If You Laugh, You're Conservative PT.389 Memes & Comedy for Republicans & Trump Supporters | MAGA

If your mother-in-law and sister-in-law were being attacked by a shark, who would you save? Homie, did you save the shark? Welcome back to If You Laugh, You're Conservative. Asking Ilhan Omar if she did the dirty with her brother. We're here eagerly awaiting for Ilhan Omar to speak. Ilhan Omar is famous for many, many things. Not the least of which, controversially enough, is reports from the Minneapolis Star Tribune that she may have married her brother. I want to speak very softly and respectfully here. Ilhan Omar, did you consummate the marriage to your brother? Oh, Edgar. Which is worse, immigration fraud or brother f***ing? Are there any other relatives you fancy, Ilhan? How did your brother propose to you? What do guys do that make them feel like a bad bitch? Like, I'm really curious. For me, it's if another dude compliments me on my lawn care. Oh yeah, you know it's green, girl. As a man, what makes you feel like a bad biatch? Drop a comment down below. Did that come out of a mop bucket? Why is it see-through? That's not even coffee. It's just bean water from La Croix. Am I tripping or does it look wet? Not like liquid, but you know, there's a difference. Driving through my first GTA 6 pedestrian after years of waiting. Is it finally coming out? This is why they cannot put a gay pride parade in the game. Can I be a woman or is it more complex? Here are the steps. I'm a woman now. It's just that easy, people. Even though I have XY chromosomes, I could still be a woman if I chop my b***h off. No mutilation, no wig, no makeup, no dress. I really am a woman, guys. Prove me wrong. When I first started growing my beard, my wife, she loved it. Longer it got, more excited she got. That made me feel fantastic. My confidence went through the roof until I realized that covering up my face made me more attractive. The federal minimum wage is $7.25 an hour. A regular Auntie Annie soft pretzel at the mall is $7.29. Imagine telling someone an hour of their time is worth less than a soft pretzel. You know, I don't see that pretzel as half eaten. I see it half uneaten, okay? I never want to be the level of delusional that a f***ing Republican is to believe that they are genuinely on the right side of history. Riddle me this, Batman. Who fought to end? Slavery. Which party started the KKK? You might need to Google it. Because that is a level of delusion that I genuinely cannot comprehend. Is anybody else thinking what I'm thinking? That explanation is pretty gay. Even better clap back. My sister's been in labor for the past 38 hours and he hasn't moved from that chair. His squad needs him. The watermelon flavored energy drink on the table isn't helping him beat any allegations either. I just met this guy and I think he kind of likes me. Oh, easy brown chocolate. You know, when he makes the first move, it's going to be forever. How I hand you a beer based on our friendship level. Friend of a friend. We're so glad that you could make it. Can I get you a beer? We got the new Bush Light farming cans. They're awesome. Just hope that you have a good time and let me know if you need anything. Casual acquaintance. Hey, there he is. Glad you could make it. Here, grab a cold one. You earned it. What's up, buddy? A buddy. How are we doing? Boom. Don't say I've never done anything for you. Well, look who finally decided to show up. Here, I got a beer for... Oh, oh, do the parody version. What's up, moron? Here's your beer. What? You need me to open it for you? Let me get you a bendy straw. You need a bendy straw? Oh, God, I really hate hanging out with you, by the way. God of something fighting me over. We decide when we're hanging out tomorrow, though. Why do you think that Riley Gaines is transphobic? Well, I don't really understand the question. It's written on your sign, lady. Is she done that makes you think that? Isn't she advocating against trans people in sports? How does that make you transphobic? Insinuating that a group of people should not be allowed in locker rooms or polite society, the ultimate conclusion of that... A.K.A. women's private spaces? ...is essentially eugenics. Where exactly is she advocating that they go to? Have you ever heard her story about how she was in a locker room and a naked man with a long... ripped it out in a girl's locker room? And how terrible, and that shouldn't have happened. Absolutely. That's what she's advocating against. So she agrees with Riley. What a wonderful conversation. Daniel, go ahead, please. Go ahead, please. No, right behind you. You know why? He's a friendly voice. Go ahead. I wanted to thank you, first and foremost, for the troubled past. You see? That's what I call a reporter. Now that's a reporter, everybody. He's actually a great reporter. He's tremendous. One of the best reporters I've ever seen. How different countries see each other in the World Cup. Australia and Norway. Is that a kangaroo? What the f- With the Vegemite. Okay, and the Vikings. All right. Some will say this is AI. What the f- Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, tell me. Should we make America great again? No. Tell me why. Because I think that Donald Trump is not a good president. Yeah, why? Because I don't think he supports people who are not in the highest percent of income. And I am in that. And I don't care about what my family gets because I care about what other people- What the f- Drink less, rely on your parents less, and study more. Wait, are you gonna move there? What? Are you gonna move to Columbia? Sure. All right, we got you a ticket. Eat the rich. Protect the dull. Free Palestine. Black lives still matter. We're mentally ill. Bring back mental asylums. No one is illegal on stolen land. I'm surprised that American flag hasn't burst into flames. When your poodle doesn't take any disrespect. I like how the guy screams too. I don't think he's gonna steal a spicy pepper ever again. Why is it spicy? He needs some milk. Tell me if you notice any major contradictions in this video. Do you believe in human rights? Oh yeah. You believe in human rights? Yeah, of course. For all humans? Yes. What about the unborn? Yes. So how do you feel about abortion? It should be legal and the carrying parent's choice. So how does that make sense with being for human rights for the unborn? Yeah, but I care more about the rights of the living actual breathing person. I care more about the rights of the person growing the other human because fetuses are not viable before a certain and I believe that it should be the parent's choice. Why is it that the women that are the most passionate about killing babies are fat lesbians who will never have their own? So basically what you're saying is that unborn humans don't have human rights. They're not humans yet. What are they? They're fetuses. What's a fetus? A bundle of cells. We're all bundles of cells. Anyway, I'm really enjoying the gotcha you're trying to do so have a lovely night. It's not really a gotcha if it's just reality. Trans guy in a little suit. What is she like three feet tall? Whoever styled this suit on her as Charles Barkley would say, terrible, terrible, terrible. When you get into an influencer's gym shot. What are you doing? It's not how that works. Apparently, I have to educate you. What are you doing on the floor? Get in the chair and pay attention. Right. As you can see, this right here is the sun and this is the earth. Notice how the world is revolving around the sun, right? Now, if we take you, notice how the world is not revolving around you. Basically, what this means is you need to do better. Go think about it over there. Aw, crap. Zendaya is a Greek goddess. Odysseus, don't you remember? Okay, stop. Here we have Zendaya as, I believe, Athena. I don't have anything against Zendaya. I think she's hyped up beyond what's probably warranted, but she's fine. She's, I mean, as far as Hollywood actresses go, she's like a five out of 10. She's not nearly as insufferable as someone like Rachel Zegler or anything like that. Hollywood just thinks we're retarded. They just think we'll take any woke garbage that they shove down our throats. Actress Lupita Nyong'o is now under fire for a woke take on The Odyssey, that film by Christopher Nolan that's coming out soon. I'd be like, so, Homer, how do you feel about the screen time given to these women, considering how little you spent with them? Okay. And then do you lean forward and look at him like that? Yeah, it's like, remember us? She was asked something along the lines of, if you had one question to ask Homer, what would that question be? And she said, how do you feel about females getting more screen time? We literally stand on the shoulders of giants and we spit at their feet. It's like a toddler got to their dad's closet and put on their suit. Nolan cast a five foot one, Elliot Page. Five one. To be a Greek hero. That's a whole foot shorter than a Greek hero would be. Makes sense why Page got assigned a security guard a foot tall on them. Is what peak woke masculinity looks like. That happens sooner or later. Don't pet that dog. What's up, buddy? What happened? Hey, I went on the trail on my iPhone. What are you doing? Yeah, he's 25 feet away. Got any berries? What's up, buddy? How you doing? You having a good day? What's up, buddy? How you doing? Don't call him over to you. Those movie interviews where the actor is nothing like their character. All right, so let's take a look at my favorite scene of yours from the movie. You owe me my money. OK, you got that? My money that I gave you. You know, the funniest part about filming that was right before the director said action, Aaron literally farted and we could smell it through our nostrils. And, you know, it was so difficult to keep a straight face. But luckily we did because the scene ended up turning out beautifully. This is any English actor that does an American accent. Population of this country is over 300 million. 60 million are retired. That leaves 240 million to do the work. There are 95 million in school, which leaves 145 million to do the work. Of this, there are 22 million employed by the government, leaving 123 million to do the work. 61 million are disabled, leaving 62 million to do the work. 15 million are collecting unemployment, leaving 47 million to do the work. 40 million are of working age, but don't work and currently not looking for work, leaving 7 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed services, which leaves 4.2 million to do the work. At any given time, there are 900,000 people in hospitals, leaving 3,300,000 to do the work. Now there are 3,298,000 people in prisons. That just leaves two people to do all the work. You and me. And here you are sitting on your ass watching Reels. You got me, homie. You got me. When the face filter isn't filtering. Oh, Sherry. Let's see if we can pause right there. There she is. You're beautiful, honey. You don't need to hide behind whatever the hell that filter is. A pirate. I'm realizing even if you were born and raised in America, doesn't mean you know American history. Let me be clear. Thank you for watching. Let me be clear. Let's get something out the way. Let's address the elephant. I look like Dobby the house elf. Like this video if you're already thinking it. Let's get it out of the way. Somebody give this man a sock. We're seeing it. We're saying it. We've sorted it. Another day, another Hollywood remake gets torched before it even hits theaters. The new Odyssey starring Elliot Page, Matt Damon, Zendaya, Tom Holland, and Anne Hathaway just dropped its new trailer. And it's already a disaster. It has 495,000 dislikes and 63,000 likes. The people have spoken. The OdysseyX account posted this video and the comments are nowhere to be found because they turned the comments off on their page. Why? I'm sure it's not because the comments were brutal or anything. And then there's this photo. You know, a photo's worth a thousand words. So I'm just going to leave it here. Why'd they cast the Hobbit? Jesse Kelly said, I have loved the story of the Odyssey since I was a small child. My parents bought me a kid-friendly version of Greek mythology. As I got older, I read the real version many times. Do you know how hard you'd have to work to get me to not see this? And yet they did it. Here's the thing. If you want a strong female-led ancient epic with a modern lens, just write a new story. Maybe don't hijack Homer's 2,600-year-old tale and rewrite it to fit today's politics. That's the real problem I have. Hollywood doesn't want to create anymore. I mean, that is the original intellectual property, right? Instead of taking risk on original ideas, they just grab the beloved classics like the Odyssey, Snow White, whatever. And then they woke-ify them. If you want new perspectives, great. Go write something original. Stop butchering the ones that have lasted for decades. Look, this, I bought this with money. That's Homie smiling. I just gave money to somebody and they gave this to me. They just gave it to me. And now it lives in my house. Oh, I just turned around my entire day. Congratulations. You're moving to the next round. And your next opponent. Time to fight the demon within. Get this guy into a video game of some sort. Come on now. German soldiers versus British soldiers. Jawman. Screw it, man. British. For the queen. The tea unlocks his true power. Power! Bloody hell! This is how AI reacts to me being swallowed by a whale. Oh my god, I got swallowed by a whale. Oh wow, that sounds intense. Are you okay? No, I'm in a whale's mouth. That's quite the situation. How's the view from in there? Slimy. I bet. It's probably pretty surreal. What's your plan to get out? That's why I was asking you. Fair point. Maybe try making some noise or giving the whale a little tickle to encourage it to spit you out. Or, you know, just wait for it to surface and let you out naturally. Why do you sound so excited about this? I'm just rolling with the vibe. It's not every day someone tells me they're inside a whale. If you're calm about it, I'll keep the energy up too. But seriously, if you need a hand brainstorming an escape plan, I'm here for you. Note to self, do not use AI to get out of a whale. Asking for a hot dog, but it gets more southern. Hey, can I just get a hot dog? What do you say there, son? I'll get a hot dog. Hey boy, I'm getting one of them hot dogs. Hey son, you want one of them hot dogs? Big ass truck. I don't know if he's getting more southern or more something else. When a white boy raps. Came from the bottom, they talk on the beat. I'm gonna do what I want. I'm gonna walk on the beat. It's a whole lot of people be talking on me, but they don't got no emotion. Just talking IGs. How you still mad about a boss with a fee? Don't got a million, but bosses believe in a whole nother life. What it costs to me? Do what I want like a boss and I leave. Double life like I'm Hannah Montana, but really plugged in like I'm Tony. If infamous had some white parents, we'd be like the big version of Zack and Cody. Don't say what you are, gotta show me. Don't bring me pro-meth with no Cody. Justin Bieber's really let himself go. That's half full. That's definitely half empty. There's water in his eyes. I mean, like, why are we assuming that it identifies as water? Do you have permission to be here right now? This tattoo reminds me of an amazing vicaria. My father, he was a tall glass of water. I'm not tall. Nah, that's Pepsi. Where's the lemon? Ah! How do I get to a time square? Tremendous. Ah! Wink in the mouth and look taller. Tattoo on everybody. I am going to believe. Abomination. Empire State Building. Paint your date night. All right, Quincy. I think I did a pretty good job. What do you think? The part of becoming a man is teaching your son how to become a man. And part of that is teaching them that they should always be respectful and open the door for women. Show them what I'm teaching you, Gabe. Come on, Mom. I'm hungry. It's a good way to get a divorce. The reason fireworks are now illegal in our town. Guys, I don't think we should be this close. You gotta pre-wet the concrete next to the pool on the baking pan. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We better call the fire department, guys. This is getting out of hand. Nah, it's not that crazy. Really? Nah, I don't think it'd be that crazy. Common phrases white people end their conversations with. All right, pal. See you later, alligator. In a while, crocodile. After a while, crocodile. Now you're speaking my language. Well, Gary, it's time to blow this popsicle stand. I'm gonna see you later. Okie dokie, artichokie. I better be on my way. The missus will kill me if I stay any longer. Toodles. All right, bud. Well, I better get this on the road. I can't be burning daylight, man. I'm gonna catch ya. Why would a country known for beer, bratwurst, and dogs bring in people who hate all of those things? Interesting, right? What would you say to somebody who is not proud of being an American? That they should leave the country. Then get out. Go somewhere else. How is he finding so many people with common sense? It's almost like Americans think other Americans that don't want to be here should get out. We'll trade you for some of these guys here from the World Cup that want to be here. 100%. Get the hell out. I say they can move out and go somewhere else. Don't come to America. Get out. F*** off. Why are you here? F*** off. She doesn't speak with her parents because of this. They chose extremism over their child. AKA, they voted for Donald Trump. Okay, so how's the blue hair? Their extremes are just not very minority inclusive despite what they might say. Their actions say otherwise. What's their actions that are so extreme? Like minorities? They're not helping them. That doesn't sound like extremism. If I ever had a child, they would allow said child to be in the room with the president if it was an opportunity for them. Their biggest sin is allowing a child to be in the same room as Donald Trump? That would be an absolute honor and a pleasure. I would meet any president. That would be really cool. No, I do not want to share a space with this defender. 34 counts. I don't think you were invited. Is that a choice? You have been actively... She's actively turned this down. They've asked her to go to the White House numerous times. Again, my parents just don't get to be in my life as an adult. Because they wouldn't meet the president of the United States if they were asked. I have a feeling you're actually the extremist. Would this be a good time to mention that my pronouns are they then? Oh, we knew what your pronouns were before you even sat down, honey. Can we just let homie rest in peace? Didn't know it was a talent show, but okay. Oh, there's also a balloon moment. Okay, let's go. Sweet. Okay, before we go, do you want to maybe fix your parking? Because it's kind of crazy. Looks perfect to me. Okay, are you sure? Or yeah, you're right. Let's just let's just go. That's fine. Honey, what's up? What's going on? You just get kind of defensive when I like point things out to you. I do? Yeah, I don't. It's okay. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. No, please say whatever you need to say. I'm sorry. Okay. I mean, you're like five feet off the curb and in the middle of the street. And it's LA, so... Well, I think you're a bad kisser and a short little bitch. Okay. Whoa. That's exactly what I'm freaking talking about, dude. That was way too far. What did I do? What do you mean? What did you do? That's mean as heck. I'm just trying to tell you, you parked 20 feet off the curb. I'm sorry. Thank you. I got a little defensive. I'm sorry. That's my bad. I'm just wondering if maybe the reason you're giving me parking advice is because you're sexist and don't think women can drive. Is that what it is? Oh, this is what happens when you date a feminist. Short little bitch, say what? Okay. First of all, I'm five foot nine and you're like five one. You're five one. Yeah. You're a little pipsqueak. See, fix your parking. Sorry. That's mean. That's too mean. I did. You're not. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You should have been the bigger person. You're right. I wish you would stop saying pro-abortion. I am pro-choice. You're pro-legal abortion. No. Stop rephrasing it so that you seem more legally and morally in the right. Stop framing it in the correct terms that make me look like a terrible person. That's so great. Why do you have a hard time admitting you support? Because you are. Because you are using a moral fallacy where you are specifically making me seem more antagonistic. No, I'm it. Yes, you are. If abortion is antagonistic, the making shouldn't be. No, abortion is not antagonistic. Stop rephrasing my words. So you seem correct. I think that the sky is green and the grass is blue, but don't you dare rephrase those words to make you seem more correct than me. DJ Gordon, a non-binary teacher, is pushing the made-up title MX onto second grade students. This is mix Gordon. Leave the damn kids alone. None of you ever seen this woman? 41 of my biggest events canceled this year. Just close your eyes and you hear a black man. You're telling me? I'm paying a surcharge? He said, turn around, go get you a check. This is cultural appropriation. This is basically blackface. I said, oh, he said, you're gonna need to give $17,000. What? This is why Muslims are better to take over. Yeah, it's just like the black standard, like Baptist. People tell me to leave California if I don't like it, but if I leave, who's gonna fix it? True. When your husband's explaining how he got jumped by three guys in the Home Depot parking lot, which is weird because you could have sworn you paid for five. There's only two flags that represent me. There's this flag and then there's this flag. That's my pride flag. If you have pride in being an American, do me a favor. Drop an American flag down in the comments and share this so we know how many of us are left. This homie identifies as American and you love to see it. What is this fluffy, lumpy potato? Adorable. Come on now. Let's be honest. We got to raise our game in this culture. We are constantly around one. They say, oh, just go place another bet on this running back to run 100 yards. Just go to the cannabis dispensary and medicate yourself. That's all a bunch of BS. Go look to your grandfather's generation at Storm Normandy Beach. They'll built this nation that started big businesses that went on adventure. If the most important thing for you is just feeling good, you're going to end up miserable. But if the most important thing is doing good, you'll end up purposeful. Purpose will give you happiness. This Friday, I will be at UVU at Charlie Kirk's Memorial. We're going to plant some new plants in the planter pots up there, honor and memorialize Charlie while these court proceedings are going on. So if you'd like to come pay respects, help beautify the area with us, we'll be up there at 7 p.m. this Friday. Remember what Kamala Harris said. Today is today and yesterday was today yesterday. Tomorrow will be today tomorrow. So live today. So the future today will be as the past today as it is tomorrow. Makes perfect sense if you vote Democrat. When your coworker just got back from Texas. Out in the country past the city limits sign. Howdy, little lady. How we doing today? Hey, Tyler. How was your trip to Texas? Not gonna lie to you. I had a great time. Where'd the spittoon come from? You ever wake up to the engine roar of a John Deere tractor? No. Interesting. When the sun goes down on my side of town. What? Maybe lock the door and turn the lights down low. Are you having a stroke? No, I'm just a country boy now. I can't help it. You ever get down and dirty in a Dodge Durango with the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area? Tyler! The DFW, as we call it. What are you doing? I'm sorry. When you forget that he's just your mechanic. I am not your friend. I'm not your lover. I'm not your mother. I'm your auto mechanic. Oh, this your car, but not your heart. So don't call me in a panic. I'm only your mechanic. A cop's breakfast. Is it because the toast was black? I feel like there's some racial undertones here. What video made you laugh? Drop a comment down below. Don't forget to like and subscribe to Conservative Vibes. I'm CV and I'll see you in the next video. If you identify as American, grab a t-shirt from conservativevibes.com. Those conservative vibes. Bless home. From the back roads. To the heart of low. Till the next good talk. And the next deep dive. God bless America. And those conservative vibes.