WORST LAUGH EVER | Matt Rife Crowdwork

A woman. Probably that bitch. A woman in the middle of this ju- Okay. Whoever that is, die yesterday. Who the **** is howling like that? Right there? You guys have guns in this country? Yeah? I don't even think you're having a good time. Get that banshee out of here. Sir, is this normal? Oh my god. Sex with you would never sound consensual. I'm sure you want to do this. Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to stop having fun. Oh my god. Jesus. No, don't *******- No, don't actually kick her out. No. No, no, no, no, no. She's still- No, dog. Bro. Hey. Dog. She's fine. I mean, she's not fine. But medically, there's something for real wrong. But as a person, she's doing okay. No, sir. Hey, dog. She's fine. No, no. Come back. Ma'am, come back. You can sit back down. You're okay. Bro, that security guard's like, I can't ******* handle this ---- anymore, dude. I'm trying to enjoy the show. She's just *******- She's okay, dude. I hate her. But she doesn't have to leave. Yet. You've always had that laugh? You were born with it. Change it, though. Work on it. Take a class or something. Is this your guy? It's your brother. Yeah. I mean, sir, you've heard it your whole life, too. How do you laugh, dude? Just normal? Solid. Silently. Man, she took all your laugh? He's like, oh my goodness. All right. ------- relax, lava girl. All right. Now, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to get back to making fun of trans people. That's not what this is about. My first instinct was like, why would you sit up front? But I feel like it'd still be the same problem. Even if they did kick you out, we still would have heard you. Just a distant ******* jackal. Do you have a hoodie or anything you can laugh into? You know what? No more jokes. The rest of the show. Let's everybody grab hands. I'm gonna lead us in prayer. Dear Lord, punch this bitch in the throat. Oh man, I hope you transition someday. Well, show's pretty much over now. Guess we'll weave our way back into this. If we just ignore it, you guys. Maybe it'll go away. Just for the sake of the moment, ma'am, what is your name? Crystal? Should've let them kick you out. Crystal. No. I would hate to tickle you. I really would. That would backfire so much. Crystal, we gotta figure something out. This is crazy. Nobody's that funny. Do you have a hoodie or anything you can kind of enjoy yourself into? Nothing? No, the hat's... That's how I know he's fucked an ugly girl. At some point in his life. What's that sound? It's my sister. She's just... She's watching Matt Rife TikToks from three buildings down. Okay. I don't even want to do it anymore. The joke? Yeah, I'm ******* trying. You think I wanted to go off the rails right then? Everything was running smooth. We had a rhythm going. I was at 85%. Things were going pretty good. Oh, ******* nothing on that one, Crystal? Everybody else? At least laugh when everybody else does. No? You all better start laughing real ******* loud if you don't want to keep hearing this. Bro, there's a service dog up front and it's ******* terrifying. What's that? It's not a service dog. I don't think it can be in here. What's its name? No, it's *******... It's terrified. Oh, God. Security. That's all right. She's all right. It's not a threat. Bring it here. Mike. Do you want to let... Do you want to set him up here? Oh, come on. He'll give you a high five. Really? What's his name? Aloe. Aloe? Aloe. Sit. Shake. High five. This is your ******* chance, Aloe. If you don't... If this is your star moment, Aloe, if you don't give me a high five, you're gonna have to go home with this lady. You understand? This is your ******* moment. Well, to be fair, his ears are probably bleeding. Good boy. I know. This is probably a lot of noise for him. What's this thing on here say? Positive response assistant dog. What the **** is that? It's a group that he's trained through. What's he trained to do? It's not high fives. Whatever you say. Not hilarious. She goes, five. Yeah, he doesn't know how to do that, for sure. Okay. All right. It's his first time in a... It's his first time in a big crowd. Yeah, mommy doesn't have a lot of friends over. That's okay. Good boy. Oh my God. I hope he attacks that ******* wild turkey. Can I go to mama? There you go. I'll let you take him back now. Okay. This show is ******* weird, dude. I feel like we had a real good momentum going on. Anyways. Not you too, bitch. I heard that over here. You know what? From now on, poetry. If you feel like laughing, snaps. We're all snaps from here on out. Especially you, Crystal. Okay, hold on. Grant, can you go get Crystal a hoodie or something real ******* thick to laugh into? And if you could dab that with chloroform, it would be lovely. I'm going to get you a hoodie, Crystal, but I swear to God, you better *******... The rest of the show, okay? That's the trade-off. What? Tornadoes and cornfields. That's right, Oklahoma. Okay. Wow, you guys were listening. Oh, that's very sweet. Thank you. Okay, yeah. This joke's not going to go well now because the whole point of comedy is timing and the build-up to it, but we'll *******... We'll do it. When you guys go, oh, I'm going to go, well, ******* yeah, you know? Well, someone's got... There we go. Zach, you have one for her? There we go. Crystal, that's for you. Keep it right ******* here. Holy ----. How much time does murder get you guys in this country? Is that life?