I Feel USELESS! 3 Months With No Hand - No end in site!

Hey folks, Joe here. I hope you still are as well. It's been a while since my last video. I'm going to say a month and a half roughly. I've been getting a lot of comments and emails and everything, messages saying what's up, where are you, we need an update. So this is my update video. I actually shot an update video a month ago almost because I needed help. I was going to ask you guys for help. I needed an EMG test, which is also a nerve conduction test to find out exactly what is wrong with my hand and my arm um and i had that all edited i had a professional thumbnail made and everything i was ready to post it the next day and then i got called because we were on a wait list and a cancellation list it could have been up to years before i got this test and i needed it i we were on a cancellation list for a place in Barry which is six hours south and they called us one day and we got in the next day we drove south the next day to get in they did the test and everything so i did not want to put out that video even though it was a sensational title paralyzed can you help a good thumbnail and it would have got a lot of views but I would have felt like a jerk putting it up because I had already got the help I already got what I needed and I didn't want to be fake and put it up for no reason even though I did a lot of updates in that video as well but I felt like it was lying and I didn't want to do that so where am I right now basically the same thing no surgery is gonna happen I thought I had a problem called a cubital tunnel syndrome not carpal tunnel syndrome cubital and if you want you can look that up you'll find exactly what I'm talking about but it happens your ulnar nerve comes basically under here and through these little bones and all up and affects these two fingers but all of my fingers are affected so when I went to get the EMG test done they stick you with pins they shock you and the nerve conduction test and they found out it is not a cubital tunnel syndrome it is my ulnar nerve and also my median nerve and that that controls these three and the ulnar controls those so they're all messed up on this hand this hand as well i have no strength in these fingers this one is numb these two fingers are good and i'm actually able to close my hand in a fist better than i was before so this is coming along i'm using this hand a lot even more because i can't use this one my muscles are fine this one is coming back good this one's a different story um i can i can't lie i have had an improvement watch this if you look at my other video you'll see how much I used to be able to bend my hands my fingers look at that I can almost touch my palm now except for with my index finger and my thumb my index finger that's me really trying to bend it really trying to bend it and that's how much I get and my thumb no bend at all whatever I will be fine if I get these three fingers back I will be very happy as it is now I cannot paddle right I can't even pick up anything that's like remotely not even heavy just bigger than what i can fit in my hand i can't i can't like i was holding a can of pop the other day with like three quarters of it gone and i was holding it in my palm because i was on my phone on my other hand and i looked back to take a drink of pop and it had fallen out of my hand onto the ground i didn't even feel it i didn't feel a weight difference i didn't feel it fall as it is i can't even be a one-handed person i thought about making videos one-handed guy goes into the bush one-handed guy camping blah blah blah but this hand doesn't work i can't like for those things. I can't saw. I could not chop. I can't even barely. I can't do my button up on my pants. I can do zippers up now. The doctor in Barry said, his exact words were, my hope is in time you may get some use of your hand back. It's not very confidence inspiring. I realize that doctors can't say you will be healed because then they could be like nobody wants to be liable for that type of prediction um but i was very bummed out i was hoping to get surgery the surgery is an hour long and downtime is two weeks and i would have been already good but uh that's not the case he said you have a very long road ahead of you i have a very good physiotherapist who i actually went to today that's why i'm all gussied up all pretty um i went i went there today and he's really good doing a lot of things bending my fingers and getting these nerves all loosened up And that's the only reason I can mend it like this and he's pretty confident that we'll get it back But it might take years Here's my problem You guys aren't gonna wait around for years right without me putting videos out and my channel is a camping video Sorry as a camping channel. It's not a me sitting talking about poor What was me channel, which I don't want to do I'm not going to do this is probably gonna be the last update video. I give you guys but like I can't do anything We took the kids to cottages not too far from here for a couple nights because I can't even set up a tent or anything and we want to go camping with them that's that's what we had to settle on we went fishing and I couldn't tie any kind of line to the to the hooks I couldn't do anything like that at all I actually it's very frustrating because there was people there to help and I appreciate that I appreciate them but I'm their dad you know what I mean I want to be able to do it maybe I just need to get out of my head a little bit about that and it's a good thing that I was there to be able to be there with them. Back up for a minute let's see Cass. Yeah why is it back? I'll help you one sec. Why is it back? There's fish in there for sure. I saw a giant fish grab it. You saw it? I'm still here don't get me wrong I'm super super super happy that I'm here and that I'm aware you know what I mean but it is a bummer if you think about it you need your hands for everything right and being self-sufficient on canoe trips was the one thing I was good at really and now i can't even i can't even take my sd card out of my camera without my life because these fingers have no strength in them at all i tried to squeeze my gopro clamp which i've done one million times before in the middle of everything going down rapids moving and catching fish moving every boom boom i can't even squeeze it more than like an eighth of it open um i will work on my muscles and my strength soon especially with this hand but i need to i need to get this hand back once i can start gripping things i can start doing that but like as it is these two are very very numb and painful and i can't really feel much out of it and these three are tingly and feel like if it brushes up against something or if i try to grab something it feels like hot shards of glass just raking all in there which i'm happy about actually because there is feeling there right if there was no feeling it would be getting worse it would be getting worse it would be worse but i feel like it might be getting better um it might take years again like I said like that's my hand relaxed like you know what I mean I gotta physically straighten my fingers but it does play a big toll on my on my mind um this is the first summer in forever that I haven't been gone and solo canoe tripping canoe tripping with buddies and the dog and putting out tons of videos and actually getting really good content out in the that's when I'm happiest that's when I'm at peace that's when I feel the most alive and real All these wilderness canoe trips where you're really out there, and I really really really really like the solo ones Really really really like the solo ones really but being out there with friends is good, too I had to cancel a trip with Kyle this year I had to cancel my big 40-day paddle from Lake Superior to Manitoba And that's all fine and dandy as long as I'm getting better You know what I mean as long as I'm getting good, and I have to figure out what I'm gonna do on YouTube but sorry I was saying it does play with my mind quite a bit and I'm not too sad or afraid or nervous to say that I've been dealing with depression and normally I'm that's not me I had some of it when my brother passed you know what I mean but this is like I feel like something's been taken away from me and don't get me wrong it's my fault what I did was my fault completely I get that I'm not I take the blame for that big time it really put me in my place I really need my youtube channel to keep going you know what i mean i have to figure out what i'm going to do i hope nobody thought i just was taking a hiatus because i talked about putting videos up for sale or for whatever to purchase and i was out doing that i have not forgot about you guys i have not been neglecting you guys on purpose i had that other video shot and ready but i felt like a loser and a liar putting that up so now we had to wait a little bit longer i've been in insane pain insane pain and I'm on three antidepressants because those are a second their secondary job is to deal with nerve pain it's not for depression at all the one is for my stomach my IBS which I've been on forever the pregabalin and the amitriptyline are for this and I finally got my dose upped my nurse practitioner is no good there's no good no getting around it she's she's not great at all and um well I can't even get in to see her and everybody in that office just quitting and she actually just quit as well and now she doesn't leave for a few days or whatever but it's like that's my doctor you know i mean i don't have a nurse i don't have a doctor up here i have a nurse practitioner because we live in the north it's been six years and we still can't get one and um she has a really really really hard time understanding the pain and prescribing me things that i need the only way that i've been able to get things that i need are we going to the er and those doctors one doctor just looked at my hand and he's like your muscles are wasting away you need you need pills right away and um and hooked me up and she just did some repeats on it or whatever can't even get what i need from her uh and that's it is what it is it's the north it's our it's our health care system again canada our health care is free but it doesn't help if you can't pay if you can't get it you know what i mean i would much rather pay for it i had a lot of people say going into the states but now ontario won't even give you a referral to go over into the states now. The other provinces will, but Ontario won't. Worst case, Ontario. You know what I mean? I was a super, super, super lover of Ontario, lover of Canada and things are changing. You know what I mean? I can see visibly things are changing and things are changing with me and in my head about it. But I have my family. We're doing things a lot more together now. I'm home for the summer, which is the first time in years, like I said. To touch on that healthcare stuff too. I've been paying tons of taxes. In the last six years, I probably paid four or five hundred thousand dollars in tax. No joke, no exaggeration. And it's like, come on, Justin, what's going on, man? You know what I mean? What's going on? I've heard surgeons can only do three surgeries a month. What if somebody needs a surgery and you've already done three? What if somebody needs help like me? I went down to Toronto. I flew to Toronto on my own dime to go sit in the ER because I could get no help here at all for anything. I did my research on what what hospital does EMG testing and surgeries and I test I checked it all out and I went to Sunnybrook and I sat in the waiting room for five hours my buddy Brian lives in Pickering thank you very much Brian came from Pickering to drive to the airport to pick me up drive me to the hospital I sat there for five or six hours and then the nurse sorry the doctor gave me two minutes of her time when I told her I think this is cubital tunnel syndrome she looked at me she was carpal I don't know cubital she was blown away by that had no idea what that even was. And then I got zero help. She's like, what do you want me to do? I can't help you. Go back to the SU. Go back to Sault Ste. Marie. I said, they don't do it there. She's like, what do you want me to do for you? So I flew there for no reason, trying to get help. Um, my nurse practitioner is no help. The Barry place did what they did and told me I can't even consider surgery for six months. Um, which I hope that it does come back on its own without surgery. You know what I mean? But I'm not opposed to surgery. I would take surgery tomorrow if I could to get this better I wouldn't wish this on anybody I wish I would have broken both arms instead that's that's a normal fix this this this nerve thing is is blowing me away man it's running me through the ringer here um so what I'm doing is constantly every day forcing my hand my fingers down to my hand and after a while I'm able to touch my fingers to my palm without this hand but the next morning mornings are are agony the next morning it's back to this and it's a whole workout trying to get it loosened up and stretch back in there i can't go swimming with the kids because that water is so cold it kills me um but i'm doing a lot with the kids and uh i appreciate that part of it and i appreciate you guys i appreciate everybody who has helped me andy reached out help me you know who you are big time brian of everybody i mentioned in the last video but also the comments and the extra views thank you for that going back some people said that they're going to go back and watch my other videos and leave it on play, leave it on run so that I get revenue from that because I can't put out videos now. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for everybody who's commented, everybody who's concerned about me, thinking about me. Bill Swift, I really appreciate you, man. Yeah, there's too many names to name and my brain is not remembering things as good as it used to even though it wasn't good before. But that's it. That's my update, guys. I don't know really what else to say i hope that it's done as soon as it can and i'll go out and i'll shoot some videos uh you're trying to use one hand and do things like that but i don't want to put out like a five minute video saying one hand one stick fire you know you can look back a few years ago i already did that i already have that stuff what i do want to do is bring you guys and have the experience show you guys the experience how you guys feel it like my normal videos um i do have that one with doug's brother that i never ended up editing because everything got really bad and And time was crazy trying to go down to Toronto, trying to go down to Barrie, trying to get help here. But I will edit that video. I might even send it away to get edited. After my last video, I mentioned that a lot of people reached out. Fowler, a lot of people reached out saying, like, oh, I can have my editing team do it for you. Which I've never really done before or liked before, but I might do it now. I'll get that video squared away for you guys. I'll get it up soon enough. And I will go out and make more videos, but bear with me, please. Please. I'm very lucky that I have a YouTube channel, even though it might go away if I don't put out videos and stuff. Imagine I worked a 9-to-5. Imagine I worked at, like, a fast food place or a factory, whatever the case may be. I can't work, you know what I mean? Like, look at that, how curled it is. I can't work. This hand barely works. This hand doesn't work at all. I would get laid off or fired or whatever the case may be. Whereas YouTube, I can still live off past revenue for a while, at least, and put out videos when I can I'm my own boss. that said i don't have any unemployment insurance i don't have uh retirement funds stuff like that i have to worry about that myself but um not complaining just explaining life is a trip life throws things at you i never ever would have considered this would have happened to me and even if this did happen i didn't expect my nerves to be all messed up my head is completely fine this is not part of my brain it's definitely i stretched oh i didn't tell you this either they found out when I landed I Superman and I stretched it over it hyper extended my arms and everything and I messed my nerves up up here I tore them and what I heard was no sorry I'm sorry I did not tear them I stretched them I stretched them like crazy I injured them like crazy no tears no severs so what I was told is your nerves are straight out like this and I over stretch it and instead of coming back straight it came back like this loose and wavy so like they don't know what to do my nerves are like that of a newborn or a five-year-old. They don't have memory yet. They don't know what to do. So I still have to teach them and do things and shake people's hands hard and try and grip them. Yeah, it's a whole learning curve. It's thrown a wrench in my whole life. One second of stupidity changed my life. And I want to preach that to you guys. I want to tell you guys, be very careful with what you're doing. And if you need help, reach out. You know what I'm saying? Like I, I needed to talk to some people about my, my depression and stuff like that. And, uh, I'm not always this chipper when the camera comes on, I try and be a good presentable person for you guys. You know what I mean? It's not always like this when the, when the camera goes off, not at all. Don't get me wrong. It's, uh, it's hard. It's very hard not being self-sufficient, watching your wife do things that you normally do. I'm not one to sit there and watch women physically work. Like I would even do the dishes, help Will with the dishes every night. We would do it together. Will is amazing. Will is a rock. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't be able to do the things without my wife. She really stepped up, man. You know, no matter how much it played a toll on her head, too, when I was out, she frickin', she's amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world. Um, she's not here so I can say that. No, I'm just joking. Oh, another thing! I'm on Shaw! I'm on, I, my, my, my channel got uh, picked up by, uh, Cable TV and if you're in Canada, it's Shaw. Joe Robinette Adventures, they call it. Joe Robinette Adventures. and it says it's on 10 RTV like RTV number 10 on Shaw it might be uh Rogers too or Kojiko i'm not sure but Shaw Cable Joe Robinette Adventures and they say the uh description is bushcraft backcountry camping wilderness canoe tripping backpacking follow and it cuts off there but it probably says follow Joe to see this stuff so that's cool too um but but watch it on my YouTube channel so i get a couple pennies out of it please but uh anyways i think i'll end this here i've been taking Wolfie for walks i've been doing as much as i can i tried to strap a weight around my wrist to do this but the physiotherapist said to wait on that um i'm still here you know what i mean i'm still Joe uh i'm talking fast i'm the most upbeat and hyper person i've been in a long time because of quitting that stuff um yeah i feel like getting out so bad and i really really really really really miss it like one more really in there i really miss it when i go outside take a walk at night and stuff and i feel the cool air i just feel like man i should be sleeping in a tent right now waiting to get up at six in the morning and start paddling like uh as soon as i can hold the paddle i'm going to be paddling anyways thank you guys for everything i really appreciate you guys love yous and uh please stick around all right goodbye