Bring Back the House Party | How to Host Without Stress, Perfection or a Perfect Home

Hi everybody. Welcome back to Real Work. I am Jennifer Tarle. I'm super excited about this show today. We are going to be talking about modern socializing and bringing back the old school house party. I feel like everyone is just so afraid to host in their home because they're looking for something that, like you see on Instagram, that is overly curated, and so then people get really stressed out, and then they do nothing, even though they want to have a party. So today, we are going to break down how to stop waiting for the perfect home and the perfect party aesthetic, and just to open your doors to people. I am joined by my favorite and my partner in crime, Rob Pekulski, my husband, who helps me co-host all of these parties. So let's welcome back Rob. Hey, Rob, how are you? All right, and I am up to talking about a party. Okay, let's do it. All right, so when you were a kid, let's start with, tell me about what your parties were like as a kid. To me, more neighborhood, more family, more friends. So informal. We're talking in people's backyards, garages, that type of thing. And to tell you the truth, I really don't even remember a lot of the physical parts of it, of like what the houses look like or whatever. I just remember the feel of it. I feel like you were welcome and felt like people were glad to see you. And those are the biggest things that I take away. Now, how about you? Um, same. I think it's more about the feel of it. I remember just, it's like a hug. I'm going to someone's house. I do remember always the good food and I can actually, I have such fond memories of the serving dishes. Like for instance, my mom. You always knew her dish because in a giant marker that was waterproof permanent, she would write a big letter H, huge, on all of her plates to make sure that she got that plate back. And everyone would just bring something. Oftentimes, there was really nowhere to sit. You might sit on the stairs because there weren't enough tables or you'd stand in the kitchen. And I just remember All of the people, it's making me emotional talking about it. All of the people being there and just how warm it felt. And they're just, it was so welcoming and everyone was just so proud of everything that they brought. And it was just such a, it was such a great time. I just absolutely loved it. So this kind of gets me into my next point. So Rob and I have been talking about this a lot. Like what is happening to parties? I feel like people just aren't having parties anymore. And so I find that so many people are just waiting for this like perfect Instagram moment where their house looks amazing and everything is served in the perfect serving dish on the perfect plates and you have the chairs and everything that you've rented. So why is waiting until everything is perfect? Why is this keeping people from hosting? What What is your opinion, Rob? My opinion is that folks are looking for the perfectionism on this. I need it to be perfect. And as we just talked about. No one cares. Like when we talk about parties that we really enjoy, can't even remember whether you had matching chairs or whether this was the, the most, uh, the most put together, uh, like from modern, uh, design magazine or something. Nobody remembers that. You remember the feel of it. And I think that prevents a lot of people from doing it is that you want things to be perfect. And you're just thinking it's going to take a lot of work. People are going to judge me. Based on what my house looks like or how I keep certain things, I'll get judged for that. And so I want it to be really good. In the end, though, quite frankly, almost everybody doesn't really care about those things. They just care about how welcome they feel and what does it feel? What do you think? I agree. So when we moved into our current home, there was a lot of work to be done. And Wasn't looking great. We were in the middle of renovations and things, and the garage was an absolute mess. But we had been welcomed into our neighborhood. Everybody was lovely. And we would kind of do these things where, like, someone would just be out walking with their kids, and then they would have, like, oh, stop over. We'll stand outside. We'll have a drink, blah, blah, blah. So we decided. Okay. Everyone's been so welcoming. Let's throw like a little party in the fall. Nothing is going on. Okay. And then I'm going to admit it. I got into the whole, like, I don't know. We're not ready. We don't have enough tables, blah, blah, blah. And you, with all of your wisdom, you were like, let's just do it. It's never going to be perfect. Let's just do this party. So we started And now, what year is this? Our fifth year? Yeah. This was the fifth year, I think, that we did our fall party. So I read this somewhere, heard this on a podcast. It's not my own original thought, but you do a party once. If you do it the second year, then it's your tradition. And so now we have this tradition of doing this fall party and I love it. So Rob, why don't you tell us a little bit about The party where we hold it and, you know, we'll just kind of talk through the whole thing in case someone wants to do this on their own. Right. So, you know, how we talked about how you don't remember exactly what the place looked like in the best neighborhood parties you've gone to. And so our approach is trying to make people feel welcome. That's the biggest thing we focus on. So what we have in this annual October party is literally in our garage. And the driveway. I mean, that is it. So people like that, in my opinion, because you're going to tell them, listen, this is not a fancy-dancy thing. We're going to be in the garage, and it is an unfinished garage. It is not a, believe me, you'll see a bunch of our junk there. So it's like, it's a garage. It is organized junk, if I can interject. Organized junk. It's all on shelves. Yes. So it is organized, but it's still a garage. It's a garage, and it's a driveway. And we tell everybody it's informal. We do tell people, bring whomever you want. Bring kids. Bring your dog if you want. Because we'll be outside a good chunk of the time. October weather here is pretty darn nice usually. We'll have a plan for if we have to go under stuff. But for the most part, it's worked out well that you can just be in the garage and on the driveway. So we try to keep it as informal as possible. Uh, that is the biggest thing is try to make it as welcoming. And again, you got to think of your guests. They also love knowing that this is not some big formal thing. Yeah. That's in their best interest too. So everybody kind of likes that. It's not some big formal, you got to get dressed up. It's like, no, we want you to come as you are. The important thing is to be there because we do think that a connected neighborhood where you're all connected with each other is a pleasant neighborhood and a safe neighborhood. That's where people look out after each other is when you know each other. And so that's the big opportunity is to get some connection within the neighborhood. Yeah. All right. Let's talk logistics. So what we do is about a month before the party. We send out an invitation. I have thoughts on this. I've used all the different apps. And this year we landed on Partyful, which worked out okay. I think it's also important to know that you might not know 100% who's coming. So we have some people who may not be as tech savvy as others. And so even though we send out this invitation via email and text, Sometimes we'll just be on a walk and someone will say, we're coming. Or maybe someone will actually call us on the phone because they don't know how to use the RSVP on the actual invitation. And so you got to be okay with that. And I also write in the invitation. That if you are coming and your in-laws are in town or you have friends in town, everyone is invited. Just let us know who's coming. And then also for the kids who are, I would say middle school and up, sometimes they might feel a certain way about coming if they don't have a friend to come with. And so it's always open invitation. Your kids can bring a And if our daughter is inviting friends. Their parents are always invited. So it's just sort of this big open invitation. And I think that makes it interesting because then you have like just all of these people coming. Now, that being said, you kind of have to plan for more or less. So you kind of have this like range that you're planning for. And that is just what it is. I'm okay with that. And I think That is how you actually get off the couch and start doing something is just being okay with the unknown. Okay. So, you know, we have it in the garage. What about where's everyone going to sit? Okay. I tell people, bring your own chair. I talk to the neighbors that live right around us and everyone brings their tables over and that works out well. So just know as well, not everyone may have a seat, and that's okay. Somehow it works out. People sit on the stairs. People will come in the house. People will do what they need to do, and it just works out. All right, I'm going to talk about what I make, and then I'm going to throw it over to Rob about our themes. So I plan on making something that feeds a crowd. And yes, I'm the hostess, and I want everyone to feel welcomed and that there's enough food, but yet also I want to have fun. So in the past we have done, I've used the grill, I've made things, blah, blah, blah, too much work. So what we've landed on is I make a giant crock pot of something meat-based. I make two crock pots of meat and I coordinate with the people I know are coming. Like my mom and dad are great about doing whatever I ask them. Some of my aunts are great about this. So you kind of strategically plan your meat options. And then from there, I just give it up to the Lord. And I say, everyone, bring what you want. So Rob, talk to us about our themes and kind of how we do what everyone brings. Yeah, so a big approach that we have is instead of just providing all the food, we always Ask people to bring stuff. Now, the good news on that is you get even better food. The second thing is it takes some of the pressure off you as host. But the third most important thing is you kind of have this shared ownership of the party. Everybody owns the party because everybody's bringing something. So it really is something that everybody owns together. And it gives something that you can talk about. I was just going to say that. Exactly. And so that's great. And so this year, we always try to figure out, eh, we should have some sort of reason to bring something. You can make it whatever it is. This year was whatever your ethnic background is, bring that. You don't have to, we said, you can bring whatever you want. I mean, no one, no one cares. No one's asking, but in general, we said, whatever. And let me tell you, it was the best. It was the best ever. Let me tell you, as far as the food, oh my goodness. It was crazy good. Yeah. So we're going to show you a picture. I have a picture of this, um, in the past, I'm trying to remember some of our other themes. I think the first year we just did like bring whatever you want, Bring a drink or a side dish, a dessert, something like this. That's when I was kind of curating a little more. And then one year we did Oktoberfest. So bring something. Well, like that was the year that we had the great German potato salad that everyone still talks about. And so that was like a big hit. But this year, It was a smash hit. we did bring your culture and people did not disappoint. Let me show you the picture first and then we'll talk a little bit about it. Here's our lovely garage in the upper left corner. You can see it is informal, but it is cozy to say the least. So we brought in the tables, um, shout out to our neighbor, Sherry. Um, she gave us so many tables and we set them all up. I put some tablecloths on there and we were ready to go. My daughter, Claire did a great job, uh, putting out little note cards because everybody wants to know what they're eating. And we did a... A new thing this year where we had everybody put their name on what they brought. This really invited great conversation. And so you can see here, everyone brought their ethnicity. We had some dumplings from our neighbors, which were... Taiwanese Taiwanese, absolutely delicious. This was the first dish to go. So I think they win because everybody loved these. The bottom left is what I made, which is cabbage roll casserole. Again, I could have made cabbage rolls too much time. So this is a crock pot recipe that is a fan favorite in our family. If you want the recipe, just let me know and I will send it to you. It's incredible. And then in the bottom, this was Aunt Pearl. I worked with her and she helped me with two of the meat dishes. She brought hot dogs for the kids, just plain old hot dogs in a crock pot. And then this is, Rob and I can talk about this. This is our kielbasa we eat in Western Pennsylvania with sauerkraut. Rob's people in Toledo eat something different. We'll talk about that in a minute. And then on the bottom right, what do we have there, Rob? So that is from South Africa, Biltong. Okay. That was delicious, and that was a hit. I'd never had it. So it's like South African Biltong, like just absolutely fantastic. So it was the first time I had that. And let me tell you, it was one of my favorites. Absolutely fantastic. So good. And then the upper right, we have a really bad picture of all of the desserts. We did learn this year, we need a bigger dessert table because we had so many amazing desserts that we just ran out of space. So this is just how informal the whole party is. And so we start the party early so that people who don't like to drive too late at night can go home. And I think that's key. So you can have multi-generational party, which is so much fun. So we start at five, we eat at six o'clock, and then we have dessert pretty much right after at seven. Although I will say some people snuck into the desserts early, Whatever. I'm totally fine with that. Rob, what was your favorite food from the party? Did you have a favorite? Uh, again, the South African biltong was awesome. The Taiwanese, uh, dumplings, fantastic. The Mississippi pot roast. I mean, come on, shout out Mississippi pot roast. I never had before. It had a kick to it. I know never expect pot roast to have kick, but it had a kick to it. Uh, I always like one of our neighbors does deviled eggs that were just absolutely fantastic. Delicious, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it went on and on. I always tell everybody, I don't care. Whoever is the richest person in the world, they were not eating better than us. They were eating the best because we had such a variety. And again, people brought their A game. This was the stuff that was great. So, and again, it gave somebody, everybody something to talk about immediately. And people had reasons. What I love most though about the dishes were the stories. And it usually involves your grandmother, grandfather, recipes passed on. And so it has a story. Everything had a story behind it. That was my favorite part. Even more than the food was the story behind the food. And that made it all worthwhile. So highly recommend. Yeah, that was fun because then people who didn't know each other had something to talk about. And I did love that. A lot of the kids got involved as well and made things. So we have one family from Ireland and they brought some delicious little breads and then, of course, the delicious Kerrygold Irish butter. And then the other side of the family is French. And so the daughter ended up going online, finding a recipe for this French cake and made this French cake and brought it as well. So everybody gets involved. Everyone has so much fun. And then kind of things take on a life of their own. So I want to move into like, what do we do, right? So we put like little things out for the kids to play with. We play some music, but nothing too crazy. And then when we first started doing this, my daughter, our daughter was so much younger and she wanted her friends to wear their Halloween costumes. So we put an invitation. If you want to wear a Halloween costume, great. You don't have to. I had little extra Halloween costumes on hand just in case someone forgot something. And let me tell you, every year we use those little extra Halloween costumes. Just go to Target at the end of the year. Buy a few, keep them on hand if you do this. So people wear their Halloween costumes, mostly the kids. And then one year, my dad does what, Rob? Uh, so he decides we were going to have a contest. We're going to have a costume contest. Yeah, we did not know this, unbeknownst to us. So he decides we're going to have a costume contest and there's going to be, uh, awards given out and the awards were cold, hard cash that he has in his pocket. So that's what he's going to do. He's going to hand out a few bucks to the winners. Uh, and so he decides it. And now it is an annual tradition that. There will be a costume contest for the kids. Yeah. That is exactly what happened again this year. Yeah. And it's fun because now it's evolved. And now we kind of have like a costume parade for the kids. And that is just so, so much fun. Thank Let's talk about cleanup. So there's a lot to clean up. But how does that all work, Rob? What you do find is that. you, People who come are very nice. So we had so many people offer to stay and help clean up. everyone. Now, of course, we told everybody, you do not have to do this. We got this. We got this. But you'd be shocked how many people are like, no, no, no. They will insist on helping out. So whatever it is that they will help to be able to do, whether if you have too much garbage, they'll say, I'll take a garbage can. I was just going to say this. This is a problem, garbage. So tell us about that. Yeah, if you have limited garbage can space, like you fill up very quickly. So people in the neighborhood know that. And so they will offer to take some and put in their garbage can, which is extremely helpful. Yeah. Things like that. People are really nice, really thoughtful. And our experience is they will do way more than I ever expected to. Yeah. And they're a lot of help. So it doesn't take that long to clean up. It really doesn't. No, it doesn't. Not a big deal. Yes, it's work. Yes, it's that. But it's not a ridiculous amount. It's totally fine. And people help. Yeah, I do love it. And don't be afraid to ask. I think oftentimes when people are hosting parties, they don't want to ask. I think, again, it goes to this aesthetic thing that you're supposed to do everything. If you ask people, they will help. I mean, I just one year asked if someone will take a bag of garbage and miraculously it all just disappeared. And it was amazing. And you'll see people walking home with your bag of garbage. It's great. It takes a team. It's a team effort to do all this. And then I think it just creates a little more community because the kids are helping. One year we had kids doing dishes. Most people take their dish home dirty, which I really appreciate. This is great. And then I did learn this again from my neighbor. Thank She always has the little to-go containers. You can buy these on Amazon in bulk. Put those out. That really helps with cleanup as well because the biggest part of cleanup is kind of putting all of the food away. And so if you have these containers, you. everyone takes usually a container for lunch the next day and some desserts for the next day. And then that makes cleanup a snap. So the only, is there anything I'm missing on this whole party planning and cleanup and all of it, Rob? Well, the big thing is you mentioned just to circle back where you said, why don't people do this in the first place? Yeah. The biggest things that can go wrong is you have too few people come or too many people. The too few people come, you just got to like resign yourself that we're going to have fun even if there's four of us. That's it. Exactly. That's it. We're going to have fun, so that can happen. All It hasn't. Most of the time, I mean, that is not. But you just have to remind yourself, we're going to have fun no matter what. Just four of us And then at the other side, if there's too many people, we say, well, that would be a right. great problem to have if we have too many people. You can always order some pizza or whatever if you run out of something. It's really not a problem that as big a deal. We go, wow, that would be a great problem to have if you have too many people. So get those two problems out. And then making people feel as welcome as possible is the biggest thing. It's not that it's the perfect location and the perfect amount of seating and the perfect decorations. It's how welcome the people feel. That's it. That's what they're going to remember is how welcome do you feel? And we want everything. So make people feel welcome. That's what the focus on. Yeah, that is 100% what I was going to say. What I want to add is I think that after you do this so many times, like we've forgotten to invite people by accident. Like I thought that I sent the invitation. Rob thought that he sent the invitation. And now people just know to expect that we're having this party in the fall and that they know they're invited. And so we've had people say, oh, I didn't get the invitation. Are you doing your party? And then we're like, oh my gosh, you didn't get it. And then we send You know, just kind of be open about that. And then. Everyone is really understanding and so great. And you don't have to do this kind of a party. I also do an annual ladies Christmas tea. Um, And that's really fun. It's just kind of an open house and have little tea sandwiches, some hot chocolate for the kids, coffee and tea for the adults. And all the ladies in the neighborhood come and it's just so much fun. So you can really do any kind of party. Rob, I want you to talk about real quickly before we wrap up here. You've also done a party in a restaurant. So tell me about that, why you did it and how you do it. So to me, having the party at the restaurant is, if you want to choose, the easiest, fastest way to do it. And making reservations ahead of time, making sure you have a specific spot set out is a good way to do it. You definitely want to reserve a spot. To me, that's the best, is if you can reserve that. And if they have a separate room, that's great. So you'd be surprised how many times a restaurant will make accommodations for that. If you want to be able to do that. And then again, make it as easy as possible for when people get there, recommend where they can sit. That's always a big thing. And introduce people at a restaurant. So it is something that if you want to be able to do quick and easy. And just get people together is have a spot, make sure people know where it is, make sure the restaurant knows what the occasion is and where the, cause they'll tell you what makes sense and what doesn't for the restaurant. So that is very helpful to be able to do this at a restaurant. Usually it's a group that may be coming from different locations to coming to your house may not work. And so you can meet at a restaurant. My suggestion is just get it done. Do it. It doesn't have to be perfect. It does not. Do not let perfectionism stop you from just doing something. Everybody appreciates when you just do it. Just do it. It doesn't have to be perfect. Yeah. So I do want to say that Rob did this for his colleagues that he worked with years ago and people hadn't gotten together in years. It was impossible for everyone to come to our house. We totally would have hosted a party here. So Rob kind of orchestrated, we're all going to kind of meet in this middle location. And that's why he did it at a restaurant. And so the big takeaway I think is let's get back to connecting in person. I love a house party that is informal and that more or less you just do it. But if you can't, don't let that stop you. Go to a restaurant, do something. And it doesn't have to be expensive. You can just do appetizers at the restaurant and everyone buys their own drink. Like it's easy, easy, breezy. So don't keep making excuses, just. Have the party and you will not regret it. Rob, am I missing anything? Now, the biggest thing is do the thing. Organize it. Don't worry about it being perfect or fancy. Nobody really remembers much about the fancy level. They remember how welcome they felt and what it's like to connect. Everything else fades into the background. And so just get the basics of just getting people together and do a version 1.0. Tell everybody I'm just trying this. Everybody's hopeful. So just do it. You will not regret it. Okay. So everybody have the party. And if you do, please let us know in the comments about your party and how it goes and let's start a movement. Let's all just have a house party this year, whether it's for just your neighbors next door, the whole neighborhood, your friends from high school, your friends from your first job, Just host it and just do it. You will have so much fun and everyone is so helpful. So Rob, you're the best. Thanks for being here. And everyone, we appreciate you too. And if you live near us, maybe, you know, let us know and you can come next year. Okay. All right, everybody. Have an amazing day. Take care.