. Bring that back. Let's go like hell. Even like I said before the beginning, like let's meet at a coffee shop, walk in the park, but get to know the person first before you go on these elaborate as dates. That's never made sense to me. You're certainly many of you aren't even getting on a phone call with each other. And yet you're getting all fixed up with your lady and you're going out. And man, of course you don't want to spend money if you've not pre-qualified or correctly. Many of you are meeting people in person. And then that person never looked like their pictures. So you cannot skip pre-qualifying correctly. Ask them questions, things that are important to you. Ask them. If you can't ask them, you should tell y'all something. If you on FaceTime with a shorty and she got her, her, her, her camera to the ceiling the whole time wrap it up, bro. Let me just say, Hey man, that's not her. This is not her. Okay. Be dating them. Ask them for a FaceTime or a zoom. If they won't do it. Zoom is crazy. I'm fine in there. Okay. And if you do all these things and you feel, Oh, well, I should go out with them anyway, but yet, you know, you're not attracted. You know, they didn't say the right things. You needed to hear what the hell are you doing? Don't waste your time. Thank you. I love that woman. Don't waste your time. Be real, be upfront and just talk in the beginning. You meet somebody cool. Let's FaceTime. Let's hop on the phone. How do you feel about this? What would you do about this? Like talk deep immediately, get through like rough conversations up front and see how that goes. But again, in order to do that effectively, you have to be vulnerable. You have to be honest. You have to be open. And if that, if you're not that, that, that mindset, like that kind of route of the way going about that situation is, it's not going to work. And that's a fact. And it's like the level of vulnerability that you're able to display to the person that you're, you're, you want to be with will be as far as the depth of how deep your relationship is with, with that person. And that goes to like friendships too. I'm learning that as well. Like the level in which you able to expose yourself to whomever you call your friend or your significant other, it's only going to be as good of a relationship as you reveal to them. I'm not saying reveal the skeletons in your closet, but even if you, for example, reveal the skeletons in your closet, you know what I'm saying? Cause everybody has them and they, they still accept you for that for, for, for whatever that skeleton is. You're going to feel like, Oh wow. They like, I can like continue to reveal who I am to this person. And it just feels like, you know what I mean? You, you form like a deeper connection with them because now they, they really seeing you for you. And that not like this cherry picking version of, of, um, okay, I should be able to relieve, reveal this part of myself, this part of my, you like, okay, I don't mind like sharing myself with this person. You know what I'm saying? And, and, and that's such a, that's such a good thing that she, she brought up and Amir had brought up too. I'm so glad they brought that up. Wow. Yes. I think you should be fielding, uh, the men and women and you should be really selective on who you're going on a date with. It shouldn't be for superficial reasons. Like when you're swiping, I think I'm a big fan personally. I'm a huge fan of online dating apps. I am. I love them. It worked for me. It worked for a lot of my friends out there, hinge, tender, uh, bumble. They work. If you use them, right. You don't need to be swiping on every single person. No, be very selective in like the viewpoints that the person has. And then go from there. Like you shouldn't be like, Oh, I don't like her hair. No, I don't like her smile. No, I don't like this. No, like the superficial reasons. No, why are you skipping? I always read the description to see what I'm getting myself But sometimes the description ain't enough. You know what I mean? Hence the storytimes. I'm gonna keep saying that, but I'll probably link a few of my storytimes at the end of this video, just to show y'all like, uh, for, for the newcomers watching this channel, it's, it's been a rough ride. I'm saying, but you live and you learn and I'm okay with sharing that. Color as if their hair color is not going to change. We all grow together and you're getting married and they have, you have kids 10, 15 years later down the line, things change, bodies fluctuate. Some opinions may change. Like you will go through life with this person. So don't be superficial off the bat. That's wrong. Swipe. No. If you think they are completely unattractive, but again, not for the superficial reasons, but completely unattractive. If some viewpoints don't line up like, like swipe, no on those things, but swipe. Yes. Very, uh, strategically and realistic. Cause there are some men out there like, I want a baddie. You not bad yourself or women. I need a fine man. I need this. I need that. Look at you're a torta you're shaped and built. Hey, but when I say it, but when I say it, I'm the bad guy. Okay. Hey, because I, I'll be getting hit with the Thor thighs gang. They love me. I'm like, I'm not matching with a Thor thigh. If I'm not a Thor thigh, it don't make sense. Right. It don't make sense. I need to be physically attracted to whomever I'm deciding to spend my life with. If you will thought that I'm sorry, my mind's not for me. And you want this strong, fine, charming man. He don't want you y'all. We need to bring back realistic expectations. I'm telling you women online are keeping y'all single because you're waiting for a small population of men to come and like, whisk you off of your feet. And like, they're not coming because you're not in the right place or that type of man is just not looking for you. And that's the unfortunate truth. I think we need to start dating with the intent of like looking at the future, not this quote unquote ideal that we have in our heads, whatever fantasies we like that TikTok has shown us about like what love is when half of it's a bunch of curated nonsense. We're always looking for passion and butterflies and excitement. And in reality, you should be with somebody that makes you feel calm. You should let me, let me, let me say this because I was also looking for that as well. And what I realized is that a lot of us are trying to like find this. We're trying to stimulate our nervous system half of the times. And even if the situation isn't healthy, we'll somehow nervous system will resonate with some of the patterns that we've seen before. And then when it feels like calm or like nothing is happening because you're used to like so much, you know, chaos or high emotions and low emotions, when you get in that in-between state where it's like usually the most healthiest, a lot of people say it's boring. Including myself. I used to say these things. I'm like, there's nothing happening. Like it's boring. Like, you know what I'm saying? And I'm like, yo, I had to sit myself. I'm like, yo, why do I feel like that? This research reflected whole time. My nervous system is out of whack because I've been in these weird ass situations for most of my life. You know what I'm saying? So when I get in a situation that is good for me, it's like, uh, I don't know how to deal with it. You know what I'm saying? Or I'm just not stimulated enough when it is good for me. I just have to rewire my nervous system. You know what I mean? But yeah, that's a whole nother topic for a whole nother day. Look for the person that makes you feel at ease. You want to pick the person that you can be around for a week and never get sick of them. You need that. It's that type of person that you can grow and blossom with and achieve your goals and dreams. And they achieve their goals and dreams. It's a great partnership. That's the type of person, but off the jump, it has to be someone that makes you calm. And you are 110% yourself because there are some people in some relationships where they mask who they really are. They're hiding parts of themselves. They're muting parts. They're not showing their true selves. And then they get with their partner like, oh, I'm calm. I'm great. And then y'all get together and like, it's like a bait and switch. Now you have to change, man, or you like suppress so much of who you actually are. Two or five, 10 years down the line come and now you're a whole new person. No, you should be able to be 110% yourself and also feel calm and at ease. Boom. Great partnership grow from there. That's a real, that's a real good spot to be in, but off the jump, you have to be authentically yourself. You have to be calm. This is exactly what I'm saying. This is exactly what I be saying. Some of these red pill folks, they're going to be like, you got to hold his masculine frame. If you ain't in your masculine frame, you done bro. You tell the same way you get a girl. This is for my dudes. The same way you get a girl is the same way you're going to have to perform every time, every day to keep her. So that one day you wake up and you decide to be yourself and you like, you, you just a regular dude. You know, you probably a little goofy or whatever. And you, your masculine frame slips. She gonna look at you like, what the, who is this? That ain't you, bud. That's not you, bud. So you gotta, this is why I say as, as, as, as, as, as, as much as we want to protect ourselves from pain, suffering and all that. Right. Cause we got enough to deal with in this world. You have, if you're going to date, this is for men and women. You have to wear your heart on your sleeve. You just have to, because you, you will quickly know who's for you and who's not for you. Right. I'm speaking to myself here in this video. Cause I'm uncomfortable in calling that other person out. Hey, I didn't like that. I like the way you said this. We need to talk about this. Hey, how do you feel about this? We should change this. We should grow on this because that all of that, that brings calmness. That brings stability. That brings a foundation. And that matters. So yes, strive and find somebody that makes you calm and stick with that person, but make you calm enough, secure enough to where you can call out things and you guys can work on things that type of calm, not calm only because I'm hiding things and I don't want to poke the bear. No calm. And that there is no poking that there's no bear to poke calm in that we are able to have conversations and it's calm. We're able to have a conversation and I never hear your voice raised. It's rare. I come across another couple pair and I'm like, do you know what his yell sounds like? Like what? Yeah. Like we yell it. We sometimes we know it works for some people, I guess, but I'm seeking like their calm clarity. Like we can just sit here and have, I'm not, I'm not with the yelling matches and stuff. Like some, some people will be like, Oh, if, if he can't handle my attitude, he'll need to be with me. Huh? Yeah. That ain't for me game. Especially if your attitude is like ridiculous and it's like on, on, like it's, it's usually when people say that it, the reason why they be having attitudes just don't line up. Like it just be unnecessary. I'm saying nothing be happening. It'd be like bullshit that you don't need to have an attitude for. And they're like, Oh yeah, he, if he can't handle my attitude, no, nobody wants to deal with that. I'm saying only a real man can handle my attitude. No, they, no, they allow, I'm telling you a lot of dudes do not want to deal with that, especially if they, they working hard every day. You telling me you got to come home to a real, real honest conversation. Those are the good ones. Feel safe with them. You feel like you can trust them when they're with you. You feel like you can take on the world. That's the person that you need to be looking for. And also get real with yourself about who you actually are. If we're on Tik TOK all the time, we're watching other people's lives. We're perceiving that as the expectation instead of us looking at what do I actually want? What do I actually need? And when you get off the phone, you actually start living your life and like dating people and being present without all this crap in your head. You're going to start to realize, Oh wait, what I want is actually real simple, real simple. And most of the relationship that you see online, all lovey dovey, they're not fake. They're not, they're truly not. It's all a fake. It's all a facade for a lot of these couples out here. It's just the unfortunate truth. There are more people out there getting married for Instagram, getting married for their friends and they're getting married for themselves, right? It's business. Most of the times, these people really ain't even together. They just keeping the show going, especially if they have a couple's channel and they making bank off the couple's channel and that's their livelihood. Oh, best belief. They're going to keep the show going no matter what. And I'm so excited to be, again, be sure to subscribe because there's another video we're going to get into the people who get married too fast or married for the wrong reasons. That's a real thing that's happening nowadays. And it's sad, but it's also a double whammy because you're dealing with people who don't want to feel left behind in life or life is going too fast or I'm getting older. I need to hurry up and find somebody to be with. I can't waste time. I want to have kids. I want to have a family. If that's what your relationship built off on off the front. It's a terrible foundation. What is it going to look like in 5, 10, 15, 20 years? Right. Listen, everyone has their own pace in life. That's why we're all individuals. Move at your own pace. Everybody gets to where they want to be at different times. Not everyone's lives is the same. Slow it down. When you start getting speedy Gonzalez, I can say it from experience, that's when you lose sight of what you really want sometimes too. You could be moving so fast and you slow down one day and you look around and you're like, damn, this ain't even what I really wanted or like the ****, what did I build? Then now you're going to have a midlife crisis. All these different emotions is coming up because you felt like you needed to rush because everyone around you is having a kid and getting married and all that. You know what I'm saying? Nah, it's your life. You know what I mean? That's why we got to get off of social media every now and so. You know what I'm saying? Keep watching my videos. I'm saying, you know what I mean? Keep watching my videos, but everyone else, but yeah, you feel what I'm saying? Off the bat, you're just getting with each other because you have, society has put these expectations on what a marriage or what you should be doing at your age right now. F that. Life is different for all of us and if you're out here making moves in life based on other people's expectations of what you should be doing, that's a recipe for disaster. I'm telling you when you're younger in your twenties, like who the **** wants to get married and settle down? Some people, but not me at that point. I was like, here we go. Prepare yourself. I want to feel the thrill. I want to be getting my head bashing the mattress. I want to be getting flipped upside down and then I want to be getting ghosted the next day. She want to be a duty. She want to be for the streets. She want to be a scrape. She want to be a scrape. I want to have my heart ripped out of my chest and I want to do it all over again. And then some, and then when you get a little older, you're kind of like, I literally don't have time. What are we talking about? Horrible advice. I think sure. For some people, they want to thrive and have fun in their twenties, get all wild and go through the ups and downs that just screams toxicity. That seems depression that gives anxiety, that gives recklessness that no, this is exactly what I was talking about with the nervous system. You hear that? That's exactly that excitement. That, that spark, this is bad. It's not good. I'm telling you that right now. Yes. Oh, it's lit when it's happening. But once you slow down and look back, you're like, damn, what the **** was I doing? It's not, do not, do not listen to this ladies. And I know in the comment section of this video, there's people like exactly girl period. Feel what I mean? Why? No, that's some crazy relationship advice. Would never advise that and would never follow that. Not a day in my life that would not, no, you should be seeking the calmness, the anxiety free, the, the motivation, inspiration, the love, like that kind of thrill. That's what you should be going for. Not any of this other because you don't have time to waste. I'm all for you taking risk in your twenties, moving to different cities, meeting new friends and people. I'm cool with that, but don't take risks with your love life. Protect your peace. Find that other, find your person, move through life with them. You guys can grow together in your twenties. I'm all for that. But none of this toxic BS, the, the hooking up nonstop, the no, you just need to take care of you to take care of yourself and they're doing the same and you're doing it together. And this is a blossoming fruitful relationship. We've gone through a lot of varying opinions and thoughts in this video on modern dating culture, but off the bat, it seems to be a consensus that something needs to be addressed. Something needs to be changed. And one part is how people are utilizing social media and the dating apps, but to societal expectations and then how women play games for most part of the men aren't even like trying and aren't really like being a strong leader. It's a little bit all over the place and it needs to be addressed. And I think it can be addressed by really focusing back, bringing the focus back to you, understanding what you really want in a partner, realistically, not superficially, what you want for yourself, what you want for your future partner, what you want for a future life and seek that out. Be vulnerable, be honest, be open, and you will find your person. I think in person at a gym, church, political functions, run clubs, whether it's Zad, online, Instagram, or Tinder, Bumblehenge, it's possible to find real love, but you have to open up and allow yourself to be loved in the right way. You have to. But again, like in most videos, I end this video with this same thing, but it's very applicable to this topic. It comes back to you. What are you doing to reach your goals and dreams? What are you doing to be realistic in your goals and dreams? Hello? I get that there's a dream and you can like shoot for some wild ----, but also be realistic in your path and what you're doing to get to your goals and dreams. What are you doing with that? And three, regarding finding that love, finding a person. Are you being real? Are you being open? Are you approaching people? Are you not letting other people get you down? Are you not taking in like awful advice? Are you not being superficial? Are you not being fake? Because a lot of y'all are out here, men and women. You want all these expectations. You want all these different things in a man or woman, but you ain't even got that for yourself. What are you doing? Yeah, I ain't going to lie. Shout out Amir, man. He getting a subscribe. This is a really good video, man. Original video will be down in the description as well, but man, it's like I've talked about this so many different times and I'm glad like I'm not bugging. I'm hearing a lot of the same things from both sides, the women and the men, you know what I'm saying? And a gay man at that too, you know what I'm saying? So it's like a lot of people come on my channel, especially when I was doing my story times and I'm over here expressing some of my frustrations with dating, saying there's a lot of fake energy, a lot of games, especially the games that women be playing. It's not all y'all, but there's a lot of games and just weird manipulations and just bad advice that people give regarding on, on how to, you know, seek the opposite sex. And I'm so glad that they touched on this. You know what I'm saying? Like comment, subscribe. If y'all like this video, send me anything y'all want me to react to in my Instagram and leave a comment below regarding what you, what you think about this video. I know this video is long. I'm looking at it now. I'm like, damn, I got to cut this down a little bit, but Hey man, if y'all want me to react to more stuff like this, just send it to my Instagram. That'll be in the description as well. And love y'all man. Let's suck your mother.