You Live in Hawaii and Have No Friends. Here's Why.

Today we're going to talk a little bit about building community. Hi! Oh my god, is he saying hi back? Where are you guys from? We're neighbors, it could be weird, so let's just never try. You were like this. Yes! Oh my god, the pressure to like interact with people was so... Ugh, 20 people, no thank you. No talking to elevator, don't talk to me. That's so Hawaii. Whether you are a local person who is in a different phase of your life, trying to figure out all I do is work, I don't hang out with nobody. You could even be moving from Kane'ohe to Ewa Beach and completely have a different life. Or from Colorado to Ewa Beach, you have preconceived notions. Oh, I'm just going to surf in Tioshaka. There's an old adage, wherever you go, there you are. There are some things that are unique to Hawaii. Like the hikes are going to be different and the people are going to be different, but a lot of it's the same and we're going to get into that. Let's talk about ocean sports and just more esoteric Hawaii activities. People think they're going to move here, so what comes to mind? Surfing, paddling, hiking. Hiking, lei making. Oh, I can dance hula now. Let's take hiking first, easy one. There's hiking groups. Actually, there's a lot of dangerous hikes, and so it'd be good to be a part of those groups, form some community, maybe even a run club. That's something you can do and that's not entirely unique to Hawaii. It's a really nice place to do it. Then let's move on to surfing. I feel like everybody says they want to surf. And then they don't want that smoke necessarily. Yeah, because, I mean, some people do. And that neck and the shoulders cannot... It's a lot. It's not all a guy pushing you on a longboard in Waikiki, you know. And you can be super in shape and not be in like paddling shape. You can have uncles balancing on their bare belly. And they can be out there surfing all day. There's that. And then there's also, you don't know the ocean. And it takes a long time to read the ocean. So it's a brutal sport. And the whole, the cool thing, the standing up, the percentage of time you spend doing that, even the best surfer is disproportionate. It's driving, waxing, stretching, paddling, duck diving. The amount of time you spend standing is manini. Yeah, but then it's like you get like a high, right? It's euphoric. It's so euphoric. Yeah, yeah. But all that being said, like you have to like really want that smoke. And it's a selfish sport too, like kind of like fishing. Fishing, you walk up. Hey, how's it? No. Like you paddle out, you kind of keep your distance. Eventually, you'll start to have conversations in the parking lot, on the beach, maybe in the water. But initially, surfing is like a to yourself, sort of stay away from me kind of thing. And even if you do strike up a conversation on the water, like if a wave comes, you're stopping mid-sentence. Oh yeah, you guys... Anyway, surfing can be a way to build community as far as like seeing the same faces on the water all the time. Maybe you shackle each other and talk story in the parking lot. A crew. Crew, not a community. Yeah, because you know, like the Barbers Point uncles, they weren't crew. Crew, not community. They're a crew for sure. Move on from surfing, paddling. Paddling. I don't know a lot about that, but I do know is when I tried paddling in California, because I was like, oh, let me stay close to my roots and I can paddle. I was like, we're carrying this heavy ass canoe. Go out and we cannot even stop and look at stuff and swim. We just... I was like, no, I'm not a paddler. I'm always going to keep saying this on the channel. It's a great way to make friends and to build community. We just talked to Alyssa. Shout out to Alyssa and Sam. So we're just talking story. I was like, who paddles? Because we're at their place. Saw a blade, a paddle in her room. She's a full-on paddler now. She's a full-on local titta. Yes, and she has all her friends and they're all, you know, on the cruise together and all of... I'm telling you, paddling, you can come here in your 30s and have never been on the ocean before and find a crew. It's not like surfing to where you can get left behind in the water and get smoked in the whitewash because you don't know what you're doing. You're not like talking story on the boat. I mean, in fact, you're getting yelled at by a coach. I want to stop out there and jump off. That's your problem. Maybe bring someone fishing pole. It's because you got that ADD going on. You got to like be looking around and doing something all the time. But there is that like shared effort, that one power in sync together. The shared struggle of like being in the wind and pulling dead water. And then you have the regatta and you're all drinking after. So, you know, it's really fun. Low pressure because, you know, if you're just doing sprints, you're in something like this. You're not open ocean. You can do open ocean later. But it is a really awesome way. And we now have empirical evidence of somebody coming and actually starting paddling and being like, oh, yeah, you know what? One person. That's data. And it works. Well, I didn't even plan to bring this one up, but hula. Similar to paddling. Whatever you thought hula was at the luau you went, even for local people, when you start hula, it is an intense instructor whack you kind of. They don't actually, in most cases. It's more like a tongue lashing. And like, I think sometimes like posture. They might. Maybe they like with a water bottle or something. They might have made some laws about that. I don't know about 2026. But it's intense. Yes. And it is all encompassing. And as a like a local who's like born and raised here, I couldn't get into it later. Like, I feel like. I did hula two weeks in high school. I did hula like as a little girl, because my parents really wanted me to like be a girl, dropped out, played sports after. Yeah. But it's like nuts. And we were small. Could you do one dance at a wedding right now? No. Maybe like on the mainland where nobody knows what. Any layman can like hear somebody like singing and be like, oh, they're not a great singer. But not everybody knows that you are not a good hula dancer. But in Hawaii, it's like hula people know. So the level of like imposter it would take for me to like, I could never because I just be like so. That's not something I could get into. No. For me, like, oh, once you hit like eight, it's like too late. They're all so good already at that point. Speaking of that one, we didn't point out. Baseball. Baseball dads. There is a politicking. There was a person who I won't name who was like, yeah, I don't even want to drink. But in order for my son to be accepted, I got to sit on the bucket or the cooler and drink for a couple hours after practice. At least three nights out of eight nights a week, we practice. Do you hang out with the people who are at your kids' sporting events? I did when it was basketball, but I have not so much done so with the football crowd. Why? Because you don't know them or because you just aren't spending as much time doing it? Or is it because you're not like as into the sport as you were basketball? This will carry throughout the video. I don't put in the effort. I don't. Hey, how's it? You want a drink? Whatever. One of the jujitsu dads, he's like, bro, we should go drink while the kids train or whatever. I just don't want to drink. I know. And that's the thing about creating, you know, community with people your age. It's not easy. A lot of it's like, I'm just really busy. Because if it's not work, it's my kids doing something. You can be the orange slice dad, the zip lock orange slice dad or the musubi mom. Are you? I don't want to use my kids to create relationships. And so if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Yeah. And perhaps I do not engage looking for it at the park interaction. How's work? How's life? What a hurricane. Crazy. I can't. I'll see you next week. It's like where we keep it. The other side of the coin is people like my parents. We lived in Wailua. We practice in town. They're not driving back and forth. They're busy. They just have to be there. And there are always going to be that tribe of parents. Yeah. That are just at all the things because it's just what they need to do. Because they don't have the child care. They don't have the ride. They're going to be there participating. And inevitably that tribe finds each other as well. Like my parents, all of their best friends were like my best friend's parents. And still are like their close friends. We're long out of high school. That speaks to a few things. The Hawaii club sports thing can get very intense. So you always see us in the top four in the Little League World Series. A lot of soccer players come out of here. The Hawaii sports club parent commitment thing is intense. Also Oahu traffic is intense. What she's saying kind of speaks to life in Hawaii. Trying to exist. Have a circle. Get your kids the exposure they need. With 10 gallons of stuff in a five gallon bucket. Yes. And so sometimes that takes away from relationship building. But sometimes I guess it contributes to it. If you guys have real estate questions. If you want to know where the right community might be for you. Go to coreteamhawaii.com. Scroll to the bottom. Fill out the contact form and hit us up. Speaking a little more real estate specifically. Home choice specific. When I lived. Just my personal experience. When I lived in townhomes. My kids were playing with other kids. The parents come outside. Talk story. Oh you're going to be out here for a while? Okay I can go inside. Come back out. Hey come in. It was just. It was that vibe. A little bit more 1990s. Yeah. Street lights on. Come in vibe. Play outside. We moved into single family. It's just not like that. In my head I'm like. Everyone who can afford these homes for the most part. They're older. They bought back in the day. Their kids are 20 years old. Or they both work full time. Or some of the kids like go private school in town. And then play a bunch of club sports and stuff. So they're never around. Just my personal anecdote. Townhomes. A lot of kids running around. Medium sized single family. Just a bunch of aunties and uncles that don't engage as much. For somebody like me. With a little bit more of like a social anxiety pressure aspect of it. When we lived in a townhouse. There were definitely more people. Just always kind of congregating in the quad. More often. Because the proximity makes it. That you just do see each other all the time. You're like this. Yes. I'm like oh my god. The pressure to like interact with people was so. We have a high level job every day. Where like socially and mentally. We're just going, going, going all day. Even me. Who very much extroverted. Sometimes my social battery is depleted. So when I get home. Sometimes I'm like oh no. Like everybody's talking. And I just want to like. Be like you know. In my bed and bed rot or something. Living in a single family home now. I feel safer. I feel like. How's it with my hose? You can spray them if they get too close. No because like. I know they're not going to come in my bubble. In a townhouse you all live in the same bubble. Condos. The unspoken etiquette is kind of like. Don't talk to each other. It's like almost like Asia. Scandinavian culture. Like it's not talking the elevator. Don't talk to me. We're neighbors. It could be weird. So let's just never try. That's kind of a condo thing. Yeah. And so town homes a little bit closer to that. And that yours went that way. It did. But if I wanted to make friends. I could have. I'm not a social person by nature at my home. Because I want to relax. Your neighbors. Truly can be that first level of community that you build. If you want to. Depending on kind of like the house style you live in. And really just. What are you like? One thing too. I talk about Hawaii. Culture is very influenced by Asian culture. And American culture. So we're this unique. A beautiful amazing blend right. And of course Hawaiian. Polynesian culture. And so in some of these areas. There could be a high level of politeness. Without a high level of. I still want to continue talking to you-ness. Sorry they raped at me. So what are you guys doing on that street? I was saying there could be a high level of politeness. Without a high level of. I don't want to keep talking to you. Yes yes yes. There's a nuance and a dance. There's a read the air. Yeah. Not everybody has that though. When I was raised with that. I was only half raised with that. And so there is a high level of politeness everywhere. On average. Which is nice. But then sometimes it's disconnected. Like you. Like you just said. I don't want to talk to you. You're my neighbor. All the more reason I don't like talking. I don't want to talk to you. But you know what? Exists here too much. And like that is. I'm going to act like I do. And then be surprised that you want to talk to me. Oh yeah yeah. You know. Hi. Oh my god. Is he saying hi? Yes. Yeah yeah yeah. Get that. Don't come over here. Like oh yeah yeah. That's so Hawaii. Whereas we've had clients like Kevin. And they've come to mind. And I've had some others where they ask us. Where can we go? Or we're guaranteed going to make friends. And it's like. Even me. Our neighbors we hardly speak. And it's kind of an agreed upon thing. We keep it limited. But if you go to places where more transplants are. They're just inherently are more people. Looking for connection. There's a little bit more. Where there's more transplants right. Where they've been living on this street for 40 years. There's not. If anything might be like. Well where are you guys from? We're original owners. The original owner line. Yeah yeah yeah. Might have that. But isn't that like. I want to be friends. Yeah yeah. Do you like cheese and wine? We're not trying to scare you off. Not everybody is like that. All our videos for local people. And people who aren't from here. And don't understand the culture. But I guess what we're saying is. Don't mistake Hawaii's aloha and culture for. I want to be your friend. It's not necessarily the thing. Not necessarily yeah. Maybe. But maybe not. We're standing here with Waikai in the background. Not like we come here all the time. However some people do. And it reminds me of Kenny. Kenny lives right over there. Kenny might have more friends than all of us. Kenny for sure has more friends than all of us. Right. Kenny is for sure more. Has more involved things that he does. Outside of work than any of us. Kids soccer. Cub Scouts. Boy Scouts. Is he PTA? Kenny's on the Parent Teacher Association. Because Kenny is by no means local. No. But he out here. Out here connecting. Yeah. Of service. Of connection. The point of that is. You don't need to be you know from here. You don't need to serve to you know. Become connected in Hawaii. And to build community in Hawaii. You can just do the things that you already like to do. And keep doing them regularly. Be consistent with it. And then you just inevitably build a community. If you look at the blue zones. People that live the longest. Quality of life. There's nutrition. There's steps. And cardiovascular health. Leg strength. But community is a big one. Yeah. You could be like me. Who from here or partially from here. And just be in a season of life. Where you put your head down. Taking care of the kids. And the job. And lost a lot of connection. You can regain that. And increase quality of life by getting out here. Speaking of community. I've been surfing a little bit more. So I've been talking to more people. And like hanging out. So our client out there. No not a client. Oh you've seen our clients. Oh I've seen clients out there. But somebody who watches the YouTube was like. Are you guys like. Can I tell. Are you guys brother sister? You guys married. Because like you'll say my husband. But then I'm like. Why would she say my husband if he's right there. And then he'll say my wife. And I'm like. What is going on? So there. There's your answer. We're not married. She's married. And I'm married. Point being. I'm in the season. Where I do have like my own little bubble. That I spend most of my time with. And it's my immediate family. And it's my work family. And I have been recently feeling like. Okay. I need to like have more. I went back. Played basketball. Uncle tore his calf. Twice. Two. Each calf. Big difference between 34. And 39. Apparently. Next round. We started at bold. Then I got back into Jiu Jitsu. Which is. Had been my life and identity for a long time. And as soon as I did. Connection. You know. The quality of life increased. She just shows that it takes effort. My wife. Total introvert. But she'll join a book club. She'll go to improv. Can you imagine her. What? She goes improv. You're kidding me. She does improv. Like. She'll do these things. Because she understands that like. Hey. For connection and expression. It's a active thing. That's really cool. Like I could never. I'm so embarrassed. That's so weird. Michelle would never do this. Never. But then I would never be able to do that. Yeah. I don't know. What I want to caution people away from. Is just assuming you're going to come here. And life is going to be like amazing. And it's sunny. And you're going to be a surfer. And you're going to be in nature all the time. We've said it before. We'll say it again. Wherever you go. There you are. Hawaii is super unique. In that there's a lot of opportunity for you. To like meet a lot of cool people. Who have a lot of similar interests. Not even every local is a hiking. Surfing. Most aren't. Most locals aren't even that high. Most locals cannot surf. Yeah. Or hula. Or etc. It's just like anywhere else. In a lot of ways. If you're stoked. And fun to be around. And put yourself out there. And help others. And surf. You have a good experience. If you have a bad experience. Where you currently are. You probably have a bad experience here too. My one piece of advice would be. Like say yes sometimes. Like no be shame. Like if somebody invites you to come do something. If it's out of your comfort zone. Try it. Bring food though. But bring food. Bring food. At least manapua. Or malasadas. Ulu chips. It's an underrated option. I feel like more people passing Kalihi. Gotta bring ulu chips.