Cheeky Comedy With Matt Rife

Who are you, brother? In the front right here. You want oxygen already? Oh, man, you've been through some ----. Is the oxygen just because of the elevation? It's because I can't breathe. It's because you can't breathe? Well, no ----. Lung problems? Yeah, yeah. I had a fungal infection from Arizona. A fungal infection from Arizona. That's probably the best disease you could have left there with, if I'm being honest. Who are you here with tonight? Your husband? Gay? Does he keep it in? Battle boy. And does he keep it in? 55 and 57. You guys aren't even retired yet. What do you guys do? House husband? Women? They're taking your jobs. And they already got the inside scoop on fellatio. You're about to lose everything. You better stop with this feminism ---- right now. Okay? Homemaker. I love that. Damn near a pacemaker, but... What was like your dream job? If you could have done any occupation in the world, what would you have liked to have done? Flight attendant. Flight attendant? Yeah, you've been gay your whole life. We know who doesn't have a nut allergy. Oh, well, hello. Elderly madam in the corner. How old are you, love? Almost 84? Shut up. 84. What is your name? Ann? Yeah. What is that? What is this? Are these Good & Plenty's? Shut up! Oh my God! Yes! Nice to meet you, Anne. Good. I ******* love Good & Plenty's, dude. If you're wondering what an 84-year-old woman's pussy tastes like, it's black licorice. Thank you for this. Anne, you're retired now. Yes, I am. What did you used to do? Accounting supervisor for Village and Pancake House. That was way too many words. What? An accounting supervisor? Yeah. Restaurant accounting supervisor. What was like your dream job growing up? I just like to be able to speak with anything you need. I just like people. I'm not old and deaf, okay? You don't have to raise your ******* voice anymore. Jesus Christ. She got in my face and was like, I just wanted to be around people! Alright, ******* chill out. Before I turn you off. You just wanted to be around people. And accounting for a restaurant was around people? Well, I dealt with the managers and they liked me. You dealt with the managers and they liked you. It's because you're fine as ****. Got your ankles out and ----, you slut. She caught it in her pussy. She was like, I'm going to flatline that ass. You got a boyfriend? No. I'd like one. You'd like one? Let me borrow that oxygen for a minute. Aw, you are so ******* sweet. I'd like more, but I'm not dead. She said, I'm not... She said, I might be 84, but I'm not dead. Not yet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Who are you here with, Ann? My grandmother. That's your granddaughter? She brought you here? Yeah. Thank you for bringing her here. Yeah. Did you drive her here? Can you drop her off later? And I'll know when you're there, too, when I hear, Let's build a boyfriend for you. Ready? I'm going to ask you two things. Give me three physical traits you like in a guy, and give me three personality traits you like in a guy. Let's start. You like them cute like me? Better watch your mouth before I take those teeth out. You like them cute? Okay. You like them tall? 6'2"? Bad. 6'1"? You mind settling? You like them buff? Alright, we're back in. Now give me personality traits. Three personality traits you would really look for in another partner. Alive. Give me three. Kind. They have to be funny. That's crazy. Ladies and gentlemen, And like to play games. Okay, like, like bedroom games or bingo? Do you mean like actual games? That's so ******* cute. When I come inside you, I'm going to yell Yahtzee. That condom is going to be a fossil. And give me one more hug. Come here. Give me one more. Pleasure to meet you, sweetheart. You are so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. It's a pleasure to meet you. Go sit down before you get hurt. Oh, man. Well. I don't know why y'all are still here. I'm about to watch something unethical. I don't know why y'all are still here. I'm about to watch something unethical.