The Circumcision TED Talk | Ian Bagg Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work

Sorry guys, didn't mean to mention the homeless. I see you're not laughing over there. ------- Libbies over there, ******* not laughing. I don't care if you're liberal or not. I'm right down the middle myself. That's the best way to be, right? Down the middle. Those are the normal people. Remember the normal people? We used to vote and then just move on for four years? Not like these wackadoos that want to ******* relive it every five minutes. And then? And then? **** off! I got ---- to do! If you have more than two bumper stickers on your car, I'm talking to you, ************! And it's both sides. It's crazy on both sides. Like the liberal, the too far left people, they're all like, we gotta shut that cartoon down about a skunk that is trying to **** a cat. Because it is teaching the children, if you have a stripe on your back, you can do anything and nothing. Recycle. Right? And the too far right people, they're all like, we got a Mr. Potato Head! It's cancelled! Transgender. Right? They think Mr. Potato Head's been cancelled. It hasn't been cancelled. Nobody's ******* made one since 1971. That's what happened. Because when they first came out, there was nothing else to do. And that was the iPad of the day. That was Mr. Potato Head. We can put a face on a potato! Right? And every family in America bought a Mr. Potato Head, and then they didn't need to make any more, because everybody had one, and it would just get passed on through generations, right? And that's how it became transgendered, because you'd lose pieces of it as it got passed on through generations. So one day it just showed up at your house in work boots and eyelashes, and everybody's fine with it. All right? And if that ******* got you all fired up and you're tamed, **** off, okay? Potatoes don't have sexes, you weirdos. Nobody's ever been to a restaurant. Do you have male potatoes tonight? Balls on side, cock left on. Circumcised? Circumcised. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Oh my God. Seen an uncircumcised one the other day at the gym. ------- scared the ---- out of me. Looks like an alien. You ever seen an uncircumcised one? ------- terrifying. Looks like Winsock at an airport. Should be just pilots that have fun uncircumcised cocks, so they can just put it out the window and find out which way the wind's coming. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. We're leaving from the north today. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. But no, it's just freaky people that want to make their dick look bigger than it is. And it isn't. It's just useless skin at the end. I don't know. What'd you say? All's I heard was sexual. And then you whisper it into your drink and then took a drink. Sexual. I love a good ******* uncircumcised dick. It's my thing. It's my jam. I like a lot of extra skin. I like big ******* cuffs on my shirts. An uncircumcised dick. That was ******* weird as ----, ma'am. It's only 7.30 at night. How hammered can you be that you're mumbling into your drink? Sexual. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Salted peanuts and uncircumcised dicks. That's what gets me all flowing. Sorry, I apologize. What did you say? That might not have been what you said. What's that? What? It's good. You know I do jokes, right? This isn't a TED talk about leaving ******* skin on your dick. Don't take anything I do seriously up here tonight. I am just an escape from the world for an hour. That's all I am. I am not trying to push you in any direction. No, it's pleasure for the men. Yeah, I don't think so, ma'am. You ever see one of those vaginas where one lip's longer than the other? Same thing. Yeah, one guy likes it. ****, it looks like a SWAT team sneaking into a house. Clear, clear. I don't know how you get that. I guess you go ******* sledding when you're young and your puss gets caught on a piece of metal and you try pulling back. And there you are the rest of your life. Sorry, fellas, I keep making eye contact with you while we say these weird things. Thanks for coming out, guys. Glad to be here. Don't get out much? Not too much? Are you retired or what's going on? Not yet. Not yet? How old are you? Sixty. Sixty? **** you got years, buddy. Get back to work, you piece of ----. Trying to wrap it up early and suck off the government. **** you, sir. That was uncalled for. You retire whenever you want to. What are you retiring from? What? What are you retiring from? Electrician. Nice. Only two people believe in electricity. The rest of them are a bunch of MAGA people and don't even believe in ******* electric cars. If I don't smell gas, it's bullshit. I want to hear this when I'm driving. I don't want to hear...