PREGNANCY Q&A | gender reveal, miscarriage baby loss & nursery plans

Hello guys, welcome back to my channel. Welcome back to a new video. Firstly, this is the first video I have filmed since announcing. So I just want to say the biggest thank you for all of your well wishes, your love, your support, your kind messages. Honestly, by far the most amount of messages I have ever received, comments, I actually tried to keep up and I couldn't. There's just been so many of you messaging me. So firstly, thank you so, so much. We are obviously so, so excited and just honestly relieved that you guys now know that we are expecting our first baby. And I've had so many questions as well. So I did say, I would quite like to do a chatty Q&A catch up. And I'm so glad I've scheduled this in because it kind of gives me the opportunity to just answer all of your guys' questions. So if you haven't already, get comfy, relax. I'm deceiving you all with this. It's not a hot drink. I'm actually off hot drinks. That is one thing that I am... I wouldn't say it's as strong as an aversion, but I haven't really had any hot drinks ever. Even ginger tea, no, nothing. Thank goodness the first trimester is over because that nausea is no fun. I did do a full first trimester vlog. If you did want to go and see that and some of your questions were answered in that, but I'll touch upon things today as well. This is just water, just keeping hydrated in my little white company mug. But yeah, I just thought we could just jump straight into it because there are so many questions. By far the biggest question, which I want to say every other question was, do you know the gender? Will you find out the gender? And the answer is no, we're going to keep it a surprise. I think for at least for now, we're saying we're going to keep it a surprise. Every time we've been in for a scan, we've looked away, we've told the stenographers we don't want to know. And I just think that will be really special. So I think I will be keeping it a surprise. I was kind of open to the idea of finding out, especially as, I have to say a little trigger warning here because I will touch upon pregnancy loss in this video. So if any of you are going through any kind of difficulties with fertility, your TTC journey, trying to conceive journey, your loss, if you also have experienced any kind of loss, my heart goes out to you. I have been there. I know exactly how it feels. And despite everything, I still feel lucky in a way that the journey has... Is lucky the right word? I feel grateful that we're still in this place after, I want to say the journey's been in total around 18 months because I know so many people try for so many more years, have to go through rounds and rounds of IVF, multiple losses. We've had two losses. So anyway, we'll touch all upon that today, but let me just pull up the questions. So that was obviously the first question, the agenda. And no, I think we're going to keep it a surprise. Let's pull up the questions. Okay. When are you due? Christmas day. I've been open about our due date because anything could happen with birth. It could come really early. It could come really late, but that's the period. And the actual exact due date, believe it or not, is the 25th of December. How old are you? I'm 34. If baby arrives 10 days late or more, then I will be 35 because my birthday is 10 days after Christmas. Which gender are you both hoping for? Will you do a gender reveal? So no gender reveal because we are going to be keeping it a surprise. Which gender are you both hoping for? I want to say obviously all that matters is healthy baby, but we've always pictured a boy. However, over the period of losing babies and being pregnant with this pregnancy, I've been getting girl energy. So honestly, 50-50. I wouldn't say have a preference, but I've just always pictured having a boy. So I don't know if that means anything. And like I said, the fact that everything I'm getting within this pregnancy is girl energy. So it really is 50-50. Who knows? Will you share baby names you like video? I love watching baby names I like, but won't be using type videos. I have a whole list on my phone of baby names. Other than when we've heard them, I've kind of jotted them down. I won't probably share names that we are potentially going for. One thing I will say is that I've got loads of boys names, really struggling for girls names. And usually it's the other way around I feel. Any suggestions on names? Let me know in the comments below. Do you have a birth plan in mind? I've tried to stay very open with regards to a birth plan. Fun fact, we were actually asked to If you've ever watched that show, I love it. But they're filming at the hospitals in Manchester and they did ask if our due date was before September, if we wanted to be included. But obviously our due date is after September, so we couldn't. But would that have been fun? Would it have been fun? I don't know. But birth plan, no. I'm going to say no because I'm the person that if it doesn't go my way or the planned, organised way, I then start stressing out. So I'm far better off just going, whatever. I guess I've got an ideal, which would be minimal intervention, definitely not home birth. Just purely because, again, peace of mind of being in the right place if anything was needed. I would prefer, I say minimal intervention. If I want an epidural, I want an epidural. I guess emergency C-section would be the bottom of my list. But if it meant that that's the route that we go down for the needs of the baby and for myself, then absolutely fine. So it is what it is. And I guess we'll see how the pregnancy progresses, if anything crops up that may come into play. But otherwise, touch wood, everything's been so far so good. How far along were you with your previous pregnancies? So I had so many messages and comments about people who are also going through experience a loss right now. They're in the thick of it. They are trying to remain hopeful. I just, I feel for you because, this is a happy video, so I don't want to get emotional, but I just... I'm just sad for my past self because I know that some of you watching will be feeling how I felt and it's hard. Hold on. My makeup. Honestly, I could cry at any... Well, I was emotional before I was pregnant, but pregnancy hormones... What were we talking about yesterday, Tom and I? Oh, we're looking into what car I should get next. I was getting a bit stressed with it and I'm like, well, I don't know what I want. Start crying. Start bawling my eyes out. Honestly, it's wild. I'm fine, honestly. Anyway, yeah, it's a really difficult time and my heart just goes out to each and every one of you who have ever experienced a loss. No matter how long ago it was, I know it always stays with you. But I'm in a really positive place at the minute because obviously I see a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel because I am now in that position where I'm far more hopeful because I have a baby in my belly and pregnancy announcements and seeing all of that, it is tough. But I just felt like it was so important to share and I'm so glad I did because like I said, so many of you have reached out and just been open with your story. Even people in my personal life have reached out saying that their babies are rainbow babies and that I would have never have known. Rainbow baby, if you don't know, when I've used that term before, it's kind of like a term used within the baby loss community of seeing a kind of like there's light at the end of the tunnel. There's a rainbow after a storm. It's after a tumultuous time, there's a positivity at the end of it. So that's kind of like where the term comes from. So how far along were you with your previous pregnancies? My first one, I was around 10 and a half weeks and my second one, I was around 14 weeks, 14, 15 weeks. Did I know their genders? No, I didn't. And I'm actually, that's a bit of a controversial topic. I don't want to go too deep into this because I don't want to upset anyone or people will have differing opinions. But another reason to not finding out the gender, I'm grateful I didn't before because I think it would have made it harder because I would have been more attached. Not that I wasn't attached, but I would have pictured even more so because that's ultimately where the upset comes from is you kind of like mourn a life that you started imagining that you were going to have. I don't know if I'll ever regret that or be grateful of that. But right now I'm happy I didn't find out the genders. Have you found the pregnancy joy again? Yes. I'm three weeks post miscarriage and anxious. I'm so sorry that you're going through that. Time is a healer. Time really is a healer. You'll never forget it, but I found in each pregnancy I've been really happy, which I think after loss you think that you're good. I mean, I was more anxious after the first loss of being pregnant because it's less of like, oh my God, and more like, oh, okay. Let's not get too excited kind of feeling, but I was still happy and I'm still grateful to be pregnant. So just time's a healer and let any emotion that you have come and go because it will. Just keep riding the wave. Don't block it out. Just feel what you feel and remain hopeful is all I would say. I have so many questions about this. I'm going through loss now. How did you deal with seeing online baby announcements? Yeah. I kind of touched on that. I found it really hard. If I'm honest with you, I kind of like would see a baby announcement and just quickly scroll past it. So like my algorithms, but prior to that, I'd been pregnant and happy and loving watching baby announcements. I just felt like everywhere across my socials was a baby announcements, you know, everything baby related gender reveals. And so I was still getting fed all of this and I was like, no, just keep scrolling. So maybe even just take a break if you need to from social media. But even through friends announcing, it is tough. It's like you can be happy for someone at the same time as being sad for yourself and that's okay. Did you have any fertility testing done? Any meds this time around? What did you do different? We did have some fertility testing done essentially just to rule out that anything was wrong and that it was a case of being bad luck, which we were told a lot, bad luck. It's just bad luck. And I was like, I just don't want to keep hearing that. So let me just do some testing now. So we had several months of doing that and everything was normal, thank goodness for our ages and everything. So it was just a case of, um, I did have medication this time around. I actually had progesterone pessaries to help. I think it helps build the lining, help support a pregnancy. Um, but I don't think it was even essential, but it's just one of those like precautionary things. I know some people do, um, have like aspirin as well, or like blood thinners to help blood flow to the area and to help support a pregnancy. I didn't have that, but yeah, I have progesterone pessaries for the first, initially it was going to be 12 weeks, but because I had a little bit of a bleed that starts, which I touched on on my first pregnancy vlog, which actually was the first time I'd experienced a bleed in pregnancy. Um, and it was only light, but it was obviously a cause for concern. And, uh, they said just as a precautionary, just keep taking the progesterone pessaries until 16 weeks. So I'm no longer on them and even stopping them was quite hard because it was kind of like a, I've always taken this one. Do I just stop cold turkey? Um, but you do. And I did stop. Um, so yes, that is what I did different this time. Um, advice on supporting friends currently going through loss, just being there for them. Everyone's different. Every day, everyone deals with any kind of grief very, very differently. Some people prefer to be more insular and like, I'm an open book. I like to share with friends and family. Like I'm open with stuff like that, but I also don't like being mollycoddled and like pandered to. Like I personally prefer to just deal with things myself and move on, but that's the kind of person I am. So it's like just knowing your friends are there for you if you need them is enough. Well, it was for me anyway. Any ideas for nursery decor? Okay, let's make things a bit more lighthearted over here. So many of you asked about like plans for, are we moving because of baby? No, we're not moving. Um, where's baby going to go? I think what we're going to do is we've, I think we're going to change the bedroom next hour. So it's currently a spare bedroom, a small double, I would say with a small en suite. I think we're going to make that the nursery, get rid of the double bed, um, and have our main spare bedroom as the bedroom, which is currently below me in the basement because it's got a bathroom, it's got a big TV, it's got loads of space down there. Um, we renovated our basement if you are new to my channel. So it's like a fully, like it's like another whole floor of the house downstairs. So we currently have a king size sofa bed down there. I think I'm going to convert that back into a sofa and maybe put that in my filming room. So that's an option as a sofa bed room, like an additional spare room if we need it, if it fits, I need to do some measurements and things and then put a prop bed down there rather than a sofa bed, like a really nice, comfortable king size bed, have it set up as a proper bedroom. So we've got actually quite a few fun little house changes, um, as a result of baby coming. So, uh, that's the plan so far. We haven't started doing anything yet. I still feel like it's too early. I feel like I'm going to be feeling like it's too early until the very last minute, honestly, but, um, I will, we will start doing that very soon actually, because it's going to be pretty carnage with like Christmas, Christmas decks and house stuff around Christmas time, even autumn time, you know me, I like to decorate for autumn as well. So we could get started on that pretty soon. Are you going to film a birth vlog? Uh, well, Tom's not like camera front is he? So I don't know how he would feel about that. I haven't even spoken to him about that yet. I would like some clips, whether or not I would just do like a little montage and maybe more of a best story. I don't know how my best going to go. Obviously the plan is to hopefully document some things. I think that would be really nice, but not have, um, Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe Tom would be open to the idea of it. I just don't know. I don't know. Who knows? I'd like to get at least some clips and do a bad story though. At least any cravings, sweet or savory. I'm headed towards sweet cravings, which is again, another sign of it could be a girl. Um, I wouldn't say cravings though. I, and this is proof that every pregnancy is different, even in the same body, because my first pregnancy, I had the nausea, had the morning sickness. I had aversions to coffee and chocolate. Definitely don't have those versions this time. Um, and I had a craving bizarrely for, uh, the smell of fresh linen laundry detergent, like my fairy fabric conditioner. That's it. That was a craving. I don't really have anything that strong this time. I've been really enjoying like ice lollies and refreshing things like fruit. Um, and then, or like salads, like crunchy cucumber, tomatoes, that kind of thing. Uh, what else? Yeah. And then second pregnancy, I didn't have, well, first trimester and second pregnancy, other than the complications of like, baby obviously not being well and not being here today. My first trimester with that pregnancy was, I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant. It was a breeze. There wasn't a single inkling of nausea, morning sickness, or anything like that. I had a few other things, like obviously slightly sore boobs, but nothing like the first time. Uh, this time they've gone big. I would say, I wouldn't say they were really painful, but they were a bit sore at the start. But, um, anyway, this isn't cravings. I had no pregnancy cravings or aversions the second time round. This time round, I had an aversion and kind of still, I suppose, due to this living space, which is really awkward and difficult, but especially strong cooking smells. Do I have any other aversions? I suppose I've kind of been off hot drinks. I've not really been drinking. Oh, why is that black there? Have I got something on my face? Uh, okay. Anyway, let's move on to another question. Okay. This is another popular question actually. And I thought I wanted to touch on it was, um, around the fact that, uh, I've said in the past that I've been unsure about children. What changed my mind? Have I always wanted to be a mom? Um, so I have in the past touched upon, I don't think I've ever said I don't want children because that's never been the case. It's been more of a case of like, we'll never say never. And I'm not, I'm not sure if that's my, in my path, that kind of attitude. Uh, so honestly, that was still my frame of mind when I fell pregnant the first time, the first time we weren't trying and I've been off my contraceptive pill for a year. And the main reason, well, two reasons for coming off that was firstly, I'd heard from quite a lot of my inner circle, like my friends of people who had tried for a baby or pregnant or had a baby that when they came off the pill, it took a good year to two years for them to have their periods regulate and come back properly. And so I, in my mind had that like, well, what if in a year's time, two years time, I might want to start trying, even though I don't now, um, let me come off to let my body regulate. Of course, first month bang on came on the period and was regular ever since. So I had no disruptions to my cycles whatsoever. Um, and then the second thing was that I'd seen lots of TikToks, documentaries, things across socials around like how it can really affect you being on the pill. And I've been on it since I was 14. So a good, like more than half my life by that point, I was thinking, you know what, let's just give my body break. I've never had a break before. Let's just, and I'm a particularly anxious person. I get a lot, I got a lot of panic attacks and anxiety and things like that. And I thought, let me just come off the pill and see what I'm like without any hormones in my body, like just natural cycles and everything. And I have to say, I don't think, again, never say never, I'm a very never say never type person because I could change my mind. I didn't think I'd ever go back on the pill. I really enjoyed myself off the pill and mentally, I do think it helped me. And I didn't realize that until I came off it. Yeah. So we were off the pill, but actively trying not to get pregnant for a good year. And we just kind of slacked. It kind of happened. And I say that with like gratitude in a way, because that to me was the best way to fall pregnant was to not actively try, not have to feel like I need to be in the mindset to really want a baby, but it just happened. Because again, I say gratefully because so many people try for so long and so many years to fall pregnant and it can be a really difficult journey. So yeah, that's kind of how it happened for us. I was so shocked still, regardless of the fact that we weren't being careful. Both of us were, we all were. And I documented everything. Even though it was like a shorter journey of 10 weeks, I am grateful for that period because that is what flipped a switch in my brain. Honestly, that is when I was like, okay, I want this. And I did think, okay, maybe it's hormones. Let's just like settle things after we'd lost that baby. And let me just try and think with a straight mind. And Tom was of the same mindset. We were like, let's just not try, but let's not try. Let's just have a break. And within again, like not the next month, a month after I was pregnant with the second pregnancy. So even really with not trying, it happened. So again, I'm so lucky to be as fertile as I was. And they do say you're quite fertile after losing a baby on paper. Who knows? Everybody's different. But yeah, that's how it happened for us the second time around. But then after we lost that one, that's when we had a break and we were like, right, let's just do some testing. And I just don't want to go through this again. I had DNC surgeries with both of mine and I was thinking, I don't want to keep putting my body through surgery and potentially causing damage. I mean, there's minimal risk to everything. And there's a risk that you miscarry naturally and then have to go in for surgery anyway, which I know people in my personal life have had to do, which is why I decided to go down the DNC surgery route in the first place. So that was the period where we were set up. I still really wanted it. And yeah, third time round, third time lucky. Hopefully this baby sticks and we have a positive pregnancy. Yeah. I'm feeling grateful for being as fertile as I am because I'd never had the worry that I can't get pregnant, which I know a lot of women can. My worry was, can I keep a pregnancy? Can I retain a pregnancy? And I still don't know because I'm still not at the end of this journey yet. But at this point I'm feeling very positive and hopeful. And what's meant for you will not pass you by. That's what I always say. Let's move on. How many children do you both want? I would be happy with if we were just blessed to have one or two maybe. Tom had said three the other day and I was like, what? On a football team? We're going to have to keep going at a quick rate. Who knows? But again, given our journey, if we have one happy, healthy baby, I will be over the moon with no pressure on the future. Does Barney know or has he acted any differently? Sometimes dogs sense things. I would love to say to you, yes, he knows he's been different. He hasn't got a clue. He's over in his bed over there. He hasn't got a clue. Nothing's changed. He's quite a cuddly dog anyway, so that's fine. But nothing's changed. I think he'll be a really good big brother though. As and when we've seen friends with babies and things, he's very careful. The only thing I think he'll end up doing is pinching the socks or pinching their toys. I think that's where he might just sneak in behind us and just pinch a little rogue sock that's on the floor, especially like a baby one. I think that to him would be like gold dust. Did you really have a family member staying with you or was that just a cover for your first trimester? Yes, we did have a family. I wouldn't have lied about it, but it was, and it did happen to be at the same time of me feeling pretty ropey during that first trimester. So it was kind of like a natural reason to not do as much filming or as much work as I had been doing. But obviously I have filmed like normal through my previous pregnancy. So I would have done that, but because we did have someone stay with us, I did hold back on that. And yeah, another question was like, was that the reason we had the break in, was it January, February time last year? And I had two weeks where I kind of just disappeared online. That was during our first loss. And the thought of picking up a camera just felt, I'm not even telling you because obviously we've kept it this whole time. It just felt too staged or I just couldn't do it. Yeah. Is that the surgery you mentioned you had last year? Yes, it is. Can you do a baby haul showing everything you've bought so far? Again, I've been quite cautious on buying things. We have literally a handful of things. I want to say one, two, which we picked up yesterday. Some cute little vintage teddy bears, which could be a theme to what the nursery decor might be from a charity shop that we saw. So I'll show you those. I have a baby blanket from White Company and little booties, which we used in our little announcement video, which I've had since the first pregnancy. So I bought those when I first found out I was pregnant on the first time. So I've had those. And then anything else? Oh, I have got one thing, like a journal, birthday letters to my babies that I bought from Emily Rowlings. It's a great gift idea, by the way, if you're buying for someone who's expecting. But she has for sale, what does she call them? It's like imperfections. And I thought, you know, it was like more than half price. And I thought it was 10 pounds. I thought, I'm going to try it. And if it's in it, got an imperfection on it, it's probably going to get imperfections throughout the year anyway. It's essentially like a journal that you write a birthday letter every single year to your baby. And then up until they're 18, whether or not you keep it for yourself, give it to them, just like a little fun keepsake. And there is no imperfections on it. So if ever she has that sale again, it's called Emily Rowlings, birthday letters to my baby. She does a few things as well, not just that. Then yeah, highly recommended. If she goes for an imperfect sale again, get it because I can't see a single imperfection on it and save quite a bit of money. So I think that's the only things I bought. But I am potentially planning a little shopping trip. I might even go today. So that might be in an upcoming video. I've been filming a bit of a wardrobe declutter clear out to fit clothes that fit my new body. So that might be my next video. And then after that, maybe we could go shopping together. And if I do go today, I'll bring you guys with me for that vlog. And who knows? I just think I want to, as in when I see things at this stage, as in when I see things maybe in the sale or fun bits that I would start buying now basically. But yeah, I've just kind of been holding off. Are you taking prenatal vitamins? Yes. The prenatal vitamins that I've been taking out from Wild Nutrition, they are the new mother and baby and the Omega-3. And before that I was on their fertility support for over a year. Will your content change and will you share baby online once they're here? Content won't change other than obviously the addition of that new part of my life. I'm very much, I would class myself as a lifestyle vlogger anyway. I show my home, what I'm wearing, what I'm shopping, my dog. I'm a lifestyle vlogger, vlogger, definitely not vlogger anymore, vlogger. And obviously that is going to be a part of my life. It's not going to be just fully motherhood. I'm not going to transition into only motherhood because I appreciate not everyone is, who is watching and has supported my channel for years, are in that phase of life or potentially even want to see that. So it's the sort of thing that maybe say I'm doing a Zara haul, like I always do. If I pick up any baby bits, I might show those at the end so that anyone that is interested gets to see them as well. Or as in when like vlogging out about, like I said, if I'm going shopping, I'll be showing you in stores while I'm shopping, but I'll also show you any bits that I do maybe pick up the baby. And will baby be online once here? I've no plans against it, but I don't know until baby's here how I will feel. I think the main thing that would stop me, and it shouldn't because I shouldn't let them get to me, but is any like hate comments or unwarranted opinions and things like that, that if it gets to me, I would stop. I would choose my own mental health and my baby's privacy over anything. So yeah, I'm not against it. I think I will show baby, but just like Tom doesn't feature very much on my channel, he's here and there. Baby's going to be with me a lot. I can imagine just like Barney is over there. It's like I haven't showed Barney yet in this video, but he is here. He's over there and you do see him quite a lot in the videos anyway. So who knows? But yeah, I've no plans against showing baby at this stage. A couple more questions. Have you started to feel movements? I have an anterior placenta, which I did on my second pregnancy as well. So that means that it's at the front, which kind of cushions any initial kicks and movements. So I've been told to expect movements later on. I've had friends that have had anterior placentas and started to feel movements around 22, 23 weeks. So I'm currently approaching 18 weeks. So not far away. And I do on the odd occasion be like, was that a flutter that people tell me about? Like the bubbles, the flutter, the butterflies type feeling? Or was that just like a rumbling belly? I don't know. So I think... Oh, someone's at the door, Barney. You're going to go fetch the mail. You're going to go fetch it. There we go. So you've seen Barney now featured in this video. But no, no movements, no definitive movements as of yet. A part of me thinks that that will ease my anxiety, but then people have said, no, no, because then if you get irregular movements, I'm worried that something's wrong. So I've just got to ride that wave of anxiousness, anxiety. How are you feeling genuinely? Yeah, I've kind of touched upon that. It's just, it's a rollercoaster of emotions. What is it, Barney? Oh, it's a charity bag. That will help with our wardrobe clear out, won't it? Thank you for that. Good boy. Good boy. We're going to take you to doggy daycare in a minute. All the more excuse for me to get out and about once he's in daycare today to go shopping potentially, which is very exciting. I think my main... Firstly, thank you for asking how I am genuinely. I think the main thing that I've had to navigate is... I mean, I'm an anxious person anyway. I've always had anxiety and it's less of like a panic anxiety type feeling during pregnancy. It's more of a intrusive thought, pessimistic attitude that I have to try and keep at bay given what we've gone through. But overall, I'm just feeling so happy, so grateful, like pinch myself. Can't believe it. Bit cautious, probably a bit overly cautious with things, but just grateful and hopeful. But yeah, thank you so much for watching today's Q&A. It's been a real chatty one. So for those of you that have stuck to the end, thank you so much for listening and hopefully I've answered all of your questions. Any other questions that you can think of, by all means, fire away. But yeah, that's going to go ahead and conclude today's video here. Thank you so much for watching and I'll hope to see you all very, very soon in my next video. Bye guys.