Homeschooling Middle School: What's Different (And What Stays the Same) | The Next Chapter Series

Hey everybody. Welcome to the Wild Out Way. I'm Jessica. And today's video is going to be part of a mini series all about the next steps. So Abby from Rooted in Rust and I have collaborated for years and we've become really great friends. And we were texting the other day because her and I both are like in the next season of homeschooling. I've just wrapped up middle school and she's getting ready to start wrapping up high school. And we were kind of talking about like the fears that we had going into it, the things that were different, the things that were the same, the things we thought versus what they kind of actually were. So we decided that we would do a mini series. So every day for this entire week, her and I are both going to be sharing a video that's kind of like really, really heartfelt and what we wish we would have known or the things that we want you guys to know about the next steps. So for me, it's going to be all about middle school because I have just finished that up and like, I feel like hindsight is 2020. And I want to do this before I'm too far into high school and kind of forget those middle school feelings. And for her, it's going to be high school. So if you have a kid that is entering the middle school years or entering the high school years, or if you just kind of want to know what's coming, make sure you're subscribed and following both of us so that you can be watching out for the videos that will be happening every day in this next step mini series. In today's video, we are going to be talking about homeschooling middle school, what's different and what stays the same. I remember standing on the edge of elementary school looking in to middle school thinking everything was going to change and nothing was going to be the same. I was also extremely anxious because I knew elementary school that felt comfortable and I felt confident there and middle school seemed new and scary and nothing exciting at all. If I'm being honest, it felt like it was going to be more textbooks and longer days and more rigidness and you know me needing to have more schedules and more planning and trying to install independence and it just like I was so worried and it seems so scary to me that that's where I was standing at like looking into middle school. Again, we talked about it hindsight 2020. So from the hindsight, I will tell you, I had nothing to worry about homeschooling middle school is in fact still just homeschooling. It's just an extension of what you were doing in elementary school. So let's go ahead and talk about what's different and what stays the same. The first thing I want to talk about is the fact that your child is going to change so much more than your homeschool or the curriculum or anything else in those tween and teen years, specifically the middle school years, your child, the actual being that is your kid, that you're homeschooling is going to go through so many changes that it is like almost unfathomable. So realistically, because of that, the other things that you can keep the same, I absolutely would. Your child is going to be going through hormonal changes. They're going to be having new opinions and stronger opinions about things. They're going to have some independence, or they're going to be needing independence, wanting independence. They're going to be changing their identity, kind of becoming who they're going to be coming into who they are and into themselves. They're going to be building friendships and forming friendships that are more than just like, let's have a play date, right? Like they're really going to be kind of pulling away and making those bonds that may even last the rest of their lives at this point. And their confidence is going to change. It's either going to grow because you're helping water that and build it, or it's going to wither because unfortunately, this is kind of the age where like that peer pressure kind of starts happening. Even in homeschool groups, like even in small co-ops, you're still going to have some of that friendship drama. It's inevitable in this age frame. And so their confidence is either going to grow or it's going to weather. And that really is going to kind of depend on like you and what you're doing behind the scenes to help them. And all of that is going to make it feel like middle school is a rollercoaster ride because all of that is going to affect your days, their moods, their emotions, your moods, your emotions, their energy levels. Like so many of those things are going to be affecting the day in and the day out of your homeschool that the other things that can stay the same or that you can let go of, you should. Like I originally said, I thought middle school was going to be more textbooks, more curriculum, longer days, more rigidness. None of that happened. And I'm so glad that it didn't because had that happened, had I added more curriculum, more links to our days, more rigidness, you know, had I pushed all of those things, I think we would have struggled so much more with the child and the formation of her as a person. I truly, truly believe the tween to teen years is where we are making that transition from child to young adult. And because of that, their curriculum should be the last thing you're worried about. Like you should be more worried about the child and what you want them to be and who you want them to become as a young adult. So for me, the middle school years were much more about her as a person versus her and her academics, if that makes sense. Now, while it was much more about her as a person versus academics, I will say the learning that is happening is going to be deeper and richer in the middle school years. Even if you're learning with the same curriculum, even if you're learning the same topics, there's a lot of topics that we broached again in middle school that we had broached in elementary school, but that learning is still deeper. So if you think about it as like, for example, a pool or pond or a lake or river, whatever, when we were in elementary school, we were like skimming the surface, right? And now that we're in middle school, we're going a little deeper. So we're like four and five foot deep. And I say that because I know that there were a lot of topics that we broached again. So I can say like, for example, even if I did the same things as a teacher, the conversations that we were having were deeper. So instead of just asking like, what happened, right? Like what happened? Let's just say that this happened in history. We were asking what happened. Why did it happen? What led to it happening? And what did that happening affect in other things, right? So like the questions, the conversations, it was deeper because we were having more critical thinking, we were having more discussions and conversations, we were going deeper than we were before. And because of that one simple thing, like just following her lead and letting her think on her own and letting her question things, have the ability to form those questions and be willing to hear her out and have those debates and those discussions. It meant that learning was deeper and richer. And that's something I didn't know. I didn't know that, nor did I expect that going into the middle school years. And I wish that I had, because I feel like then I would have felt a whole lot less pressure to be like, we need more curriculum, or we need to focus on this and this and this. And we need to make sure we're doing these things before high school. Really at the end of the day, I feel like middle school for us was about her as a person. And then just those deep conversations, like I cannot tell you, I've said it over and over and over again, the conversations that we've had, they're not tangible, they're not quantifiable. But 90% of our learning happened there, their independence slowly increases. Now I'm not saying expect your kids to be completely independent, because they're tweens and teens. And unfortunately, their brains are like Swiss cheese. And it's like a proven thing, like this is what hormones are doing to them. So they are not going to be completely independent and expecting them to be completely independent would be doing a disservice to them. And you're going to distress yourself out. However, they are leaning into independence more, they don't need you as much as they did before. So for example, where in elementary school, I may have to sit next to Emily, and like hold her hand through each individual thing. Now I would just sit next to her and just kind of be there if she had questions for me, right? Like I was still there, because she still kind of needed my presence, or else she would end up, you know, daydreaming for however long and my presence just kind of helped keep her grounded. But I didn't have to hold her hand and like read each thing to her or like, get her back on track for each thing. She was becoming more and more independent. She didn't have to be reminded to like, get up and do certain things. There were just certain things that had been, you know, built in that were habit, and she knew what came next. Does that mean that I didn't nag? No. I mean, there was still times that I would have to nag and be like, did you brush your teeth this morning? Have you done this yet today? But even though I still had to do that, I had to do it a lot less often, because the independence was slowly growing. There were things that I knew she could do on her own, and I didn't have to be right there. I could go, you know, do laundry, or I could go do this, or I could, you know, take a phone call or whatever. And I knew that she was going to have her mouth down when I came back for the most part. Now there may be like a question she didn't understand that she would have worked around, and then I would come in and explain it to her, and we'd work on it together. But for the most part, the independence started growing. She needed me for less things. She wanted me for less things. And also because of that, our relationship shifted a little bit in a really great way as well. It was scary to me at first. I dreaded it at first. I was like, she's not going to need me anymore. But our relationship shifted from me being like the teacher to me being somebody that learned alongside her. Even though I was kind of doing that all along, she saw me doing that instead. Now the resources that you're using are going to grow up to. Now I'm not saying is you need to like throw everything out and go buy new stuff. But in elementary school, you're using a lot of things geared towards younger kids, right? And then once you start coming to those tween and teen years, you're starting to be able to add in things geared towards tweens, teens, and even adults. So for example, towards the end of middle school, Emily is now reading like young adult books. And we're reading things together, right? Like we're on the same like level, if you will. I'm getting to enjoy the resources more as an adult. That doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy some of the elementary resources. Obviously I did. But the games that we're playing, the books that we're reading, the movies and shows and documentaries that we're watching are so much more enjoyable for me, which is such a positive thing that I didn't expect going into the teen and tween years in the middle school homeschooling. But they are because now they're more at that older level, like we can, we can enjoy more with her. You know, you can expand out into like pg 13. Now or you can play more, like longer, more strategic games, you're not having to pick ones where they're, you know, easier for kids, or where you're like, kind of dumbing yourself down to play them. They're on your level now as teens, right? So like, you can just play head to head, and they're probably going to beat you like you don't have to play those kid games or watch those kids shows, you get to enjoy more grown up resources alongside them, which is so much fun. And then the things that don't change the things that stayed the same for us were the things that were already doing. Like we still read books together. We still play games together. We still did our morning basket together. That was the one thing I was like, we're holding on to that no matter what, because always grounded our days. And was the foundation did it happen in the mornings? Nope, that changed because I had a teenager now it's closer to lunchtime because she needs her sleep. And I need her not to be cranky. So the time shifted, but the meaning behind it and the actions did not, we're still doing a lot of the same things. But what made it more middle school appropriate was the resources that I chose. So we're still doing morning time. It's just the resources are a little bit older. We're still reading together, the books are just a little more grown up. We're still playing those games together. They're just a little more strategic, or a little more critical, or you know, not quite as kiddy. And sometimes don't get me wrong, we still play the kiddy games too. Like we still absolutely love spot it and play that on a weekly basis, sometimes even daily. So I'm not saying like, get rid of all of it. I'm just saying, what makes it okay to still do the same things is that your resources just slightly gear and shift older when your kids do like, but all the things can still happen. We still enjoy movie nights together. Now we just add in discussion, deeper thinking, deeper conversations. Again, finding ways to make that learning deeper and richer without completely overhauling and changing our homeschool. The one thing I really wish somebody had told me as we were leaving the elementary school years and entering the middle school years is that this is not the end of fun. I know sometimes it can feel like it because like when you're homeschooling elementary school, you're seeing all like the fun, hands on resources and the flat lays on social media and the colorful things. And it feels like there's not a ton for tweens, teens and like high school and middle school. And it feels like this is it are fine. Homeschool is dead. There's no more fun. But I promise the fun is just going to change. Like, obviously there's still fun books. There's still fun games. There's still fun movies. There's ways to have all of that fun. But what's really fun in the middle school years is watching your kid start to transform into the adult that they're going to be watching their interests grow, watching them have opinions, watching them become a little person, like debating with you in a respectful way, having those deep conversations, having a, like I said, opinions, like their opinions might not even be the same as yours, but they have them now. Like they have opinions on things. They're not just going with the flow and just like the memories that you're going to make the adventures that you're going to go on in your homeschool, in your life. Like it's so beautiful. And it's almost, in my opinion, even better. Like, don't get me wrong. I love what the elementary school years gave us. Absolutely loved it. But I was looking at sixth grade as like, like as a grieving homeschool mom, because we were losing something. And now I'm like looking back at middle school going, there was absolutely no reason for me to grieve the elementary school years. They were wonderful, but the middle school years were beautiful.