The One Thing Homeschool Moms Need More Than Curriculum

There's a lot of great resources out there that are well known, but the secret sauce is homeschool moms in your own community, in your own life that you're connected to. And so I thought, as I went along the years of homeschooling and got a little bit more comfortable with it, I thought, we need a way to highlight the fact that there are amazing, encouraging homeschool moms everywhere. Welcome to Our Life Homeschooling. My name is Sherry, Christian, wife to my high school sweetheart Nelson, and thankful mom to 10 incredible kids. I'm the author of the blog and YouTube channel Our Life Homeschooling, where I share homeschooling encouragement for everyday moms. I believe that motherhood is ministry, and homeschooling is simply an extension of parenting. My passion is to cheer on other moms who are at home doing the most important work of all, raising the next generation for the glory of God. Welcome to the Our Life Homeschooling podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Today, I'm excited to introduce you to Annette Vaughn, the author of Dear Homeschool Mom. This is a book of letters of encouragement for moms from moms. If you've been homeschooling for any length of time, you know that there are days when you need more than just another curriculum recommendation or homeschool tip. You just need someone who understands to remind you that you're not alone, and that this decision is worth it, and that you're going to see the rewards maybe a little ways down the road, but the time you're investing in your family and your children is worth it. That's exactly what Annette has captured in her book. Dear Homeschool Mom is a collection of encouragement from moms who've walked this road and want to come alongside other homeschool moms with honest words of wisdom and hope. I'm excited to talk with Annette today about the importance of encouragement, what she's learned from bringing these stories together, and why homeschool moms so often need to hear, you're not alone, keep going. Let's go ahead and listen to this interview. Hi, Annette. Thank you for joining me. Thank you so much. This is fun to spend some time together. It is. I love that I get to have an hour in my afternoon to talk to another homeschool mom every now and then. It's uplifting for me, and then hopefully it's also encouraging to other people, so it is really nice. Thank you so much. Yeah, this is going to be great. I know I personally love listening to podcasts and having the voice of another mom or two in my ear now and then, and it's like a good way to have a friend date without leaving your house. Right, right. Exactly. Well, today's episode is all about encouragement. Encouragement for moms, from moms, and I haven't known you that long. I found you on the internet, I think you commented on some Facebook thread or something, and I saw your book, and I was immediately interested because it's all about letters of encouragement from moms across the United States in homeschooling, and one of the main reasons I started my channel was because I really believe in the power of encouragement, and it's just helped me so much as a homeschooling mom. I have your book here. I think the book itself, if you can see on my screen, is just beautiful, and I love the message behind the book. I know you are passionate about the message, so as we get started, can you just tell us a little bit about yourself, your homeschooling story, and what inspired you to write Dear Homeschool Mom? Okay, yes. I would love to. So, my husband and I live in Missouri. We've got three boys, and they are 15, 13, and 12, and we've been homeschooling since my oldest was in second grade. I never thought I would be a homeschool mom. When my oldest, when it was time for him to start school, we started him in a Christian school for kindergarten and first grade, and we're so grateful that he had a good experience with that and some wonderful teachers, but as he was going into second grade, and then my middle would be going into kindergarten, we just, through a series of circumstances, knew just we needed to try something different, and lo and behold, this idea of homeschooling just kept going through my mind. I didn't even know very many homeschoolers at the time. I definitely had no idea what homeschooling was really like. If you would have asked me to describe homeschooling before I was a homeschool mom, I don't know what kind of description you would have got. It would have been completely inaccurate, but to make a really long story short, we did decide to just try it for a year and see how it went, and my oldest is now going into 10th grade, so goodness, I am really doing the unthinkable by homeschooling a high schooler. That's just a really quick snapshot of our homeschool journey, but when I was first starting, I didn't know where to go to figure this homeschool thing out. I went to public school all the way through. I had a few acquaintances that I know from a distance, maybe people at church or something that homeschooled, but I went on the library list. I was checking out every homeschool book I could find. I was pulling these resources. What big speakers could I start listening to? All these things, and I realized I'm so confused. I don't know where to go from here, and what turned it around for me was that I started meeting with a couple of homeschool moms that I knew, even though it was not even super close, just acquaintances, and they took me to coffee. One invited me over to her home to show me kind of like what this day in the life is like for them, and it was at that time that I realized that's the secret sauce for figuring out this homeschool thing. There's a lot of great resources out there that are well-known, but the secret sauce is homeschool moms in your own community, in your own life that you're connected to, and so I thought, as I went along the years of homeschooling and got a little bit more comfortable with it, I thought we need a way to highlight the fact that there are amazing, encouraging homeschool moms everywhere, and we need a platform to show that, gosh, here's just a sampling of moms all over the United States, and gosh, listen to their stories. Listen to their encouragement, and so that's kind of the beginning of how the book started, and it's all done in the form of letters, which I think is unique. Letters are kind of one of those lost forms of communication, and they're not something that can be typed and sent quickly. They're meant to be, you know, read and savored and to kind of take you away from, you know, all the noise of the world, and so that's why it's done in that format. Yeah, and I love it, too, because the letters are all letters of encouragement from other moms, but as you go through the chapters, they're all around different topics, so you're kind of hitting all different avenues for moms that are just starting their journey, finding your people, selecting your curriculum, embracing your space, customizing your approach because for all of us, it just takes a while to figure out what kind of homeschool mom am I, how does this work for my family, what is my style, socialization, avoiding the comparison trap, that is huge, finding balance, speaking truth to yourself, just letters, but all coming from different angles, and I completely relate to what you said about other homeschool moms because I think the most valuable people that have spoken into my life are those pioneer homeschool moms that did it like 20 years ago, I still know them, their kids are all graduated, but I can go to them and know that they are just a wealth of information. It's so true, and what's unique about this book, too, I like how you mentioned a lot of the different topics, I tried to, when putting it together, to think of everything under the sun that a mom might be thinking about or wondering about or wanting to talk to somebody about, but you know what, the moms who wrote letters for the book, not all of them have all their kids graduated and everything perfect, we've got moms in here that have only been homeschooling a couple years, we've got moms who are kind of like middle of the road like I am, you're kind of like halfway through your journey, and then we do have those moms that have graduated four kids, and some have graduated four kids and starting over with a kindergartner, so just all things in between, and the idea behind that, too, is none of us have to wait until we really have figured this out, because I don't think we ever will, to be able to support and speak into other moms in our lives, whether that's someone a few years behind us, or maybe that's just a peer, or for me, even, it's still encouraging for me to connect with even newer homeschool moms, even though I'm not important to them, but I still learn from them, too, and just the joy and excitement and maybe things they've tried, that I've just been in my own little rut with things and haven't tried something new, and so it's not a matter of a contest of who's got the most experience or anything, I think when we get together as moms who have homeschooled, we all have things to share, even if it's the what not to do. Yeah, right, and I think some of the newer homeschool moms that have told me book recommendations that I'm just a little behind the boat with that. When I started homeschooling, this was 16 years ago, I knew every book, I was up on everything, I just wanted to see everything from all angles, and so I knew it was popular then, all the podcasts, things that were out, but so much has come out since then, while I've been in the thick of just actually homeschooling my kids, they've been able to give me some good book recommendations that have been really helpful, and now I have a list of books that I'm like, I've got to get caught up on these great books, so that's where you hear about those kinds of things. Yeah, it really is, and I love that, that's how we get our ideas, and share resources, and everything like that, you know, referral and word of mouth, that's like the best way for anything at all. Yeah, so when you were a newer homeschool mom, and you were talking to these other homeschool moms, what made you realize that you could do this? What gave you that confidence? I think what gave me the confidence when I spoke to many of those moms really had to do with, they busted a lot of myths that I had. I thought, oh, you've got to just be able to create all these lessons, and just be, you know, knowledgeable in every subject, and well, you know, they cleared that myth up for me with sharing so many amazing curriculum options that fit many different styles, whatever that may be. I, like some, maybe worried a little bit about, like, you know, socialization piece, and, you know, that myth was busted when I learned that, oh my gosh, the opposite problem, at least in our area, is true, like there's too much. Yeah, you have to be careful. To choose from, and, you know, I mean, I'm trying to even think back of some of those myths, but it was really, like, a lot of the myth busting of just, like, this is what it's actually really like, and I was able to see real people doing it, and doing it not perfectly, but in their own way, and I thought, well, this is, this is doable. This is doable, and that there's a lot of support. It's, you know, I had people that I could call upon that I was not, you know, out there on a limb doing it on my own. Yeah, and that is something that I've seen here and there, moms that are going it alone. I don't know if you've seen that, and it usually doesn't end well. I've had some people I've heard say, oh yeah, we tried homeschooling. It just didn't work for us, but the truth is, they were doing it all by themselves. They didn't reach out. They didn't find community. So, what have you seen with moms that try to go it alone? Well, I think that's something that's really scary, to go it alone with homeschooling, and I think all of us, at some point in time, maybe we have a propensity to kind of, you know, want to isolate, or we get overwhelmed, and we just think, you know, the more we just stay at it, and stay at home, and get through the books, the better that will be, but it's just a recipe for burnout. It really is. And, you know, in the book, I actually, I talk a little bit about this in, you know, what if you're the extrovert mom with introvert kids, or introvert kids with extrovert mom, and we all have these, like, different desires of, like, what is our level of connection that we want for ourselves as moms, and for our kids, and really finding that right balance for your family is just so important, and I think there's an element of humility with that, too, that if we reach out, or if we ask a question, like, oh, maybe we're being a burden to someone, or maybe they'll find out we don't really know what we're doing in a certain area, or something like that, but, you know, that's just part of the real homeschool life, and doing life together, and figuring out what that means, and maybe that's as simple as, you know, you have a couple homeschool mom friends, and even if you don't see each other regularly, maybe you're texting once or twice a week, and just checking in, or praying for each other, or, you know, maybe you do have a group that you meet with once a week, whatever that frequency is, I just think it is so, so essential to be a successful homeschooler, to have connections in some way, and not to just be a receiver of that, but to be a giver back to the homeschool community by contributing to, you know, how we encourage others around us. Yeah, I agree. I think of, when we started homeschooling, we met a couple, there were four other moms that I met, and we started meeting in each other's homes. It ended up becoming a co-op. We were meeting in each other's homes for like three years, and then a church opened itself up to us. We were so close, but these are still very close friendships of mine. We still get together every couple months, and it's priceless. And so, I think when a mom is looking to find a community, she's usually looking for it for her kids. My kids need to have friends. I want them to meet other homeschoolers. But I think that we don't always realize it, but we're the ones that really need that connection. We need to find other friends. We need the encouragement. We need to be able to learn from others. This is where I learned about curriculums, and this is where you get some of the best advice about what works and what doesn't work because somebody has already tried it, and they can really just give you a lot more insight than someone who is speaking at some event or even someone that's speaking online. Just knowing people in person, that's the only place where you can really go and sit in someone's house and observe how it's actually working in their family. Yeah, I completely agree. Having that community or connections, that is just as essential as coming up with what curriculum you're going to use or what schedule you're going to use. Not dismissing that as not important for homeschooling. And isn't that the sweet spot where when we find connections for our kids, and then we become friends as moms as well? That's the ultimate sweet spot. It is. It really is. Yeah, our kids have grown up with these friends, and I'm close to their parents. We've all been in each other's homes. It is. It's very, very sweet. It's precious. You mentioned about not only receiving encouragement, but also proactively reaching out to encourage other people. Can you give some ideas of how moms can do that without adding more to their plate? Yes. For me, a lot of this is just helping other moms in your life know that you are thinking about them, right? To get something as simple as a text message saying, hey, you know, it's August. Do you all know when you're going to start school yet? I mean, I guess if it's a newer homeschool mom, you know, how can I help you? What questions do you have? Or even, you know, asking, how can I pray for you this week? Just maintaining those connections, even if it is as simple as just reaching out with a text message. And then I think also, as you learn of new people, maybe it's from your church or your friend group, as you know of moms who are going to start homeschooling for the first time, they have so many questions. And I know for me, I like to proactively reach out to them and say, as people did for me, can I take you out to coffee? Can I take you out to coffee just for an hour to some afternoon? And just, I know you're getting started. You probably have a lot of questions. And it's not that I can solve all their questions or all their problems or anything, anything like that. But it's just to know that, you know, even if we are not, you know, going to become super closest friends or, you know, homeschool mom friends, that they have an opportunity to start building those relationships. Because they may say, oh, I have this child this age and this age, and I've been homeschooling long enough, I can connect them with someone else, you know, that may be able to help them. And so that's definitely something, just being aware of when people are beginning their journey. I actually go to homeschool conferences quite frequently, and I'll have a booth for my book, and I do some speaking. And I'm just reflecting back on this spring and how many conversations I had with brand new, first-time homeschool moms. And I think the more the homeschool movement grows and grows and grows, it's just exponential that we have so many more moms homeschooling for the first time. And so just being aware and on the lookout for who that might be in your community. Or if, you know, someone is on social media, sharing with your friends there, hey, if you know anybody that's homeschooling that could use a little help, or if you are starting homeschool and use a little help, know that I want to help and reach out. Because sometimes it is hard to take the first step and reach out, like, oh, I'm going to bother somebody. But just making yourself available to do that, I think, is so important. I agree. I completely agree. This time of year, a lot of us are just getting back into homeschooling, and so many of us are starting a brand new year. Can you give some tips to some moms about some ways to start your homeschool simply? Yes. So this is actually our second week of homeschooling for the year. We usually like to start in early August, not because we're awesome, but because we like to have a lot of flexibility through the year for when life happens. But something that I've learned in the last few years is the very first week that we start, guess how many subjects we do per day? One. One subject. So, for example, the very first week, two of my boys, they did science every day the first week. One of my other children did math every day the first week. And so, for me, a lot of beginning the school year is not so much about the academics as it is the routine. And I know all homeschool families have different levels of preferences when it comes to routine and structure. For our family, we tend to do well when we have a specific start time and we kind of go in the same order. That just works for us. And so, when I started doing that a couple years ago, it was life changing because, you know, it's very hard to go from summer vacation, fun, fun, fun, to like seven subjects and all day. And so, what I found to be, and then the next week we add another one. So, we are on the two subjects a day route this week. And what my boys are finding is, oh, this isn't that hard. This isn't so bad. And it gives them time to get, especially if we've switched some curriculum or, you know, something a little different. It just gives them time to get used to whatever that style is, how long it's going to take them, what resources they're using. And then again, we'll add another subject until, you know, early September we'll be up to a full load. So, that has worked super well for us. But, you know, speaking of moms and the great resources that they are, I actually was asking some of my mom friends this week, like, what do you guys do when you start? Do you just go from zero to 60? And just realizing there's so many different ways to do that. One mom I spoke to, she said her family does do better when they just go, you know, dive into everything, but they start on either a Wednesday or a Thursday. That very first week, they only do a couple of days. And then I spoke to another mom that they kind of halfway in between, they do a few subjects, but they only do like Monday, Wednesday, Friday, the first week. So, they're just kind of giving themselves that breather coming off from summer vacation. But the thing I think I like best, and I would totally recommend this as an idea to moms when starting, is we do a first day of school interview. I conduct an interview with the kids together and it sweetens the deal a little bit. Yeah, it sweetens the deal a little bit that we do it at Chick-fil-A. So, you know, there's a lot less whining. I bribe them with Chick-fil-A breakfast, but we've done this for a couple of years. And so, it's myself and my three boys and I take my notebook and I usually have maybe like five or six questions that I ask them and I actually write down their answers. Like, this is a real interview in a fun way. And so, things like, what are you looking forward to most about this homeschool year and why? Is there anything you're worried or concerned about and why? What are you thinking that you want to try differently this year than last year? And, you know, things like that. There's so many questions that you can come up with, but then I give them the opportunity to ask me a few questions as well as mom and to demonstrate to them the ability to be open to feedback. Like, what's something that you think that mom does well as I help you with homeschooling and what's something that you think maybe, which sounds funny, I could improve upon. But, it's the idea of sharing with them too. Like, throughout the year, I'm going to be providing them with, you know, accolades for things that are going well, but also just, you know, constructive feedback when I see areas that they can improve upon and I want to show and demonstrate how to be open to that as well and help them learn how to give that feedback to others in a fun, healthy way. So, I love that because also through the year, I can go back and reflect on some of their answers and remember that. And then, especially at year's end, it's like, how did this all turn out from what we originally thought at the beginning? So, there's so many ways to make that fun and, you know, even Googling or GPTing questions that you get asked your kids on the first day. But, they are very, they really like me writing down their answers and I think that indicates to them that I'm listening and I want to hear. Right, right. And, to moms that are listening, if you've already started school and you like this idea, you don't, it's not like you missed the boat. I mean, you can do an interview after you've already started. I think that is a fabulous idea. My kids would really love if I did something like that. And, that's something fun if you would type it out or put it on something that you could print. And, we, in our state, we have to do portfolios, although I really do enjoy doing a portfolio. That would be something that would be really fun to put in their portfolio at the end of the year when we're wrapping everything up for them to look back and see, like you said, how things turned out or how much they've changed, what their ideas were, that sometimes they have these ideas and then they totally forget. It's just lost. And, just to remember, I think that would be something really, really special for them. So, I love that. Yeah, I completely agree too. Yeah. If you've already started school, go back and do it or another opportune time to do it too is, you know, when we have that big lull between, you know, Christmas break and starting up again, do kind of a mid-year check-in. And, that's kind of a good way to, you know, involve the kids in any adjustments that you might want to make. Yeah. And, I'm with you about a slow start. We are the same way. And, yeah, it was cool that you mentioned two options. For us, we do similar. We do reading, writing, math. We start with reading, writing, math and that's all we do. And, then we slowly add the other subjects in. But, also, if you're a person that does like to just jump right in, maybe just do a Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Wednesday, Thursday, Friday so that you're not overwhelming yourself by just jumping right in, going full force, you know, a whole week of school because it can be overwhelming. And, it is a transition for the kids and for us as moms to go from summer back into getting the books open again. It can be. I think that's really great. How can moms set realistic expectations of themselves and their kids? You know, if we could all figure this out perfectly, wouldn't it be great? But, I find that taking the time to really think about it is half the battle of setting those realistic expectations because maybe in our mind we think, oh, we want things to go like this and this and this and this and this should be reasonable. And, if we actually spoke that out loud or wrote it down, we would probably laugh like that's not going to happen. So, for me on the expectations, that's one of the reasons why we do start slowly is because I want to have time and energy to be able to correct some things that are important. Figuring out what are those essentials for your family with expectations. Is the expectation that it is very important that you all start at the same time? Is the expectation that it's very important that you're keeping your work area neat or staying organized or, you know, whatever those are like logistic wise because it's not going to be the same for everybody. Everyone has, you know, different expectations for that. But, figuring out that what that is and then realizing is this essential? Is this like absolutely essential? Or, is this something that's just like my preference and it would be nice if? Because too many expectations are going to result in nobody's going to get anything done. And, so just remembering what is most important I think is very helpful and possibly even, you know, I'm a big fan of just writing things out. What am I expecting of my kids this year? What am I expecting of myself? What am I expecting of my spouse? And, is this reasonable? And, have I communicated that? And, modeling that as well. So, one thing for us is we do like to start at a certain time. I mentioned that. But, this first week or two of school, guess who has been the one who has not been ready on time? Me. I have not been ready on time. And, like oh just one more thing and I need to do this and that. And, so like our examples need to match what we expect to. Or, you know, if we're expecting moderately positive attitudes while approaching things yet we respond to conflict with a negative attitude of our own. You know, that's an example. And, you know, that's what's going to be noticed. And, so really in our expectations allowing lots of grace and determining what really matters and what are we going to really work on and what just needs to go by the wayside because it's just not important. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I know I tend to put too high of expectations on myself. And, that's when you get discouraged and burned out. And, then you just need to step it back a little bit and think about what really is going to work for you and for the kids. And, so it's good to just think about that a little bit to make sure we're not trying to do everything. And, yeah, that can be a pitfall that some of us fall into for sure. I think so too. And, really evaluating our expectations. Are these expectations as far as like how much curriculum we're going to go through or how many hours a day, whatever that is, are those things that we've set because we think that's best for our family and our kids? Or, have we set those because we've seen someone else do that? Or, we just think that's what you're supposed to do? Or, we feel better if we're doing more than others? You know, so all of those things too. We're just really looking at like what is our motive for our expectations? Is it because we really believe that's what's best for our kids and our family? Or, if it's because we're trying to live up to a standard or copy someone else or do something that is just not the right fit for us? Yeah, and I think that is such an important point. It's so tempting to look at what someone else is doing and to think, oh, we should be doing it that way. But, your family is unique. Our family is unique. We all have different circumstances. We all have different opportunities. So, we just need to do what works well for us and keep our children and our families first. I think that's where there's a lot of peace. But, if you're trying to fit into someone else's mold, you're going to constantly be let down and discouraged. And, that's going to transfer to your kids. They're going to feel the weight of that as well. Yeah, I agree. I agree. And, some of that expectation setting too, just to, you know, further piggyback on this. I think it kind of relates to that, you know, avoiding comparison traps even. That's, you know, one of the chapters in the book is being mindful of what we're putting in our minds and what we're consuming. Because, there's so many wonderful homeschool resources that are helpful. And then, for some of us, there may be some that are maybe not for us or that are discouraging or make us feel poorly versus making us feel motivated and encouraged and uplifted. If there's things we're putting into our mind that are just constantly causing us to feel less than and discouraged, then that's a recipe for, you know, expectations that aren't going to be in line too. Yes, that's a great, great point. Well, Annette, thank you so much for joining me. I have enjoyed this conversation. Encouragement is so important. I really hope that some of you will take a look at this book. It's one that you can just pull out and read casually because of the way that it's laid out. And I really believe that encouragement makes the biggest difference, especially for homeschooling families. So, I am really excited about your book and I do want others to hear about it. So, before we finish off here, can you just tell everybody where they can find you? Yeah, absolutely. Well, first and foremost, if you would like a copy of the book, it is available on Amazon. That's where it's. So, with the click of a mouse, you can have a copy on your way. And I will, I'll link it in the description so that people can access it. Perfect. And I would add on that too. I say all that not to sell books, but because I believe in the encouragement in it. And secondly, we are donating 100% of all the proceeds from this book to HSLDA's Compassion Grant. And if you're not familiar with what that is, look that up. But it really helps homeschool families that have some pretty significant financial difficulties. And on the note of encouraging other homeschool moms, this would be wonderful to click it in your Amazon cart and send it to a brand new homeschool mom that you may know. So, that would be fantastic. But I do have a Dear Homeschool Mom book Facebook page and Instagram page. That's just what you search for, Dear Homeschool Mom book. So, you can find me on there. Or my website is dearhomeschoolmombook.com. I'm so glad you mentioned that. If you're not familiar with HSLDA, they are the Homeschool Legal Defense Association. And they help homeschooling families who need legal support. And so, when you, a part of the proceeds of this book, the purchase of this book goes to the HSLDA Compassion Grant, which is huge. I get emails in my inbox from HSLDA about the families every month that they were able to help because of this grant. So, thank you so much for joining me, Annette. I have thoroughly enjoyed this topic. Thank you so much for having me. And, you know, ladies, homeschool moms out there, let's just keep up the good work that we're doing and let's keep encouraging each other and finish our journey strong. I think one of the biggest reminders from our conversation is that we really aren't meant to do this alone. Homeschooling has its hard days, but it also has so many beautiful, ordinary moments that we wouldn't want to miss. And sometimes we just need another mom to come alongside us and remind us of that. Remind us to keep going. If you're listening today and you're in a hard season, I hope that you know you're not alone. You don't have to do everything perfectly. You don't have to have it all figured out. There are so many other of us homeschool moms that are waking up every morning, doing the same thing, pouring ourselves into our family. And the rewards are coming later. Whenever you start something, you always put in the most work at the beginning. So, just keep going. Just keep taking the next step, doing what you know the Lord's called you to do. Thank you for joining us for the Our Life Homeschooling Podcast. If this conversation has encouraged you, share it with another homeschool mom who might need to hear it. And we'll see you next time on the Our Life Homeschooling Podcast.