I Struggled With Self-Worth Until Jesus Taught Me This... | Kèrén

It was very easy for me to be like, yeah, God's got you, you need to trust in God. God's carrying you, he's got you in the palm of his hand, he'll never leave you nor forsake you. And his love is there for you, but then I didn't understand it for myself. I just hated myself and I didn't know why mum would even ask me. I'd be like, like a couple years ago I started realising I was like, I really hated myself for no reason. I was in prayer and I was just like on my knees and one of my friends was like, oh my gosh, it looked as if you were like somewhere else completely and I was like, yeah I was. And that again helped shape my self-esteem. My name is Karen, I am 23, I'm from Glasgow and I'm Congolese and I live in Cardiff. So walk us through your early years growing up. Have you always been a Christian or if not, how has your early years been? I have always grown up a Christian, raised in a Christian household, always brought to church. For me church was like my favourite place ever because it was kind of like a constant. So even if everything else wasn't like happening at home, school, whatever, church was always that constant for me. Yeah, I think my earliest memory is this one time I was in nursery and I went and I prayed in a corner and like I was like, it was funny, I was in the corner, I had my hands up to my face and I remember all my friends being around me and they were like, oh my gosh, is she okay, is she okay? And they were like, shh, I think she's praying. And I was praying and I was like, not why was I doing that, but why was I doing that at four years old in nursery? But yeah, and I was even telling my mum about it a couple of weeks ago and she was like, oh my gosh, I think I remember you telling me that. Yeah. That's interesting. So what was the concept of faith to you at that early age? I mean, growing up in a Christian household, was having a relationship with Jesus just like, oh, I'm doing this because my family's doing it or have you always been curious about it? It's a weird one because I think naturally you get to a point where it's like you need to have your own faith. But for me, it was just like the emotions and the way I felt about church, like it was a fun place. My best friends were there and I just went every Sunday. If I didn't go, it felt like an abomination. I didn't know what an abomination was back then, but that's what it felt like. But yeah, we'd go to Christ, Sunday school, there'd be toys, I'd sit and play to my heart's content. It was just the best place ever. So what happened in your life that made you to build, at what stage did you build your personal relationship with Jesus? I think I'd always grown up praying. Like even when my sister was born, when she was a baby, I was about four or five. I was still praying for her. I was like, God, I pray that she doesn't say words like shut up, etc. I think I got to year seven, just about, and my dad introduced the idea of fasting to me. I'd been baptised when I was 10. I decided I was like, yeah, how can I get baptised? I got baptised. We used to always have a time of prayer at home. So at seven o'clock, it used to be six and it moved to seven. Seven o'clock, we pray in the living room, we worship, we pray, we read the Bible. I've always grown up with a Bible of some sort. I got baptised when I was 10, because I wanted to, so I was in year six. Before I went into the water, they prayed for us, obviously, and I was crying tons. I didn't even understand what was happening, but I was crying tons. It felt amazing. It was a very funny day, though, because I didn't even bring a pair of clothes to change into. I got up out of the water and I was like, yeah, this is it. When we were having our times of prayer at home, I started shaking uncontrollably, crying, and that was the first time that I'd ever felt the Holy Spirit, which was awesome. Then from there on, it just kind of raveled into what I am now. But even in year seven, I started fasting. I say fasting, I would skip my breakfast, not have breakfast, skip my snack, my morning snack, then have lunch. But it was still big for me. Then somebody gave their testimony at church. They were like, they used to live a double life. They believed in Jesus, but then they'd be out partying, clubbing, and doing everything that he says, oh my gosh, that he advises against. And then they were like, no, I can't live a double life. And so for me at the time, I was swearing a lot. And I was like, no, I can't live a double life, and he stopped swearing, etc. So I stopped swearing, stopped blaspheming at 11 years old, and that was me. That's interesting. So how did your relationship with Jesus begin to transform the way you saw yourself and the world around you? I think it always has, because I know that I'm supposed to be kind. I'd grown up with the fruits of the Spirit. I'd grown up with the gifts of the Spirit and how we're supposed to act, love your neighbour as yourself. But I think the most transformative times was when I was a teenager. And so even as simple as, I was in church one day, and like I said, church was always my favourite place, I loved it. But we sat there, and I was like, I think I'd had a rough week or something. And so my head wasn't even there, and my youth whatever, my head was drifting. And I was like, God, I can't feel you, I can't whatever. And then in my head, I was like, how are you supposed to feel someone if you're not reading the Bible, if you're not spending time with them throughout the week, if you're not engaging right here, when you're getting the Word of God spoon-fed to you? And I was like, okay, well, but yeah. And I think that was one of the moments where it was like an example for everything. I'd always done it throughout, but then that day I was just like, I'm in a mood, and my head's actually not in the right place, my heart's not in the right place, so how am I expecting to receive? And so I kind of just carried that all the way along. But when I was about 17, I went to two of my first youth festivals. So Soul Survivor, the last year that I was on, and then Limitless Festival for the second year that I was on, but it was my first one. So on Soul Survivor, I served on team, and Limitless Festival I went because I was still a young person with my church. And at the end of it, I was like, oh wait, I'm actually a decent person. God's actually made me kind, he's made me fearful and wonderfully, because growing up I always had issues of self-esteem. I don't know why, especially after, I think when I got baptised or before, which is now like, okay, it was probably the enemy. I just hated myself, and I didn't know why mum would even ask me. A couple of years ago, I started realising, I was like, I really hated myself for no reason. Nobody had said anything to me, nobody had done anything to me, I just hated myself. Life wasn't great at that time either, to be quite fair. But yeah, and then coming back to 17, I was like, oh wait, actually, I'm a decent enough person, because I think when I was growing up, I also went through a phase of like, in nursery I was really chatty, then I got into primary school, and all my friends were in different classes, they made new friends, and I got really shy. And so I was the person where I'd be giving a presentation and people would be like, I can't hear her. And then they'd tell me to speak up, and I'm like, I'm basically shouting to myself. But yeah, bits like that. And then I like, from then, it kind of just set a trajectory of like, I'm a very confident person now. I don't like speaking down upon myself, I don't let others speak down upon themselves either. And I think it's kind of a superpower, because when you're confident in yourself, you're then able to empower those around you as well. Because you know how God's made you, and you know that God's made others the exact same way, and that we all have strengths and weaknesses, but we need to play to them and encourage each other to work on them as well. Yeah, that's amazing. Thank you for sharing that, that's really insightful. So looking back now, yeah, compared to your teenage years and now, what are the key lessons that God has taught you about your journey into ministry and faith and life in general? A lot. A lot. I think to start off with, it's been, like, I have to go back to the point where my dad basically came to me when I was 14. He was like, like I'd always read my Bible, church is my favourite place, but he was like, you need to have a relationship with God for yourself. And I'd like, I'd always been reading my Bible anyway, but I think it just like, was a highlighted moment where it's like, you need to properly engage in this for yourself. And so I started reading my Bible, doing Bible plans on the Bible app. I attempted the Bible in a year, I didn't, because it got boring. I got to, like, numbers and it was just numbers, numbers, numbers. And I was like, ah, that's very nice that the temple was built that way. But for me, not that I don't care, but I didn't care then. And so, yeah, that I need to have a relationship with God for myself. In that sense, it was like, I needed to build that for myself. But then as I got to like 17 and like being older, I had to realise that what God says in his word is true. And I've always believed it was true, but it's true for me because it was very easy for me to be like, yeah, God's got you, you need to trust in God. God's carrying you. He's got you in the palm of his hand. He'll never leave you nor forsake you. And his love is there for you. But then I didn't understand it for myself. And so he had to be like, I love you. And it's not just you as plural, it's you individually. And that, again, helped shape my self-esteem to where it's like, OK, God's loved me. He's filled me with his love. And that's what's overflowing in my life. And that's what I should be overflowing into other people because it's true for everyone else. And it's also true for me. What else? He has taught me to cast my cares on him. So this has been in like the past recent years. I went to Bible college and I'm the eldest of my family. So it's funny, I'm the eldest of the eldest and then the eldest grandchild as well. So there's a lot in my head. And so I'd always been used to like keeping everything in. I feel like when I got to 17, everything just started to like, not fall apart, but God started to do a big work. And so it was then again, and I had like, my mental health was all over the place. And again, it was a thing of like, you don't have to carry everything. So by default, I'd always bottle things up, keep it in. Nobody cares. Nobody needs to listen, et cetera. People always come to me with their issues. So like, there's no one for me to go to basically. And then I stopped. I was like, wait a minute. Cause people was getting to me for advice. And I was like, I can't give out good advice if I'm not good either. And not that you just completely can't, but you can only pour out of what you have. So if you don't have water in your cup, how are you supposed to give somebody else water? And I was just like, right, cool. Let's stop. Let's pause. Let me take inventory and be like, right, cool. What's missing? What's, where is everything? But yeah, so then when I was in Bible college, I was about 20 and God had to teach me to be his daughter. And so whenever I pray now, it's always God, you're my father. And yeah, that was crazy. I remember in our, like, we have a chapel at uni basically. And like, I'm a worshiper, so I always just sit and love worshipping on my own. Like I realise that time has passed. But yeah, we're in there, we're doing one of the groups that we had called set aside. And I was sat there and I was like, I think, not I was struggling, but like, I was just learning to understand God's voice for myself and how he speaks. And like more often than like on the big moments, et cetera. And so I'd heard his voice and I was like, oh, I don't know if that's just me trying to like find a way out for me to breathe. And then somebody else came in and confirmed it, which is really nice and really cool. But he had to teach me to be daughter, which means that I can cast my cares on him, which means he loves me, which means that he's always with me. Yeah. And I don't have to carry everything. Let me give you an illustration. So like, I always think of it as like, you know, in like your films, you get the stereotypical, like spoiled brat who is like, she asks for a lot and then she throws everything all over the place, et cetera. It's like basically a three year old who's very stuck up and they've got tons of bags and they're like, dad, you carry it in a spoiled bratty way. But in the sense that when God says cast your cares onto him, he means like throw everything. And it's again, like just going back to like the hymns that we sing, like all like what needless pain we bear all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. It's like when you cast onto him, like we're not made to carry all the stuff that we carry. And God had to teach me that he had to teach me to put everything on him and that even the things that I think I'm responsible for, I am. But he's also able to carry everything and that he's also there to give me what I need to carry them. So he's able to give me strength, to give me peace, to give me his wisdom. And everything comes from him. So it's like if I'm lacking something, go to him. If I have something, go to him and thank him. Yeah. I just had to let everything down and be like, I can breathe. I can cry. I can be tired. I can rest either. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Thank you for sharing that. That's really interesting because it shows how much God has shown us, you know, to follow his word for as much as we're struggling with one thing or the other, we always fall into that trap of trying to be self-sufficient by ourselves, you know, but it's always good that the Holy Spirit reminds us that, oh, you can do this by yourself. Thank you for sharing that. That's great. What do you think is the main challenge with young people now with having to build a relationship with Jesus? I think we have too much access. Like somebody was asking me a couple of months ago, they were just like, in general, what do you think the issues that young people are facing right now? And I was like, just access. So like in the world that we currently live in, there is so much things being bombarded at us and it's like you're fishing and there's like all sorts of fish in the sea. I mean, you could pick up toxic habits, you can pick up healthy habits, you can pick up everything. And it's like trying to guide people or guide young people to like the good things so they are grown up in the way that they should go. We live in a world that is confusing and contradicting. So we'll say, oh, yeah, love wins, but then the second somebody has a different opinion, then there's hatred comes out. It's like, well, no, that's not right. That's not what you're even preaching yourself. Yeah, I think that's it mainly. So this is also a very interesting question. Have you experienced anything more like a miracle or any situation in your life or with someone that made you to realise or to feel the power of God? I think there's been lots of experiences that I've felt, but one of the most foundational ones was that I was in the car with my parents and I was leading worship at church and I was like, oh, my gosh, God, one day I want to lead worship by myself, et cetera, because I'd grown up with my main youth leader and then we had a youth leader who had a heart specifically for me and my friend group, which was really nice. And I was like, cool, one day I want to be like her leading, et cetera. And I was like, I don't remember, but that was like the thought process and I was like, cool, I got the difference between being still and feeling and being still and knowing that God is God. And so my conviction wasn't a feeling anymore. It was like, no, cool, I know that this is the truth and that's it, whether I feel it or not. And I think that's so crucial and so needed right now where we're like, oh yeah, if you don't feel like it, don't do it. If you can't sense it, then don't do it. And it's like, well, no, because truth is truth. It's not relative. It's definitive, which is why we believe in Jesus, because if it changed every day, it's not something stable to stand on, basically. When have I felt... So the first time was when I experienced the Holy Spirit for the first time when we were praying with my parents and my family. I have also felt God. So when I was 17, when I was 17, I was going through a really hard time and I was just sat in a corner. And I think that was one of the times when God came in and reaffirmed his presence to me. I was literally just sat in my room, no lights, no flashing lights, no music, no anything. I was just like, God, I need to feel you because I'm really, really low. And his presence was just, it flooded in, which is awesome. And then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was like, oh, okay. So then once I came to my senses, I looked around, there was no hand behind me, nobody was in my room, my door was open. And I was like, cool. Then at the festivals I went to, me and my friend both experienced it. But we never knew, we didn't tell each other. So I was in prayer and I was just on my knees and one of my friends was like, oh my gosh, it looked as if you were somewhere else completely. And I was like, yeah, I was. I was speaking with my God, I was at his feet, which is a way that God's shown me to know and experience his presence as well. But then we were praying in this big room full of thousands of people and I felt the ground shake, like move like that. And then I opened my eyes, looked in, nothing. Then I said to my friend and our youth leader a couple of months ago, she's like, oh, yeah, I felt the ground move that same day as well. And we were like, cool. Yeah. Wow. You know, it's always an experience when you have your personal one, which is, wow, that's interesting. You were 17 at the time. At 17 year old, how do you comprehend that? I don't know. Like, I think, I can't even explain it. It's just like, I think I've always been exposed to stuff growing up. So like in church, there would always be the Holy Spirit breaking out, people would be screaming, shaking, crying on the floor, et cetera. But it wasn't a forced thing and it wasn't, it's actually strange because I think lots of church people know what to do, but don't know like why it's happening or how to do it. And so when I've been on like placement at different churches, I've had really church kids, but I'm like, do you understand why you're doing stuff? And so for me, though, it was never a thing of like, oh my gosh, this is scary. Whereas I took a group of young people to a festival a couple of years ago and there were people screaming and like, it was kind of like a deliverance service and they were petrified. They had been growing up in church their whole life, but they didn't know what was happening. And then I had to take them aside and be like, this is weird, isn't it? Yeah. And it's like a thing of like, naturally when the supernatural meets the natural, things are going to look a bit weird and things can get weird, but we don't have to be weird about it. Simple things that we can ask God for meaning, we can be like, God, what's going on right now? What's happening? Can you show me, give me eyes to see, et cetera. But yeah, for me, it's never been that. I think it's just the environment that I grew up in kind of. Interesting. So I know that you sing, you know, and you, you do quite a number of things more. I want to understand, why do you choose to work with younger people? Like, like the youth, you know, why do you choose to work with youth? I think from a young age, I very much always wanted to help people. I'm an empath. And so I can usually like feel people's emotions and like understand their hearts without having walked in their shoes, kind of. And so even before I went into ministry, I wanted to become a psychologist. It was mainly because my friend had picked it and I was like, okay, cool. And like, I didn't question it. My parents didn't question it. They were like, yeah, cool. She knows what she wants to do. Cool. But then I was like, okay, I want to work with young people. Cause I was like, I want it to be strictly psychology, not psychiatry. And I was like, okay, I want to work with people my age and just help them. Because I think it was really a thing of like, I know the help that I need and would have needed at that time. And I was like, okay, I want to be that for myself. And so I wanted to just become a psychologist. Then it was a school psychologist, sports psychologist, et cetera. But then I was like, okay, I want to become a psychologist, a Christian one and then work in churches because everybody needs therapy. Everybody needs therapy. And it's not like, I feel like we put big words on these things like therapy, counselling, psychology, and it's like just somebody to talk to and go through life with you. And often from an unbiased perspective is where it helps the most. Cause it's not like, oh yeah, I'm telling you about Stacy from down the road, but you know that Stacy did this and you know is enough to like have a bias or like an opinion or something. And I was like, okay, I want to work in a church because people need help. And if there's one person in a church and he's dealing with like what, 50 odd people, even 10 people, it's a lot for him or her. And I was like, okay, I want to be the person to stand in and do that. So I've also had a heart for people. And then when I went to, when I went to my first conference and I was, when I got to youth, when I was about 11, I went to this conference and I was like, I was a mixture of like, I know I became shy, but I wasn't shy by myself, which I don't think most people are. But I am introverted by default. And so I was like enjoying myself. I'd go off like on my own and just be enjoying myself in a crowd with no people. Like I'm tiny, 11, there's people like 16 jumping around me, et cetera. But I went and enjoyed myself. And then the next year we couldn't go because we had like another celebration in Scotland or something. And I was like, okay, I'm going to become a youth leader. That way in a hundred years time, when we celebrate a hundred years again, I'm going to be there at 111 years old. Crazy. But yeah. And so like just bits like that, even like helping out in youth, being on worship, that's kind of what set me of like, okay, cool. I want to do this, but I was like, oh no, but I'll do psychology. And I was like, oh, I'll just do my first four years. And I was like, there's no point in doing that. I might as well just go up to doctorate. So I left that again, then got to, got to my second attempt at my first year of uni and I was like, God, I can't do this anymore. Like I need you to help me. I need a way out. Cool. But I was on team to go and do Limitless again with my church because I'd been like all the years that they'd done it basically. And I was like, no, it's fine. I'll just leave it and not go and do my research. And I was like, well, no, because one, both of them are an excuse for the other. So I was like, let me just go. It's fine. It's already been paid for cool. So I got there and I was struggling between like, oh God, should I like, should I go and receive or should I go and serve? And I was like, I'm just going to go to serve because I don't want to make it about me. Again, I didn't want to put my cares onto people or ask people for help. So then I went and I was praying, serving, and they went to the front. They were like, oh, we feel like there's a young, a youth leader in here who feels like scared about their future. And I was like, God, you're calling me? Cool. So I went to the front, cried. And then I went to the seminar and it was like one of the morning ones early before the main session. And it was just titled like Limitless leaders or youth leaders. And I was like, okay, cool. I'm here as a youth leader. I might as well go. Cool. Went, sat in the seminar. And then, and then God was like, remember when you wanted to be a youth leader? And I was like, yeah. So then that week God changed my life. And it was like, right, cool. You are supposed to do this. So I ended up going to my own college and doing everything that I'm doing now. I think what really, even like watching my youth leader grow up before I got to youth, I was like, whoa, she's awesome. She leads worship and she does youth work. Like that's amazing. And I was like, I think like the children are the future. And I think that makes me sound old now, but children are the future. And it's a funny thing because it's like, people look at me and they're like, no, yeah, we're kids because I'm still Gen Z and it's like, you are the future. And I'm like, yes, I am. But it needs to be like an ongoing cycle of like, we're pouring into the generations to come and those above sometimes. But yeah, I think it's mainly a thing of like, I want to, like, it just not frustrates me, but like I'm passionate about it. I want people to understand Jesus in the way that I have and in the way that they need to, because like the life I live, I can't even speak, like the life I live, if Jesus wasn't here, I wouldn't be here either. And like little bits that like kids are so impressionable and kids are a gift and you need to raise them and you need to help them and lead them in the way that they should go so that they can know what is right and what is wrong because we don't have a proper grasp of what is good and what is evil. And even things that we do have, the majority of them are based off of God. Do you get what I mean? And so I'm like, I just want people to just get it. And especially young people, because there's like sponges, we're all like sponges to a certain age, but we're all like sponges. And it's like, you just need to get in there and put as much information as you can so that people know God, but also know God from their heart. Yeah. Well, you're very passionate. It's beautiful to see. Thank you so much. So what would you say to anyone watching, like any young person watching this testimony or watching you now and who doesn't have a relationship with Jesus? And when I say young people, I'm not just talking about youth, I'm talking about people in your age range, even older, you know, because sometimes as a young person, you could easily say, I want to have a good time with my life now and I can serve God later. So what would you say to anyone who's struggling to still build a relationship with Jesus, especially young people who feel like, oh, it's too early to start. I can start when I'm maybe 20 or 25 or 30, you know, exactly. So what would you say to someone? What's too early? It's like saying, oh yeah, it's too early to breathe. That doesn't make any sense. I would say, I think in life we do a lot of like damage control after we've lived a certain way, as opposed to like prevention beforehand. I was thinking about this the other day actually, and I was like, we go to fix things after instead of preventing things beforehand. Like what's an example? Like simple things is like, oh yeah, I know how to fix the fire instead of being smart and not going near a petrol canister with a match. Do you get what I mean? Yeah. And it's like, why would you, why would you go towards something that isn't worthwhile? Yeah. Because, and it's tricky because the world that we live in is very much like microwave generation. So we want everything like super quick and right now, but it's like, it's not worth it. It's not worth it at all. Cause like some of the things, like I had an example, there was this girl in my year at school and we were like 15 when we did our like first round of exams. And on one of our exams, she came in, she was sick to her stomach. She couldn't do her exam because she had given herself liver poisoning because she had drank so much. And then we were in the park and everybody was chilling and like some people were having alcohol, et cetera, but she couldn't because at 15 she'd given herself liver poisoning. And I was like, you've like, what's the word in English? You've dashed your whole life away because you thought you were chasing something that felt good in the moment, but it's not actually. Cause then it impacts the way that you live, the way that you eat, the way that you drink, the things that you can go to, the things that you can. And I'm like, is it worth it? No. And what I say is like the Bible basically is like the opposite of what the world that we're living in. Lots of people got like the upside down gospel and it's like the things I tell you, you'll be like, oh wait, no, but I can find freedom and drink and alcohol, et cetera. And it's like, but true freedom is actually what you're being called to. You're being called to live a life out that is nourishing for yourself and for others. Like I think somebody has actually done research and found that like, if you were to live your life exactly according to the Bible, you would be like a better person in every single way, mentally, physically, emotionally, et cetera. And it's like, but when I say it the way it is, you won't understand. So it's like, I don't know. There's more to life than, than the things that we chase, then pleasure, then drinks, then drugs, then houses, money, et cetera. And it doesn't seem that doesn't mean that living a life for Christ is easy. Some of us cry, we cry a lot and it's painful, but life is in general, life is in general. You just need to kind of pick which one because one will do you better in the long run and the other one. And people are like, oh, but what if I get to heaven and God is not like real exceptional. I was like, well, you would have lived your life being a good person, living a life that is commendable as opposed to living your life however you want to and get there, get to heaven. You're like, oh, wait, I didn't know you were real or I didn't, I didn't think it was worth it. And it's like, you need to be wise. That's what I'd say. Cause I can keep going. And it's like, if your head's not there already, then you won't get it. Like, I remember when my teachers, like she knew I was Christian, like I was telling her, yeah, I want to do like Christian songs for my exams and stuff and for like music and singing. And she was like, hmm, maybe some of us just aren't supposed to understand. And I was like, yeah, cause I can't force you to do anything. And quite frankly, I can't change your heart, the Holy Spirit can, but I really wish you would. And I really wish you could. Like I was at a conference a couple weeks ago and I was like, like the kids that I went with, they kind of just stood there during worship, et cetera. And I was like, oh my gosh, like you don't get it. And I was like, I wish I could photocopy my brain and my mind and my experiences of Jesus and put it into your head so you could be like, right, okay, I'm going to live my life except for Jesus. Um, yeah. Thank you. That's yeah, that's, that's, that's very true. I like, I like the points that you raised. That's, that's very insightful. Thank you. So, um, before you go, what's your favorite Bible verse and what does it mean to you? My favorite Bible verse is Hebrews chapter 13, verse five, but the second bit, um, it says, God has said that he will never leave you nor forsake you. Um, the reason why is in Sunday school, we got like tons of memory verses like thrown at us. It was like the only one I could remember. And I think in lockdown, um, when I was 17, just before my 18th, I was like, I really honed in with God, which is really good. But like life was ugly then, so ugly, but God was like, I'm here and I'm not leaving you. And then I looked back on my life and I was like, he's never left me. And so when I got shyer in primary school, I had no friends, but each year I had a group of people to play with who weren't necessarily like my friends, like it wasn't like, oh yeah, we go to each other's birthdays. It was just like playtime. We play with each other. And like, God showed me time and time again, he was with me. Um, even in the fact that church was a constant for me and that there was always friends there and that friendships are always building there. Like I was never by myself ever, even like the very fact of being in lockdown. I was like, I'm alive and breathing. People are dying right now and dropping by like the thousands and God has kept me alive. He's kept my family alive. I've got strength. And yeah, he's, he's never left, you know, forsaken me and I know that he never will. Um, yeah. And I think it's, it's a very good risk. Although my role has good risks, but it's a very good risk because I think, especially coming to, moving to Cardiff and coming to Wales, I like, I've developed this like kind of image of like, you don't want people like, oh yeah, your back's against the wall. And it's like my, whenever I feel like my back against is against the wall, my wall is Jesus and that like, I can be pushed into a corner as much as I can and pushed and like, he's just got me. He's got me. I wrote a song, um, based on that Bible verse and kind of like a little testimony as well for that. And it's like, my back's against the wall, but Jesus is with me. So no matter where I turn, no matter what life has looked like, um, like, so even going back to like the way that the world lives, it's like, I've thought of that. I was like, oh yeah, cool. My friends are doing this, this, this, this, this. Why don't I feel compelled to do that? Why don't I want to do it? Why can't I do it? And it's like, cause I'm called to live differently. I'm called to live, set apart and set aside. Um, but yeah, Jesus has never left me ever and he never will. And I think that's very, it's a very good hope that I hold onto and everything. That is a beautiful verse. Thank you for sharing that. I like what you said about, we're called to live differently. Yeah, that's, that's true. Oh, Karen, this has been amazing. Thank you so much. It's been so insightful speaking to you. Thank you for having me. Um, yeah, before you go, can you just say a prayer for anyone watching who doesn't have a relationship with Jesus? Can you just say like a prayer for them? Um, yeah, Jesus, I just thank you for your word, Lord, that is alive today, Lord, for each and every single one of us. Father, I pray that every single person watching this testimony, Lord, would get to know you, Lord, and discover who you are as our Father, as our Lord, and as our King, and as our Saviour, Jesus. Um, yeah, Lord, and that they would just be filled with awe and wonder of who you are and all that you've done. In Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Thank you so much, Karen. Thank you. Thank you for watching this testimony video. We pray that it has blessed and encouraged you. If you have been touched by what you have heard and feel God staring in your heart, know that His love and grace is available to you right now. If you'd like to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, or rededicate your life to Him, I invite you to pray this simple prayer with me. Lord Jesus, I acknowledge that I have sinned and fallen short in so many ways. I believe in your boundless mercy and love for me. I believe that you died on the cross for my sins and rose so that I can have eternal life. Today, I repent of all my sin and ask for your forgiveness. I invite you into my heart to be my Lord and Saviour. Please guide me and help me to live for you from now and forever. Amen. If you prayed this prayer, we rejoice with you and welcome you into the family of God. Please scan the QR code on the screen or click the link in the description box below to fill out a short form so we can connect you to a local church in your area and support you in your faith journey. Be sure to share this testimony video with your family and friends and subscribe to the channel to stay updated. God bless you.