Stop being an audience member of your own life.

Recently, my days have looked a little like this. It's like I'm an audience member in other people's lives, and being pulled into their world, their interests, their seemingly endless talents, while mine are left in the dark. I have an average screen time of about four and a half hours a day, and that doesn't even cover the time spent behind my computer or watching tv. And four and a half hours is a lot of time to be spending on anything, really. But especially on something that usually isn't all that meaningful, often just gets forgotten pretty much instantly, and sometimes isn't even real. They say you are what you consume, and if that's the case, then who does that make me? And better yet, who am I without it? I came across a quote this morning, like literally 15 minutes ago. I was just scrolling away, and I had to pause and basically just go upstairs and record this, because it just hit a little too close to home. It goes like this, you obsess over your identity in relation to others while your soul rots inside of you. Potentially a bit of a serious dramatic take, but I kind of think it is that serious. On pretty much every single social media platform that I'm on, I have lists and lists and lists of things I want to do. And they just keep growing, and that's the problem. They keep growing, and they never shrink, because nothing ever gets ticked off. More and more, I've just kind of realized how sad it actually is that I clearly have so many ways in which I would like to spend my time, but I choose to just spend it watching other people do stuff instead. And my interests are just, you know, rotting away. If I wouldn't have all of those sort of external voices to listen to and to compare myself to, where does that leave me? I just want to know. I quite often feel as though there's a gap between the things I want to do and the things I actually end up doing. I have no idea if I can do this. And there's a lot of reasons for that, really. Whether it's because I don't have time or skills, equipment, patience, originality, permission, but above all, confidence. So it's easier to consume what everyone else is making rather than attempting to close that gap yourself. But the more I consume, and consequently, the less I create, the bigger that gap gets. And the more self-doubt begins to creep in, until you put the phone down. I am attempting this painting today. I've had it saved for a long time, and today's the day. We'll see how I manage. I think the act of creating isn't so much about the actual output as it is about its effects on you. One of the things that scares me the most about how much I consume is the total lack of self-expression. In a way, it feels as though the more I take in, the less I understand who I am as a person. What it is that I like or don't like, and what I'm actually capable of. There we have my little painting. And it didn't take that long, like two hours max. You know? And that's not to say that it works out every time, because it won't. It's not working. It just keeps cracking. I might have to give up on this one. It is what it is. I tried, at least. But you also might discover things you didn't even know were there. One of the things that I've really been wanting to try is gouache paint, so I bought some. Now that I'm actually actively trying to make the things that I want to make, what do you know? I'm actually getting really excited about them. It's sparking something in me, a part of me that usually isn't really that stimulated. I haven't even started using the freaking paint, and I'm already super happy with my purchase. Like, that means something. But I never would know that that means something if I wouldn't try. So I'm gonna try these paints now. The reality is, though, that consuming is infinitely easier than creating will ever be. It doesn't really ask much of you. No skills or patience. Definitely no tolerance for being a beginner. So it's a comfortable place to be, really. That is, of course, until you realize that if you never allow yourself to be a beginner, you'll also never stop being one. While we're on the topic of being a beginner, I know very well how hard it can be to flip that switch and start making the things that you want to make. So if you're looking for a little bit of guidance, I can highly recommend Skillshare, the sponsor of this video. Throughout this journey of trying to create more and consume less, I've turned to Skillshare multiple times, and it's been such a great tool to answer the one question I always found myself asking, where do I start? I think starting is often the hardest part of anything, really. But especially with all of these interests that I have, it can be so overwhelming to figure out how to bring them to life and where to even learn the skills necessary for them. And Skillshare has been a pretty perfect companion for it. Whether I wanted to paint waterscapes, which I'd never attempted before, or learn how to use gouache, which I'd never used before, or just figure out how to help any future ideas come to life, I could always find a little bit of guidance on Skillshare. It's been incredibly helpful for me, and I'm sure it will be for you as well. So if you'd like to see for yourself the first 500 people to use my link in the description or scan the QR code on screen, you'll receive a one-month free trial of Skillshare. I think people often assume that creating is only relevant if you're an artist of some sort, and I don't really agree with that. Creating to me, at its very core, is nothing but a constant cycle of problem solving, of figuring out how to narrow down that gap between imagination and creation. And rather than freaking out over the distance, just giving it a shot instead. So I'm gonna try to recreate a shot that I've been seeing all over my Instagram for the past couple of days, and I think it looks really cool. Essentially just like a hand reaching through the screen. I've never done this before. I don't own a green screen, so I don't know if it's gonna work, but I'm gonna try and we'll see. You never know. And learning that at the end of the day, pretty much everything is figureoutable, if you just give yourself the space for it. I don't know. Let's see what that looks like. It's been a couple days since I've tried to recreate that shot, but I've been just tweaking it a little bit, re-recording some stuff. Admittedly, it actually turned out pretty okay. It's definitely not perfect, and I feel like there is absolutely more ways to make it look more realistic or more smooth and put together, but I don't know. I'm just discovering it sounds so stupid, but all these things are kind of obvious. Obviously when you're gonna start giving things a shot, and trying things, and doing things, you're gonna start realizing that you're more capable than you think you are, or that things maybe aren't as hard as they seemed, or you know, stuff like that. And maybe that's what makes it even worse. Like there's such obvious benefits to not just scrolling your life away, and yet we still do it all the time. And I don't mean to say that consuming is the issue here. I think my lists of interests are nothing but proof that there is plenty of inspiration to be gained from it, but it's more so about what you do with all of that inspiration and all of that input, rather than just letting it float around in your head, morphing into a million different questions. Just giving it an outlet instead, whatever that may look like for you. And it's not a matter of quit consuming cold turkey, but more a matter of know what you're consuming, be aware of what you're consuming, be intentional about what you're consuming, and don't let it get in the way of what you do, and what you make, and what you try, and how you think, and how you view yourself. And the list goes on, but you get the point. Just most of the time, it really is that damn phone.