The near death experience of Michael Florman

My name is Michael Florman, and I always kind of felt that I had a connection to something. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that there was something more out there than just what we know. And when I was younger, I was probably around six years old, I woke up and I saw a woman standing next to my doorway. I could see the silhouette of her perfectly. And I woke up my mom, she came in, she looked at the doorway and it wasn't there. She says, well, maybe it was just a shadow or something, whatever. And then she left. But when I laid back down again, within a minute, that figure was there again. I don't know what the meaning of that was. But that's the only time before, well, actually, there's one other time before that I actually physically saw a ghost, spirit, whatever. And that was when we did my dad's ashes, we took them up to the mountains, we used to go camping at the same spot we've been going for 50 years. And he wanted to be on a certain cliff area. And so we were coming down the hill and we got to the bottom of the hill. And I looked up and I could see him standing there. I could see exactly what he was wearing. He used to always wear these camping shirts. And he had a red flannel, the belt buckle, everything. He looked exactly like he did. And I was amazed how clear it was. It was almost like he was standing there. And I didn't want to leave until he left. I mean, it's like until he disappears, I'm staying. And one of my sisters said something to me and I looked to her and I looked back and he was gone. But the lady next to the door and my dad after the ashes was the only two times prior to this that I actually physically saw someone. But I didn't talk about my psychic abilities because I didn't think that I had them. I knew I could feel things, but I kind of thought everybody else did too. Which goes in with the, do you feel alone or do you not feel alone? I mean, I always just assumed everyone had that feeling of presence because I did have that my entire life. But I always thought, you hear these people say, here's what happens when you die, or you go to church and they tell you, if you want to get into heaven, you got to do this, this, this. And I used to just sit there and think, how do they know? How do they know? So my thought, and I used to say this all the time, it's like, if you want me to believe it, bring out a dead person and have them tell me, and then I'll believe it. And now here I am. So the day that I died, it was September 27th, 2013, and I was headed to work. That morning I got up and I felt just a little bit of ringing in my ears and my jaw was kind of tight. It just kind of, almost like you could hear it pop. And I didn't think much of it. So I got in the car, I was driving to work and I got about halfway there and I felt like I was getting a little dizzy, almost like I could pass out. But it wasn't anything intense. It was just, you know, I felt a little lightheaded. So I decided to pull over into a target parking lot. And what's weird about it is that my symptoms didn't seem that bad, but something in me told me, call 911. So I dialed 911 and the operator said that there was an ambulance a quarter mile behind me. Actually, when I parked, I looked in the rear view mirror and they had just turned in. So it was seconds before I could get looked at. And I pulled the car over, they pulled up, I got out of the car and I walked over to the ambulance, sat down in the ambulance and they started putting the stickers on. And that's when I heard the guy say to the other person that it looks like the back flow is blocked. And when I heard that, I felt a little bit of a lift, kind of a little, just a slight lift. And then I blinked and the next blink I was out. And it wasn't anything like, I mean, you're thinking, oh, it's got to be, you know, like a big music note or something extreme when you pop out. It wasn't, there was nothing extreme. I just was seeing everything from a different angle. And I think that is the energy just slipping out of the dying person. That's what I was. I became energy. The part that was strange to me was that I was conscious energy. I not only could feel what I was feeling, but I could see things, hear things, feel things, everything, just like as if I still had a body. And I remember at the time when I popped out, I was facing myself and my body was kind of, it was like, they didn't lay me down yet. I was still sitting up and I had tilted a little bit to the right and my eyes were like fixed. So they, no life in them. And I remember taking the time, I don't know why I did this, but I got really close to, I wanted to see into my own eyes because my dad had died probably eight years prior to this. And when he died, he died at hospice at home and his eyes were open. And I did remember noticing that when I looked in his eyes, you could see nothing. I mean, there was no life, no sparkle, no nothing. Plus the room felt empty. So when I saw my own body, for some reason, I took the time to get down there and actually look into the eyes and yeah, there was nothing. There was color, but no spark. But it still didn't register. I don't think at the time what had happened or what was happening. Because the next thing I remember when everybody says the blink of an eye, that's basically what it is. There was a blink and then there was like a valley and there was a stream going down the center of the valley and there were like gray and white stones on either side. And then there were trees like aspen groves in the side. And the next thing I know is we're going down this stream. We were like flying over the stream headed toward mountains, but there was no feeling of movement. There was no wind. There was no resistance, but we were going at a fast pace. And I remember stopping next to a tree and I did have somebody with me. I don't know who it was. There was a spirit. I couldn't see him, but I could feel him. And when I had stopped by the tree, there was a flower next to the tree. And I remember asking the person that was there, how will I know if I'm real? Which seems like a weird question, but the answer was if you can move it. And I did. I took my hand and went, which I could see a hand, which I didn't have, but I had it. And I went like that and went right through it. And that was really weird to, I mean, just experience that. Because this isn't a dream. This is reality. People say, oh yeah, I fly in my dreams, but these don't feel like dreams even when they're happening. And when we were going down the stream, you could see the leaves and the trees. The water was a different color. It's a blue. Everything's the color it is, but it's just intensified. It's hard to describe, and I've seen other people try to do it, but it's like colors you can feel. You can almost, like the grass seemed like it was lit from the base up. I mean, everything was self-sufficient. I mean, the grass was lit. The stream had a presence. I mean, each rock was individual. And it's hard to describe, but at the time, I understood that this is the way it is, that grass does have pulses, but I never looked at color that way. And after that, we changed direction. We started heading straight up, and I didn't get the tunnel effect, but all of a sudden, it was, and it wasn't like a long journey. It was kind of a thing, but I got there pretty quickly, but the next place I was was just this darkness. And the darkness was where you start absorbing basically the universe. You're absorbing things that you've made a thought about, questions to answers. All these things are known on the other side. I mean, the amount of knowledge you get all at once is crazy, but the love and the acceptance was even more powerful. The body couldn't take that much. I mean, I think you would actually, your heart would pop. Just the amount of power and your presence on the other side, I think it feels like we're about 5% of what we really are, because there was a huge me when I went to the other side. I mean, I'm a lot more expansive, larger, the whole bit. And it's hard to describe the love, and I've heard people try to do it. It's not love like in, I love that or I love this. It's if you really see something, like say you have somebody you love get married, and there's that point where they turn around and they got that smile, and there's that little spark part. You can actually feel that as an emotion, as a heavy emotion. It's like they've pinpointed that emotion, and it's just amazingly strong. And the feeling of being accepted was a strange feeling to feel because it was almost like being pushed on me. You are accepted. You are this. And it was within the void that I heard a voice say, try to have anxiety, try to have OCD, try to have any of the things you had on earth. And I tried, but I couldn't even come close. Because when you leave your body, that's when you start to unpack. I think for me, that's what it felt like. I was being less of me and taking on more of the bigger me or the higher me that I am. And within the void, that's where I started feeling all the love and all the incredible emotions. And then from the sides, I would start to see light coming in. And one of the things they did when I was there is I remember when those colors started to come in, there was an orange color that was off to the side, and it just kind of pulsed. And out of the pulse came what looked like a D and like a music note. I guess just like the clef music note. And it kind of came to me at a weird angle. And as it came to me, it became like granular and just kind of broke up. And I kind of merged with that note. But what was cool is that you could hear the note, you could see it coming. And as it was coming, it was just kind of a merge into it. And I became the note. And that was really weird. It's like a little bonus that they kicked at me or something. It's like, let's freak him out. Let's send Adidas away or something. That was one of those things that definitely sticks in your head because I became that. It's the part trying to describe what it's like on the other side is trying to become what you're seeing. You are in it. You're not watching it. That feeling is indescribable. And I love watching NDEers try to describe it. But yeah, you can't describe it. I mean, real words don't even do anything good. Like heaven isn't a good word for where I went. So I call it source because I've heard other people say that. And what source does is it doesn't try to explain the beauty of it. It doesn't try to explain any of that. It just gives it a name. And then the next thing that I remember after that was what they call the life review, which I had never heard of any of these things before. So it started out with like a look like they were going to show me a screen movie because I saw a white screen come up. But then it was like the scene changed and I wasn't watching it. I was actually like in it. So take a situation from when I was younger, I would be standing in between the two parties that are having whatever it is they're having. And you get to hear interactions that you had with people from their standpoint and your standpoint. And which is true. But the one thing that stood out to me the most in my life review was when I was probably about 10 something and I went into the bathroom at school and some kids had taken all the clothes off of one of the kids at school. They like stole his clothes, bullied him, threw him in the bathroom. I was the one that walked in on the scene. So I mean traumatic because I was kind of an introverted little nerd. And so I walked in on that one, got the teacher and they came in there. That scene was the prominent one in my review and it had nothing to do with me. But I got to watch his emotions. I got to feel what he was feeling then, then feel the embarrassment with his parents. And I just got to watch the ripple of that event all the way through. I don't know how far, but I got to see how many times that one incident was affecting how he became, what he became, where he was going. And I did get to feel all of his anguish. It was just an embarrassing thing. And then he had to come to school the next day. I mean, I just, you just felt all this buildup of problems from that one incident. So we were having the life review. And then after that, I've heard this Akashic Records. And I guess that's what this was because a white wall went up with books and it was like, it went all the way to as high as you can go. And it was all the way to the right. And I remember a book came down, they were white and they had gold writing on it, but I have no idea what it said. I can't remember. And I remember just it being in front of me opening. And then I heard the words clear and boom, I was back. And I just had this loving, I've got, you know, all these things going on, the beautifulness, the colors, the note coming at me, everything. And then just in an instant, I heard clear and the violent part of coming back. I was, it felt like I was slammed so hard into my body that it's like, if you grab somebody and throw them up against a warehouse door, how it would rattle. I heard metal rattle. And I felt every volt. I mean, from hair to toe, I could feel it. It was really intense. And I remember at the time, and I was still unconscious, but I remember at the time thinking, this is worse than I thought. Next thing I know, I'm out again. But this time, instead of being in front of myself, I was behind myself, probably about 20 feet high, looking over my shoulder. And what had happened is one ambulance was there, but another ambulance had showed up and a fire truck. So now we had three vehicles there and I could see them all out there. And there was one point that all these people are shuffling around trying to do whatever they can. And one of the people said, this is really becoming a clown car, ambulance. I mean, that was like his joke. And I remember them saying that. And what was weird is when you say, you know, I could see the scene from above and you think about an ambulance being so tight, how high could you possibly be? I was 20 feet. You could see through the metal and everything like it was nothing. That was weird because you just sift right through it. And I could see what they were doing. And they had added more of the buttons things and they'd taken my shirt off and I was looking over my shoulder and I could see this whole thing. The next thing I remember is being pulled out, but I was looking down instead of up when I left the second time. So that's when I got to see everything get smaller and I could actually see some sparks. You know, it looked like sparks, but I mean, maybe it was just a visual thing for me, but it seemed like I could see a trail behind me heading up there. And I remember being able to pull out and you could see the parking lot, then Colorado, United States. And then I was back in, but I can't really remember much from that one. And the problem that I've had, because I've had, you know, eight deaths at the same while I'm still unconscious, it's hard for me to piece it together. It's like, was it this one? Was it that one? Because I never really got to wake up for either of them. And I was basically 20 minutes without oxygen when you add it all together. Well, the first time when he said the backflow is blocked, when I was sitting in the ambulance, that was the first time that I actually flat lined. And I did flat line five in the ambulance and three in the ER. So I died eight times, but I only remember three. And the third time that I remember coming out of my body was at the hospital. I just remember being pulled out. I was in a corner. The thing I remember about that was I remember just seeing that scene of my doctor and everybody working on me and I could see them. I don't remember hearing anything in particular. And the main thing that stuck out as far as verifiable from the hospital was that one curved wall and the fact that my doctor was bald. Because I came in there in the emergency room, I was unconscious when I showed up, so I had no idea what he looked like or anything. But I do remember when he walked in the next day to check up on me, I remember I recognized him from what I saw. And then I can remember just like kind of splintered recollections of being in the other entities that were in my position. They were in the same boat I was at. And then I went, I just, you know, I remember vaguely seeing them in the waiting room. I remember vaguely seeing two different entities. I remember going by the nurse's station and going through the walls like they were, I mean, it was nothing. It didn't seem like, it wasn't like, oh, that's a neat trick. It just seemed like a, here's how I do it. When you cross over, everything seemed like, oh, I remember this. But when I died at that day, at that moment, I had two kids. And at the time, I only had one granddaughter, but I was about to have two. I never got asked if I wanted to stay or come back or anything like that. But there was a part of me that would have been fine with it, even that I wouldn't get to see them. The feeling of wanting to stay was a little more powerful at that time, because when you cross over, that love is so palatable, strong. And when I woke up in the ICU, the strange thing about waking up was that the scene didn't feel like a hospital. It felt like a cave. You could almost see torches. It was lit that way. And I had the hose down my throat. It was invasive, awful. I wasn't tied at the time, but they tied me down to the chair. So I woke up, and I had paddle marks where they used the paddles. So I had square burn marks on my chest. There was probably about seven of them. And I had a few fractured ribs. And then every time they shocked me, I bit my tongue. So my tongue was probably about that thick. So you couldn't understand what I was saying, even if I tried to talk. They had told my family that I could have issues. I could have not be able to walk, talk. I might need assistance the rest of my life. They had no idea what they were going to have when I came out of it. I just felt foreign in my own body. It just felt weird. It felt different. And when I was recovering, there was one thing that I do remember is they would come in there with a pad of paper, like one of those legal pads, and a Sharpie. And they would hand it to me and say, draw a C, or make a capital B, or spell cat. And that was all them trying to and let my family know kind of where my mental capabilities were, because they were prepared for me to basically not be able to communicate, not be able to walk, learn how to do all these things again. I was 20 minutes total without oxygen, if you add them all up, which is enough, I guess, for some severe overlap problems. And I really, the only thing that I had was the eyesight and this memory issue. Everything else, I just completely came right out. They wanted me to be in there for like three weeks minimum. And I think I was in there for four days. And I had several people come by. They had known that I had passed and crossed over, but they wanted to see if I had felt anything. But at the time, it was too big. The beauty of it was too much for me to handle, because I was dealing with the other. And that's why I think I kind of chose to burner it. And I could manage to push it off to the side and not pretend it didn't happen, but try to give it a position and move on. And the only problem is, is that through time, and I know a lot of people talk about, you know, this dark night of the soul, how afterward, there's a depression point, or there's a time of depression. And I had that started probably a good two years afterward, I started like real depression, and I ended up getting really pretty low. I got married at the time. And then that broke up in an odd way. And that even put me in a deeper depression. And I decided, for some reason, I just drove myself into the ground. I don't know what I was trying to do. But I found myself thinking about what happened that day, over and over again, and it would take 10% of my brain that it would take 20% of my day 30% of my day until pretty soon, that's all I was thinking about was this. And that just told me that I need to tell somebody this story. And I never even told my kids the actual, I never told anybody what actually happened. As I said, when they asked me, I would say, it was the most incredible thing, you feel the best you've ever felt. And I was in space. That's all I could think of to say I was in space because my version of what I was told heaven is, is a guy with a harp standing next to a gate and a cloud, you know, and he's got a beard. I mean, that's what everybody knows of as the heaven entrance. I ended up in space. And it kind of I didn't get the difference between why was mine space and I keep getting told heavens this way. But I saw this. So I just didn't talk about it. And I didn't pursue it. I just tried to bury it. I mean, I downplayed it, people would say, Oh, when you died, I'd be Oh, yeah, you know, I downplayed everything, thinking I could continue to downplay it. But it started eating me up. It comes to the surface all the time. And it forces you to look at it. The one thing I remember that really stood out was on the first night of the ICU when I was laying there in bed, and a person came into my room, he was really like trying to tell me something. And I could see his movement was just a little bit different than normal. It was kind of a little slower, almost underwater. And when he spoke, it sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher, it was just our you know, and so I couldn't understand him. So I looked at him and I said, I can't understand you. And he had that look of disappointment and walked out. And then the next day at the hospital, a woman came in. And she appeared basically walked over same way. She had a white, you know, those gowns that people wear in the Old West, when you know, half pint would go to bed. There were those white cotton dress, whatever. That's what she was wearing. Her hair was really flowy. Her hair looked like it was underwater. It was dark and dark brown. It came down to about here. And she did the same thing, adamant, trying to get my attention, trying to say something. And I finally had to just say, I can't understand you. I had to say it out loud. And then as soon as I said that she turned and walked out. And when I came home, they showed up at the house. My family came over, there's probably about 12 of us in the room, they were all crammed in the room, we were watching the Bronco game. And I saw two kids walk in, two blonde kids, boy and a girl, maybe he was like eight, she was six. He was wearing a red robe, she was wearing a light blue robe, walked over, walked in the room, stared at me, I mean, walked right up to me. And the girl grabbed my hand and pulled it. And when she pulled it, I was sitting on the bed, my arm went like that. And my daughter saw it. And she said, What, what are you doing? And I'm like, Who are these kids? And she's like, Who? What kids? And as I'm saying this, they're walking out. And they both just stared at me until they just vanished out of sight. And I remember thinking at that time, I'm like, this is going to be awful. Not only did I have a little bit of a you know, I can feel things I can see. Now I'm going to just see people all the time. And the dark haired woman showed herself here for almost a month. I would be laying in bed and I would look up and I would see her in the doorway. And I'm like, and I'd shut my eyes and I'd open them again. And she would be like right here. So it was kind of startling a couple times. But just after time, she just stopped coming. And those are the only ones that really seem to be tied to this event or tied to the abilities I gained from this event. I mean, because since then, I've seen, you know, other things and felt other stuff. But there's was definitely the clearest because I think at the time they were coming to me, because I was just where they were. And I think there's a part of me that thinks when I was going through the hospital, and one of my out of bodies like that toward the end when I had the out of body in the ER is that I think these people might be people that I ran into in the hallway. Now I can't verify because I don't remember. But they were coming at me like, you're one of us helped me. And I was no longer one of them. I was back. And I think there was that kind of it was just kind of a we just we couldn't connect. And I think that the reason they were coming to me is because they thought I could, because they had just witnessed me on their side. But they couldn't get the proper connection after I came back. And then the visuals, the outright seeing people so clearly started to diminish. You know, I wasn't seeing it that clear. Which I mean, to me at the time was good, because it was like, I thought I was going to lose my mind. It's like, if I'm just seeing people as clearly as that, that could be a problem. So when I came home, things were just a little bit different. I know that all the mediums have always said that I had all these spirits around me. And you know, you're surrounded and all this. But it's been quite different after coming home. Like the one night when I went, I went out with a friend. And when I came home, I had all the lights off. But I could see this large object in the middle of the living room. And I thought, you know, what is that? So I flipped the light on. I saw all of my chairs and bar stools had been pulled from the kitchen and placed in a strange pile where they're, one's cocked, one's going through here. I mean, it's the really weird picture. I walked all the way around this fort that was built. And there were no drag marks on the carpet. It's like everything was just lifted up and placed into position when nobody was here. That scared me. I mean, that took me weeks to be able to actually go to sleep without thinking hard about that. I still have no idea how that happened. And still to this day, I'm always asking people, it's like, you know, did you come over to my house when I was, you know, it's like, I can't get over the fact that this just happened. Somebody had to have done it, but who would? There's nobody that would have done it. Me and my daughter were the only ones living here at that time. And she was at a work function. She never came home. I left and I was the last one to leave and the first one back. It freaks me out because I've never, I mean, it would be the holy grail if you had a video camera that could have caught that being made. That would be the holy grail. And you're thinking, wow, I mean, this is like poltergeist stuff. That's cool. That's whatever. It's cool. Till it happens in your house. Then it takes on a whole different aspect. I mean, I would think any other time I'd be like, oh, that's the coolest thing. It happened in your living room. Then you feel violated. It's like, man, this is way too much. The only other thing that I had that was poltergeist-ish, if you say that, but was when I was sleeping one time, I woke up and I was being gently shoved across my bed. I was just sliding about and it wasn't from any, I wasn't feeling like hands on me pushing me. I was just moving and I was getting closer to the headboard where I had to reach up and stop it. And that was the only other time that I've had a physical interaction. Growing up, I always felt like I could connect in some way. I always saw things differently. I know now that the colors and stuff that I've seen kind of my whole life on people are their auras. They weren't that clear, but they're a lot more clear now. And I've always felt contact as far as certain location, when you walk into someplace and you say, oh, this feels thick or this feels whatever. I've always been real sensitive to that. I've been empathic. It's kind of where if I stand too close to someone that's having an issue, I will pick up on that issue. But if I walk away from them, it'll go away. And so I would hear or have thoughts that were not my own. And a lot of times I went through life thinking that I had more anxiety than I do. I was taking on other people's anxiety. So I felt like I was getting anxiety depending on where I was. If I was in a room full of people and one of them was having a bad day, I was usually picking up on that. And until I realized that it was empathy and not me, I thought that I had a constant problem. It's like no matter what I do, these anxieties and feelings come out of nowhere. And it was just after these experiences that I decided that it's not out of nowhere. It's from their emotions. And somehow I'm picking it up just by being close. And I've noticed that really increased a lot when I came back. Everything kind of got pumped up a little bit. I mean, I know I have abilities I brought back. I've been able to do readings and I can connect. And the messages that I get, I always try to dig deeper. I don't like to get the, you know, your mother loves you and she's proud of you. Well, yeah. What do I do? Your mom hates you. You know, so the obvious I try not, I want, I always try to get something that's like verifiable. And so I hear it, I see it in word or I'll see, I'll close my eyes and I can see like a Polaroid. It's like an instant picture of it. I remember one time my ex-wife was at her mother-in-law's house because her father had died and it was getting weird, but they wanted to get some kind of a message or, you know, if I could pick up anything for them. And I got an envelope with a certain writing on it. It was a big, you know, it was an L and something else. I said, there's an envelope there that you had to find. And they found the envelope. And then I also through her dad described some tears and rips that was in a car with them. He lives in California and she was visiting over there. And so they were calling me, trying to see if I could connect to him at all. And I was able to pull these things. Like I could tell them, look in this part of the car, there's a rip there. There's a tear there. And they went and saw it because he's telling me, I mean, I'm getting the message. This is how you want to verify it. Here's something you can verify. I like to get the verify stuff, but every time that somebody's asked me, I mean, do you get connected? It's maybe about a 70, 30 that I can do it because I have to be in it. You have to be able to clear your mind and get rid of your thoughts to let theirs enter. And I have such a difficult time clearing my head. It's just the analytical, the, I just have an overactive, continually grinding in my head. So it's hard to get the voices to shut up long enough to actually be able to get any message for someone. But you, if I can usually tune in, then I can usually nail it pretty good and I can, you know, knock it out of the park with some of the stuff, but it's hard for me to, you have to get your mind there. But with that, I've also felt that I was never alone because I've always felt like there was something around me all the time. Like right now, it's just not the two of us. There's probably about four energies that I feel. I can't see them, but they're energies that I feel. And I always feel that. I've never really been alone. I didn't realize that until I asked somebody, I said, when you're alone, do you feel alone? And they're like, yeah. And I thought, well, I've never felt alone. And since then, I have a stronger sense of something like right to my left. It's definitely an energy field, but I don't know. I've never had anything that I could call, anyone that I could call an angel or anyone that I could call a guide, or I've never had anyone speak to me in a voice I recognized. I just know that it's there. It's a presence and I've always had it, but they're more, they're way more brighter. They're way more intense. I can feel them more. I can count how many are in the room usually, just in feeling. And I never could have done that before. And I've always prayed usually like three, four times a day, but I've never prayed. I don't say, oh Jesus, oh God, you know, I pray out and I don't know where it goes. I feel like I connect to something from the time, as long as I can remember, I've always done this. And I don't make like a typical prayer. It's no amen. It's none of that. I basically just thank the other side for everything that's going on and ask for everyone that I love to be safe and healthy. It's just a connection. It just makes me feel connected. It's never, it's never been religious. So, I mean, the thought of prayer, it brings up religion and I've never, it's never been a religious thing. It's a checking in thing. It's a, my connection to what I already know is there. I knew there was something there. I just had no idea. Now that I know what it is, it's easier to connect to it and ask for energy and love to be sent to certain people. If they're going through problems, I know energy is what we all are on the other side. So I ask for the things that I know now after my experience, that's what I ask for. I don't ask for anything that would, might tie into religion or anything like that. It's, you know, can you give extra energy to those who need it? Can you give extra love to this person? They're going through a problem. That's what I pray for. Death is death of the physical and I don't feel that much sorrow for the person that crossed as I used to. I know what they've become through death. Now I find that I'm more in tune with the people who are left behind. Those are the ones that I feel sorry for. Those are the ones that have the burden of everything on them. Those are the ones that you wish you could just somehow push your knowing onto. Because if they knew that the person wasn't dead, they just became conscious energy, it would be a little easier. Even though you're cut off from being able to talk to them, being able to physically touch, being able to physically connect, they're still there. So people always want to see death and life. What was it to be dead? What is it to be alive? If you think of layers, like, you know, the human condition is physical, this layer, this layer, that layer, this layer. When that whole structure dies, the energy level doesn't. So everything else is done. Your brain's done, your body's done, you're going to, you know, rot away, whatever. But the energy that was in that, that layer did not go, that didn't die. So if people are wondering what it's like to die, you never feel any kind of a lessening. It's like you're the same person, you're just here instead of here. That's the way I felt. I was exactly the same person, but I was just here. That's the only real difference that happened at that moment. I mean, death is just that. It's like, oh, I'm in a body. Oh, I'm still aware, alive and everything else in my head, but I'm not in the body anymore. And when you think about everything that's going through the air, I mean, we have radio signals. This air is thick with information, but we don't see it. And so we think it's not there. It's the same way with the afterlife. It's everywhere. You know, people say, where is heaven? Where is, it's everywhere. Energy is everywhere. Also, do my loved ones see me? Yes. Do they know my situation? Yes. I mean, they see everything. You can see everything. You just can't communicate anymore. But everything else is clear and even more clear because on the other side, you can actually feel the emotions of the ones that you're worried about and thinking about. And I think that's just an extra added aspect of it. There's a form of knowing. And I know that when I wrote my book, the first time I handed it to people, I was hoping that, you know, I mean, I'm giving you the holy grail. This is what happens. And they read it and I get, well, you know, that's a good idea. I've never thought of it that way. I'll consider it. And you kind of think, no, no, I just told you this is it. But unless you have the knowing for real, you just can never get to that spot to say, that makes sense. I can feel it the same way you do. You know, and that's kind of the knowing thing to me was it's a blessing now, but it was a curse before because I've told people it's kind of like this. Like I say, you were in the old west and you were playing, I don't know, I just make up a sort of kickball. You're playing kickball. You're in the 1800s. You and a bunch of kids are playing kickball. They kick it down an alley. Nobody's ever gone down. You go down to get the ball. You turn around and see that there's nothing but facades. The buildings are fake from the back. They're real from the front. And you get to see everything. In fact, you even get to visit with some of the people that used to live in the town. And then after that experience, you take that ball and you go into the street again. What are you going to tell people? Would they believe what you say? I mean, now you know the truth about everything in the respective reality and it just burns at you. And I think that's where the need to talk about it or the need to discuss it or connect to others is because it's just that burning drive. I need to tell people, I want people to know, especially when you see people going through grief and having their own issues with death or death of loved ones, you really want people to understand that. Death is not real. Death is not really, it's physical death. And I would say a lot of people wonder if they're going to get there. I don't know if I'll ever get to heaven or what is heaven going to do or what do I need to do? I hear people always saying, oh, you need to, I don't know, accept Jesus in your heart and then you'll get in. Or you need to do this and then you'll get in. And my message to anybody out there is if you're wondering what, if you'll get there, you do. There's no, I need to do this. I need to say this prayer or this or face north or whatever. There's no hoops that you need to jump through to get to heaven or to get to source. All you got to do is stop breathing. It's pretty easy. I mean, I, I'm a, I got there without trying and I've never thought of it before, but a lot of people, I think, think that when they die, they're going to get lost in the shuffle or somehow they're not going to get that experience or they don't deserve that experience. And I'm saying everybody deserves that experience. Everybody, even the bad ones have it coming and people will say, well, if they have it coming, why would somebody like Hitler or anybody that's really bad have a positive time in heaven? And that is if I have to sit there pure of soul and watch all the torment and ripple causes that I caused other families, that is my health. So do the bad people get the same treatment as the good people do? Yes, they do. The problem is they're set to torture themselves at the moment of life review, because at life review is when you're looking at you and they're going to be looking at them in the loving, most open aspect of they've ever been without the negativity, without any of the thoughts that they had that made them be the way they were. But they're going to be there pure and then dealing with everything, all the ripple effects that they've had on other people. To me, that is health. So maybe in a way, everybody goes, well, why would everybody get heaven? Maybe the life review for someone who was bad and someone who did terrible things, maybe that's the health. So my warning would be before you start cussing people out and treating them like crap, remember life reviews. Do you really want to face that every day? I spend at least 10 minutes every night doing an audit of my day and that's how I have basically a nightly life lesson. That way I can tell exactly where I'm at. I think about who I interacted with. Did I leave them positive? Did I finish everything? Did I handle this? Was I a better person? I think about what I ate because that was another thing that I did after I came back is that I had this idea, people talk about, you can think about it and it'll happen. And so I thought, okay, I'll lose weight. I'm going to think about losing weight. And without trying, I went from 240 pounds down to 165 without a diet, without effort, with nothing. All I did was think. They call it manifesting, which I still don't get how you do it. But all I thought was I want to be between 160 and 170. And so the weights just started sliding off. I mean, I would just get full faster, wouldn't really get hungry. No habits changed. I ate when I wanted to. I just seemed to want to eat less and it wouldn't take long. It was probably about five months. I hit 166 and now I've been here for like two years and I'm anywhere between 160 and 170 every time in two years without effort. Didn't try. All I did was say, I really want to be between 160 and 170 and somehow I did it. I would love to be able to figure out how I did that because there would be so many other aspects of your life that you could change that way. But somehow when I said I want to be between 160 and 170, that stuck. And my body, my brain, however happened, because I don't remember physically trying, now I'm at 165. Dead center. I've held, you know, funerals in my own mind for the person that I used to be because I'm not him. I'm not him at all. My whole life is AD, BD. You know, after death, before death. It's the same, you know, thing. I'll think of a memory and it's like, was that AD or BD? Was I that person or was I this person? It's such a stark difference. I know a lot of people don't keep their marriages together when they cross. Mine didn't either. You know, I mean, it's just, there's so many differences in your personality and your perception of life that a lot of friends, things like that, you just don't relate anymore. Sad, but you change that much. You know, a lot of people will say, you know, why, you were gone for 20 minutes. 20 minutes changed everything for you? Yes. Because it wasn't just a 20 minutes. It was 20 minutes of conscious thought outside of my body and traveling to different aspects. Yeah, that's going to change you. I have different ideas, different values. The things that were important to me aren't as important to me. Things that I wouldn't have let slide in my old self will completely let slide in my new self because I find that there's just not as much importance in the thought. The things that I thought were important aren't that important. And money is the one that's frighteningly unimportant, even though I know that it's important to have. But people will look at their life as success or failure by, you know, I haven't become of this. I'm not the richest, whatever. But none of that matters on the other side. None of it really matters at all. It's not what you've become, what you've accomplished. It's what you've given through love and all the understanding, everything else that makes up life. And my concept of having any plan is completely gone. I was way more organized than I am now. I thought more about things in a night and day different, like this is the worst thing, this is the most important thing. Nothing's that important anymore. I mean, really, it isn't. But the only problem is that I'm having is you still have to live a life. And what's weird is that I still don't have a total connection to my body yet. It feels foreign. It feels like a vehicle. But I learned on that day that I'm not this body, but I am this life. I've lived it for 60 years, and I have however many more I have to do. I have that many more to try to get through, so I can't just do it from a sideline. And which is what I kind of was starting to do, is I was starting to live kind of like I was saying things like, I'll get it right the next time, or I'll get married again the next time. Thinking whatever I could do, I could pick up from right here and just do it next time, not knowing that the next time, who knows what I'll be, who I'll be, how I'll be, when I'll be. So whatever I want to do now has to be done now. But when you come back and you find out that it is what it is, you do feel like an actor in a play. Knowing that's out there has made life easier to live, but knowing it's out there has also made life easier to check out of, or to not get that involved. But I mean, I have to be in this world. I can't keep looking at it from third person. And that's what I started doing, was just looking at it from third person. People say, oh, you're going to get married again? Eh, I'll do it next time. But it's just not that way. I'm not going to be the same person in the same situation that I'm in right now to say, oh, I'll do it next time. And then, oh, this is next time. Okay, now I'll do it. I mean, I don't know, I could be a woman in Kenya next time. I have no idea what's going to happen. So I need to look at this life as its own, the end all of end alls and live it that way. So trying to make this life important has been the hardest part of the entire thing, hands down. And my hope with doing any of this stuff is just, I don't care about making money on the book. I don't care about any of that. I want somebody to be able to look at this video and go, that helps. I think that way, or that makes sense. Or there was that part of it I didn't totally get, and maybe something that I said made a difference. I have no idea. But that's, I mean, I've gotten a lot of comments on videos that I've, you know, other talks and things that I've had. And that's the thing that I look for is that it helped me because I know when I started looking at near-death videos, when I discovered them, I ate them up like I was starving. I mean, every one of them helped me. So I'm hoping that, you know, whatever you're going through, if you're going through death of somebody, hard time, job loss, whatever, you're fine. And this life isn't the end. So don't put so much pressure on yourself and don't worry about will I or won't I get there? You get there. I mean, as I did was, you know, I didn't think about it, no plan. I just died, had that experience. And that was it. That's why I would tell other people, live a good life. The main thing to do is just be nicer because that's the life review. So be nice or hear about it from you later.