Reservoir Dogs - Opening Scene

Let me tell you what Like A Virgin's about. It's all about a girl who dicks a guy with a big dick. The entire song is a metaphor for big dicks. No, it ain't. It's about a girl who's very vulnerable, she's been fucked over a few times, and, uh, then she meets a guy who's very sensitive. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, time out, Green Day. Tell that ******* bullshit to the tourists. Toby, who the **** is Toby? Like A Virgin's not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That's what True Blue's about. No, granted, no argument about that. Which one's True Blue? Oh, you ain't heard True Blue? It's a big-ass information. I don't even follow that type of the pop ----, and you've never heard of True Blue. Yeah, so even saying heard of it, you know, all I ask is, how's it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan. Personally, I can do without her. I used to like her early stuff. Borderline. Once she got out into that pop-gum preach phase, I turned out. Wait, you guys are, like, making me lose my train of thought here. I was saying something. What was it? Oh, Toby's that little Chinese girl who was her last name. What's that? It's an old address book I found on a coat I haven't worn in a coon's age. What was that name? What the **** was I talking about? So True Blue was about a guy, a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, but Like A Virgin was a metaphor for dick dicks. Hey, let me tell you what Like A Virgin's about. It's all about this coos, who's a regular ******* ----. Now I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. How many dicks is that? A lot. Then one day, she meets this John Holmes ************, and it's like, whoa, baby. I mean, this cat is like Charles Bronson in The Great Escape. He's big in tunnels. All right, now she's getting a serious dick action, and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Chew, Toby, chew. It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt. You know, her pussy should be bubbling up by now. But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see, the pain is reminding the **** machine what it was once like to be a virgin. Hence, Like A Virgin. Mom. Give me that ******* thing. What the hell do you think you're doing? Give me my book. I'm sick of ******* hearing it, Joe. I'll give it back to you when we leave. What do you mean when we leave? Give me it back now. For the past 15 minutes now, you've been droning on about names. Toby. Toby? Toby. Toby Wong. Toby Chung. ------- Charlie Chan. We got Madonna's big dick coming out of my left ear and Toby the Jack, I don't know what, coming out of my right. Give me that book. Are you gonna put it away? I'm gonna do whatever the **** I want with it. Well, then I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep it. Hey, Joe. Want me to shoot this guy? Shit. You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize. You guys been listening to K-Ability's Super Sounds in the 70s? Oh, yeah, man. It's ******* great, isn't it? Where are the songs gonna play? You know what I heard the other day? Heartbeat, it's a love beat by Little Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco family. Man, I haven't heard that song since I was in the fifth ******* grade. When I was coming down here, the night the lights went out and Georgia came on, I hadn't heard that song since it was big. When it was big, I must have heard it a million trillion ******* times. But this is the first time I ever realized that the girl singing the song is the one who shot Andy. Wait a minute. You didn't know that Vicky Lawrence was the one who shot Andy? I thought it was the cheatin' wife shot Andy. Yeah, but they said that at the end of the song. I know, ************. I just heard it. That's what I'm talking about. Don't call me a ************. I must have zoned out during that part before. All right. I'll take care of the chick. You guys can get the tip. Should be about a buck apiece. And you. When I come back, I want my book. Sorry, it's my book now. Hey, I changed my mind. Shoot this piece of ----, will you? All right, everybody cough up some green for the little lady. Come on, throw in a buck. Uh-uh, I don't tip. You don't tip? No, I don't believe in it. You don't believe in tipping? Do you know what these chicks make? They make ----. Don't give me that. She don't make enough money, she can quit. I don't even know if ******* Jude ever bothered to say that. Let me just get this straight. You don't ever tip, huh? I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, I mean, I'll tip if somebody really deserves a tip. If they really put forth the effort, I'll give them something extra. But, I mean, this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job. Hey, this girl was nice. She was okay. I mean, she wasn't anything special. What's special? Take you in the back and suck your dick. I'd go over 12% for that. Look, I ordered coffee, right? Now, we've been here a long ******* time. She's only filled my cup three times. I mean, when I order coffee, I want it filled six times. Six times? Well, you know, what if she's too ******* busy? Words too ******* busy shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary. Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but the last ******* thing you need is another cup of coffee. Jesus Christ, I mean, these ladies aren't starving to death. They make minimum wage. You know, I used to work minimum wage, and when I did, I wasn't lucky enough to have a job the society deemed tip-worthy. You don't care they're counting on your tips to live? You know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin playing just for the waitresses. You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job. So is working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them, do you? Well, why not? They're serving you food. But no, society says, don't tip these guys over here, but tip these guys over here. That's bullshit. Waitressing is the number one occupation for female non-college graduates in this country. It's the one job basically any woman can get and make a living on. The reason is because of their tips. **** all that. Jesus Christ. I mean, I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips. That's fucked up. That ain't my fault. I mean, it would appear that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. I mean, if you show me a piece of paper that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it. Put it to a vote, I'll vote for it. But what I won't do is play ball. And it's non-college bullshit you're giving me. I got two words for that. Learn to ******* type. Because if you're expecting me to help out with the rent, you're in for a big ******* surprise. He's convinced me. Give me my dollar back. Hey. Leave the dollars there. All right, ramblers, let's get rambling. Wait a minute. Who did he throw in? Mr. Pink. Why not? He don't tip. He don't tip? What do you mean you don't tip? They don't believe in it. Shut up. What do you mean you don't believe in it? Come on, you, cough up a buck, you cheap bastard. I paid for your goddamn breakfast. All right, since you paid for the breakfast, I'll put in. But normally I would never do this. Never mind what you normally would do. Just cough up your goddamn buck like everybody else. Thank you. That was the Partridge Family's Doesn't Somebody Want To Be Wanted, followed by Edison Lighthouse's Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes, as Kay Billy's Super Sounds of the Seventies Weekend just keeps on truckin'. Outside in the day Lookin' back on a track Gonna do it my way Outside in the night Outside in the day Lookin' back on a track Gonna do it my way Lookin' back Lookin' for some happiness But there's only loneliness to find To the left To the right Lookin' upstairs Lookin' behind Yeah