The MAGA-MAN Halloween Special

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program for tonight's special presentation, the Mega Man Halloween special, When There Are Nine. I think Elon wins for best costume. Look at that. It's perfect. Well, thank you, sir. It's good. It's very good. Fantastic. I have no idea who you're supposed to be. My favorite Martian. You've never seen my favorite Martian? It's a classic. How does it do that? It's just a natural part of my anatomy. What? Hey, I just realized something. Did you guys ask me to dress as Scooby because I'm the brown one? Duh. Yes. Of course. Obviously. Yeah, cool. Just checking. Well, if it isn't the fascists, I guess we should thank you for the invitations. Joe, Chuck, Nancy. Sadly, I've got to invite everybody. The PR team says it looks bad if I don't. Too bad old Adam Schiff couldn't make it. I know he's your favorite. No, yeah. I couldn't invite him. No? Why's that? Because he's an a**hole. That's fair. J.D., I see you're dressed as the pothead drug addict. Runs in the family, I hear. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, chill out, Cruella. What the f**k? It's a great party. Really. But you know what would have been cool? Fog machines. Give it that spooky Halloween atmosphere. You surprised me, Joe. That was not an entirely incoherent sentence. All right, well, we really must be going. It's late. It's 8 o'clock. At our age, Donald, 8 o'clock is late. Man, I hope I never get old like you guys. Me too, Donald. Me too. She said that because she wants me to die. Yeah, I know, honey. Sir, we have an emergency. Dr. Gorka. Glad you could make it. It's big. Sounds like a job for Batman. Sounds like a job for President Donald Trump. All right, Scooby gang, let's get going. As of tonight, every employee of the Supreme Court has walked off the job. Law clerks, librarians, janitors, all of them. And they're refusing to come back tomorrow morning. Even the security guards. They say the building is haunted. Like Zoinks. Come on, it's funny. The rumors go back a hundred years, but they got a lot worse last week, after this. I call upon every spirit in these walls! Rise! Rise up and terrorize this patriarchal institution! I curse you all! My bodily autonomy is non-negotiable! Who is she? She claims to be a witch. The court ruled against her. Since then, there have been reports of strange sightings, eerie noises, supernatural lights in the windows. And then, tonight... The power went out. The justices retired to chambers. But just after they left, the three ghosts appeared in the court chamber, floating above the justices' empty chairs. In front of lawyers, journalists, bailiffs, serious people. The court has major cases coming up. It cannot close. Mr. President, do you want me to get the positron packs? I don't think that'll be necessary, Zelo. They're fully charged. No, something's fishy here. Very fishy. I want to find out exactly what's going on. Fine by me. I have to catch a flight back to Texas anyway. You know what I'm going to do in my private jet? Phone home. Which you can't do on Delta flights because they refuse to get Starlink. Pricks. Natalie, get me the keys to the Supreme Court building. Okay, gang, let's split up. Melania and I will take the ground floor. JD, Cash, second floor. Usha, the basement. Why do I get the basement alone? Because you're Velma. Velma always goes alone. Okay, let's go, gang. But I'm not really Velma. Nothing unusual yet. It's cold. Well, it's Washington, D.C. in October. No, this isn't normal. That's not normal. Nothing. Most boring haunted house ever. Bro, check this out. Let's switch around all the laptops. I'm setting all the clocks two hours ahead. You want to swap around all the paintings too? If they didn't believe in ghosts before, they will now. Ha ha ha ha! Jankies. Who leaves a giant sheet of plexiglass in the middle of a basement? Government employees. That's who. Donald? I hear it. Hello? It was the ghost of Jeffrey Epstein. He wants a posthumous pardon, and I was like, how's the weather where you are? Kind of hot, I imagine. Very funny. Get it? Hot? Because he's in hell? I want to leave. We're not leaving. We're getting to the bottom of this. Come on. Maybe I should have brought the Positron packs. Well, that's every room on the floor. Not one weird thing. Scooby snacks? Scooby snacks! Jackpot! Throw one to me. I'll catch it in my mouth. You're gonna chip a tooth. I got a big mouth. Let's do this. Okay, back up. Let's do this properly. Okay, but hold on a second. I have to prepare a little bit. Bro, you're crazy. You are crazy. Okay, okay. I'm good. Let's go. Why would they be keeping high-powered halogen lamps down here? Well, this is it. The court chamber. I don't know which key it is. This might take a while. Uh, honey? What is that? What is what? That. Those are ghosts. Fake ghosts or real ghosts? I mean, they're probably fake, but maybe we should go get the positron packs just in case. This place is definitely haunted. Yeah, let's get out of here. Wait, I know what's going on. I saw a giant sheet of plexiglass in the basement and a bunch of high-powered halogen lamps. Pepper's ghost. It's an old theater trick. You hang a big pane of glass at an angle in front of an audience. Anything you reflect onto it... Will look just like a ghost. Exactly. It's just like a giant teleprompter. So, I was right. The ghosts are fake. Yep. No real ghosts. Just someone who wants this building empty. Now we just have to catch him. Come on, gang. We've got work to do. Let's find this giant ghost teleprompter. I found the lights. Get the ropes. Let's pull that thing down. So where are these ghosts? They have to be in the building. We could set a trap. On the show, they always set a trap. Grow up, J.D. This isn't a cartoon show. We've got to smoke them out. Wait a minute. Smoke, fog, fog machines. I think I know who it is. This is not fun. Aw, man. I just fixed that breaker. Why do I get the feeling something really bad is about to happen? It's probably all the ghost sounds. Remember these aren't really ghosts. It's just some guys in ghost costumes. Oh, yeah get them. Nice job, honey I am Slavic woman. Do not F with me. Hey, we're live-streaming Hopefully everyone who works here will see this so they can come back to work tomorrow My fellow Americans, today we caught three sinister thugs pretending to be ghosts, which, now that I say it out loud, sounds like a pretty innocent thing to do on Halloween, but it was really, it was bad. Trust me. All right, let's see who these ghosts really are. Chuck Schumer, Joe Biden, and Nancy Pelosi. See, everyone? These guys aren't dead. They're just very, very close. How did you do it? Well, you found our little parlor trick. We had a sound system installed for the creepy audio effects. We cut holes in the break room ceiling and bought 700,000 spiders from a biology supply company. Bulk discount. But why? Why would you do all this? Republican National Committee versus me for many a voter. That's right, a big court case coming up. Arizona wants voters to prove they're U.S. citizens in order to vote. With the court's conservative majority, we know how the justices will rule on the case. We had to shut the court down. If we can't rig the voting, Democrats will never win another election ever again. Shut up, you fool. You see what happened here? This is what Democrats do. They can't win on the issues, so they try to scare you. Vote Democrat or Trump will end democracy. Vote Democrat or climate change will destroy the planet. Vote Democrat or people will think you're a racist. It's always something stupid like that. Whatever. It's always a ghost story, and Donald Trump is the boogeyman, but you turn on the lights and what do you find? It's all just one big hoax. Democrats are con artists, and if you're voting for these guys, you're the mark, the patsy, the dupe. Don't get swindled. Vote Republican this November. Okay, that ought to do it. We would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids. And they're stupid slumdog, too. Whoa, hey, what the hell, man? That's inappropriate. I guess that's it. Another mystery solved. I guess we missed one. Hey, buddy, you're a little late. Your friends just got escorted out of the building. This one looks creepier than the others. Like Baba Yaga. Who do we think it is, guys? Hillary? Michelle. Kamala? Elizabeth Warren. Well, let's find out. It's just Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I guess we'd better call Elon. We're going to need those positron packs after all. The sad thing is we've saved the day and we'll catch the ghost of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. But they're going to get the last laugh in the end. Why do you say that? Because eventually they're going to turn every single one of us MAGA voters into a Democrat voter after we die. Another Democrat hoax busted and the Supreme Court is back open. Happy Halloween, ladies and gentlemen. Be sure to tune in next week when we will return to our regularly scheduled programming. And don't just subscribe. Become a paid member of the Mr. Reagan YouTube channel and help to produce more spooky adventures, more mysteries, and more Mega Man.