'The Narcissist' With Octavia Grant

On this episode of What Happens With Sid, I would like to welcome the very one that I call the queen of unhinged, Octavia Grant. Octavia, how are you? Thank you. Good. So I'm so happy to have you back. So as you know, I've tagged you in I don't know how many posts. Over the time, because anytime somebody was like, oh, what recommendation do you have? Like, oh, well, let me tell you about Octavia. So you have a new book out that just came out. It's called The Narcissist. Yes. And it's a very tough topic and traumatic, which is very fitting for you and your stories. So tell viewers and readers a little bit about what's in this new story. So if you've ever encountered anybody that has NPD, that's what's in this book. So this idea actually came to me in 2021 when COVID started, right? You know, everybody was at home and we're social distancing and we're talking more to our phones and just oversharing, right? So people started talking more about their toxic traits. And I'm like, wow, this is like just taking notes down. Like, you know, this could be so book-worthy, right? So, you know, they're talking about this and then there's the things with the hospitals and I wanted to write about a registered nurse. Right. And so when I decided to actually put pen to paper, cause you know, I'm a handwriter. I started talking to my, my cousin who was actually a psychologist and she's in the dedication. And I was like, you know, I think I want to write about narcissism. And she was like, Oh my God. She was like, you know, even as a, as a counselor, like they're just so hard to deal with. And because they're, they're never wrong. It's always everybody else's problem. And it's just hard getting through to them. And when she said that, she took a registered nurse off of the table and put a counselor on the table. Because I'm like, if you've gone through all of these years to deal with these things, people think it's easy for you, right? She was like, it's not. Like, we have to deal with everything that people that aren't trained to deal with you, know, mental health issues have to deal with. We're just more, we're trained to do it. Like, this is going to be good. So... That's what I went through with the idea of writing it as the female main character as And then I asked him, do you mind if I make her a doctor? I just thought that would be so amazing because when you're in a relationship with someone, you don't see their flaws no matter what your profession is. You simply see them as your partner. You ignore all the red flags and you make excuses for them. And they're not, you know, using toxic behavior. They're just stressed because of work. They aren't lying. They're just everything except for what the issue is. Her being in this position, it would be easy for her. She just ignores the information of what a narcissist narcissist is. And they just use it because someone doesn't agree with them or they don't like this person. And they're just using the word so loosely on this as an actual medical disorder. And it would be good if people get a chance to read this book. They get to see all of the hard work and the research I did in this book. I actually had the chance to interview some people. I think it came at a perfect time because in this generation, especially when it comes to dating, I feel like we have so many men, women, women can be narcissists, too. Yeah. A lot of times it's like, OK, this red flag and people think the red flags are a carnival and it's not. That means, no, you need to steer. Far away from that person as you possibly can. And so I love that you actually went and did the research and talked to someone that's actually, you know, seen this for themselves to kind of get them. Because I didn't even know that that was actually a thing. I thought it was just something that we call people that think they, you know, stuff don't stink. And it's either their way or the highway. So I think it's very cool that you were able to incorporate the facts, but also make it a very haunting. Story, as you usually do with yourself. Yes, yes, yes. And I had the chance to speak to some people that were actually diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I interviewed five people. I had two more interviews scheduled, but they canceled it. And I learned a lot. And speaking with these men and women, and I spoke with predominantly women. I would have thought that they would have wanted to be mentioned, but some of the things that they mentioned to me, they're like, no, do not put my name anywhere near this, right? And, you know, I was under the impression that, you know, in narcissism, they wanted all of the attention. But some of the things that they divulged, they were like, no, do not. And I respect that because I respected that they wanted to give me their truth. I was just so honored that they were willing to speak with me because I'm just an author, and I'm no mental health professional. But they knew, okay, this is what this story is about. And they wanted to give me some facts to put in it. And a lot of the things that may seem far-fetched in this book, they're facts. And so, it was a lot of things that I had to, like, literally say was, like, Octavia, I need a grant. But some of these things are, like, At this point, it kind of makes you, like, question, you're crazy. You're like, okay, hold on. Like, do I fall under this category? Like, what is it? Now, outside of this story, what would you say, since you did the research, you did the work behind it, what would you say is, like, the biggest lesson that you've taken away and one that you hope readers take away as well? One thing that I hope that readers take away from this is... It's not your fault. I want them to learn, right? Because there's a lot of education in this book, right? You cannot change a person's perspective on how they think. When I was speaking to my cousin about things, like she said, they're never wrong. They are always right. And even when you're talking to them with logic, some of them do not care. You can do whatever it is that they want you to do, and you're still wrong, right? and also what i want them to do i want them to heal right i've learned a lot that a lot of people that have been with people with um with narcissistic personality disorder they are still struggling um with the damage and i know that's a hard word but that is true um they're still struggling with the things that they've suffered with in the relationship um still trying to separate okay did i actually do this or did i not like if there's a lot of manipulation and mind games So I want people to actually heal and I put a lot of, what I feel is calm because I have a dark personality, you know, you're going to get a lot of laughs in this, right? Because I tried to keep the laughs because the topic was so heavy, but I want people to learn and heal. And for me, it was a bit of a trying to understand things from their standpoint, because like Like I said, when I'm talking to you, it's fast. You're still kind of like. I'm repeating what you repeat, like when I was doing the interview, I'm repeating what you said, you're telling me I didn't say that, but, you know, it was like, again, like, I'm not judging, I'm simply asking questions for interview purposes to write the book, you're, you're, you're reneging on what you just, that was very confusing, trying to decipher, just trying to write the book. I love how it's being so received within the book community. Like, I've been seeing raving reviews for it for, like, the past couple months, where, like, people that got the early releases, and they're like, Oh my God, this book, you know, look. And I was like, uh-oh. When I saw the cover, I was like, Octavia's at it again. And so, but I love all of your stories and how the way you come up with so many different storylines with the amount of books that you have out is just mind blowing. And so what's next for you on this literary journey? Like, I know you just released this, but can we expect more soon? Are you kind of still kind of gauging to see what you want to talk about? I think. I like that I was able to, because this is my first solo release after Cutthroat. I did a release with Anna and Rene. That was my last collaboration. So this was my release after Cutthroat, which was 18 months ago. So I like having the freedom to actually enjoy, you know, the freedom to, like I said, research. This is my first time actually doing research. Interviewing and getting, like, in-depth, you know, boots on the ground to speak to people about the topic, right? I love that. And I love how it flows in the book when you have facts, people that's living with this. So, I think for my next story, I'll probably, I don't know, I know I want to try a good horror that's new to me. I've already given Dinesh and my publicist three titles that I want to write about. I'll release my titles, you know, until it's time. Three books. Because, like I said, I'm a handwriter, so it takes me time to write. But I love the time that I had to write. I want to keep this pace. I love in this one how, you know, you said it wasn't just a scientific fact. It was actually fact from people that you actually spoke to that actually had this disorder. Right. And it's kind of interesting getting different point of views because just because they... all have it they may experience it different or act differently so you kind of get like different POVs when it comes to you know like this type of disorder and I learned something today so you know that's that's always fun and so Octavia before I let you go is there anything else that you would like to say to fellow book lovers out there? If you have not gotten this book I want you to get this book and I want you if you haven't ever experienced anyone that has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, with me writing this book, this book is actually light. You're going to laugh, you may cry, you may feel triggered, but understand, I've also dealt with someone that has this. I try to make it as light and crazy as possible. I want you to read this and laugh and heal, okay? Because you are not a problem, okay? That they are with next, probably even before you have also experienced the same thing It is always wonderful not to just read your books, but to sit and chat with you about it. And I love recommending it and seeing people's faces when I do after they actually read it. So thank you so much for giving me another book to recommend to people and for taking the time to come and chat with me and fellow book lovers out there. We greatly appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.