My Husband's "Investing" Lost Us $100,000

Brought to you by the Everydollar App. Start budgeting for free today. I just found out that my husband gambled $121,000 in daily trading. Oh, no. Yeah. So sorry. And yes, these were the money we had from our previous townhome that we sold, and we're in the process of buying a new home that we paid $50,000 deposit. It's a non-refundable deposit. So we need to process with this purchase of the new home. So you already paid the 50 grand, it's locked into that new house, and now you don't have the funds to put down on top of that. Correct. Oh my goodness. Okay. How'd you find out? Yeah, what happened? Well, I saw the money were not there. He was telling me he invested, and stocks, and crypto, and I kept asking him to show me the money, and he's like, everything's fine. The money are safe. I'm like, why did you take the, because we had a deal to put 20% down for the new house, and the rest of the money, he would like invest in stocks and cryptocurrency. Yes, so- And so he lied about that. He was actually day trading? He did, he did lie about that, and it's not the first time we lost money in the past, not this amount of money, but yeah, here we at. So he has a gambling addiction. Is he been seeking out any help for this? Or is he unaware? Does he think he doesn't have a problem? He thinks he doesn't have a problem. He thinks he invests, but he failed at investing. How old is he? He is 43, and I'm 40. We have two kids. How long have you guys been married? Well, it's been 17 years now. Okay. Do you work outside the home? Yes, I work full time. Yeah, we bring home together to 40 a year before tax. What do you make on your own? About 90 to 100. And what is he saying this next step is gonna be? Because he knows that there's a house on the line. He's saying he'll take care of the payments. He says he's gonna pay for kids' activities, and our kids go to private school. So obviously we need to switch them to public schools. And he says he's gonna take care of everything. And I sat down and I showed him like, financially, he cannot take care of everything. Does he still have access to all of your money? No, not to what I make, no. So you've separated accounts, or has it always been separate? Yes, we separated a while back, but sometimes he wouldn't be on time with payments, so I would have to cover what he couldn't cover. How much debt do you guys have? Well, he has personal debt, like $20,000 in credit cards and also in business loans, like $127,000. I don't have any personal debt. Are you sure that's all the debt he has? Because what I would do is pull credit reports for both of you from all three bureaus to make sure. That's what he told me. I'm not going off of what he tells you anymore. I know, yeah. So tonight, you're gonna pull all three reports from all three bureaus, both of you. Because you need a full picture of the damage here, because I think if he's lying about this, there's other debt, and we need a clear picture if we're gonna move forward at all. Because I don't know how you're gonna afford this house now, because the rest is gonna have to be on a mortgage, and he's saying, I'll handle it? Correctly, yes. What's the house cost? I don't know how we're gonna, it's like 50. You're talking about taking on a half-million-dollar mortgage? Yes, correct. Okay, and he's totally fine with doing that, and that you guys will qualify based on your income? Yes. Oh boy, this scares me. I mean, there's so much more than that. The house is the least of your problems at this point. Okay. You have someone who is a gambling addict, a pathological liar, who's committed tons of financial infidelity while you have two young kids at home. I understand. So if we don't solve that problem, the house isn't gonna fix anything, even if we solve that one. Well, how do we solve this problem if he doesn't see it as an addiction? You're gonna need to reveal that to him, and it might take other people to reveal that to him. I don't know that you can convince him. Yeah, I think you guys, I mean, regardless of whether he admits it or not, I think you guys need, you need marriage counseling ASAP. Because- We had a session, and he didn't like it, and he said he doesn't wanna do it anymore. Well, I think he's telling you something then, Kate. I know. That's a really sad reality. He's choosing his gambling addiction over his family at this point. He's opting out of the marriage. Yeah, Dr. John Deloney always talks about how your actions are basically the words you're not saying. And if he's not willing to fight for this marriage, Kate, that puts a hard strain on decisions in the future, probably. I probably would not go through with buying a house with him right now. Because you already told me that he has not been consistent on payments. So what happens when you guys have a bigger mortgage payment and he doesn't have the money because he gambled it all away that month? Well, and Kate, he's, and from a marriage perspective, he's telling you he doesn't wanna work on your marriage. I know, I know. He's convincing me that I don't, like, I see it differently. No, you're not the crazy one, Kate. The kids call that gaslighting these days. That's right, yes. He lost $121,000 by quote, unquote, day trading. Yeah, before that, he lost like 50,000. That's right. Before that, he lost like, oh, there's like 10,000. Yeah, so there's, and again, I'm always so cautious when we get to this point in a conversation with a call, because we have about three more minutes with you and then you have to go make these decisions about your life, Kate. But I mean, there's some ultimatums that, I mean, if you wouldn't put up with this, if it was drugs, right? That, well, he, you know, this and this, or if you put something else in the money slot, the gambling slot, and- That's how I feel. And it should be how you feel, and I'm so sorry. And so I think for you, Kate, I would go see, I would go find a great therapist, because I think you're gonna need some language and some identity work to be able to stand really strong for you and your kids. And then he's gonna have to make some decisions based on what you need, because he's the one that broke the trust, not you. He broke the trust, and so there's gonna be some things that he's gonna have to do to repair that trust for this marriage to move forward. And- Yeah, you can't force him into recovery, but what you can do is put up some very clear boundaries, that you're going to separate your money so that he can't do damage to your family any longer, and that if he wants this to continue, then he's gonna need to see a gambling addiction specialist who can assess him. Yeah, yeah, that's how I see it. Yeah. So do we process? We have to go buy this house, because there's no way back. Do we buy it and sell it? Because at this point, I just wanna go forward. I would talk to the lender and see what your options are, and see what the contract you signed says, see if there's a way to get out of it. And you may have to forfeit a penalty or something, but I wonder if there is a way for you to get out, because I would not put my name on a house with him right now. I think your marriage is on the rocks. And even if you lost that deposit of 50K, he's done more stupid tax in the last year than that 50K deposit you'd lose. And he'll continue to do it if we don't put an end to this. Yep. Yeah, the behavior's not changing on his end, and he doesn't care to change it, is what it sounds like. He'll make 50K in the next three months. So we can rebuild that. But what we need to do is focus on his inability to lead this family well and not destroy them. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, but I would find a great counselor in your area and have them walk with you through this process. But oh, I'm so sorry. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.