When two people are vibing, their brainwaves synchronize and so do their heartbeats. That is not a metaphor. It is a measurable physiological event, and organizational psychologist Adam Grant has spent his career figuring out how to make it happen on purpose. Subscribe if you want science with evidence, not speculation.
Grant’s new book Vibe is his seventh. It argues that the science of human connection has been hiding in plain sight for a century, and that most of what people do to build relationships is either backwards or unnecessary.
The episode covers why the highest sign of chemistry between people is enjoying your disagreements rather than avoiding them, why remote work produces boreout rather than burnout, and why your first impression of someone is a snapshot of one situation that may not represent the whole person. It also covers burstiness, confident humility, and why universities have survived COVID, AI, and every other disruption that was supposed to end them.
What you’ll hear: -Why the pendulum clock experiment from 1665 explains what happens when people stop trying to force a connection -What the HiPPO effect does to a team and why the highest paid person’s opinion kills creative ideas -Why Grant ran experiments on university fundraising callers that tripled their revenue with a five-minute intervention -What desirability bias is and why Grant thinks it is more dangerous than confirmation bias -Why Grant A/B tested the subtitle of his own book and what “relationships” signaled that “connections” did not -What Grant and Brian agree on about false certainty and thinking in conditional probabilities
“The highest sign of chemistry between people is not agreeing with them. It’s enjoying your disagreements.” — Adam Grant
CHAPTERS 00:00 Vibing is real. Your brainwaves prove it. 05:30 Task conflict vs. relationship conflict 07:40 Who is actually in charge: parents or infants? 10:14 Burstiness: the remote work pattern that works 14:24 Don’t trust your gut. Test it. 19:34 Confident humility: the essence of a good scientist 21:32 Desirability bias is worse than confirmation bias 29:00 Zoom fatigue is boreout, not burnout 30:02 The A/B test that killed “relationships” 34:14 Don’t disbelieve what can’t be falsified
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Adam Grant explores the science of human connection, distinguishing between productive task conflict and destructive relationship conflict. He discusses \"burstiness\" in remote teams, the balance of authoritative parenting, and the concept of \"confident humility\" in science, emphasizing evidence-based social science over intuition to optimize collaboration and personal growth.
When you and I are vibing,
our brainwaves actually start to synchronize, and so do our heartbeats.
The highest sign of chemistry between people is not agreeing with them,
it's actually enjoying your disagreements with them.
Don't believe anything that can't be verified.
That's just a precept of science.
But also, don't disbelieve anything that can't be falsified.
They're a narcissist, a Machiavellian, or a psychopath.
Check.
I'm not qualified to diagnose you, Brian.
Morton's Adam Grant runs the experiments
on why some people click and others clash.
At the end, he tells me why my somewhat snarky critic
of his newest study has his team talking
about a follow-up.
I want to start off because this book is a stealth physics book.
I have a feeling, Adam,
you're a deeply closeted physicist because this book brings up one
of physicists' favorite topics, vibrations.
Let me give you some quotes, okay?
Not all of these appear in the book, but some do.
Max Planck, the originator of quantum theory,
all matter originates and exists only by virtue
of a force which brings the particle of an atom
to vibration okay that's number one Richard Feynman
our hero right light is waves an electric field we represent it
as a vibration so this is a big
deal a big field vibration is i used to use
this as the ending of my podcast i said what uh what
is the most succinct sentence that describes the most information
and i got that from Feynman and
he said that everything is a vibration little particles
in perpetual motion okay that's
Feynman. Michio Kaku, another podcaster, the highest profession, right?
Podcasting professors,
there aren't many of us, Adam. According
to string theory, if we could magnify a point
particle, we might see vibrating strings.
Brian Greene says the same thing. And then finally,
of course, there is Tesla.
If you want to find the secrets to the universe, Adam,
think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.
What does vibration mean to you?
I had to cut out a lot of physics metaphors
from this book for the average reader to find it
hopefully interesting.
But I think people throw around this word vibe and they say it's a vibe
or I like her vibe. And what they're overlooking
is that a vibe doesn't just sit there. It's not
just dormant in a place or a person.
It comes alive in our interactions. So when I think about
a vibe. I think about a high quality connection between people.
And I think about it happening
in ways that neuroscientists can actually measure in the body
and the brain. When you and I are
vibing, our brain waves actually start to synchronize
and so do our heartbeats. And so
there is a physiological trace.
And I don't think we should find that surprising, right? We are
literally vibrating on the same energy frequency.
But I think when people hear vibe, they start to
think of something that's a little bit hippie or woo-woo,
and they don't realize, no, no, no,
this is real. It's observable.
There's so many physics quotes you left out,
including one from my favorite Southern Californians.
I'm picking up good vibrations.
She's giving me excitations.
And then, of course, Marky Mark, feel it, feel it, good vibrations.
You know, there's always this danger of like woo-woo,
you know, and how do you avoid that
woo, Patina, you're a rigorous academician,
scientist, and intellectual. How did you avoid
that temptation to fall into the trap that Tesla
and other people have so easily slipped into?
I try to think about this in two ways.
One is, I hope I've built a reputation for being an
evidence-based social scientist.
And I hope, this is, I think, my seventh book. I hope by now,
anybody who comes to a book of mine knows that if anything,
they're going to complain that there
were too many studies cited. There are too many meta-analyses.
There are too many randomized
controlled experiments and longitudinal studies.
And I didn't relegate enough of them to the
footnotes or references.
And I always prefer to err on that side as opposed to the other.
I think secondly, I think the part of the fun
of being academic is to try to elicit the same
enthusiasm in readers and listeners that we do in the classroom
when students are really sitting
there. And I know that for me,
my favorite moments as a student were when a professor said,
hey, here's a concept that you have talked about
in your everyday life that you've experienced.
Let me give you some data for it.
Let me help you use the scientific method to try to understand it.
And so that's really what I sat down
to do with Vibe. I wanted to try to figure out,
what do we know about how to spark, strengthen,
sustain, and scale connections between people
and eventually into groups and communities.
And the good news is there's now about a century of evidence
on how to do that more effectively.
The starting point is always to say,
what findings have been replicated independently
and transparently and accumulated ideally
in a meta-analysis?
I rely on those where I can.
When we don't have that,
let's try to look at the best individual studies
and say, what do they teach us
about how we can build more durable connections?
So now the mid 1600s,
Christian Huygens, a phenomenal, renowned physicist,
put two pendulum clocks on a board
and found that when they were independent of each other,
initially, they would eventually
get in synchronicity and start swinging together.
And I feel like, you know,
if I ever gave a guest lecture on this topic, I'd bring in
a lot of demonstrations.
But it seems like what I learned from the book is you can't force it.
Like, if you try to drive it, they won't synchronize.
They won't resonate.
And you make the point in the book
that's very counterintuitive, that sometimes you
have to disagree.
and the disagreement then causes a type of resonance
to occur in the team, but not at first.
Explain that paradox to me.
Well, there are two kinds of conflicts at a basic level
that most people experience regularly at work.
They're called task conflict and relationship conflict.
Most people, when they think about conflict,
are thinking about relationship conflict.
It's personal, emotional.
I wish I didn't have to work with you
because I can't stand you.
And also, Brian, you kind of smell bad.
Not productive for collaboration.
I can smell you even through the screen.
The BO, it's awful.
Task conflict is different.
It's disagreeing about vision, strategy, decisions.
We're debating not because we have any kind of interpersonal animosity,
but because we have different ideas about how to get to the best answer
or how to produce the best product
or how to solve the problem in front of us.
And teams without task conflict fail.
They fall victim to groupthink.
It's well documented.
They tend to live in echo chambers and filter bubbles.
Task conflict is necessary for surfacing creative ideas.
It's also really critical to making sure
that unpopular opinions get the weight that they
deserve.
And I think that oftentimes people overreact to task conflict
and they treat it as relationship
conflict.
They take it personally,
which is why I think the key to healthy conflict is actually setting
expectations so that you know that when I disagree with you,
it's not because I disagree
dislike you or disrespect you,
but rather because I want to try to get it right. I'm not trying to
convince you that I am right. So how do you do this?
There's research by Corrine Benderski,
which shows that even just saying,
can we debate this is enough to foster healthy task conflict
because people have a mental model for what a good debate is.
They know that we're supposed
to duke it out and ultimately maybe even listen to each other
and learn something from each other.
I think the highest sign of chemistry between people
is not agreeing with them.
It's actually enjoying your disagreements with them.
What interests me most about one of your studies,
and it's clear that you're a phenomenal teacher, researcher,
but also a parent and that you take it very seriously.
You talk about dynamics between children and parents.
And one story, you know, where it seemed to be that the infant
was sort of almost guiding the parent in a way, which is very, again,
a lot of what you write about and teach about is counterintuitive.
Kind of reminded me of that cartoon, an alien looks down on Earth
or Jerry Seinfeld routine and sees this guy's walking behind a dog
and the dog is like determining where he goes.
And the person even like gives the dog food and then picks up its poop.
It's crazy.
Like you think that the dog is in charge.
What's happening with parents and infants?
How do the infants know how to synchronize
the vibrational kind of resonance with the
parents?
Or is it just natural and instinctive
that a parent will want to follow the lead of the
child?
I think one of the things that I've learned just reading
a fair amount of developmental
psychology research, trying to figure out how
to parents build a stronger family vibe.
I didn't know this, but one of the clearest early signals
that parents and kids are going
to bond is when parents observe
their infant's attention and then follow it.
And I think we probably do have an evolutionary adaptation for this.
I think that parents who couldn't track their kid's attention,
they missed important signals.
They didn't notice a cry.
They didn't realize that their kid was thirsty or hungry.
That is probably a recipe for not succeeding
in raising a child that can go on to pass
on its genes.
I think there's still a lot of variation, though, in our species.
Some parents are much better at this than others.
And I think that this is one of the first things that a lot
of parents get wrong is they think, look, it's my job to be in charge.
And they end up doing what psychologists
would call authoritarian parenting,
which ultimately leads to either submissiveness or rebellion.
What we're looking for is what's called authoritative parenting,
which is a combination of being supportive and demanding.
It's setting high expectations.
It's also being warm and caring and nurturing and the combination
of unconditional love, but also saying, you know, I love you.
I do not accept your behavior.
And expressing disappointment when kids fall short,
that's obviously easier to do when kids are nine or 10,
as opposed to nine or 10 months.
But setting boundaries for unacceptable behavior starts early.
I see a lot of parents who believe
that their job is to run the show,
and they basically just let their kids do whatever they
want, as opposed to observing what their kids are doing and saying,
okay, there are clear
consequences for this behavior.
And I'm going to let you know what is okay and what is not okay.
And I love you regardless. Can we explore a little bit
of the quality of interaction between people,
the intensity of the interaction,
the kind of base levels of the hierarchy of needs? Some do
stuff for companionship or closeness. And what is it?
The chemistry is so it's like, you know,
the gustatum, you know, taste is not debatable, right?
What are these important features? And
And how can those be leveraged
for teams like Scientific Collaborations in particular,
one of the three leaders of a major scientific collaboration?
What is it about the intensity, frequency,
depth, regularity, et cetera, that can be used
by teams like mine to inculcate a sense of shared values?
Maybe that we don't actually have to agree, as you say,
but how can we best leverage that in a scientific setting?
Should it be more frequent Zoom meetings?
What can we do to intensify the bonds and accentuate the outputs?
I'm immediately thinking of Anita Woolley's research
on burstiness, which is a term she
borrowed from physicists,
looking at patterns of communication and signals being sent back
and forth.
But what Anita and her colleagues have done
is they've studied collaboration, and they've
been particularly interested in remote teams
because we live in a world now where it's
easier than ever to find a world expert to collaborate with remotely.
And yet it may be harder than ever
to make that collaboration productive.
because there's so many differences
and points of separation between us.
So Anita was interested in what
are productive remote teams do differently.
And she found that they do not communicate in consistent streams.
There's not a steady back and forth of daily calls
and hourly slacks and emails.
No, they communicate in discontinuous bursts.
They'll go through a couple hours of high intensity communication,
and then they'll go through maybe a couple hours
or a couple days of not interacting at all.
What's happening there is people are going off
to solve problems independently.
There's a rich literature on group brainstorming,
which shows that if we all come together
thinking two heads are better than one
and five heads are better than two,
if instead we had generated ideas separately working alone,
we would have come up with more ideas and also better ideas.
Because when we pool our perspectives,
We tend to run into what psychologists call production blocking.
We can't all talk at once.
Some ideas get lost.
We fall victim to ego threat.
I don't want to look like an idiot.
So I bite my tongue on my most unconventional, unproven ideas.
And then there's also conformity pressure.
If a high status person speaks up and the idea gets popular,
then everyone wants to
jump on the bandwagon.
Sometimes that's been called the hippo effect,
the highest paid person's opinion.
As soon as that is known, we don't get diversity of thought anymore.
So the antidote that psychologists have studied to this problem
is called brain writing, where you give people the problem
or the prompt, you let them generate their own ideas independently.
Then everyone does separate assessments of all the contributions.
And at that point, you bring the group together,
knowing individuals have more brilliant ideas than groups because
of the variety and independent thought that they bring to the table.
They also have more horrible ideas than groups
because we're too close to our own ideas to judge
them accurately. So we want to start with individual variety
and then bring in group
wisdom. And if you do that,
you will find yourself in a nice pattern of burstiness where you
collaborate intermittently.
You're going off to come up with ideas separately. You're bringing
the group together to try to figure out
which of these possibilities are promising. Let's evaluate
them together. Let's elaborate them together.
And now we're going to divide and conquer and
move the project forward, again, not all as a group.
Brian, one other just little observation
that Anita shared with me, when she studied burstiness,
she found that there's a motivation
benefit of coming together intermittently,
not just a knowledge combination benefit.
So if you and I are collaborating remotely,
and we agree that between 1 and 3 p.m. on Tuesdays
and Thursdays, we're going to be available
to respond to each other, we are more motivated.
I know that you are there if I need you.
I know that you're there waiting for my ideas or for my draft.
And that allows me to feel that I'm not alone.
Talk about the dangers of first impressions,
because in some sense, you know, it helps
out.
Aren't first impressions vitally, I mean,
that spidey sense, that little tentative question
that you have about somebody when you meet somebody,
you seem to hint that maybe we should
override that nagging doubt.
What are the importances of holding first impressions loosely?
I think when you meet somebody for the first time,
it's a mistake to trust your gut.
You're better off testing your gut.
It may well be that your spidey sense is tingling for a good reason.
And you've subconsciously picked up
on a pattern suggesting that the person might have what
psychologists would call dark triad traits of personality,
which would be they're a narcissist,
a Machiavellian, or a psychopath.
Check.
Oh, no, no.
At least one of those I check.
I have to say, one of those I check, but I'm going to profess.
I'm not qualified to diagnose you, Brian.
I'm not that kind of psychologist.
I'm sorry to say.
What I would say is, you know, sometimes those cues are subtle, right?
If you look at research by Dr. Keltner
and Leanne Tenbrink and colleagues, what they
show is there are these indications of superficial charm
that you can catch if you're paying
close attention on a first impression.
So, you know, somebody who is delightful
when they first interact with you, but then you
see them kind of subtly smile when somebody else fails.
That schadenfreude is a signal that they
might have some dark traits, but you might not be looking for it.
And so you just get a weird
feeling. Well, you might be right.
It also might be the case that they smiled because a song they
love came on in the background and you didn't hear it
and you don't know that. And so you need to
gather more information to figure out what is that cue telling you.
And I think that's what we see in
research on personality over and over again,
is when you meet somebody, you are only getting a
snapshot of the person.
Not only are you only limited to a slice of whatever traits they
happen to present in that moment,
you are also only seeing them in one role, in one situation.
And they might show up in different situations, in different ways.
I think about, for example,
a colleague of mine who,
if you showed up at a meeting and you were five minutes late,
you would not like her. You would think that she's unpleasant,
that she's judgmental of other people
because she'd give you a stern look
and tell you that it's not okay to show up late. Well,
it turns out that's a trigger for her.
It's a pet peeve of hers. If you met her in another setting
or you bothered to show up on time,
you would see that she's extremely warm and friendly and
welcoming and caring and kind,
and you would have a completely different perception of her.
And I think it's very common for us to clash
with people in one context and click in another.
And so ideally, we see people in a range
of situations before we think we've actually
found a signal in the noise.
I think that's what you call the fundamental attribution error.
But at a certain point,
when does it become okay to attribute motivation to people, even
if you don't?
I mean, you'll never have complete theory of mind.
So what threshold of evidence, you know,
in a Bayesian sense, do we need before I can
say, you know, Brian's a narcissist?
I wish we had a more precise answer to that question.
I think it's really hard to know
exactly where to draw the line.
My heuristic is I'm looking for consistent patterns of behavior
over time and across situations and raters.
So as an example, if I'm doing a job interview
and I see a red flag,
and then somebody else who met that person in a different context
has a similar red flag, now I'm wanting to know,
okay, is there a third person who can triangulate
that. And if I see that, okay,
this person has a pattern of egotistical, self-centered behavior
over now the course of a year or multiple years,
and different people have seen it,
and it's not just shown up in a job interview where they're trying
to make a good impression
and there's a norm of self-promotion, now my eyebrows are raised.
The other thing that speaks to me in this book,
and my wife's a musician, she plays a violin.
And, you know, I play an instrument,
it's called Spotify, but they always have these
like violinists that come in and,
and it seems to me there's this duality, you know, wave
particle duality, as we'd say in quantum mechanics,
between the importance of the soloist
versus the orchestra.
And a lot of people want to be the soloist.
How do you balance those dynamics?
Like in physics this week, for the first time in 34 years,
a single person, my friend, it
turns out Francis Halzen at University of Wisconsin,
Madison, he won the Nobel prize.
He's the first solo winner of the physics Nobel prize.
in 34 years. It's incredible. Yeah.
He led a team of hundreds and there've been many thousands
involved in projects. Our team that Mark Devlin,
your colleague at UPenn and I and Suzanne Staggs
and Joe Dunkley lead is called the Simons Observatory.
We have 450 people. Some of those
people are, you know, rock stars and soloists.
How do you know what role you're destined to play?
It's not something you can easily predict, right?
And you see a student and you might see greatness
in that student or whatever, but they might not live to be,
you know, live out their potential.
How do you inculcate that a little bit of swagger,
but also the humility, you know,
balancing chutzpah with a little bit of humility?
What I'm always looking for is confident humility.
That's a quality that I seek out in people
and I also try to cultivate in people.
For me, confident humility is being secure enough
in your strengths that you're willing
to acknowledge your weaknesses.
It's being confident enough in your expertise
to admit what you don't know.
And I think this is ideally how we're all trained as scientists
or social scientists,
for that matter, if you want to separate
that out as a separate category.
I think what you just said is the essence of a great scientist.
I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I love to point this out.
We have a lot of young students and Nobel Prize winners that listen.
But what Adam just said is vitally important.
You know, I gave a TED Talk, you know,
which has the logarithm of the number of views your
TED Talks have views.
But it was that you should have two pockets.
And it comes from a Yiddish parable about man
should have two pockets with a note in each one.
One says that the whole world was made for you.
And the other one says you're nothing but dust
and ashes. And what you just said is that confident,
you know, humility is the essence
of being a good scientist. I love the way you captured that.
It also reminds me of a Nordic
proverb that, well, actually it comes from the law of Jante originally,
I think, which is you are,
you are no better than anyone else,
but also nobody else is better than you. And I think
that duality is important because science requires audacity.
It requires the courage to come up with
bold ideas, to challenge conventional wisdom,
to ask questions that have never been asked,
and to contemplate answers that have never been dreamed up before.
And it's hard to imagine doing
that without confidence. At the same time,
you are a failure as a scientist if you cannot recognize
that you might be wrong.
I have come across too many scientists who are more motivated to prove
that they're right than they are to search
for reasons why they might be wrong. And psychologists
have long called that confirmation bias.
I actually think that's only part of the battle.
Confirmation bias is trying to support your existing assumptions
and beliefs and maybe
discount contradictory information.
Even worse is what's called desirability bias, which is when you
are motivated to support your hypotheses
and shut down any information that might call them into
question, whether Thomas Kuhn got anything right
in the structure of scientific revolutions or not.
I think the fundamental psychological dynamic
that animates what's often kind of the slow march
to discovering that one of our major theories was incorrect,
which is having a motivated group of
people who are invested in supporting the status quo.
And I think confident humility is what allows
you to say, you know what?
I'm more interested in getting it right than I am in being right.
I am not somebody who believes I've found the truth.
I'm somebody who's committed to searching
for it. Just a quick interruption from today's sponsor,
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already, I'd love it if you leave a review.
Every single review helps. Now back to the episode.
I'm interviewing your colleague, Ethan Mollick,
tomorrow, as it turns out, for his new book. His
chapter eight, he talks about the future of the university.
And I see us as very susceptible. I
I mean, the fact that during COVID, you know,
we were remote for a year and a half.
I think it was the same for you guys.
Our experiment was shut down for a long time.
Certainly seems to be hard to do what you do,
let alone what we do without being in
person.
And a lot of that kind of, you know, secret sauce was lost.
You know, the interactions, the intangibles,
the vibration, the interaction, you know,
chemistry that you talk about in your book, Vibe.
And I wonder, I would have thought
that that would have been maybe the end of education.
Our form of education where the sage on the stage, a guy with a piece
of rock in one hand scratching on another piece of rock with the other.
That's been around for a thousand years since
the University of Bologna in 1080.
Why are universities
so resilient to these situations where you take away the very essence
of vibing with one another and yet they're just as good?
And obviously AI can do the same thing.
How come universities are so resilient to this phenomenon?
Well, I don't think all learning needs to happen in a classroom.
I think there's a reason we have homework, obviously.
I think also, you know,
I think it's often said that necessity is the mother of invention.
And in some of my research,
I've wanted to complicate that a little bit and say, actually,
the necessity of others is a mother of invention.
Because if you're only addressing your own need,
it's not going to gain acceptance or
your solution is not going to be useful to others.
And it's the desire to crack a problem out
of both personal interest and
a sincere commitment to trying to benefit others
that ultimately leads people to come up with
new ideas that are fundamentally useful to others.
I think that's what we had to do during COVID.
I think that when we got shut down,
I remember Brian having to teach my first Zoom class
and feeling like I was violating one of the laws of thermodynamics.
I know that energy can neither
be created nor destroyed,
and yet I was sending all of this energy out and nothing was coming
back. I felt at first, I thought I was burning out.
And then I read a whole bunch of research
on this and discovered actually the term for it is bore out,
not burnout. Zoom fatigue is
not overstimulation. It turns out to be understimulation.
And so I started thinking
about what can I do to raise the stimulation level of the students?
And one thing I realized
was I was kind of stuck in talking head mode
because I didn't know how to lead a class
discussion virtually. So I started taking some
of the same tools that I use in the live classroom
and bringing them into the chat window.
So in a live classroom, what I normally do is I say,
first of all, if you have a disagreement that you want to raise,
hold up a pen. And that will signal
to me that somebody wants to bring in a divergent thought
and we've got an opportunity for debate.
And I'm going to have you jump the line.
Secondly, if you ever see 20 hands up and you just have a
burning question or comment and you just can't wait to get in,
I'm going to have you wave your
name card and I will let you jump the line there
and I'll call on you right away. And I thought,
why not do this in the chat window?
So I gave my students hashtags and I said, okay, if you want
to debate, hashtag debate.
If you have a burning question or comment, hashtag on fire. And every
two, three, five minutes, I would pause.
I would scan through the chat. I had some TAs who were
also scrolling through it and prompting me.
I've got to tell you, Brian, that although the energy
level overall was lower in my Zoom classes than I had felt
in the live classroom. I had richer
discussions teaching over Zoom than I had ever had
in the live classroom. And the reason for that was
instead of calling on a random hand that may or may not be relevant,
I was able to read everybody's
questions and thoughts in the chat
and choreograph a discussion that built, that challenged, that
ultimately crescendoed to an aha moment.
And ever since then, I've been looking for ways to do more
that in the classroom.
But I think what happened was we were forced to innovate and we did.
In the age of AI, when I can have a conversation with Carl Sagan
or Madame Curie or we got to get
you a finger puppet or Einstein or Galileo,
my hero, my personal hero, why do we need the
university system? I mean, if you could synthesize Adam Grant,
I mean, you have one of the best
rejection templates, the power of no. You write an email to Adam Grant.
You can find his email.
I'm not going to tell you where it is.
You can find it.
You will get the most cordial, sophisticated,
polite decline to ever hear from him again.
And I respect that.
But that's probably born of the fact that you
are incredibly in demand and for good
reason.
So, but, you know, my students at UCSD can't come
and take a class with you in person.
But what if they could take, you know, virtual Adam AI and have you?
Isn't that going to pose a threat to us, Adam, as professors?
I don't think it's going to pose a threat.
Number one, because we haven't seen the same legitimacy
of degrees for online learning only
that are conferred by physical universities.
But number two, more importantly, people learn best
in communities. I do not know how to build
and scale a classroom of hundreds or thousands of
people that will challenge each other
and question each other the way that we do in a live classroom
on campus. I also think that students don't just come to learn,
they come to bond. And there is no
substitute for face-to-face interaction if you want
to get to know someone. I will say there's
a paper that came out earlier this year out of the Eastwick Lab,
which shows that if you go on a Zoom
date, if you control for the length of the date,
they do tend to be twice as long in person as
opposed to Zoom. But people are just as attracted to each other
and they're just as interested in
going on a second date over Zoom.
And that may just be because their expectations were low and
they thought, wow, I never thought that this would
be even remotely enjoyable. And I actually
really liked that person.
But if you want to make a meaningful connection with somebody,
it's really hard to do that if you've never
been in the same room with them.
And I think people crave that.
I think people want to come to universities where
they can make lifelong friends,
where they can get to know their professors personally
and feel like their mentors actually have
an understanding of their potential and their
capabilities. And I think that it's,
it's just unimaginable to me that that community is going
to exist in a metaverse or in any kind of online class.
I have a patented section of my podcast
called judging books
by their covers.
Which is, you know,
another way of saying first impression
if somebody doesn't know anything about you i want you to take
us through the cover so the title the subtitle
the secrets of strong connections in a lonely world
and uh Reese Witherspoon but no you don't have
to mention Reese Witherspoon but take us through
the cover art the title
and why you chose the subtitle vibe is it's in the zeitgeist i think
that gen z and gen alpha are trying to co-opt it
although it's been used to describe the energy and
interaction and and the meaningful bonds we form since
at least the beach boys right with good
vibrations. So we can trace it back over half
a century as a popular term. I think when people
hear vibe, I wanted to make it clear
that I'm interested in how do we form a bond with other
people? And I think Strong Connections,
it was just the easiest way to capture that. We actually
A-B tested a whole bunch of other subtitles
and we had successful relationships, but relationships
signaled marriage. And this book is about all kinds of interactions
and connections. It's about
collaborations and partnerships it's about
romantic relationships it's about friendships
and connection felt most encompassing
and the cover art came from a lot of bad ideas trying
to figure out how do we symbolize two two things
that seem like on their face they might not click
actually coming together
and we thought okay two puzzle pieces that are a misfit being zipped
together that's a way to signal that you might
be able to vibe with people that you don't expect
When I wrote about this wonderful article,
it gave me great satisfaction to read your paper,
but the tools and methodology that social scientists use
are a little bit foreign to my audience, which skews more
to physical science and maybe pure economics and stuff like that.
Now walk us through the methodology to give us a,
you know, kind of a Rosetta Stone to
translate between social science
and the rigor that you apply as a real scientist to what
a physical scientist that may have
a little bit too much arrogance and narcissism think
they're doing, you know, the real science.
Walk us through what is the lexicon?
How can I think about things like pre-registration?
What should I hear when I hear things like that?
And then why even do that at all?
I'm an organizational psychologist
and I was trained to go out into the world and look
for a phenomenon and try to either measure it
or create it before then trying to pin it down and
explain it. So oftentimes my first study will take place in the field.
It might be an experiment.
I did some experiments early in my career where I
was studying fundraising callers at a university
and I randomly assigned some of them to have
a five-minute interaction that a month later,
the average caller had more than doubled in weekly phone time
and nearly tripled in weekly
revenue. The simple intervention was they got to hear
a scholarship student talk about how his life
had been changed by the money that the fundraising callers brought in.
All of a sudden, I think they
knew that the money would go somewhere.
They didn't know who was benefiting from it. They
could attach a living, breathing human being
to the benefits of their work. They knew what they
were doing matters. I do that experiment initially.
They have a high turnover rate,
so I'm able to replicate it with a bunch
of new callers every semester in the call center.
At that time, pre-registration didn't exist.
And so I just went into the lab and designed an experiment where I
had people do a helping task and I randomly assigned some of them
to actually just briefly see the student who was going to benefit
and then tracked whether they spent more time on the task.
If I were doing that experiment now,
what I would do with my research team is we would
write out the hypothesis.
We say we have a hypothesis that if you interact
with or even just witness face-to-face the
person that your task is benefiting,
then we believe you're going to spend more time
on the task and you're going to make fewer errors.
And then we would pre-register that.
We'd tell you roughly how many participants we
were expecting to get and where we were
going to find them.
and then we would run the study
and and see if we support the hypotheses or not and i think you know
echoing back to Feynman who we opened
the conversation with the first principle according
to Feynman is that you shouldn't fool yourself
and you're the easiest one to fool according to
Feynman so adam you know i study the expanding universe
and there's a concept called the event
horizon you know beyond which we cannot see
and and that eventually our universe if current you
know trends hold you know keep paying your taxes out there
but the universe will keep expanding
until it reaches, you know,
sort of this heat death where there's no useful work that can be
performed because of dilution
and the vast sums of entropy that are impossible to reduce at that
point. And it made me think about, you know,
your title is Living in a Lonely World. So the world
is lonely. The universe is even lonelier, you know,
hashtag lonely universe. But what one piece
of advice would you like to leave my, you know,
fairly science heavy audience who, you know, as
we say, one kind of thing would you give them
to give them the hope, you know, that that all is
not lost, to give them the courage to do as you've done,
to go into the impossible, to fight
against the entropy, the heat death, the isolation and loneliness.
What would you tell my audience?
I think what I would say is don't believe anything
that can't be verified. That's just
a precept of science.
But also don't disbelieve anything that can't be falsified. And I think
that's important because whether you're talking about
the heat death of the universe or any
depressing theory in science. We don't know for sure.
We don't know yet. And I think false
certainty is a great way both to depress yourself
and also isolate yourself from your peers.
I think it's much healthier to talk in conditional probabilities.
I think we should all be good
Bayesians, right? So I think my advice would
be when thinking about scientific models to say,
these are models. They are the best approximations we have
of the universe. We are going to gather a
lot of data in the coming years and decades
and centuries that may turn our thinking upside down.
And just as we've been through a Copernican revolution
and a quantum revolution, there are
probably other revolutions to come that we can't foresee.
That's part of what makes it exciting to
be a scientist. It means every single answer
that you discover raises probably dozens of new
questions. And it should be the questions,
not the answers that animate us.
And as our friend Pythagoras enjoined us many, many millennia ago,
that there is a geometry in the vibration of the strings.
But you're absolutely right.
If we had attributed settled science to that falsifiable argument,
we would have lost out on 20 centuries of the scientific progress.
And I think science is ultimately a hopeful subject,
that it allows us to have agency.
And there's a lot of doom and gloom going around,
especially when it comes to AI.
I'm not a doomer.
I'm like one of, you know, a few people is not a doomer.
We'll have to do a part two to explore
your feelings on the future of AI.
But this book is incredibly well-written.
I want everyone to buy every copy, but please do get the audio copies.
The audio book is an actual theatrical work.
And I think in the age of AI, when you can,
you know, get any summary of the book in two
seconds, you can't get this.
It's really a special thing.
And Adam, you're to be congratulated.
And thank you for this wonderful gift of your time and the book.
Well, thank you, Brian. It's very kind of you.
And I just want to, again, commend the thoughtful critique you wrote
of our op-ed on why narcissistic leaders resist remote work.
You brought in several very compelling challenges that our team is
actually talking about doing follow-up research on, which is great fun.
Not every day that a cosmologist informs our research
and sparks some new ideas, but I also, I really appreciate it.
You read our op-ed and I think most people,
if it's outside your field, you would stop there.
You actually went and read our research paper.
And then you asked me, why didn't you include a
couple of these nuances that were important
for the findings in your studies in the op-ed? And
sadly, space constraints were the short answer.
You provided a really powerful model of how to
engage with people in different disciplines,
starting from the standpoint of curiosity and
humility. And I think that was a real gift.
And I'd love to see more people communicate
across disciplines that way.
The title of the paper is
Worship Me at the Office Altar,
and it's about remote work
and how CEOs that have high on the triad
that you mentioned before,
at least one dimension towards narcissism,
they were more likely to,
after reading certain inspirational quotes
and other pre-registered topics,
to display a propensity towards in-person work.
And some of the hypotheses we're generating around
that's to feed their own ego.
And I said, the most capable profession,
where we could do everything on Zoom
because we did it all on Zoom,
was not a hospital CEO or a United Airlines CEO, but would be
professors. And I said, if you need a narcissistic professor lab rat,
Adam, I'm your man, my brother.
At least you own up to it. What can I say?
I'm there for you. Plug me into those electrodes,
get me on the couch, do whatever you got to do.
I'm here for it, my friend. Thank you, Adam. This
is great. Thank you, Brian. I appreciate it.
Adam just told us the best sign of chemistry
is an agreement. It's enjoying the disagreement.
If that changes how you run your team,
subscribe so you don't miss what's next.
And tell me in the comments, who's the person you argue
with most and still trust the most?
For a fun conversation with a scientist that I don't always
agree with, but always have respect for,
watch my recent debate with Roman Yampolsky, joined
alongside Josha Bach.
We disagree about the dangers of superintelligence, but that's okay.
The bots will sort it out for us.
See you next time on Into the Impossible.