The Classic Ones from Season 6 | Friends

When did you get there? I don't know. Do you have any clothes on? Yes. Really? No. But we didn't have sex, did we? I don't remember much about last night. It was such a blur. I remember laughing. I laughed a lot. Then we didn't have sex. We were really drunk. I'm glad we didn't do anything stupid. Tell me about it. Hey! Hi. Thank you. What? Are we going to talk about what you guys did last night? What do you mean last night? Nothing happened last night. Ross invited us all to watch. Rach, we weren't going to miss our friends getting married. Who got married? You did? We didn't get married. Wait, wait, wait. I remember being in the chapel. They would not let us get married when we were that drunk. They don't let you get married when you're drunk. Most people getting married in Vegas are drunk. I'm drunk right now. I can't have a mimosa with breakfast. I'm on vacation. What are you guys going to do? I guess we just find a divorce lawyer. I think, I think Ross already has one. Now this one's free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so you get the third one for free. But the joke's on you. Because we don't need to get divorced. We're just going to get an annulment. An annulment? Ross, I don't think surgery's the answer here. Oh, that's your thing. What? You know, that you're the guy who gets divorced. That's not my thing. I do not love divorce. Yes, you do. This is your third divorce. God, you love divorce so much, you're probably going to marry it. And then it won't work out, so you're going to have to divorce it, divorcing guy. I'm so drunk. Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment? Oh, yeah. No problems. It's all taken care of. Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys want to go see a movie? Oh, yeah. Why not? I'm going to get my sweater. Okay. You want to hear something weird? Always. I didn't get the annulment. What? We're still married. Don't tell Rachel. I'll see you later. Hey, do you have any gum? Oh, Ross, can I just talk to you for just a second? Oh, but Phoebe, we're going to be late for the movie. Oh, there's a cab. Taxi! Oh, there you go. We're actually just going to walk because it's right up there at the Angelica. Oh, the Angelica! Go, go! You didn't get the annulment? I know. Ross! Well, I tried, but when I got to my lawyer's office, all I could hear was, Three divorces! Three divorces! Look, I just don't want my tombstone to read, Ross Geller, three divorces. Don't be worried about that. Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say. It can say, Ross Geller, good at marriage. Mine's going to say, Phoebe Buffay, buried alive. All I know is I can't have another failed marriage. So, okay, what, you're going to be married to a girl who doesn't even know about it? Woman! Sorry! Okay, so I don't have it all worked out quite yet. Just don't say anything to Rachel, please. Rachel is one of my closest friends. Although being the only one that knows about this does make me feel special. Okay. Phoebe! Hey, Rach! What was that? Sorry, mix-up. Hey, how was the movie? I haven't seen it yet. Then you better hurry. The Angelica, go, go! Okay, bye. Oh, no. So, did you get the annulment? I couldn't. I knew it, because you love Rachel. It's not that, okay? Annulments are more complicated than I... They're complicated because of the love. I do not love Rachel. I'm going to tell her right now about the whole thing, so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her? I've never been more convinced of your love for her. I do not have feelings for Rachel, okay? Oh, what's wrong? Monica and Chandler are really moving in here, and I have to move out, and everything is changing. Oh, my God. Come here, come here. It's okay. Oh, everything's going to be okay. Thank you. Of course. Dude, some guy just called for you. Who was it? I don't know. How about, thanks for taking the message? Jeez. Hey, listen, you know when you move in, Rachel's room's going to be empty. You want to talk about what we want to do with it? Sure. Okay, I was thinking we should have a beautiful guest room, right? With a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with flowers on it all the time. And then we could have, like, a roll-top desk with little comment cards so people can tell us how much they love staying here. Or whatever, you know, I really haven't thought about it that much. Well, I like that idea, obviously. But I was thinking maybe it could be a game room, you know? I mean, you can buy old arcade games like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200. The real ones, the big, big, big ones. No. Okay, so you mean no as in, gee, Chandler, what an interesting idea. Let's discuss it before we reject it completely. Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, interesting idea. Talk about it, but no. So that's it? I just don't think that, you know, arcade games go in the beautiful guest room. The beautiful guest room's going to be filled with antiques. Which is why Asteroids is perfect. It's the oldest game. What do you have against the beautiful guest room? Nothing, I don't have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody that we know lives about 30 seconds away. Are you mocking me? No, I'm not mocking you or your beautiful game room. Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight. But you're still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out today. Wanted, female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly. Nice. I just figured, you know, after living with you, it'd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, you know? Someone I could learn from, someone who's different than me. And what's more different than me? A guy who's not 19 than, say, a girl who is 19. Not just a hat rack, my friend. Hey, uh, well, today's my first lecture, and I kind of wanted to try it out on you guys. Do you mind? No, that'd be great. Sure. There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct... Oh, this is it. This is what's going to kill me. Subcategories. The first of these subcategories is... That was gross. Are there, uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper? No, why? I've just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didn't have naked chicks on it. Okay, okay. There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into these... Why don't you open with a joke? Open with a joke? It's a university, not a comedy club. Wait a minute, hold the phone. You're not talking about Chuckles University? Hey, how'd the lecture go? It went great. And I didn't need any jokes or naked chicks, either. Oh, that's great. Ross, I'm sorry we weren't more supportive before. I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyone's all, uh, Ross, you have to be funny and sexy. Well, I proved them wrong. And now I'm gonna pass the news on to Joey and Chandler. That you're not funny or sexy? That's right. Right. So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory, he made a startling discovery. What he believed to be igneous was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when... Oh, bloody hell. What are you doing? Look, I was nervous. You guys had me all worried I was gonna be boring. I got up there and they were all, like, staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out. Yeah, not a very good one. Will you, will you please? Dr. Geller, Kurt Rathman. I'm a professor in the paleontology department here. Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture? I'm sorry, I've got plans with my sister. Monica Geller. Right, will you excuse us for one moment? What are you doing? Oh, you can have an accent, but I can't. Talk by the morning to you laddies. Keep going, we are phasing the accent out. Phasing it out. So without retesting their results in the laboratory, the team would never have identified the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis. Were there any questions at this point? Yes. What's happening to your accent? Come again? What's this nonsense? All right, I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just came out. I'm sorry. So if we could just get back to the lecture. Were there any questions about paleontology? Look, I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression. Ross, are you crazy? I am still your wife. What, were you just never going to tell me? What the hell is wrong with you? Well, Rachel. You two were involved in a serious relationship. That really creates a problem. Ross, your honor, rest assured. That relationship ended two years ago. And can you please strike Consummated Like Bunnies from the record? Is there anything in this record that is actually true? Well, yes, we got married in Vegas. And the names, I think. Well, based on what I've heard, you two certainly don't qualify for an annulment. If you don't want to be together, you'll have to file for divorce. That's great. You happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form. What, me? What about you and your Consummated Like Bunnies nonsense? What are you typing that for? See, what he said, we don't get the annulment. Don't type that. Stop typing. Hey, stop typing. Stop typing! Stop typing! Do you see? Do you see what you're keeping me married to? You need to get out of my chambers. All right, look, lady, here is the deal. I came here for an annulment, and I am not leaving here until I get one. Would you like to spend the night in jail? Thank you for your time. How's it going? I'm doing okay. I think it's going well. Do you think they're having fun? Am I talking too fast? Nope, sound like me. It's going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler. Little baby girl Chandler. Where have I heard that before? All right, Coach Ruman. You know what, Pheebs? When you're done over there, we've got a kind of situation over here, too. Ah, no, we are all responsible for our own babies. See, that's where I think that you're wrong. We've been playing these babies man-to-man. We should really be playing a zone defense. What do you mean? I just think things will go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone, you know? Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And, you know, Bond, you can be in charge of diapering. And I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around them. That sounds really great. But maybe you should be in charge of wiping. Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in the end zone. Oh, my God. I know. The babies are asleep. What happened here? I did it. I took care of the babies all by myself. But my apartment... That was the setting of Phoebe's triumph. But the mess... It's not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself. Right. You're right. I shouldn't freak out. Because this is what it's going to be like when you and I have babies. When will that be? Phoebe, would you take a look at this mess? Can I just put one more hand? Just one more hand. No, no, no more. I cannot lose another dime. I'm serious this time. In fact, look. There's a... I want to give you something, okay? And let me give it to you now before I pawn it for cups money. Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kind of a, you know, like a thank you for being such a great roommate. I can't take the big white dog. You love it. It's him, not it. What if I bought it from you? You know, and then your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price. I'd say $1,500. Wait a second. I see what you're trying to do here. You're trying to give me money again. When did I try to give you money? Before, over there with the bills. You tried to give me charity. I said no. You dropped it. Okay, then we had a nice last night together. We had some fun. We gambled. Nobody tried to give anybody any money. Now, out of the blue, you'd start with the charity thing again. I'm just trying to help you out, okay? I want to make sure that you're okay. I will be okay. Look, Chandler, you got to get it out of your head that I can't take care of myself, okay? Look, I'm not going to miss you helping me out with money. The only thing that I'm going to miss is you. And now the dog. Hey, guys. Hey. What's up? You know, oh, my God. What happened to your teeth? I whitened them. Really? Yeah, what do you think? Well, I think I shouldn't look directly at them. Come on, seriously. White. Yeah, what was wrong with your old human teeth? I did leave the gel on a little longer than it said to. How much longer? A day. Plus, you know that tonight is your date with Hillary. I know. That's why I did it. Come on, are they really that bad? No, no, no. You'll be fine. Hillary's blind, right? She will be after tonight. Oh, hey. Hey, Rach, do you notice anything? Yeah, your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. Okay, maybe this will make your teeth look less white. Okay, so colors that don't work are blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple. I don't know what I'm going to do. The date starts in like an hour. Hey, Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter, your teeth wouldn't look so bright. Oh, great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you. Put just a little bit of makeup on you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not 13 anymore. Ross, this is the only thing left that has a shot at working. But won't she notice I have makeup on? Please, half the guys out there have makeup on. What? Half the people. I mean, just try it and see. No, I am not putting on makeup. Hello. Oh, good. Ross, could you put up some of these flyers for me? No, Damon! Damon! Hey, Joey. Hey. Can I talk to you for a second? This kid in this picture, do you know this kid? Is that like a relative or something? No, I just thought it was cute. Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Okay, look, Janine, I really want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff, it's just, it's too girly. Oh, like what? Like this. Pictures of cute babies we don't know? Joey, it's Ann Gittes. She's a famous artist. Look, I don't know this baby. I don't know if she's a famous artist or not. I don't want to be a jerk, but you're changing too much around here. I'm sorry. I just thought I'd try and make the place a little nicer. Yeah, but it's too much stuff. You know, like you got the candles and the foofy schmoofer thing here. And over here, you got a picture of a watering can. Well, I just thought... I'm sure it's a famous watering can, okay? But come on. And what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom? It's a curling iron. Well, that's okay, then. But okay, my towels, for instance, okay? I come into the bathroom here, and my towel is not on the floor where I keep it. It's up here, on some hook. And it smells different. It's clean. It feels different. It's dry. All right, I can make my peace with the clean, dry towels. Okay, also, what is with these chips you brought? No, no, no, it's potpourri. You're supposed to smell it. Well, that's like summer in a bowl. Oh, my God. The pages are stuck together. Chandler! Oh, my God. She made half an English trifle and half a shepherd's pie. Now, this is so good that I'm gonna go enjoy it on the balcony. So that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert. I've got to call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is for Monica's room. I'll help you dial. I'm gonna go into the bathroom so I can look at it in the mirror as I eat it. Okay, now, what was that all about? Does it not taste good? Let me try this. No, no, no, no. All gone. So good. Maybe Chandler has some left. It tastes like feet. I like it. Are you kidding? What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good. Oh, yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter. You know what? That's it. You've had your chance. What? Mom, Dad, Ross smoked pot in college. What? You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, do you remember that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana? Yes. Well, I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot, but it was me. I'm sorry. It was you? And, Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys. Ross did. Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing. Monica did. Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year. Monica and Chandler are living together! Ross married Rachel in Vegas and got divorced. Again! That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds. All right, Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me. And we kind of figured about the porch swing. Ross, drugs, divorced, again. What happened, son? I-I, uh, I got tricked into all those things. Hey, I'm here. Pottery table. Ross, Phoebe's going to be here any second. She cannot see this. Oh, why not? She'll love it. It's the real thing. I got her a Pottery Barn. I know you did. I bought the same one. And if she sees your table, she's going to know that I lied to her. I told her that ours was an original. Why did you do that? Because she hates Pottery Barn. She hates Pottery Barn? I know, I know. She says it's all mass-produced, nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up having the same stuff. She's going to be here any second. Can we please just cover this up with something, please? What? No, no. I am not going to hide it from Phoebe. Oh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets. Oh! They made sheets. Yeah. I still can't believe she hates Pottery Barn. Ross, get over it. It's not like she hates you. Yeah, but Pottery Barn. You know what I think? It's just she's weird, you know? It's because she's a twin. Twins are weird. Ross, she's not weird. She just likes her stuff to be one of a kind. You know what's not one of a kind? A twin. Oh, Phoebe's here. Okay, so let's turn out all the lights and we'll just watch the movie. Okay. Hey, ooh, cool. Sheet. Oh, you like it? You want to know where I got it? Sure. He got it at a flea market. You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross, come on. You got to loosen the purse strings a little. Hey, Phoebs, can you please not put your feet up on my new... old sheet? Ross, where did you get this? I got it at Pottery Barn, okay? Oh, my God! Phoebe, our antique! Wow! Oh, my God! Well, if they've ripped off our table, ours must be worth much more than $1.50. Wow, this doesn't even smell like opium. Of course not. It smells like wine, which you spilled. And thanks for wrecking my sheet, by the way. Oh, Ross, calm down. I'll give you the 80 cents. Ross. Listen, now, you want anything to drink? Because I'm heading up there. Uh, yeah, I'll take a coffee. Thanks, man. Sure. Coffee? Because I'm going up there. Oh, no, thank you. You guys need anything? Because I'm heading up there. I'd love, uh, ice water. You got it. What are you doing? Just being friendly. Joey, I... I don't think you're supposed to go back there. No, no, it's okay. Right, Gunther? Okay. I don't see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons. Joey, do you work here? No. Waiter. Yeah. Joey, what's going on? Why didn't you tell us you work here? Uh, it's kind of embarrassing, you know? I mean, I was an actor. Now I'm a waiter. I'm supposed to go in the other direction. So is your apron. You're wearing it like a cape. I mean, the job's easy and the money's good, you know? And I guess when I'm going to be hanging out here anyway, I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys, you know? Joey, come on. I didn't. It was fine. Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, uh, can I get some coffee? Okay, I guess it doesn't seem that weird. Seriously, I asked you before. You still haven't gotten it. And now it's weird again. I think it's great that you work here. You're going to make a lot of money, and here's your first tip. Don't eat yellow snow. $2.15, coffee house. $2.85. What do you mean? Yesterday you said I was too pretty to pay for stuff. It's just I can't because my manager said that I... Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Annie. Amy. Happy birthday to you. Hey. Hey, that's weird. Today's my birthday, too. Yeah, not in here, it isn't. Happy birthday to you. You're paying for that. No, no, it's her birthday. You've sung happy birthday to 20 different women today. But it really... You are no longer authorized to distribute birthday muffins. Damn it. Oh, hey. Hey, what have you guys been up to? Oh, we went to a self-defense class today. Wow. Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of you. Takes it out of you. No, now we can kick anybody's ass. Yeah. After one class? I don't think so. What? You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator. Go on, I dare you. Of course you could defend yourself from an attack you know is coming. That's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time. And there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi. Isn't that a kind of sushi? No, it's a concept. Yeah, it is, it is. It's freshwater eel. All right, maybe it means that, too. Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now. No, fine, get attacked, I don't even care. Come on, Ross, we're sorry. Please tell us what it is. Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you. You mean in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish? All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against, like, each other. Whole nother story being prepared for an attack, I don't know, like... Surprise! All right, you knew that was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi. Ooh, you know what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half hour. Danger! Danger! A lesson in the importance of unagi. You're a freak. Perhaps. Now, I'm curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass? All right, so we weren't prepared. I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but, look, I just want you guys to be safe. Danger! Uh-huh. Unagi. Danger! Salmon skin roll. Kat Sajak? Yeah. Alex Trebek? Oh, of course. Chuck Woolery? Definitely, Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host whose ass I cannot kick. No! Unagi! It's not something you are, it's something you have! Say it! You know what? I could easily get out of this, but there's a chance you could get very, very hurt! Uh-huh. Nowhere to run. I don't like sitting up here. I'm gonna go over there. Wait till they got here first. Why is Ross doing that? Danger! Oh, my God! Why is he jumping on those women? We should help them. I don't think they need any help. Professor Geller? Oh, a student I don't know. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment. Yes, of course. What would this be regarding? Making out in your office. Shh! Yeah, uh, of course. Why don't we go inside? Oh, oh! What? Doorknob, doorknob. Oh, sorry. I actually do need to talk to you. Oh, okay. What about? Spring vacation? Yeah, we have time off, and a lot of people are going on trips, and... Professor Geller? Yes, Professor Friesen-Skinlander. I'll be with you in one moment. So, I will take one box of the Thin Mints. I'm so sorry. Please stop freaking out. I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Hilde called and said we were getting married, but that happens every day. We're at this beautiful place, and I just put our names down for fun. I mean, what's the harm in that? Right here. Chandler, please don't think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel just thought... Phoebe and Rachel. So, the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Hilde, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7, who are available, by the way. It was a mistake. Please don't take this to mean anything, because it doesn't. Okay. Really? Yeah, so that really doesn't mean anything, because you know that I'm just not ready. I know. Okay. What? I'm gonna go tell Joey that you're back. He's really worried about you. Hey, did she buy it? Totally. So, did Hilde show you the place? Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah. I can't believe you're gonna ask Monica to marry you. I know. Hey, Gilbert. Hey, take these cappuccinos to table 11, and that guy over there wants some biscotti. Oh. Well, I just actually came in for a cup of coffee to go. Do you still work here? No, no. I quit a long time ago. Did I forget to tell you that? I'm sorry. That's cool. I was gonna fire you anyway. Great. Guys, I've got something important to tell you. Guys? I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me. I think we gotta end the freeze-out. Wait a minute. Is this for real? Yeah. Check out the room. Oh, my God. So, you two are really serious. Yeah, pretty much. You're gonna get married? I mean, we're... We're gonna be brothers-in-law. Come here. And... And we're gonna be friends again. What? Rich, forget it. Okay. I was gonna wait till it was official, you know, but I got so excited I just had to tell you guys because you're my best friends. I think I'm gonna cry. Oh, no more crying. Please. I just dumped one crybaby. I'll dump you two. I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me. Oh, my God. Oh, Chandler. You guys are gonna be so happy. I know. Check out the room. Nice. One and a half carat easy. Hey, hey, hey. Chandler's gonna ask Monica to marry him. Oh, I know. I helped pick out the ring. You told her before you told us? Well, she walked in while I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? Guys? Oh, my God. In all my life, I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best. There's a reason why girls don't kiss. Okay, okay, okay. Wait. I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me? Yes. I knew you were likely to take a wife. Gabe! You're the least jealous I've ever been. Ross isn't here. He's done this three times. He knows what it's about. Yeah, yeah.