The Art Of Letting Go: A Journey To Self-Discovery | Anissa Li | TEDxLeadways School

Continuing on the topic of self-discovery from each of our speakers, what are some words or qualities that come to mind when you think of the journey to achieving your greatest dreams? Well, for me, one year ago, I would have said sacrifice, relentlessness, effort, or maybe even pain. Or something along the lines of suffering surely leads to success. But what if I told you that somehow, the harder you try, the worse it gets? You might think I'm crazy, right? Let me give you an example. Has anyone ever gone to a friend's house and wanted to pet their friend's cat? Picture this. You arrive at your friend's house and notice their furry companion. You really want to pet it, so you carefully approach it. However, on the first attempt, the cat backs away. You try again, and it disappears. You try the third time, and the cat is nowhere to be found. However, a few hours later, when your mind is fixated on something else, the cat appears and jumps into your lap. This is a phenomenon that many of us have experienced, that when we chase someone or something, it eludes us, but when we stop chasing, it comes to us. As stated before by author Mark Manson, wanting a positive experience is a negative experience, but accepting a negative experience is a positive experience. When we reinforce a sense of lack, like the lack of happiness, we become even less content with how things are. But when we let go of the mindset that we lack something, we may suddenly have what we are looking for all along. You see, there's a name for this phenomenon. It's called the law of reverse effort, coined by writer Aldous Huxley. Huxley says that in many situations, putting in work or effort may bring you further away from the outcome that you want, especially in situations that you can't control. So in other words, the harder you try, the worse it gets, and the less you try, the better it gets. But this still doesn't seem intuitive, right? So let me explain to you how I learned the art of letting go through skating. Now, I don't mean not putting in work or effort at what you're trying to achieve, though. As a competitive figure skater, last year during the off-season, I dedicated around 40 hours every week to training. This meant sacrificing my social life, hobbies, and things I enjoy. I was also exhausted at the end of every day. I was also constantly falling asleep everywhere, even during practice, which is kind of ironic if you think about it. But I continued, trusting in the fact that my hard work would surely lead me to success. However, before the start of the season, I had reached physical limitations. I ended up with a stress fracture on my right leg, along with muscle strains, tears, and pains. Burnt out and dejected, following my recovery, I had actually one of my worst competitive seasons ever, not being able to perform the way I couldn't practice. But it wasn't because I was physically incapable, but rather it was my mindset and fixation on results that led to failure. This year, I approached things differently. I allowed myself to join clubs, solve puzzles, and do the things I enjoyed. I also spent all the while still training properly for skating, but this time with around 20 or so hours instead of 40. But most importantly, I let go of the need to achieve spectacular results. This shift in my mindset allowed me to qualify for my first ever nationals, going from not even appearing in the national rankings to being ranked one of the top ten in the nation in my division. This also explains the term beginner's luck. It's not actually luck at all. It's because when you approach something for the first time with no expectations, you tend to overperform. Take it too seriously, and you'll often blow it. So, what's the main takeaway from my talk? I believe that each and every one of you in the audience right now has goals, dreams, hopes, and aspirations, and I'm even more sure that you are all willing to work for them if that is what you truly want. But at the end of the day, once you've worked the hardest that you can, the greatest gift you can give for yourself is to let go of the expectations. This doesn't mean to give up once you fail, but rather to not take anything too seriously. Work hard, have fun, and don't do things just for the sake of end results, because after all, results are never guaranteed in anything. The true journey of self-discovery lies in enjoying the process. I believe that is how you'll find yourself on this path. Thank you.