7 Iconic Couples! | BBC Comedy Greats

Polly! She saw you with the money. She saw you counting the horse money. Hello dear. Here she is. Find her in here. As I was just saying Polly, my wife would like to have a word with you about a slightly delicate matter. It's not delicate Basil. Don't be silly. He thinks it's embarrassing for me to ask you about that money I saw you with earlier on in the office. I wondered if someone had handed it in. Mrs Richards has lost some. The money? In the office? You were counting it weren't you? Did someone hand it in? Oh no. No it's mine. Yours? I won it. You won it? On the horse Mr Fawlty got a tip on. I hope you don't mind. I... No no no. Not at all. I didn't know you bet on the horses Polly. Oh I don't. Only I was in the town and I passed the betting shop and I thought well why not? Well why not indeed eh? Jolly good question Ada. But you didn't let me put something on really. Realise how much we would have won? 75 pounds for a 5 pound stake still. You know best. Those were the odds were they Basil? Yes that's right dear. 14 to 1. I listened in on the wireless just to make sure it had triumphed. Enjoy your winnings Polly. Thank you. Polly. Yes Mrs Fawlty. What was the name of the horse? The name? Uh... I've gone blank. No that came in third. Uh... The Fishwife. What? No... No not the... Small... Flying Tart. Got off to a flying start. And its name... Was Dragonfly. Find out the money on that horse was yours. You know what I'll do Basil. Gonna have to sell them back on first. Don't let them persuade you to stay on. Be firm Richard. Don't be pushed around. Richard. Aren't we forgetting something? That's better dear. And as it's your special day... You can kiss me on the other cheek this morning. Goodbye then dear. Off you go. Richard. Richard's just walked back into the house. It is his house Liz. No no no. He was supposed to be heading for work. I don't think he knows which way he's going. He's been acting strangely ever since they gave him early retirement. I should think he has poor devil. Imagine all day at home with Hyacinth. Every day. I call Amnesty International. He just kissed Hyacinth twice and walked back into the house. Anyone who kisses Hyacinth twice is entitled to walk back into the house. Well be more careful in future Richard. Locking me out like that. I'm sorry I wasn't thinking. I will not have you not thinking in front of the neighbours Richard. I'm just a little confused this morning. Well it seems so dear. But I'm alright now. Are you sure? Absolutely fine. Hello dear. I think you ought to walk to work today dear. Oh yes I will. I'll walk this morning. Richard. Did you say this thing was a tour? That's right it's a nine week tour of the country. Oh well I didn't know that did I? I mean I didn't know that. I thought it was like, you know, a play that you put on local. Oh I see that now. Oh that's it is it? Right eh? The lure of the big theatres. The applause, the applause, the show must go on and all that. We're not appearing in theatres. If you're not appearing in theatres then where are you appearing? Schools. Schools? Yes schools. It's a co-project between the education and the arts councils. We're supposed to take Shakespeare to the inner cities. Imagine what it might have done for me. Yeah. Could have ended up being a dinner lady. Don't become like all the others Del. Putting down every little dream I have. I'm not trying to put your dreams down sweetheart. You know I never do that. It's just that I don't want you to leave me. I'm frightened you might not come back. I'm not going anywhere Del. I'm turning the offer down. You can't do that sweetheart. You can't do that. No this is, you know, this is a golden opportunity this. Don't worry about me. I'm just, you know, I'm just being a bit selfish that's all. I can't do that tour Del. Why not? Because I've read the play again and again and at no point does Shakespeare mention that Rosalind is pregnant. It's always poetic license isn't there? Did you say you was pregnant? I've done all the tests and everything. It's certain. Blimey. Are you angry? Angry? Biggest bottle of champagne you can find over there. Bring it here. Come on. Quick, quick, quick. Rodney. Get out of bed you lazy devil. Quick. Come here. Tonight we celebrate. Hooray. Angry? Me? Me angry? How can I be angry? I'm going to be a daddy. I'll tell you what to do. I'll phone everybody up. I'll phone them all up. We're going to have a party. And we're going to have fireworks. The biggest fireworks. And we're going to celebrate. Del, what's all the fuss about? What's happening? Calm down. Calm down you two. Just calm down. Listen to me. I've got to answer one simple question, right? How many people do you see standing there? I see two. You know what this means, don't you, Albert? Either Raquel's pregnant... ...or Del's pissed. If any person here knows of any just cause or impediment... ...why these two should not be joined together in holy matrimony... ...let them speak now, or forever hold their peace. Yes! I do. The groom is already married. He married me three years ago. And don't let him deny it. I've got the marriage certificate to prove it. Sorry. Wrong church. Have you got the ring? Yes. With this ring... ...with my body... ...I thee worship. Repeat after me. I, Alice Springs Tinker... ...take thee, Hugo Horton... ...to be my lawful wedded husband. To have and to hold. From this day forward... ...for richer, for poorer... ...for better, for worse... ...till death us do part. Amen. Amen. In sickness and in health. Yes, I had to. I know true love when I see it. And I saw it in this pair from the moment I arrived in Dibley. I also know true insanity. I think I've had a little glimpse of that too. And so, by the power vested in me... ...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Thank you, Joanna. Good night. Good night, sir. Hello, darling. Hello. Leaving me at last. It's our anniversary tomorrow. Have you forgotten? No, of course I haven't forgotten. We're going to Paris. Oh, my God. You hadn't, my darling. No, I hadn't. No, it's just that I didn't... I'm double... I'm going to Swansea tomorrow. Swansea? And Newcastle. I don't want to go to Swansea and Newcastle for my anniversary. No, not you. Just me. Cancel them. I can't. What are you doing? Cancel them. We booked this three months ago. I can't! Then I'll go to Paris without you. Bernard? Yes, it's me. Look, I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow. Swansea and Newcastle. Well, you see, it's my wife's wedding anniversary tomorrow. It's yours, too. Yeah, and mine, too, actually. Yes, it is. What do you mean, coincidence? Don't be silly. Anyway, I'm going to Paris tomorrow, and that's final. Yes, I know I said before that it's final, but this time it is final. Well, you'll just have to cope as best you can, that's all. Yes. Definitely. Yes. Is that clear? Right. We're going to Paris. No, I'm going to Swansea and Newcastle. See me on TV tonight? I saw somebody who looked like you. What's that meant to mean? Nothing. Frank Weisel says I've just become a civil service mouthpiece. Yes. What do you mean, yes? Well, yes. You mean you agree? Of course. What do you mean, of course? I mean, you could have hired an actor to say it all for you. He'd have said it better. And while you're at it, why not just sign your letters with a rubber stamp, or get an assistant principal to sign them for you? They write them anyway. Assistant principals do not write my letters. Undersecretaries do that. I rest my case, Mallard. You don't think I've just become a puppet, do you? Yes, I do. Maybe you should get Miss Piggy to do your job. At least she's prettier. I don't know what to do about it. I'm just swamped by the work. Oh, Annie, I'm so depressed. Look, as we're not going to Paris, let's at least go out for a quiet little dinner tonight at the Trat on the corner. No, I can't. Bernard's told me I've got to get through three red boxes tonight. What do you mean, Bernard's told you? Oh, darling, when you edited Reform, you were quite different. You went in, you told people what to do, you demanded what you wanted, and you got it. Now, either you get them by the throat, or they get you by the throat. How many articles did you blue pencil and tear up in those days? Dozens. And how many official papers have you torn up? I'm not allowed to. Not allowed to? Darling, you're the minister. You can do anything you like. Oh, bloody hell. How am I supposed to do all this? Hello. Oh. Hi. Sorry to interrupt you. Oh, no, it's all right. It's just some computer data I've got to put into a programme. It's very complicated. Well, yeah, it does look difficult, but it's no problem. My name's Rodney. Cassandra. Ah, Cassandra. It's a lovely name. Thank you. I just wanted to say... I'm glad we bumped into each other, cos I was trying to find a way of saying hello to you, and I think it's really, you know, sort of liberated of you to make the first move. Move? No, you don't understand. You've taken my coat. I'm so sorry. It's OK. They're very similar. It's an easy mistake to make. This one's yours. Well, how do you know it's mine? It's got your name written in it. Right, Liz. It's most probably my brother, you know. It's his idea of a joke. Well, whatever. We've sorted it out now. Yeah. Well, nice meeting you. Oh, yeah, and you. Cassandra. I was wondering whether you had time for a quick drink. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm going out with a friend tonight. Oh, well, never mind. Um, can I walk you to your car? Oh, thank you. Pleasure. Here we are. I thought it was... Thank you for getting me here safely. Take nothing of it. It's a nice car. It's my father's. Do you live round there? Blackheath. How about you? Uh, Peckham. Where are you parked? Oh, no, I lent my car to my brother. Well, I wish I hadn't now. After what he wrote in my coat, the little... rascal. Can I get a bus down to Terminus? I'm going past the Terminus if you'd like a lift. Oh, thank you. Rodney. Goodness. I think someone's calling you. Really? Over here. Hung about for you. Give your lift home. Oh, yeah. There's... someone I know. Well... thanks for the offer, anyway. OK. Bye. Yeah. Bye. Who's the tart? What's the matter with you? Leave it out. What's the matter? Has he given you lines or something? Why did you write my name inside that raincoat? Well, cos Mum said to me on her deathbed... Why did you write it, you idiot? Right, all right. She said to me, make sure you always write Rodney's name in his clothes. That way, no-one will nick him. And I was just keeping me promise. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, but no-one nicked your coat, did they? It's bigger than you think. Listen who's talking. Excuse me, sir. There are one pen and a rudger on it. All right, thank you. Will you be all right up there? Right. I'll join you again in a minute. Daze, do you want to come up here and have a look? This is not the kind of skirt you can climb ladders in. Not that you've even noticed. Now, don't start that again. One whiff of salt air and you go bananas. Blues was supposed to be romantic. It's not compulsory. I knew you were wrong. We should have turned left. No, I did turn left. Perhaps you'll follow my directions in future. I was following them. You said turn left. This must lead to a deck. Richard, the shame. Just turning right when it should have been left. It's not all that bad. No, it's not that, dear. It's on his loan, Daisy. What about them? They're here. Well, how can they be here? Well, they are. I've just seen them climbing out of a lifeboat. They must have stowed away. Oh, Richard. My own sister, a stowaway. Well, Daisy, maybe. But do you think Onslow would get up early enough to be a stowaway? Are you absolutely sure? They were hiding in a lifeboat. How else would Onslow gain access to the QE2? Perhaps he's won some money on the horses. Oh, Onslow never wins on the horses. You've seen the way he dresses. Does he look as if he wins on the horses? The horses dress better than Onslow. Well, what's he wearing now? Well, I mean, he looks quite smart at the moment. He's trying to bluff his way through, trying to look like a passenger. Oh, but my poor sister, sleeping in a lifeboat, cowering like some criminal on this magnificent ship, at this very moment, probably hiding in some forgotten corner of the Bilges.