Husband Completely Ignores Our Budget (Cut Him Off?)

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. At what point does a bad spending habit turn into an addiction? And at what point does that kind of addiction need to, you know, like how do you decide to take away access to money, when, that kind of thing? I have background if you want it. Well, yeah. Tell us a little bit about what it looks like. It sounds like you're starting to think this is an addiction. So tell us what you're noticing and how long it's been going on. Yeah. So I have been married to my husband for about four years now. And the whole time that we've been married, it's been pretty difficult to stick to a budget. I've paid off about $25,000 in debt, fully funded emergency fund, but the majority of that has just been me. Whenever we try to get on a budget, he ends up impulse purchasing things that we don't need. Especially like games, technology, yeah, that kind of stuff. What kind of money is he spending on games and technology? Thank You know, the individual items can range anywhere from like $10, $20 to $100. Overall, over the last few years, it's been thousands, probably, if we added it all up. When you say thousands, I need specifics. Because if you say, hey, you. he spent $2,000 in the last four years, I'm like, okay, big deal. But if you say, like, every month he's spending like... A thousand bucks on this thing, or he's spending $800 and we just don't have it. Tell us like month to month, what that looks like. Yeah. Month to month. We're probably looking at a couple hundred dollars and sometimes more, sometimes less. And I know that doesn't sound super crazy, but it's, you know, probably more than that, actually, maybe like three to 400, but when, you know, how much do you guys earn? We are now taking home about $5,540 a month, and that could go up soon in the future. For a while, he did not have a job. He's had a few months where he was unemployed, and we were just living off of my income, and that doesn't really leave us any room in our budget for any fund spending, and he was still spending it at that point. So he's working full-time now? Yeah, he is working full-time. He just started his new job. It's $2,000 a month plus commission. We don't know what that commission is going to look like quite yet. What kind of job is this? He's doing marketing. Is that what he was doing before? Like, is he in a career field or is he just just hopping from whatever to whatever? Did you know your personal info is getting bought and sold to people right now who use AI to target you with bizarrely personal scams and spam? Like, hey, George, are you interested in selling your house at 253 Sprague Street? Well, lucky for you, there's Delete Me. Delete Me, as the name implies, goes to hundreds of creepy data broker sites and deletes your personal info. Over and over all year long. I use and love Delete.me because I can't stop scammers from using AI. But I can make myself much more difficult to target. So go to joindeleteme.com slash Ramsey and get 20% off an annual plan or click the link in the description. That's join, J-O-I-N, deleteme.com slash Ramsey. He's been doing sales pretty consistently. This is a new type of sale for him. Previously, it was more like technology sales. Okay. And you guys have kids? Uh, we do not, but we are hoping to, I'm wanting to wait until we have a house. Um, and we're trying to save up for that right now. It sounds like you're trying to save up for that right now. I don't think he has any aspirations to do this. I wonder, I'm not convinced yet. And I, I want, I want you to convince me. Um, so of the $5,540 you'd make in a month, there's no more debt. He's not going into debt to do the spending. He's just saying, hey, there's money there. I'd like to have it. I'm curious, do you guys have, now that you've got the emergency fund, and I realize he wasn't helpful up to this point, but now that you have the emergency fund and you're kind of on baby step four, five, and six, do you have allotted fund money for each other in the budget? We do. Yep. I set that at $180 a month for each of us. And what did he say to that when you said it? He said that that sounded good, and honestly, there's been some communication stuff in the past and just some frustrations on my end, and I requested that he took at least one or two months to just, you know, not make any purchases like that, any games technology, especially since, you know, there's just so much that he can't. Played it all. Can't use it all. Um, and he agrees. And then two days later, you know, he makes a purchase like that. Even with the one 80, you didn't want him to buy those sorts of things or be on the one 80. Cause what I'm trying to get to is what, let me just ask a clear question. So of the one 80, now that that's on the budget, how much over the one 80 is he spending Um, about probably like, It depends on the month, but anywhere from 100 to like 300 above. Okay. And let me just ask this question. Is it that, because you're right, he's going over the budget. You guys shook on it. He's not sticking to it. I'm sensing two things. I'm sensing he's not really involved in the money, period. And he, for whatever reason, he doesn't care about it the same way you do. So it's aligning on that. And then the other thing I'm sensing is, and this is. Neither here nor there, but Brittany, I just don't think you like the things that he spends his money on. I think in your mind, it's kind of silly. At least that's the way it sounds. And it's kind of like, why are you spending money on that? Why wouldn't you kind of feels childish to you? Maybe, I don't know, but I think those are two things going on. I don't mind that kind of It's just the volume and the... broken, you know, promises. There's been times that we've like gone into the red, had to pull from savings in order to, you know, cover deficits like that. Never any debt, but yeah. And really it's a lot about the language that he uses. Like he says that, you know, he makes He purchases on impulse and his brain just turns off. He doesn't even think about it until afterwards and then he realizes what he's done and it's just like, you know, no thoughts in the moment. He does have addictive tendencies. He's had, you know, other things, not substance. Has he ever been diagnosed or treated by a professional? No, he is diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety, and I think that's a large part of the financial anxiety there. Well, it sounds like you're tired of being the mom, because right now you do have a kid, and it's your husband, and it's a problem, and you're starting to resent him for it, understandably. Because you're like, how long do I have to be the adult in this relationship while he just frolics over here and I want to own a home and have kids and he has no intentions of building a future with me? Is that accurate? It's, it's definitely felt like that. I do believe him when he says that he wants those things. I just, you know, I'm concerned because he says that he wants it. And then, like I said, he says his brain turns off. But is his therapist giving him any tools? Like, is he, is he being given tools that he can use to combat the ADHD in those moments where he's wanting to spend? And to his point, oh, my brain just shuts off. I don't even realize. Guys, it's... Is his therapist helping him? Because what I do feel like is in a situation like this, if he's been working with the same therapist and he doesn't feel like he has tools, maybe he needs somebody else to help him through this. And you guys should go together. Yes. Because, yeah, you can limit access. That's just a Band-Aid on a much deeper problem, which is a marriage that is miles and miles apart. You guys need to get aligned on your goals, your values, and a byproduct of that will be aligning on the budget and living this out. I agree. Create your free every dollar budget today, the simplest way to budget for your life.