Can't Stop Crying Over a Crush or an Ex & How To Heal It♥️

Hi everyone, welcome or welcome back to my channel where today's episode we're gonna do a part two of my most popular video what really happens when you're crying over your ex or crying over a potential of a connection that never got to take off or being in a connection and was fairly new maybe a month, two months, couple of weeks, maybe even four months, six months, it's like this newish period where you are hoping and you now are not the one that wanted to end the connection or you had to end the connection because it wasn't working for you, it was making you feel like you want to block and bleed that person, it was making you feel like you were dropping like your like everything else that you have to do in your daily life, like it was taking you away from being present with your job, with your friends, with your other personal responsibilities, this video is for the individuals that are in that situation, the last video I made on this what really happens when I when we cry over our ex has the most views like 9.5k it kind of just took off after about a year after I made it and then I felt like wow like this is something that people really want to hear about and actually it happens a lot not just within my own like circle of friends I mean it's happened to me also many many times that was the story of my life because as an individual that had an anxious attachment style my adult relationships would always recapitulate the abandonment and the rejection wound that I carried as a child which gave me my anxious attachment style in the first place which then would play out in my romantic connections and to be feeling abandoned, rejected, not fully accepted, breadcrumbed, unsettled, discombodulated, unworthy, not good enough, it doesn't only just have to be when you're getting to know each other or you're just like starting to date this can actually happen when you're in a long-term connection because if this is what your core belief system is about yourself you're going to experience it with no matter who and for how long it's happening in your life so this is true for boys, girls, whatever your soul resonates with like what is it called gender-wise yeah to me anyways we're all souls like we're all souls and like we're just in this human suit that we borrow for the amount of time that we're here and that even we don't really know but I guess we can extend as much as we can especially not just by eating well and like taking care of our physical body it's here in our mind like how are we speaking to ourselves when situations like this happen where you are crushed because your crush left you left you I mean no one really leaves us but when yeah the crush didn't work out or that connection didn't go past four months and then you're really hoping for but even when you were in this connection you were feeling upset sad lonely checking your phone all the time um I don't want to use the word obsessive because I actually don't like that word but because it's not really obsession it's like this unsatiable need to provide to ourselves something that they've never had a chance to experience before so that potential of that connection excites our inner child deep down to its inner core its nervous system its cells like everything it gets so excited and then when that doesn't work out if we think about it rationally I know I got a lot of push back in my last video actually not a lot just a few but I understand what some people are saying like not everyone cries out their childhood wounds because not everyone has an anxious attachment style and or an avoidant attachment style or um what's the other one disorganized attachment style like there are secure people out there so when a connection doesn't work out or that romantic partner doesn't want to continue dating them after a couple weeks or a few months they don't make it mean something that stems from a childhood wound like this video is probably best then for the ones that feel like the world is over like I'm gonna die who else is gonna love me like what like like crushed deep down to your soul like I know what that feels like because I am an individual that grew up with a core belief system I'm bound to be rejected I'm bound to be alone um I'm not good enough to be loved by others I'm unworthy and then of course add my anxious attachment style like imagine the type of individual that I was in a connection and the amount of security that I needed in order for me to feel okay but then it turns out as adults we recapitulate the connections that we had with our primary caregiver our children so then when that doesn't work out we are crying because the potential that we wanted to flourish the potential of finally we wanted to see like rise like like the sunrise it's set it's set the sun set before it even had a chance to rise and there's disappointment and upset and that little inner child gets triggered because it's like when when when will someone love me when will someone choose me when will it happen and then you feel crushed because you feel all of your childhood unmet needs for all these years that keep firing the same signal over and over and over again so that's really really hard to feel it's a lot to feel so there's nothing wrong with you let me just tell you there's absolutely nothing wrong with you and I'm going to use an example of a beautiful soul that um I've had the amazing opportunity to walk along life with side by side uh very much like me anxious attachment style very similar upbringing um both of us never received like I love you when you were children hugs when we're children so of course kids now we know they internalize what they don't receive as children as if there's something wrong with them and then insert negative core belief oh my parent doesn't love me or doesn't say I love you my parents not hugging me something must be wrong with me I'm defective I'm not good enough I'm not worthy so then and this is like a therapeutic fact like this is a true therapeutic fact like by recapitulation our nervous system seeks to repeat what is familiar it doesn't know that familiar is not good for it it just knows what familiar is and that is safe your nervous system is wired to keep you safe and it keeps you safe by repeating the same what it knows right what it knows is safe so then even if safe is not good for you right even if someone is bread crumbing you giving you not what you deserve walking all over your boundaries not respecting your boundaries um or maybe you're not even setting boundaries because you're scared they're that was something that I did god forbid I said oh I don't like this or this is not working for me like oh they're gonna leave me and who else is gonna love me that was my little inner child and I'm so glad I got to understand that when um I went back to school actually in my 40s to become um a counselor so now I'm officially registered therapeutic counselor and I'm sharing all this knowledge with um all you beautiful souls on this channel because it like literally helped save my life and I know it can help save so many other people and not only did it save my life it changed that intergenerational pattern that I carried of not feeling good enough and now my daughter will never experience that because I know what it takes to give her a secure attachment style so if someone does break up with her she doesn't make it mean anything about her she just knows that okay it didn't work out like it just wasn't meant to be or maybe our soul contract was for this amount of time or whatever right there's a bit of sadness but there isn't sadness that is soul crushing because your soul is literally crushed because it's still hoping and waiting to feel I am enough I am worthy I am chosen I am loved but we now know when we feel that it is our job to give that to ourselves it's part of our life's journey of lessons that's one of the lessons that we came here to learn and I also do believe that we signed up for that and um we choose this particular people to come at the particular time of our lives to teach us and I was going to say about this beautiful human that had the same uh beliefs as as myself Ana Morpides by the way many hearts counseling um whether you're tuning in from youtube or listening on the podcast um living your best life thank you so much we both internalized a breakup that there was something wrong with us so we're crying over someone that we met maybe even 10 days okay in her case this one was four months from mine it was the one that I can remember the most was 10 days it was a while ago but I cried for this person for two years that I knew for 10 days is that not insane I how I didn't know this person but my little girl was so thirsty to experience someone to choose her to love her to be with her uh to make her feel worthy to make her feel seen she was so thirsty for that because my poor parents didn't know how to give that to me and they had their own wounds and they were just not being they did not provide me with the four s's so I can grow up to have a secure attachment style so I was crushed like the worst thing had happened to me so I was crying my childhood pains through that breakup I was crying the lack of support the lack of um my parents showing up for me supporting me loving me like instead of criticizing me to praise me to love me to integrate these neurological messages in my nervous system so then they're not pruned and they're actually part of my nervous system releasing beautiful neurotransmitters day in and day out as opposed to what I had before same with this beautiful soul that I'm sharing her story because after four months of being bred from on off um block delete it's not working for me because because when we have a certain frequency within us that represents still a childhood wound how I understand it now is we're going to bring in someone that highlights that but if they're doing it for us not to us they're doing it for us so we can actually get what we want what we need is to change our inner state of being so we can get to what we want if we don't change our inner state of being we can't get to what we want because the way that the laws of energy work quantum physics and these laws of energy like like attracts like unless we become that frequency of what we want like we choose ourselves we love ourselves um we do all the things with ourselves right like whatever we did not receive from our parents now we can give that to ourselves we can raise our frequency and then the things that we are crying over from that potential that didn't work out or that person how they treated us all these things are essentially gifts for us they're gifts so when my beautiful soul is now devastated and you know expressing the pain is so much I can't take it anymore I know it's not just the pain how can it be possible that you feel so much pain from someone that you don't even know that you would even really like it's the potential of the potential that this person carried for this beautiful soul is enormous especially if we're in our 40s and now we're waiting since zero years old to finally receive that imagine the intensity of excitement that ourselves have and the disappointment that we feel if that doesn't work out because we keep repeating the same cycle over and over where we capitulate what our nervous system learned in our childhood you're not good enough you're not worthy you're bound to be rejected you're bound to be alone so think about the things that you fear the most and what discombobulates you not only just in the connection when it was starting or before it started when you were negotiating for it to start negotiating what I mean like you're talking to someone you meet someone you're in it for the few months like you're waiting to see like will they choose you are they going to be with you will they like and then those are the things that we are crying about that serve us the most to heal because they're coming up for a reason right so essentially it becomes a gift so all those tears are going to turn into diamonds I swear to you I promise you it is actually a magical experience when you know that everything is happening for you not to you and this is a really good book called attach that talks all about this how adults find other adults that essentially highlight unhealed childhood wounds and once we're aware of that then we don't take it personally and we don't make it mean anything about ourselves and we take the meaning that we want to give it and we work on that because we know that's the lesson so if the meaning that you're giving when you're crying over something not working out is um like not chosen not good enough like rejection abandonment that is what would serve us best to heal like our abandonment wound our rejection wound like and then work on where in your life are you not choosing you like and then choose you choose you choose you in the things that you can control over we can't control how other people are in relation to us we can control our frequency right we can control like our energetic point of attraction because our thoughts create our emotions emotions with energy motion which is the point of has a certain amount of hurts that creates the point of attraction of things that like come in to find us excuse me we have full control over that and a lot of the times because it is subconscious and automatic we need other people to trigger us to make us feel a certain type of things in order for us to even know like what's alive from inside of us and that's the other book over here the untethered soul this talks all about that untethered soul is when you're like literally not tethered anymore because you understand what triggers are they're just childhood wounds that are coming up to the surface to be healed so then you don't feel bad or feel sad or disappointed you just know oh i feel something oh this person or like okay yeah example uh i was feeling dismissed there was a photo of my high school in my high school reunion that was posted in the high school reunion chat and it was like what you want to call like the popular kids in school and i saw that and it made me feel a certain type of way it reminded me of how dismissed i felt as a child but the dismissal didn't come from them the dismissal came from my parents like my poor mom had a terrible upbringing so she wasn't okay to like raise us and then my dad was working overseas so he just wasn't even around so i felt dismissed by both my parents because my mom couldn't emotionally be there for me my dad wasn't actually physically there for me and then i felt dismissed in high school because i had a really low self-esteem so then of course i wasn't gonna be a cool kid i was definitely not a cool kid um yeah and then i met my first connection the 10 day one that i cried for two years which is like insane like when i think about myself and how wow and that carried on for a long time like me feeling dismissed is not people are not dismissing me i just i learned that feeling a long time ago from my parents so i had to heal that so then i can't dismiss myself so now i go to work and i'm like okay where am i dismissing myself am i letting people cross my boundaries walk all over me like how am i contributing to me dismissing myself so then i can work on that so i can raise my frequency and then so forth like you know the triggers that's how it works then or if i feel not chosen or if i feel yeah anything then i i go to work and i bring it back to myself i'm like okay where am i not choosing me where am i dismissing me like what am i needing because that's the only thing that i can control so if you're finding yourself my beautiful lovely soul crying or being upset over your ex oh yes this is what i was going to say to you about um the beautiful soul that walks alongside with me like that pain that they were crying for me it's so clear i'm like you're crying the lack of like you're crying the pain from the lack of love that you did not receive from your father like this is not pain that just stemmed in four months this is this is pain that has been living inside of you for so long and this person is triggering it out of you is the pain of the love that you never felt from your father that you tried to prove to him and today still like i'm worthy choose me love me why can't you love me and then we repeat these lessons through the eyes of our lovers like that's how it happens until we realize and then it makes so much sense because how can someone bring you so much pain that you have met for just a little bit that's the only reason why so there's no judgment there but that's just it like same with me like how could how could i cry about someone for two years that i knew for 10 days i don't even know if i would really like them in the end but it was the potential of right and i was crying my unhealed childhood wounds of my unworthiness and my abandonment on all that until i realized and i worked on it and now i will never cry like that ever again if somebody a friend a family member like i'll i don't give it meaning anymore that it has something to do about me it's just what is like it just didn't work out that job didn't work out that friend didn't work out every no is an opportunity for a better yes every setback is an opportunity for a better setup that's all that it is not that's all that it is that's actually a lot that it is if you want to talk further about this i'm here reach out to me all the information's down below if you want me to make a video specifically for what you're experiencing that will turn into but diamonds that you're shedding right now about um your i don't want to say fail quote unquote your that the the relationship that didn't get a chance to rise because then how can i support you so you can become your best version of self with the nuggets of amazingness and i mean amazingness like the triggers are actually an amazing thing to recognize and heal because they are the ones that propel us into the best version it's a catalyst for us to become our highest and most best self so we can live our best life that's how life works this is like a school of lessons and yes it's hard and it can feel very challenging but it's not impossible and it's harder to stay in our wounds than it is to work on our wounds because our wounds can last a lifetime but the work on the wounds sometimes can just last a day you know so i'm wishing you so much love and peace and joy and if you feel called to like write it down or even maybe just pause the screen right here and take a look at this core belief sheet this is what we used in school and i found that i had a lot of these which resonates with you right now so feel free to take a screenshot or stop and see what is your breakup making you feel and then you know those are the core beliefs that are worthwhile for you to go through to like through the power of neuroplasticity to turn into the opposite so if you're feeling i'm not worthy like i am worth everything if you're feeling um rejected i am chosen okay i'm gonna stop my video right here thank you so much yet again i love you so much with all my love and gratitude i will see you next time and if you liked anything about the video or if you're listening on podcast i appreciate any comments thumbs up subscriptions uh interactions anything is welcome and i'll see you next time