Teenagers turning to AI to build friendships?

New research shows that middle schoolers are turning to AI, artificial intelligence, to create friendships. They're looking for relationship advice. They're looking for friends through a robot. Our parenting expert, Dr. Madeline Gagnon, joins us now. She's the founder of Pulse Parents, and she always gives us great advice. So what's happening here? Well, I want to talk about this today. It's such an important topic, but I also want to throw caution that this is a new and evolving area. AI, chatbots, this is something that I feel even as a physician and parenting expert is new to me. I really only became proficient in ChatGPT over the last several months. So I think it's important for parents to recognize how this is impacting their kids. Kids have access and we're seeing a rise particularly in the middle schoolers and the average age of about 13 that about one in five middle schoolers are turning to chatbots to talk about friendship, to find empathy, to find compassion, to find a sense of belonging. And we need to think about as parents why that's happening. So why is this a problem? Because I think about myself. I turn to AI all the time to, you know, for, hey, I'm looking for advice on this. I'm looking for an expert on this. And they usually give me some great resources. So why is this a problem for middle schoolers to be turning to AI? Well, I think to your point, AI is going to be a part of our next generation of our kids resource center we may have turned to the encyclopedias on the shelf but this is where our kids are turning and it's not about seeking the advice or skills or education albeit we do want to caution our kids that some of the information as we may have gleaned ourselves isn't always accurate and isn't always safe and how to be safe don't be giving personal information don't be sharing photos being careful of the content it becomes a problem when it's replacing those real-life exchanges of friendship. So why are middle schoolers doing this? You know, I think about high schoolers, even younger than middle school, have access to phones now. So why is it middle schoolers who are falling victim to this more often? I think middle school is where kids begin to really feel the pressure of belonging, of acceptance, what exclusion feels like. Someone took their spot at the lunch table. That hits harder than it did in fourth grade, and they may not have the maturity and the confidence they have in 10th grade to be able to manage that. So I think it's just a vulnerable time of an intersection between wanting to be accepted, wanting to have friends, belonging is so key, and yet not necessarily having that maturity. I talk about all the time, the brain is under construction, that frontal lobe, that emotional center in the brain to regulate. Someone took my seat at the lunch table. Does that really mean I don't have any friends? Or can I put that in context to what it really means? And so I think that lack of maturity leads kids at this age to be hasty and reaching out to other resources and using things like chatbots to replace that friendship exchange. And what happens when we're replacing actual face-to-face socialization with a chatbot? I think the number one problem for kids is it reinforces the myth that friendship is a feeling, whereas friendship is a skill. We don't need AI to mimic empathy. AI is wonderfully often agreeable, helpful, kind, empathetic. We need to teach our kids the value of what being a friend is. And to be a friend, you have to have friends and exchange that friendship. That may mean boundaries, that may mean conflict, that may mean rejection. To participate in the back and forth friendship skills is so key. So again, turning to AI and asking some questions, maybe some pointers and resources, that's different than it replacing and filling in that gap of loneliness and belonging and so that's what parents need to be mindful of it's not the use of the AI itself it's the context of how it's being used so how can parents recognize if the chatbots are being used in a way that's concerning and how can they talk to their kids to make sure that they get ahead of it before the kids even turn to the chatbot for friendship what i think is so important is that parents become aware. I have many clients and patient families who mentioned to me, I didn't even know my kid was using this tool and stumble upon it incidentally. So I think we need to be mindful as parents that this is here, this is 2026, ask these questions. Hey, have you ever used, you know, an AI chatbot to ask questions of? If so, what kind of questions do you like asking them? Why are you asking that? You know, how does that make you feel? Versus saying something like, I can't believe you're asking a robot for advice right that's going to shut down that communication so get curious get curious to what your kids are doing that may mean check their browser history that may mean take a peek at their electronics but most importantly that means engaging conversation, hey oh have you ever used you know that app or this app and how so and tell me why the other piece is parents need to educate their kids about why this chatbot is not a trusted adult this chatbot is not a real-life middle schooler friend that may be lost on some kids and that this is not necessarily a therapist or trusted adult. So keeping personal information personal is really important and helping kids process the information they're getting for their own safety and then really watching your kids' ongoing behavior. Are you finding that they're resistant to opportunities? Hey, let's invite a friend over. No, they don't really want to. Hey, let's get to the sport event. pulling back, changes in mood and affect. Those would be all key worries where we're seeing kids being influenced by chatbots that are harmful to their health. I'm not saying all interaction with AI is harmful, quite the opposite, but we must be mindful of the how. And there's a lot of safeguards in place from the companies themselves. So it seems like it is on the parent to make sure that you're aware of what your kid is using, you know like I know that my son has an Amazon Alexa in his room. He likes to use it to ask questions. You know, he wants to know fun facts about animals or what have you. But there are no safeguards in place by the technology itself. So it does fall on the parents to have to monitor. That's correct. Certainly the safeguards are, if they are there, certain, for example, in certain apps, if you ask certain questions and they can sense that you're a minor voice, you can get some follow-up questions of, I'm not sure this is appropriate question for a teen, for example. But I mean, those are very mild safeguards for what kids who are very smart can find their way through. So, you know, parents need to be plugged into this issue. And I think this is an overwhelming, slightly daunting issue because you're thinking, how can I control AI? But knowing that your kid feels connected and keeps talking to you about this is where it all starts. So remember, it didn't start with your kid wanting to engage with a robot. It started with your kid feeling lonely and maybe excluded and intimidated by their peers. Where do you start there to try to see how you can provide context and safety for your kid? Middle school is so hard. Brutal. And we've seen reports that these artificial intelligence apps have, at least in a few cases, reportedly encourage kids to commit self harm. Is that a concern for you? Yes. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if they They fixed the technology since those stories became public, but it's been reported that allegedly that had happened in a few cases. Correct. But yes, that always remains my concern. And so, again, things around self-harm, if you're seeing changes in your kid's behavior, more withdrawn, not sleeping well, wanting to disengage from the family or their friends, these are not things to kind of look the other way on. Know that your child could be seeking advice from chatbots or other sources on the internet. And it's really important that you're getting after these hard questions. And so being very direct in your questions around your concern is key. You are not gonna put ideas in your kid's head. What you want is your kids to get their ideas, their concerns, their thoughts out back to you as a trusted loving parent. But as you always say, don't come from a place of judgment, open the conversation from a loving place instead of a judgmental place and you're gonna get more response from the kids. when we're afraid, as parents, we end up pouncing, and how to try to stay regulated, say, hey, I'm concerned, let's talk about this. Hey, I saw this on Fox 9 today. That's right. Are you using AI as a friend? That's right. I think grandparents, aunts, uncles, trusted family members, teachers, this is a great thing to talk about. Yeah, hey, why not? You saw it here, so bring it up. All right, Dr. Madeline Gagnon, she's our parenting expert, founder of Pulse Parents. Appreciate her coming on every Monday. We're gonna take-