I time travelled to Ancient Egypt in 2400BC! (Vlog)

So, I researched this trip. I really did. I googled ancient Egypt weather and I thought, yeah, I've done Ibiza. This, this is not Ibiza. This heat should not be allowed. I can barely see anything. It is so bright out here. And if you watched the last episode, you know I was literally just in the ice age. Minus 30 degrees. I had 15 layers on and I was still complaining. This is one layer. One. And it is already too much. Okay, rant over. So, we are in the capital of Egypt, 2400 BC, which makes this the fifth dynasty of the old kingdom. I'm going to find out what life was really like here for real people, not just pharaohs. So, first impressions, the colors are unreal. It is very Instagram friendly here. I will also say this is giving AC origins. Comment below if you know the reference. I was wondering why I feel like I've been here before. Unreal. Okay, so I told myself this trip, treat yourself Chloe, the channel is doing well, and I think it was the right call. Look at these walls. Someone hand-painted every single one of these. Don't ask me what bird that is though. Guys, I have hand-painted walls in 2400 BC. All right, let's test the bed out. Not bad. I will say there are firm pillows, then there are memory foam pillows, then there is just solid ivory. There she is, my beautiful stone bath. She will be waiting for me all day and I will be waiting for her. I have a date tonight and her name is this bath. Right, so before we go out and actually explore the city, I feel like I should make a bit more of an effort. I'm going to try and blend in. There is a very kind woman here who I'm told knows exactly what she's doing. I'm going to get the ancient Egyptian look. See you there. It's actually really precise. She knows exactly what she's doing. I've paid a lot of money for eyeliner in 2026 that did not look as good as this is going to look. I can already tell. Okay, I absolutely love it. By the way, this makeup actually protects your eyes from bacteria. It's like SPF 50. It wards off the evil eye and it looks amazing. The Egyptians invented the perfect eyeliner 4,500 years ago and we've just been out here pretending we could improve on it. We could not. So I've just walked into the market and I need a second because there is a lot going on. There is no money here. No coins, no notes, nothing. Everything is barter. The unit of value is about 90 grams of copper, but nobody's actually handing copper around. It's more like everyone just knows what everything is worth. So these are amulets. You wear them for protection and good luck. This one is a beetle, symbol of rebirth and the rising sun. Every single person here wears at least one. Think of it like a spiritual seatbelt. Did you see that? She just bought two fish with a piece of linen. No receipt, no price tag. They both just knew. And the thing is, it works. This economy has been running like this for over a thousand years already. I find it impressive and also slightly stressful because I have nothing to trade and I really want that amulet. So Egyptian beer is, well, it's basically a meal itself. It is thick, it is warm, it is slightly sour. The Egyptians drank this every single day because it was safer than the actual water and more nutritious. This man just insisted I try a spring onion as if I've never tried one before. I hate onions. Yep, still hate onions. Can you believe the pyramid workers were actually paid partly in onions? Like, here is your wage. It is onions. Brutal. My stomach is, it is not agreeing with my choices right now. The bread, the onion, the beer. Individually, maybe fine. Together in this heat, apparently a crime against my digestive system. I need to find a doctor like right now. That is the pharaoh. The living Horus. God on earth. No one else is looking. No one is allowed to look. I can't look away. I've only been here 20 minutes. Okay, so I think I found one. It smells of incense and herbs and it is giving very much trust the process. I am choosing to trust the process. Zikmut. I don't know what she said, but I sat down so fast. She knows. It's honey, mostly, I think. Well, at least it tastes nice. I'd take this over tablets any day. I think they do this a lot. So Egyptian medicine is actually incredible. Probably the best in the world right now. There are eye doctors, stomach doctors. There's even one title that translates as, wait for it, shepherd of the rectum. And that is a real job. And I think it deserves more respect. I literally just turned right out of the doctors and found this. It's beautiful in every way. There are over 2000 gods in ancient Egypt and they're in everything. Ra crosses the sky every day in his solar boat and every single night descends into the underworld and has to fight his way back out. If he fails, the sun doesn't rise. I love that. Ptah, god of this temple. He created the world through thought and speech alone. He imagined it and then he said it and it existed. Every single thing you can see, touch, hear, just thought into being and then spoken into reality. This isn't just some mythology to them. This is what they truly believe. The Egyptian farmer grows wheat and barley. Half of everything goes to the state as tax. And during the flood season, when he can't farm, he builds pyramids. What a guy. So this is called the black land. This dark soil is deposited by the Nile flood every single year without fail. And that is the red land, dead desert. The difference between those two things is the difference between life and death. Literally. This little channel is the entire civilization. The Nile's flood waters the crops which feed the workers building the pyramids. The pyramids honor the pharaoh who maintains the cosmic order that brings the flood back. How's that for a system? So this is a mastaba. It's a flat top tomb for a high-ranked official. This one belongs to a man called Tai, a royal architect. And I've been told the inside is, well, you'll see. Wow. This was actual daily life in Egypt in 2400 BC, painted on the walls of a tomb so that Tai could take it all with him. Every single detail. Someone stood in this room and painted this from life. It's all still here. Can we just, can we chill here for a minute? I just need to take this all in. So this door, it doesn't open anywhere, is called a false door. The Egyptians believed that when you died, your soul stays. It needs a home, it needs food, it needs to be remembered. And this door is how the soul moves between the world of the living and the world of the dead. Family members would come here to leave food and offerings in front of this door and say the person's name out loud. Because if someone speaks your name, you continue to exist. Your soul travels through gates, past guardians, through darkness. Your heart is weighed against a feather, truth itself. If you're worthy and you made it, a hand reaches down from the solar boat. And just like that, you become a star forever. I didn't, oh wow, it's bright. Yeah, I wasn't planning on getting emotional. It's just, that was someone's life in there. Every single thing he loved, every person, every moment, just beautifully laid out on the walls so it would last forever. Anyway, I just cried in a tomb for 20 minutes over a man I've never met who has been dead for 4,000 years by 2026 standards, so that's a new one for me. I'm now off to show you the pyramids of Giza, which I am told will not make me cry. We'll see. So in the BC, your transport options are essentially walk or this. There are no camels, by the way. Camels don't become a thing in Egypt for another 2,000 years. So I've named her Cleopatra, by the way. This is probably the least glamorous Uber I have ever taken. Zero stars. What are we doing now? Cleopatra? Cleopatra, stop eating that. Cleopatra! The closer you get, the brighter it becomes. The limestone casing is polished to an almost mirror finish. So much so that ancient writers said you could see the pyramids from hundreds of miles away. Standing here, well, sitting, I completely believe that. 146 meters tall. Taller than anything else on earth right now. 2.3 million stone blocks, each weighing two and a half tons on average. The base covers 13 acres. 13. Even Cleo is overwhelmed. Bless her. So here is the actual Sphinx, and the nose is fully there. Also, it's painted in bright colors. It's said to be the face of the second pharaoh who built the middle pyramid, combined with the body of a lion. Power and wisdom in one form, guarding the whole complex. So, I can see you looking at this and thinking, okay, but how? And I could try to explain it standing here, but words don't really cover it. So we are going to go and watch it happen at another pyramid that's being built right now. Let's go. Okay, so two and a half tons. No wheels, no engines, just rope, wood, wet sand, and a whole lot of effort. The water makes it easier for it to glide across. Someone please tell me where I should look right now. By the way, pretty sure these guys are not slaves. I know, I know. Every film, every textbook. But archaeologists have found their own tombs, their own doctors, they ate beef, which was an expensive meat. Slaves don't get tombs. Just saying. Right, I need to head back because I have a boat tour waiting for me on the Nile. And what's a Chloe versus history episode without a boat tour? Cleopatra, we're going to the Nile. She's excited, I can tell. Look at this. The Nile at dusk. I don't think I've ever seen anything this beautiful in my entire life. Me, Chloe, man of few words. I respect it. This is the best I've looked on any of these trips. The Nile understood the assignment. The lighting, chef's kiss. I feel like an actual Egyptian goddess right now. This is my Roman holiday moment, except 2,400 years before Rome was even invented. I am thriving. This was definitely not in the plan. Hippos flip boats and I am not ending up in that Nile. Boatmen, do something! Once, I don't have any words. I came here thinking I was going to see something ancient, but it's not. The people I met today, the pyramid workers, the doctor, the farmer, these were real people trying to make sense of why they're here and what happens after. Same as us. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Went back to the market earlier and traded my 2026 hair tie for this. I will take this with me wherever I go. I'm hoping it might help me with my fear of dying. Ancient Egypt has taught me what actually matters. This life right now, the one you're living today, is worth preserving forever. I think that's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Anyway, I need to go get in that bath. I won't say how much hassle it was to get this bath warm. It's been a long day. I'm signing off. Let me know in the comments where we should visit next. Goodbye from 2400 BC.