There's Two Feelings Men Chase in a Woman

And what happens is he starts playing games with you. He starts saying, well, I'm not ready for a serious commitment. You are everything. You are perfect. You are 10 out of 10. But I just I'm not ready. In this video, you're going to learn the two feelings that men unconsciously chase in a woman, whether you're single and dating or in a committed relationship. A man is going to still unconsciously look for and chase these feelings. And here's the thing. If a man is only experiencing one of these feelings and the other one is missing, he will instinctively start to pull back. Maybe he'll have one foot in, one foot out. And if you're earlier on in the dating process, he's going to have a hard time committing and moving into deeper levels of commitment with you. If you are in a solidified relationship already, you're going to notice that a man is pulling back. He's not as invested. Maybe he seems checked out. And here's why you want to stay till the end. The first feeling that a man feels is essential for his attraction. It's the feeling that a man needs to have in order to move into a deeper level of commitment. However, the second feeling is what most high value women, most successful, well-intentioned women often miss. And that is the feeling that a man requires in order to have a commitment in the long haul. It's the feeling that most women are not aware of how to draw out in a man. And it is the single most important feeling that a man needs for long-term commitment. If you're new here, my name is Farine. Welcome. I'm a former attorney. I now help men and women navigate relationships from the masculine and feminine lens. I help women tap into their feminine energy. And really the premise of my work is to heal, understand self, that way you can understand your partner. I'm also the creator of a new app called Feminine Power Unlocked. For those of you that are looking to embrace your feminine energy and to really do the deeper inner work, my app is going to help you in a guided way to build that foundation within yourself. And the app eventually moves into dating relationships. If you're single and if you're married, the app is going to help you deepen your relationship with your husband. What I see so often in my work with women all around the world and also with men is that women think that if we overgive to a man and we are just nice, we do everything that a man wants, he's going to somehow respond back in the same way. So the more we give to him, the more he's going to give to us. What most women don't understand is that men feel commitment through emotions. And often the very act of doing for a man shuts down a man's emotions. Men bond through the feelings that they have when they're with you and how they feel about you. And often it's not necessarily the good emotions that he needs to feel. Men also need to feel tension. They need to feel fear. And doing too much for a man takes away that natural drive that a man has to be the better version of himself for you. So let's get into the first feeling that a man must experience in order to first of all feel attraction, but then also the necessary step of wanting to continue to pursue you. So men need to feel uncertainty. I've spoke about this in previous videos. If a man doesn't feel that uncertainty of can he win you over? Are you just a little bit out of reach for him? That excitement, if that is not there for a man, he's not going to feel the instinctive drive to continue to pursue a woman. That feeling a man needs absolutely in the beginning stages. And what happens with women so early on is that they see a man that they like and they have put this man on a pedestal. A man is always trying to get to the interest of a woman. He's learned this since he was a child to please his mother, please his sisters. And so when a woman meets a man that is highly desirable and the man's natural yearning is to win this woman over because that's what's in his DNA. However, the woman is now trying to win him over. So this dance has inverted. What happens with a man is he likes it. Of course, a man is going to enjoy a woman's interest, but it's not going to fuel the desire that he has innately to now win the woman over because he already feels that the conquest is done. And so naturally what will happen, even if you are successful, beautiful, you have everything that a man would want. If the interest is there before he has had a chance to win you over, so that means that you are the one wondering, is this the guy for me? Do I like him? Do I want him? You're questioning whether he's viable for you. That questioning is what keeps a man on his toes. It's the uncertainty that he needs to continue to win you over, to be his best, to feel within himself, wow, she's a catch and I can't just slip up with her or do bare minimum. Like I really have to bring my A game. And men want to experience this feeling. They need this feeling to continue to plan the next date and even a better date and to continue to just be a better version of themselves. If they don't have that feeling because we put this guy on a pedestal, we think he is amazing. You know, we think that all the other men are trash is what a woman said to me. All these other men are trash free and this guy is just everything I want. Like he is charming. He is Harvard educated. He's everything. So now we've put him on the pedestal because every other man is trash. What happens is he knows. He knows that you now see and feel that he is above all other men. He feels that. And what happens is he starts playing games with you. He starts saying, well, I'm not ready for a serious commitment. You are everything. You are perfect. You are 10 out of 10. But I just I'm not ready. He starts playing these games. And guess what happens? Because we've put him on this pedestal. He's so amazing. Every other guy is trash. We excuse his behavior. So now the standards that we have as a woman and what we desire in a relationship, we now start to lower our bar. And guess what happens when we lower our bar? Men know. They know because you start tolerating their BS. And a man knows when he could be giving more. Because if it was his dream woman, he would give up everything to be with her. He knows when he's not giving his best and the woman is tolerating it. He now puts you in a category of, okay, I have her. And that uncertainty of can I win her over? Am I good enough for her? Goes away. Then he doesn't have this incentive that, okay, I need to bring my A game to make sure that I am good enough for her. Because it's already done. And every single time you lower your bar and your standard for a man, that's instinctively what is happening in his mind. And again, it does not mean that men are bad. It's the same thing with us as women. If a man meets us and all of a sudden he's submitted by us and he's not really like gotten to know us. So he's only attracted to us based on our physical beauty and our intellect or whatever. And he doesn't really know us and we know he's like so into us. What happens? We kind of lose that feeling as well. In relationships, there has to be a little bit of a cat and mouse game. This is not unhealthy. This is not games. When you're truly secure, you're not going to want a man that sees you and he is all over you when he doesn't even know you. You're going to get bored of that even as a woman. You want a man that's confident and secure in himself. So the same thing as what high value men want. They want a woman that is sure of herself, is confident in herself, sees him as a man and thinks, wow, he's great, but thinks in her head, let me just see what he does. Let me see if he's consistent. Let me see if he's going to show up for me in the way that I need. And that is the healthy uncertainty that a man needs in order to continue to move to deeper levels of commitment with you. Now, for the married women out there and for women that are in relationships that are secure, this uncertainty does not go away and it does not vanish. In order for a man, even into marriage, to be deeply attracted to the woman he's with, he needs to feel that there's a certain level of challenge there. Now, I am not talking about challenge in a unhealthy way where you're playing games, where your husband messages you and you don't respond for like five hours because you're trying to be, you know, hard to get. No, I am not talking about that whatsoever. In fact, I often message my husband right when I wake up and throughout the day, if I see his text message, I message him back right away. Like, there's no games there. However, when I'm busy, I'm busy. When I'm filming, my phone is on do not disturb. And when I'm editing or doing any type of work, I'm focused. And then my husband might wonder, oh, I haven't heard from Farain. I wonder what Farain's doing. And it is not in an unhealthy way where I'm trying to get his attention and I'm trying to be a challenge. I'm just involved in my own activities and what makes me feel good. In marriage, it's so important for women not to give themselves up for the man. And we as women, even when we're in our feminine energy, it's very easy to do this because we are so connection oriented. And when we move into marriage, we think, oh my God, my husband is my end all be all. And I have to just like sacrifice all of my time and energy for my husband. You cannot do that because instinctively, men will start to pull back. And it's not even like they're going to pull back, but they start to feel a lot of pressure when we do that. They feel like I have all this other stuff going on. So if you're with a quality guy and a high value man, that's the type of man we want. He's not going to be at home twiddling his thumbs all about you 24 hours a day. He's going to be deeply loyal, deeply committed to you, absolutely. But he's going to be working. He's going to have the gym. He's going to have friends. He's going to have golf. He's going to have things going on. And the more that we are okay being on our own and not only okay being on our own, but the more we can start to become independent and love it while still needing our husband, that in and of itself is going to create a challenge for him in a way that feels attractive. So let's say you want to spend time with your husband before bed, but your husband is delayed or he's taking too long. What I invite you to do is without being angry, go to bed, do your nighttime routine and go to bed without him. That in and of itself is going to instinctively make a man think, huh, I want to enjoy my night with my wife. I want to make sure that I have some time with her, quality time before we go to bed. That means that I'm going to have to hurry up and get the kids to bed sooner because my wife is going to go to bed and I want to make sure that I have time for her. And his value of you goes up without you nagging. So easier said than done, but this is what I mean by creating a certain level of challenge even into marriage and creating that spark and that uncertainty. In healthy relationships, both people need to have a life outside of the relationship in order for the relationship to thrive long-term. If both people are not doing anything outside of each other and their entire lives revolve around them, desire is going to wane. Now, interdependence is what I'm talking about. Not independence entirely, interdependence, where you both feel secure in your relationship, you both value commitment, you both value each other, but you also have other things that fulfill you in your life and you are not overly dependent on your partner. And men especially need that because the moment a man knows you are all about him and not all about him in an unhealthy way, like a woman is going to be all about her husband, I'm all about my husband, I'm talking about there's nothing else going on in my life, it is just him. And if he can't make me happy, I'm a miserable mess. The moment a man feels that, well, your relationship is going downhill because he's going to check out, he's going to not be the best version of himself. And that is because it is on us as women to keep ourselves happy. And vice versa also with men. To close in on this point, the desirable woman, the secure woman, the woman that we are aspiring to be more of every day is the woman who deeply loves herself and loving yourself works in stages. We're always trying to move into deeper levels of self-love. While she is respectable, she is kind, she is generous, she is loving, but she's also autonomous. She creates a level of mystery in her relationship. She is exciting to be around when she is with her partner because her life is filled up. That type of woman is one that a man is going to consistently chase after even into marriage. When the earlier stages of dating, we want to make sure that we are pacing our relationship. We are not giving a man everything all at once. You are not meeting a man, giving him your phone number, having like a 10-hour date with him. You are moving into the relationship step-by-step in What Men Want, my book. I talk about what healthy, masculine energy men look for and like the timeline. So make sure you read that book. Secrets of the Feminine Woman is going to teach you about true femininity and what that looks like. And if you really want to do the healing work, I suggest getting my course. There's 24 hours of content in there. It was a coaching program that is going to give you all the ahas on why you are the way you are. And the app is going to help you with the embodiment piece because knowledge without embodiment is useless. You need the embodiment piece. So my app is designed to help you day-to-day with the introspection and specific exercises to keep you accountable so that you continue to grow and become the woman that you are ultimately proud of and a man continually seeks after and chases. Now, the second feeling that is absolutely essential for a man and that he is going to look for and chase in a woman, like he needs this feeling is emotional safety and emotional security. What does this look like? This again comes back to the inner work. Emotional safety in a relationship, it goes both ways because women also need emotional safety with men. It looks like a woman that has so much self-love and so much self-respect and self-trust that she doesn't lose her mind over a man. Like she is very secure internally. She's calm. She's not reactive. She knows how to create boundaries without having a harsh reaction to a man. Anytime we are triggered, and I teach this in my private coaching, I call it a ping. So anytime we feel an uncomfortable emotion, we feel like something doesn't feel good and we feel anxiety, that is not happening because someone did something to us and it's their fault, right? Like the victim looks at it like that. An empowered person goes, ooh, this brought up something that is already inside. This hit something that is already in me and I need to look to see what that is, work through my emotions in my books and my course and the app. It'll help you to do that. I've trained the AI in my app. It knows my methodology, et cetera. You can even communicate with it if you can't book a call with me, but it is really learning that anything that is happening on the outside and it's hitting us, it's internal. It's not an external thing. The external thing is just pointing to us that something is going on and it's not reacting in that emotion. Emotional safety looks like this man did something and it's bothering me and oh my God, I'm feeling overwhelmed and learning how to recognize that emotion, be with that emotion, self-soothe. In my course, I teach you how to do that and then once you're calm, learning to communicate, if it needs to be communicated because oftentimes not everything needs to be communicated, in a healthy way to your partner. When a man can see that a woman is not flying off the handle over every issue, she's not upset over everything, she's not triggered by everything that he does, then a man starts to feel that she's safe. I can trust her. I can open up to her. Loyalty ties in there where I don't need to be with her all the time. She is loyal. She has some level of integrity within her where I don't have to worry if I'm not with her all the time, I'm providing, I'm working that she's going to cheat on me. She's not going to bail on me. All of that is the security a man needs to feel in order to commit in the long run and in order for a man to like be with a woman and make her his wife. A man is not going to make a woman his wife if that emotional safety, that loyalty, that self-trust, that security, that reactivity and all of that are dealt with. Now, does this mean that a woman is never going to fly off the handle? Of course not. And oftentimes, the way that a man carries himself and deals with his reaction is going to make a woman at a level two or a level 10. If a woman is communicating something and a man hasn't done his internal work, now it's both people. However, if a man hasn't done his internal work from the past, his defense mechanism might come up. And if a woman is communicating in a way that is not aggressive, maybe she's annoyed. But it triggers a man's defense mechanism. Then what will happen is a woman won't feel safe and she'll naturally start to escalate. So it is definitely both people. However, I'm not focused on the man right now. I'm focused on you as the woman. And I want you to really do the inner work so that a man can't trigger you. That even when a man's defenses go up and your relationship is great, but let's say his ego gets involved, as a woman, we can stay grounded and we can look at him and not get bigger in our reaction. Because when we can not get bigger in our reaction, a man will actually look at you and be like, oh, wow, it was me. I was the problem and my woman stayed calm. And that is so attractive to a man. It's going to make him want to commit to you because he's going to look at you as a prize. He's going to put you on a pedestal. He's going to think she's better than I am. And I better rise up and do some self-work because if I don't, she's going to find a man that is not so immature. So this is going on inside. He's not thinking about this at a conscious level, but internally, this is what's happening because it's a good woman, a feminine woman, that is going to help a man really rise into his healthy masculine. It's not the other way around. The feminine is the one that is the anchor for a man's healing. Healthy men do not go through a process of healing on their own. They're too busy providing and working. They get stimulated into their healing. And oftentimes it's with the loss of a woman or a woman that they really wanted stepped away or is in their mind better than them. So they have to now do the inner work to be at her level. Now, I just want to close this video by saying that men don't play games. There is a big difference with a woman that has genuine standards and knows what she wants and knows who she is and conducts herself from that space. This is where the inner work comes from and a woman that is just strategizing. That's why you'll notice that I can say certain things or dating coaches can give you advice. But if you've not done the inner work, your beliefs are not going to be in alignment with what I say or what other people say. It's going to be too hard. And a man knows this and they feel this. And so you really have to come from doing the inner work, investing in yourself, putting the time in. What happens when a man feels excitement without safety? Well, then he puts a woman into the fun category. She's fun. She's pleasure. He doesn't put her into wife category. What happens when a man feels safety without excitement? Well, she's boring. So he's going to check out. He's going to be less interested. He's not going to pursue you for sex. If you're in a committed relationship, you're too safe. And sometimes being too safe is not coming from, I'm such a kind woman. No, it means that we're coming from a place where we are people pleasing. We are not speaking our truth anymore. Our husband or our partner is doing things that doesn't feel good to us. And we are too scared to rock the boat. So we're just so safe. And in those relationships, a man is going to check out. He's going to be bored without the excitement. A man is going to feel that like there's just not enough feminine energy to be challenged. He's going to want to feel that excitement in his relationship with his woman, even into long term. That's what he needs to feel desire without the safety and just pure excitement. Very rarely will a man get to marriage because the excitement is so great when you're dating, when a man is younger, for a man to feel desired because when a woman is like reactive and all about him, like that's exciting to a man that fuels his ego. But it's never going to make a man move into deeper levels of commitment because his heart is not activated. I hope you guys enjoyed this video. Let me know what you learned, where you guys are watching from. For those of you that are enrolled in my app and in the course, share in the comments with other women what is beneficial for you about the app. I want to grow our community of women here. And so if you are new here, make sure to subscribe and I will see you on the next video. Bye for now.