Money Tips For Single Moms: A Single Mom Shares How She's Building Wealth (Real Women Talk Money)

Hey Shaka. Hi Bella. So I am excited to have this conversation with you to talk about how you've been managing your money and how you've been able to accomplish your financial goals as a single mom. So you have a young, beautiful son, Christian. And one of the questions I get asked very often and sometimes the comments that women in the Cleveroad finance community make is that, well, you know, I'm a single mom and I'm trying to save money or pay off debt or invest. And it's really difficult because I don't have the luxury of a second income, you know, and you've done it. You've been doing it. You continue to do it and you're able to continue saving and investing. So tell us a bit more about your background. All right. So I am Caribbean born, Brooklyn raised and now live in Jersey. That's my little tagline. It's still growing on me. I have a young son. His name is Christian and he's three years old, about to be 13. And I work in the tech industry for a large consulting firm. And I'm really excited to be here to share all the tidbits I've learned as a single mom. So what have been some of your biggest challenges with saving and investing as a single mom? I think starting out, especially when it's your first child, you want to give everything you didn't have to that child, right? So I remember when I first purchased the bottles for him when he was, right before he was born, I got maybe like 20 bottles. It's like, really? Like, do I really need 20 bottles? So spending all that money on that, then it turned out that he didn't, he eventually stopped liking the nipple on that bottle. So then I had to try all these other bottles and I'm trying to get like the closest to the natural nipples. And I was literally spending like $20 on a bottle to try out with him, right? And I think because we're trying to give our child the very best, we kind of go above and beyond. It's like, really? Like, does it really matter? Maybe if I had tried the cheap bottle, it was probably like $3. He would have probably liked it. So I think I had to learn, you don't have to give the child all these things, right? Because what they really need is love, attention, and that's it, right? We provide and give Shelton all of that. But having him taught me, I think, to like manage my money at another level. It also taught me to push myself a little bit more in my career because now I started thinking about, well, I want to build a legacy. I want to do certain things for him. I want to set him up in ways that I wasn't set up when he gets of age. So I really changed my strategy on how I handle money after I had him. So Shaka, I'd love for you to share some of the things that you have done really well. So you talked about how having Christian made you more mindful about your spending and really helped you take managing your finances to that next level. But what are some things that you have done really well that you've accomplished with your finances as a single mom on your own that you're really proud of? Okay, so I think I've managed buying things for Christian really well. So kids grow really fast, right? And I'm kind of happy I have a son because maybe if I had a daughter, it might be a little different. There's not a lot of crazy things you can buy for boys, but I do like boy clothing. And he grows really fast. So I make sure I have a budget set every season. And I buy him clothes that I know would last probably about six months because that's probably about all you can get out of it. And I don't overspend, right? So I make sure I catch the sales and get him some clothes that is feasible for a certain amount of time. Another thing that I did was I remember after having him, I'm like, this salary that I'm at right now is good for me, but now I have to feed a whole other mouth, right? I started becoming very vocal about what I wanted in my career. So I think before I was kind of passive and I would wait till annual reviews and then see what the company decided was my career track and kind of took those. After I had him, I was very aggressive about asking for more money, asking for different roles, asking for a flexible work schedule and so forth. I also realized that I wanted to do certain things for him when he turns the age of 18 or 21. So I decided it was time to really talk to a financial planner because I had tried for so many years to do it myself and I just wasn't putting the time into it. That's the honest truth. So I got a financial planner and with that, we came up with a strategy that felt right for me, right? I was able to kind of diversify a brokerage account for myself, for Christian, and now I feel really comfortable with where my retirement plan will be. I feel really comfortable is when Christian gets 18, I can buy him a car or I can pay for a certain amount of his college or if he decides that he had a business idea, I wanted to be the person that would sow a seed into his idea. So I've set up my finances so that I have different pockets that I can dig into if I wanted to give him something as my child. And I love the fact that you became intentional about how much you were earning, knowing that you had a son and you were solely responsible for him. So having the conversation about your career and negotiating salaries and increasing your income, I think that's something that for a lot of women who are in relationships, they may not necessarily think too hard about because we have another income in the household. But then you were very intentional and very particular that, okay, I'm not just going to settle for what I have because I have this son that I want to help with starting a business, buying his first car, sending him to college. And so I need to make more money in order to do those things. And I love that. And I think that's a really important message for moms. But I also recognize that for a lot of single moms, it can be overwhelming, right? You have to figure out childcare. You're the only one up at night with a baby. You are responsible. There's no fallback plan. And so I wanted to find out what other ways did you build a support system given that you didn't have that partner to help you support taking care of your son, but being able to go out to pursue the career and earn more money because you had to have needed or gotten some help. Yeah. So first I really felt like I would have been a burden if I asked someone for help because I'm the one who had the child. It's my responsibility to take care of. And I remember even when I was on maternity leave, I really love adult conversation, but I'm here with this baby and we're not talking. Right. And I'm like, oh my God, I thought I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom for five years when I had the child. I remember I used to say, oh, my husband better be making because I want to be a stay-at-home mom. And then when I stayed home for three and a half months, I was like, oh my God, like I need to talk to an adult. Right. So right there, I honestly, it helped me become true to myself. And initially I wanted more money because I decided that I wanted a nanny. So then I switched jobs and I negotiated a salary. And then I honestly, I started asking like, mom, can you take him for a weekend? You know, I don't, I'm not in a relationship with his dad. I built a relationship with his dad's mom. I, she called every weekend. I'm like, hey, can you take him overnight? My first nanny, she's like a family friend. She loves him. She's like, bring him whenever. So I decided to build a community of people that I can lean on when I needed to run and do something or just come back home and take a nap. Right. So I would, I would call on people to just watch him for five, six hours. I would go home, clean a little bit and literally lay down and sleep for like three hours, then go back and, and, and get him. Because I realized that one, I had a slight postpartum and if I didn't take time to care for myself, I'm, I'm not going to be good for him as his mom. Yeah. So I really, I, I always say that I'm a mom, but I'm shocker first, right? I'm, I'm a it or technology person, employee, but I'm shocker first. And what do I need to feed me so that I could be the best person for other people. And I've always lived up to that. And that means that I have to ask for help. I can't do it by myself, even though I'm a single mom. Yeah. That's so important. I think, you know, a lot of times also when you're a first time mom, you want to do everything right. That was me. It was when I first had my twins, it was, I was, I was going to make their food because I had to do that. I was going to wash all the bottles. I was one that's going to, you forget that you need to sleep to be a good mom. And people are offering you help. Like it's like, no, I'm going to take, I'm going to change that. I'm, it's like me, me, me. And we put this burden on ourselves where we start to run ourselves ragged. Right. When we're not accepting the help. And if you have a partner, then maybe it's not so amplified, but if you're by yourself, this can be just a huge impact on your mental health. Stress levels, your physical energy, you know, things like that. So I think it's also important to recognize that, like you said, getting the help, asking your friends and family, like there's, there's no shame in getting help. If it can help you maintain your wellbeing because being a mom is really hard. Right. And there are some women out there who will say, well, I don't have that support system around me. I don't have a mom. I don't have, you know, someone to help me while I interview for that better paying job. Um, what kind of suggestions will you give them? So, I mean, you have to figure out what works for you, right? While that child is taking a nap, you need to take a nap, right? The house. So I I'm very particular with how I like things laid out and having my son, I have let a lot of things go, right? We try to do everything. So we're like, okay, he's asleep. So now I have to clean the bathroom. I have to wash the dishes. I have to the laundry. I have to do that. I learned to do things while he was up. So when he took a nap, I can also take it seriously. I used to pray. I remember when he stopped taking naps on the weekends and that was the worst for me because I would take the nap too. Like I was not the one doing the laundry while he's up. I will put him to play with some toys close to me and I'll throw loads in the laundry. I'll do the dishes. So now he knows mommy's washing the dishes, mommy's cooking and he'd start help. Now he starts helping me juice. Like I started juicing celery juice in the morning. He's like, I want to do it, mommy. And he's juicing with me. So as he get older, he's doing it with me so that when he's resting, then I get that moment of rest because you, you need to pour into yourself. You're, you can do a lot, but you don't have to do a lot all the time. So really try to balance that for yourself. And maybe even like leaning on your friends. Yes. And I think these days there are lots of networks of moms, right? Like you guys can plan to kind of like, okay, I'll watch the kids and then you go off and do what you need to do. I found that I have built a lot of friendships with the moms at my school, right? And we all help each other and run away. Can you pick up my kids and things like that. And sometimes we have to allow ourselves to ask for that help when we need it, as opposed to overpressuring ourselves. And there's always going to be someone who's willing to help you. Yeah. So that's really important. Yeah. So now you are in the space where your son is growing, you you're saving, you're investing. And what are some of the things you're doing to leave a lasting legacy for your child? And even now teach him about money, especially now that you are that role model that he's looking up to every single day. He's seen you more than anyone else, right? As his mom. What kind of impression are you trying to set for him? So two things. One, I want him to have a good work ethic. So what I started actually doing was if I gave him any coins or dollars, I would take him to his piggy bank. So he has a small piggy bank that we put the coins in and he has a bigger piggy bank that we put the dollars in. So every time he gets money from someone, I'm like, are you going to put that in your piggy bank? And he's like, yeah, mommy. And we go to the piggy bank and he doesn't know how to count the change, but I'll let him count the amount of money. So if it's like 10 coins, he'll count 10. I'm like, oh my God, you added 10 coins today and give me high five. And he's high fiving me back. So it's, it's funny. I have an investment property. So one of my tenants sometimes pays with cash. So when he, when the tenant comes and gives the cash, he's like, mommy, I want two of those. When you like take two bills. I'm like, really? You just got me for $40 or a hundred dollars. And I walk him right over to the piggy bank and I'm like, all right, now let's go put it in that piggy bank. So I want to start slow. And then as he starts understanding, I wanted to teach him words like, this is a stock. This is a share. This is what investing is. So I use this app that I put some money in to invest in stocks for him. Cause I'm trying out the whole individual investing thing. And I started identifying certain things that he likes. So I look at those stocks and I'm putting a little bit of money in it. And I plan to, as he gets older, cause he's only three now, maybe like when he's five, I'll start showing it to him. Cause he knows how to like point to apps on my phone and do certain things. So I figure in like another two years, I can start showing him at a young age. So when he gets to be 18 and that brokerage account is transferred into his name and he has access to it and he could do whatever, he'll be smart about it. I know he'll mess up and do certain things, but I want to educate him as much as possible so that he, he has a starting chance. Right. Yeah. And that's, that's great that you're doing that. I do something similar for my kids. Um, they're a little older than Christian and I'm teaching them the idea of ownership, right? So you like, my son is becoming this sneaker head for some reason. He loves sneakers. So instead of buying, instead of us using this money to buy you a pair of Nike's or Air Jordans or Adidas shoes, we can buy you stock in that company and you become an owner of the company. And they're in this stage where they get the ownership, but they're still kind of mixing it up. So we'll drive by the store like, well, mom, you bought me stock in that company. Does that mean I have to go and work there when I'm older? I'm like, no, it means that you own part of it. And it's just, just giving them, setting that foundation, even though, like you said, they will make their mistakes, but they'll, they'll come back to what they know, what they've been taught, which is what we all do. Right. And I think that's really setting our kids up and you setting your son up for massive success. So that's amazing. Exactly. Um, and they, like, he loves it. It's a game now. So it's a game and it's normal, right? So when he gets older, he's going to naturally want to save money. He's going to naturally want to invest. And that's what I wanted to make it. I want it to be, um, a habit that he forms and not him struggling like me as I got older to figure out like, what is this? Right. Give him the knowledge I have now. And hopefully he'll do better than me. So Shaka, there is a single mom watching this that is in that space where she may not have gotten her finances together. She's still trying to navigate, you know, being the best mom to her child or children and trying to earn enough to take care of them, but also to save invest or maybe even pay down debt. What advice or encouragement would you give her to keep going? Um, even though she's, she's feeling overwhelmed and she feels like she doesn't have the support that she needs, you know, how can she kind of stay focused to see the light at the end of the tunnel? Well, investing, I think a lot of times people want to see the gains immediately. Um, they want to pay off that debt. Like when they finally sit down and look at all that amount, they're like, Oh, this needs to be paid off next month. It's a marathon, right? Give yourself grace. It took a while to get here. So it's going to take you some time to get out of it. If you set up yourself with the right accountability person, like I am a total advocate for an accountability person. Cause if you do it on your own, you don't have anyone to encourage you when you fall into your pity parties and you mess up. Right. Um, and you don't have anyone to cheer you on when you do a good job. So I think if you find the right person or group of people to talk to about finances, so you can get some information or podcasts, right? Listen to podcasts. I w I follow certain Instagram channels just to learn and get tidbits of information about finances along the way, but really understand that it is a marathon, right? Make a plan and be okay and flexible to deviate sometimes because I don't know what Christian needs tomorrow. Something might happen and I might have to give an extra $300 or something for him, but I'm flexible. And I'm like, all right, it's impeding my savings a little bit this month, but I'm going to get back on track in the next two months. Cause I have to get this done for him. So give it, set a plan, give yourself grace and remember it's a marathon. And my number one thing is take the help. I'm like outsource everything and outsource doesn't mean that you need to pay for it. Just say yes. When someone offers it sometimes, right? Try it out and see. And I, honestly, I look for opportunities where I'm like, am I saying yes too much to get a little break, but my job is stressful. Being a mom is stressful. Being a single mom is extra stress. So lean on those people and then, you know, make your plan and be flexible. Like it's okay to mess up and you're going to mess up, but just remember that this is a marathon. So Shafka, thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad we got to do this video together. I've known you for years and years and I've loved watching you grow and just accomplish so many things. And I'm so proud of where you've gone to and you're a great mom. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Of course, when you asked, I was like, yes, I'll do anything for Nola. So thank you again for having me. I really enjoyed myself.