Shocking Romance | Max Amini | Stand-Up Comedy

Wait a minute, you were at my last show! Look, I get such little African-American audience, I remember the f***er from last show! A whole year has gone by, I've played 200 shows, I see the same black guy and I'm like, oh s***! What is on your head? You already did this to me the first night you came here, man. Oh s***, I did? You, you know I'm talking to you. Last time he said, what the f*** is that? Bro, can I ask you something? What the f*** is that? You have hair here and then nothing here? My dad is actually Ethiopian and my mom is from Texas, but he's not special. Are you distracting us from your weird-ass hairstyle? Let me tell a story. My father, my mother, school, professor, what does that have to do with your hair? No hair. Bro, I see the f***ing hair! You left it there! You had the choice to shave it. You're like, I'm going to f*** with everybody. I'm going to go to every comedy show and when they pick on me, I'll be like, my father was a professor, Texas. My mother was Mother Teresa. Can I ask you a question? What's the situation down here? Do you comb it over? Only a black guy can pull that s*** off. Come on, bro. Let everybody see your hair. Look at that! Look at that, man! Look how cool he made his hair. It's not even in the center. It's like off-center to the right in the back. If this white guy did it, it would look like he's got a disease or something. He does it and we're like, damn, man, you're so stylish. What are you, a designer? That's your mom? Oh, she's beautiful. Where are you guys from? She got divorced when you were two, three years old. And did you ever remarry, mom? You did? How many times? One more time? And you're still married? Oh my God, that's amazing. Good for you. You only made one mistake in your life and your daughter reminds you every day. Is he white? I can tell. I can tell, mom. You got good taste. I'm half white, though. You're half white? Oh, you're from the new marriage? No, no. You're from the old marriage? What the f**k? No Korean ever? And you're gorgeous. You're really stunning, mom. The first husband? Mom, spill the beans. Iranian? Wait a minute, so you're half Korean, half Persian? You're husband number two? Persian guy? Well, he's smart. He pulled out. Forget it, mom. You're an executive for an insurance company. What kind of insurance company? Farmers. Farmers? Oh, that ******* f**k. Do you think you can help me and bring my quote down? With some sort of executive order that you can put in? You mean like an executive coach? Can you coach the ******* agent that sold me the plan? Every year she calls me, oh my god, the quote's going higher. And then there were fires in L.A. Now I have a house and I don't have insurance. Why? Because there's one tree next to my house. The one tree has cost me $50,000 a year for insurance. I wish I could. I brought a gardener as my neighbor. Karen showed up. Oh my god, are you going to cut that tree? It's living. I'm like, this tree has cost me $50,000. She's like, so what? It cleans the air. Do not touch it. I'm going to call the cops. So I'm just waiting for the day Karen dies across the street. So I can cut the goddamn tree open. And make her coffin. So I can make her coffin. Out of the tree. Sorry, it was a bad, dark joke for the white girl. She goes, oh my god. Yes, what? It took six years to see you. No way. It took you six? Were you coming with a boat or some s**t? Were you *******? Were you canoeing over? Where were you the last six years? You were running? From the law? Good to see you, my brother. And when did you move to the States? It's been six years. Bro, I just thought you got here. You've been in the States for six years and you didn't come see me? I travel a lot for work. That's why I couldn't make it on your show. When I was in Ethiopia, I was the biggest fan of yours. Really? So you've been following me since you lived in Ethiopia? Oh yeah. That's so cool, man. You came by yourself tonight? So you're not with the Asian guy? What about the ambiguous guy on your right? I don't know what the guy on your right is. He looks like he could be African. He could be Mexican. He could be Persian. He could be Greek. That guy could be anything. That guy could be like, I'm a Japanese. I'm like, oh f**k. I believe you. Are you Japanese? And what about your lady? I'm Ethiopian. Did you know you're going to sit next to another Ethiopian? I did. I did, but God did. God did? This guy thinks God made this happen. He doesn't know the theater seating chart is racist. This is kind of dangerous. I was very worried because I thought in this climate we come here, we'll all gather. Ice will be outside. It took me six years to see you and then move back to Ethiopia. And you guys are together, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so sweet. He's Persian, so you're like the white girl that's like, I'm going to go and be adventurous and date something dangerous. Let me see what's on Bumble. Oh, Persian. Sounds exotic. Like the rug. They meet. He shows up with his shirt open to his belly button. Oh my God, he really has the rug. He's like, I cannot wait to take you out to kebab. She's like, oh my God, he's going to show me his kebab. Meanwhile, this guy is at home making kebab. Calling his mother. Mother, I have a beautiful white woman coming to my house. How do I make kebab? Oh, you're getting married. Oh my God, that's so cool. Just unbelievable timing. As soon as I started getting people out of the country, they decided to get married. Thank you for doing this for us. On behalf of the Persian community, we're very grateful. You like the Persian culture? I love it. Oh, you love it. What do you like about it? You love the family. So his family is very nice with you, yeah? Wait till he gets his green card. I'm just giving you a heads up. The family is going to be up your ass. Just letting you know. Wait till he gets his passport. Holy ----. You guys live with your mom? Aww. You see, that's the beauty of white families. Yeah? Now can you imagine if you lived with his mom? Every morning, are you awake? Honey, why you asleep too much? It's 6am, you should be off already. Come help me make breakfast. Today I'm going to teach you how to make food. Did you iron my son's clothes? What are you doing today? Where are you going? I'm coming with you. That's great, man. You're never going to come to my show again, huh? Trust me, if you survive this show, this marriage is going to last a hundred years. Yeah. That's right.