Men Fall Harder When You Treat Them Like Fans

In this video, I'm going to tell you why men fall harder when you treat them like fans and why this counterintuitive advice actually taps into a man's greatest need. Now, if you don't know me, my name is Bob Grant. I'm the best-selling author and the founder of Relationship Headquarters, and I speak with successful women every week about how to have the relationship they always want. So think in terms of when you like someone. You tend to feel more nervous. You tend to feel more anxious. You tend to hope that they're going to like you. Again, perfectly natural. And you're trying to come across a way that's confident. See, because when you're nervous, you're also excited. When you're excited, you're also nervous. There's no way to really separate those two. I know we all want to feel excited without nervous, but those two are so closely related that it works better if you learn to embrace both of them than trying to get rid of one of them. So when you're doing this, think about what you're conscious. I don't want him to think he likes me too much. I don't want to come across as too eager. I don't want to come across as desperate or needy. And so you may pull back, or you may, if you're nervous, overdo something. That concern with his opinion of you, that, I hope he thinks a certain thing, I wonder what he's thinking, that's more like you admiring him. That's more like you thinking he's the prize, he's the one. But what we want to do is flip that around. And if you've ever been to a concert, if you've ever been to a sporting event, or something where someone has a lot of fans, one thing you'll notice is how they treat them. Now let's compare this to how a lot of advice gets told that you should play hard to get. You should not come on too strong, which is fine, but that you should act cool and aloof. That's not how superstars act with their fans. That's not what men respond to. I know there's always a story of a man that responded well to a woman that treated him like dirt. All the skies have been there at some time. Mainly because she was really pretty, or really appealing, or something. But it doesn't last. So even though that may seem like the thing to do, because it protects you and guards you, it doesn't have this effect on a man. Notice how those stars treat their fans. Have you ever watched? They're courteous, they're kind, they'll sign autographs. I'm thinking of Taylor Swift, whatever you think of her. You know, she's really good with her fans. She got that early on, the way she treated them. There's a certain respect that she has for them, but it's clearly established who's the star and who's the fan. She doesn't have to say it or pick someone famous. They don't have to say it either. That's how we want it to be with you. So what does this look like actually in real life? So let's say, I'm thinking of someone particular, but let's say that Allison is usually nervous on dates, and she knows that when she gets nervous, she tends to speak a lot. She tends to talk a lot. And because she's excited, and she's a really expressive person, but she's worried because she's gotten some feedback, or people have told her, or guys, that sometimes she hogs the conversation. Or sometimes she comes across that, you know, that she really likes him, and the guy's not ready for that just yet. She's overly admiring him, and she thinks, oh, I should just shut this off. And that's not it. A superstar or someone that is at the top of the pinnacle—I'm thinking of the beauty pageant while I'm saying this—they are appreciative of the other person. Being appreciative is a choice. Because when you're at the top of your game, when you're at the top, it's easy to take people for granted. Now there's an exercise, how do I show this appreciation? How do I appreciate them versus just overly admire them? Well, the method I have found that works the best is if you will treat every man the same. Treating every man the same sounds simple. Let's dive in a little bit. Think about the guys you're not interested in. Think about, I don't mean that you are repulsed by, but you're just not really interested in what they think, and you kind of don't care if they like you or don't. I'm assuming if you're watching this, you have some interest in how you come across and in learning, or you wouldn't be here. So I'm just going to assume you're not mean to those guys. The guy's really overweight, or he's too young or too old, or he just isn't your type. That's not being judgmental. He's just not your guy. You're just not interested. And so with that, you're not mean or ugly to him. Even if he has a crush on you, you're nice, but you're not too nice. You're courteous, but you're not encouraging. Easy to do when you don't like someone. If you were to treat every man that way, one, it would require some discipline on your part. You'd have to restrain yourself at times. But the flip side of that is, the men that you do like, notice how you treat them, how you go out of your way, you're nice, you're engaging, you're really sweet. That is what we want to carry over with both. I've told this story before because I still remember. Her name was Becky. She was in college. Keep forgetting her last name. And there were a lot of pretty girls in college. And so she was attractive, but it wasn't that she was the prettiest. But every guy wanted to go out with Becky. And I'm not saying that's your goal, but I knew at the time, all of us guys did, there was something about her. We couldn't quite figure out what it was, except for she was fun to be around. But she treated every guy the same. She was just as courteous and would pay attention to some guy that had no chance to go out with her. I mean, zero. But the way she was talking to him, you'd have thought he had a chance. And he thought he had a chance. He had zero chance. But she treated him the same as she did the baseball player on the team who went on to become a professional baseball player who she ended up marrying. She treated them both the same. Now, someone that she wasn't interested in, if they wanted to linger and all, of course, she had to go. She was busy. She was always courteous, always respectful, always nice, always appreciative of the guy. That is not something you can turn on and off. Stars, celebrities understand this, that their fans are their lifeblood. They respect them. Stars, celebrities, musicians that take their fans for granted and treat them like dirt, given enough time, they will lose fans. Being good looking or being talented is not enough. That'll get you in the door. That'll get you an invitation. That'll get you a date or two. But how you treat them will determine how long that lasts. In the same way, you want men to treat you this way, too. When you are treating him like a fan, it comes from a position of strength. It is the confident woman, it is the charismatic woman, who can treat all men the same. Anyone can be nice to good looking guys. That's easy. How you treat the guys you're not interested in, that's what shows up to men as confidence. And because what you do with the guys you're not interested in, you're sowing seed. That's what you're going to reap with the guys you are. I can almost guarantee you that if you struggle or you're not sure, you're wondering how you come across, you probably react differently with different men. Women I have found that dating is fairly effortless. Not that they want to be great at dating, but they have no trouble getting dates and getting a lot of offers. They treat men almost the same, just like Becky did. And you can do that, too. It starts with a choice, just as an experiment. Start today. One, you can get my free gift down below, What Men Find Irresistible. There's a natural progression into this. It's free. It's fun. You'll love it. And it's a starting place where you can begin making a decision. I'm going to try this experiment that Bob Grant guy said. He's on YouTube, so he must know what he's talking about, right? So if you do this, you'll notice at first nothing initially, but you'll start to feel a shift inside. It will help you not take yourself so seriously. You'll become more focused on your intention, and the opinion of men will start to matter less. You will start to see that you are the prize, not him. This is not to make you a snob or ugly or mean, but it's to put it in perspective because he wants you to treat him this way. He wants you to have this kind of self-esteem. He wants you to have this kind of graciousness. And if you begin doing this, not only will you notice a difference, but end well too. Stay tuned for the next video.